BEHOLD! FoxNews Creates Legal Controversy ... Out Of Thin Air!
So for two months straight now, I've foregone my conventional blogging to bring you, my extended Cracked family, the video segment I like to call Hate By Numbers. And so many wonderful things have come from it. For one, Mike Swaim finally returns my phone calls. It used to be all "Sorry Gladstone. Can't talk. Me and Abe are flying off to Cancun to film Internet Party 3: Electric Booga-YouTube." Now it's, "Hey, Gladstone. Ha. I hate Kid Rock too! He sure is worth hating. Can I come over and hate stuff with you.... and do you still have that sexy dog of yours?"
Also, I've made some fun and exciting friends out west and in English-speaking foreign lands. (Interestingly enough, however, no one on the eastern seaboard seems to think very much of me or what I do.) But safe to say that this hodgepodge of English, Irish, Australian, and Americans in earlier time zones has filled the void left by the east coast's personal rebuke.
I've also learned the thrill of what it's like to be called a smug, smarmy douchebag by hundreds of diggers while a greater number of their digg brethren register their support for me anonymously with a simple digg click and shame-filled silence.
But there's been bad stuff too. I heard Mike Myers on the radio the other day promoting The Love Guru -- a movie I thrashed soundly a couple of weeks ago. And he seemed like a really great guy. And I sort of felt kind of bad. So when it came to picking a target this week, I wanted to make sure I would not be beset by any future remorse. Not surprisingly, I headed straight to FoxNews for a segment they call Kelly's Court. Sure there are important legal issues for cable news to examine. But Kelly's Court did a segment on the legal ramification's of a minor celebrity's botched lottery ticket. Accordingly, with a clear conscience I present installment number 8 of
HATE BY NUMBERS
Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE and OVER HERE and HERE TOO.
An Australian likes you. Keep it up.
ReplyI like to think that I singlehandedly make up the Irish contingent here, even though I know that it's far from true. It just brings some meaning into my empty, hollow life.
ReplyThat would work well, phang. Thanks. Maybe some day.
ReplyI'm an easterner and like HBN as well.
ReplyLet's see...Morphine....soul coughing...
find a way to toss some Portishead in a post and you've covered the trinity
WWE IS REAL!! You take that back, or I'm gonna lay the smackdown on you with the Casnadian Destroyer!! PARANOIA!!
ReplyI knew a guy who was really into pro wrestling. He's forty, now, eats only frozen foods, lives in a basement apartment. His girlfriend (if they are still together) is as loud and obnoxious as he. This is the only adult I can imagine believing WWE to be real.
I'm from the eastern seaboard and I like big tits with strawberry jelly! I also liked "This week in douchebaggery;" I can't believe you stole Lex's job like that. You're a cold man, Gladstone. Agreed, though; this is a good episode.
ReplyKingmonkey: "Fox News" is on oxymoron. It exists solely to pipe propaganda directly from the white house into the homes of people who still believe WWE wrestling is real and Obama's gonna outlaw the cream center of oreo's if elected.
Gladstone, I'm from the eastern seaboard and I think very, very much of who you are AND what you do.
ReplyIf you're responsibile for killing the week in douchebaggery, you have officially become my hero.
Replyi just said that Ghosty. I didn't think easterners had an opinion one way or the other.
ReplyWhat of mine did you think sucked. go ahead. of just email me at the cracked account if for some reason you're shy about telling me what sucked.
If anyone's interested in my opinion. I thought last weeks HBN was my worst. And this weeks was my best.
What's the deal with eastener's hating Gladstone? I mean, I'm from New Jersey and I love this guy's material (most of the time).
Replykingmonkey +1, as one of the other three Casnadians you speak of, I have to agree with your polite and well-worded assessment. However, I'd describe my own feelings toward Gladstone as more strenuously ambiguous.
ReplyAlthough he does have a nice, clean jacket line. On that point, there can be only one opinion...
Don't forget about putting shrimps on barbies, Maddie. And Yahoo Serious film festivals, playing knifey-spoony, and marrying gay Scientologists.
ReplyI'm on the east coast and I enjoy your work!
ReplyYou've endeared yourself to us Australians Gladstone because you mentioned our fair country without also mentioning The Crocodile Hunter, Russell Crowe or Fosters Beer. It's a rare moment for Australians everywhere when things like this happen on the world stage.
ReplyI'm a Casnadian, and I'm fairly sure only three or four of us have even heard of you. I would describe my feelings for you as emphatic indifference.
ReplyGlady im from the eastern seaboard as well and I enjoy you too. So we're not all ass holes.
ReplyOh bless you, Megan. I'll settle for not being hated by someone who's seen the atlantic ocean.
ReplyI live on the Eastern Seaboard and I don't hate you, Gladstone.
Reply"Where do you work? Hell?" "Vegas, so yes." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
ReplyVegas is one of the nicer parts of Hell, Trust me, I've been to some of the others. Bosnia comes to mind.
Vegas, so yes. I was in Macy's one day and he was wandering around randomly in the women's department... needless to say, it was terrifying, I have to hide behind some blouses until he wandered away and I could breath again.
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