Cracked Columnists

4 Commonplace Technologies That Every Movie Still Gets Wrong

Hollywood has a long history of using cutting-edge technology to produce some of the most eye-popping visuals you'll ever see while simultaneously telling stories filled with a complete misunderstanding of everyday technology.

For every incredible creature that couldn't exist without CGI wizardry, there are dozens of times when everyone behind the scenes is absolutely baffled when it comes to digitally recreating something simple, like...

#4. Fake Websites

There are a lot of soda options out there, but if you know someone who, as a choice they made entirely on their own and not against their will after a threat of physical violence made by a low-life in clown makeup, chooses Faygo over Coke or Pepsi, there's a good chance you don't like that person. Soda preference isn't the main reason you don't like them, but it's just one annoying grain of sand within the Sahara Desert that is your distrust of them.

YouTube.com
If these men offered your child a spray of Faygo to the lips, would you let that happen?

Watching a character from pretty much any movie or show surf the Internet is the same thing. Maybe you're really invested in the ongoing tales of Sam and Dean from Supernatural. All that fan loyalty grinds to a halt for a moment when they need to research their Monster-Of-The-Week. And they don't Google it; no, they Search The Web it...

YouTube.com

Jeff Winger on Community is a sarcastic asshole whose natural charisma adds to his cool guy mystique. Too bad his preference for Searchsies.com over any real world search engine makes him look like an out-of-touch grandpa who's about to enter his social security number as a search term.

YouTube.com

And those cops on Law and Order could solve a couple rapes and a homicide case before lunch if they weren't using a Chinese Google knockoff ...

YouTube.com

It's not just search engines. It's everything on the Internet.

Want to befriend someone in the Supernatural universe? Find them on BFFLink.net, a social networking site that somehow gained in popularity in spite of its third-world-dot-net status.

YouTube.com

If you want to watch an Internet video on Castle, you can head over to YouWillViewIt.com, which seems to have been launched circa 2006 and abandoned by its owners circa early 2006, but people just kept posing stuff to it ...

YouTube.com

But They Have to Do It Because ...

Google will probably sue them if they use their logo, or the Bing people will soil their pleats and bitch about how it's unfair that Google gets all that free publicity, even though Google is so ubiquitous it's a verb now and "Binging" probably describes the acts committed by an obscure group of fetishists who fuck-dressed as '90s-era Matthew Perry, as if there were any other era of Matthew Perry and if there were anything else you could do in that state of dress other than get pussy.

#3. Horribly Produced Newscasts

Since the financial crisis hit, news organizations had to cut corners, in some cases getting rid of entire news desks or shutting down altogether. So, the big news networks doubled down on technological fanciness to make up for a lack of real reporting. Newscasts in fictional TV shows were apparently hit even harder.

The characters in the new Kevin Bacon show The Following get their news from a network newscast that appears to be broadcasting in front of a green screen in the producer's basement, surrounded by boxes filled with the remains of abandoned hobbies ...

YouTube.com

On Arrow, the only news program anyone watches has the same production value as a North Korean propaganda video ...

YouTube.com

Even the newscasts on Arrested Development went from being filmed in a studio with a physical set in the first three seasons ...

YouTube.com

... to a set so fake the desk is probably a binary code/balsa wood-blend in season four.

YouTube.com

The old saying "Dress for success" applies to more than just clothes. If you want people to take you seriously -- especially in a profession like news reporting, where seriousness reigns supreme -- you have to put your best foot forward. That starts with not looking like a movie villain who has commandeered the airwaves to deliver a scary yet theatrical threat to blow up the moon.

YouTube.com

In these worlds filled with newscasts that have low production values, you have to wonder how many corners news programs are cutting elsewhere. If all they can afford is a desk and a green screen, how much are they spending on reporting?

But They Have to Do It Because ...

After running a cost-benefit analysis, Hollywood has determined that physical backgrounds have no business being around humans. Wood, a few nails, and some paint is too much to ask when you can just put some fake stuff on a green thing to give a news anchor that trustworthy cable-access-preacher-at-2 a.m. feel.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Luis Prada

  • Rss

More by Luis Prada:

See More

Other Columnists:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

968 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!