4 Music Videos on YouTube That Will Make You a Better Person

#2. Be Worth Looking At

YouTube's worst affliction is the "look at me" syndrome suffered by millions of idiots so starved of attention that even their own parents don't care when they go into their bedroom with a webcam, a cucumber and a determined expression. Or the ranting idiots demanding the world's attention without even bothering to sit up straight. Davros didn't slouch.

And unlike most webcammers you can be sure he wasn't masturbating at that desk earlier.

We're past the age of hermits, so appearing unshaven and screaming from a filthy cave no longer implies wisdom. It implies level 85 alt shamans and thinking "A/S/L?" counts as a pick-up line. If you want people to look at you, you have to be worth looking at. This clip is an antidote to lazy assholes. A YouTube video that makes you do things in real life might sound like a nuclear-powered device for making journalists write sensible non-scaremongering headlines, but nobody told Peter Fox. Or if they did, they did it in wimpy languages like English or sanity.

Waking up covered in dirt in a room that seems to be full of drumming monkeys, and trying to make breakfast a suicidal interaction with dangerous implements. Never mind music, this video is my hangover. There's also a dangerous-looking German man who doesn't speak English, making it a particularly good/bad night. Peter Fox then shoves the wall of reality and walks out of an explosion of everything you knew by doing exactly that in the video, and everything after that is exactly what you'd expect, because you couldn't expect anything sane.

Peter Fox, Warner
For the first time in history WE DIDN'T HAVE TO PHOTOSHOP IN THE EXPLOSION

If you stopped watching because it's not in English, you're missing the whole point. When you don't understand it, the human voice is just another musical instrument. Some languages fit perfectly, like Japanese pop (J-pop), Korean pop (K-pop) and Chinese rap (unfortunate). For pop, even the sappiest lyrics are no longer annoying, while the way every Chinese character has an integrated tone means good rap can be exponentially more sophisticated. True, most songs aren't good, but those that are sound like they worked out how to beatbox while still singing.

Peter Fox, Warner
If you can explain this image, please consult your doctor

Herr Fox shows that it even works in German, which sounds like someone rewinding a Klingon. Through a combine harvester. Singing in German is harder than making friends with Sergeant Rock in German, and being a singer is Fox's entire job, despite looking like his older brother is trying to kill John McClane. He doesn't know the meaning of the word impossible. In fact, he and I don't share the meaning of a single syllable. All I know is that this lunatic looks like he gives fewer fucks than a castrated grenade juggler, and every time I watch this video, I'm ready to kick more ass than 300 Spartans with machine guns and a crate of arrow repellent.

Peter Fox, Warner
Playing on a stage in front an army of monkeys is a pretty good analogy for YouTube.

Everyone uploading themselves should be made to watch that and tick a box saying, "Yes, I'm sure I deserve to be on the same Internet."

#1. Get Good at Anything

Amateurs always want to show off what they've just learned, despite that exact status meaning they suck at it. And on the Internet, there's nothing to stop them. Instead, you have groups of people who suck telling each other to continue sucking, and the results are far less enjoyable than the other kinds of video about that. These beginners use the fact that most commenters will hatefully say they suck to ignore those who kindly and correctly explain how they suck. The result is thousands of hours of YouTube that will humiliate them for the rest of their lives. One technology hasn't haunted so many people since they opened the Ecto Containment Unit.

At least skateboarding amateurs will never be laughed at by their kids.

The only thing you'll improve on YouTube is your asshole-detection skills, and if you're on YouTube, that skill maxed out a long time ago. If you're asking for the world's attention, you need to practice and get things perfect. If you haven't seen this example, it's three minutes of solid good mood, which you'll desperately need after having been locked in a cave's cupboard for the last few years.

The only other person to kick so much ass with furniture is Jackie Chan. It also reverses the polarity of rap by showing you staying innocent and happy even when your video is about being surrounded by obedient bitches. But the fact remains that they're doing synchronized Ikean dog-wrangling.

OK Go, Paracadute Recordings
If someone told me they acted as "furniture dog elevators" I'd assume it was a sex thing

That shouldn't be impressive. We should be glaring at that, going "Who are these assholes?" and with even the slightest mistake we would have, but that's the point of recording things: You're meant to get something perfect for a few minutes and then show people, not act like you're on a one-person Big Brother.

OK Go, Paracadute Recordings
Yep, still a sex thing

Don't upload a rough cut of you almost getting the Mario riff right on your secondhand acoustic. Make an effort.

This guy put more effort into his Mario than most people put into their marriages.

One good upload is worth infinitely more than 20 crap ones, because uploading nothing is better than uploading 20 crap ones, because then you're not known as "that asshole with all the crap videos." Unless you're into scat, that is not a good reputation. Spend the time getting better at whatever you're doing instead, even if that's "eating fiber" and "the previous example." So that in 20 years when your co-workers discover your a cappella version of the My Little Pony theme, at least they'll still invite you to karaoke.

Hank Green often remembers to be awesome, even when he's not exploding. Luke also attempts to set his own digestive system on fire with spicy food and unbinds Prometheus with the 4 Craziest Alien Crossovers. He also tumbles and has a website.

For more online video adventures, check out The 3 Worst Pieces of Advice on the Internet and The 8 Most Violent Falls Ever Survived on YouTube.

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Luke McKinney

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