4 Awful Ways The Internet Is Tainting Everything Else
#2. Geekifying Manliness
So you've trained your whole life to be an MMA superstar. You can kill eight men at once with your bare hands, and 27 children. Well guess what? You want to rise to the top of the UFC, you gots to know how to tweet.
Today the UFC actually offers bonuses to their fighters if they use Twitter. Not only that, but the bonuses are based on the number of followers and the creativity of their tweets.
We're seeing this more and more from "manly" shows like this, because dammit, geek's where the money's at. Pop culture is all video games and comic books now. The producers know this, and what better way to tap into a whole new market than to send out that invitation in the form of, "Hey, come sit with us jocks. We won't beat you up. You're one of us, bro."
Hey, look! Fox Sports has a robot as their mascot -- they must be geeks like us!
But, true to form, no one has been more shameless about this than pro wrestling, to hilarious result. I'm a huge wrestling fan -- I watch it because it makes no excuses about what it is: goofy, testosterone-fueled entertainment. But a couple of months ago, something happened that was so out of place, it was bordering on surreal. Even for wrestling.
They started promoting the living shit out of Twitter. Not just for their general WWE account, but for every performer in their organization. Every member of their staff was required to work Twitter into their promos, as well as having and updating their own Twitter accounts in real life. Oh, I am not talking about a graphic at the bottom of the screen or a reminder at the end of the show's credits -- they do it right on the air, as part of their show:
Yes, I know that every single business out there does social networking now. But this is the equivalent of actors on a TV sitcom stopping mid-scene and telling the viewers to follow them on Twitter. It eventually culminated in an event that had to have been incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved, even in a sport that is based entirely on being shameless: The "Trending Worldwide Match."
That was a match from the WWE's yearly award show called The Slammys, that's supposed to be like the Emmys, only with wrestlers. No, wait, that's not the stupid part, there's more. Every part of this match was exactly what you'd expect from a normal wrestling match, except for one stipulation: The first person to "trend worldwide" on Twitter during the match, would win the Slammy for "Trending Star of the Year."
This ties into another annoying Internet fad, the Snakes on a Plane style Internet Fan Campaign. In wrestling, it came in the form of an incredibly annoying wrestler named Zack Ryder. He was a nobody who had hung around the WWE for five years being completely unspectacular in every way. Until he found YouTube. Donning a bright orange and purple headband, he spiked his hair, sprayed on a fake tan, and adopted the personality of a Jersey Shore-style "bro." He then posted videos of himself, declaring that he was the WWE "Internet Champion" (complete with a toy championship belt covered in kids' stickers). Little by little, "Zack Ryder" signs started to pop up in the WWE crowds. He became a meme, to the point that his T-shirts started selling out without him ever appearing on the show.
Via Newsday.com
Yep, this guy.
And again I have to ask: Were they genuine fans? Were they just liking him ironically? I don't know. I don't think they know.
But come on. I'm on the Internet all goddamned day, can I not watch a couple of hours of sweaty gladiator combat without having that shit shoved in my face? We might as well start fighting our damned wars with robots now.
#1. Marketing Sexy Nerdy Gamer Chicks
I'm not mad at Felicia Day. No one can stay mad at Felicia Day. But I do think she inadvertently opened the door for "cute as a button" nerdy gaming girl archetype as a selling point. When the mainstream media saw how people embraced her, they lost their fucking minds. No, I'm not mad at her because I happen to think Felicia is honestly being her true self. I do not think the same can be said for Olivia Munn.
Via Popoholic.com
"Here's a photo of me just casually playing some Pitfall on my Atari 2600, tee hee!"
Munn is a model and actress who landed a spot on the G4 cable network, doing shows about video games, relationship advice, and oddly ... drift racing. On her own, she was just another attractive woman trying to make a career in the entertainment industry, and even landed a few hit-or-miss shitty movies. But her career didn't truly take off until she was presented to the public as a gaming chick.
If you type her name into Google Image Search, you'll find her dressed as Wonder Woman, Chun-Li from Street Fighter, Princess Leia (the gold bikini version) and in futuristic, sci-fi looking outfits made of latex. All spotted in a sea of Maxim covers, bikini modeling and wearing outfits that cost more than your car.
Via Heavy.com
Compare that top row to the bottom.
No, she's not a nerdy gaming chick. She is a manufactured marketing strategy, designed to rope in drooling Internet geeks by making them think that gaming and Star Wars fandom can attract girls who look like supermodels. And it worked. She ended up with a spot on The Daily Show. She's been on the cover of Playboy. She's written books -- and here's a shocker: One of them is called Suck It, Wonder Woman: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek.
It's becoming a formula. Take a girl, dress her up in some superhero or video game character costume and send her out to a comic book convention, and watch their ratings explode. April O'Neil knows all about it.
Via No, not the reporter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'm talking about the hardcore porn star who has made an entire career off of building a geek following. She does it by wearing half-shirts that say "NERDS" on the front and talking about her love of TMNT. And by going to Comic-Con, dressed as the cartoon reporter. The following video says everything you ever need to know about geek culture, and why I have grown to hate it so very, very much:
It's a segment from G4 where a guy interviews her and another woman who are dressed in their favorite comic stripper outfits as a crowd of about 50 guys and four women cheer him on while he makes awkward comments about them possibly kissing. The entire point of the interview was that he was talking to two "hot chicks" who are into comics. And get ready for another shocker: it's their first time at Comic-Con!
Now, we already know about April O'Neil, but that blonde is just a huge comics fan who happens to be attractive, right? Nope. That's Nikki Griffin, a struggling actress who's played bit parts in low-end movies for a few years and is currently trying to market herself as just another one of us laid back geeks by appearing in costume. To her, she might as well be standing outside a Mexican restaurant in a giant taco costume. It's just another one of those things she has to reluctantly do to advance her career.
And the greatest thing to me is that these women are incredibly easy to spot because since we all live within the geek community, we know our own. When someone tries to bullshit their way into the room, they stick out as clearly as if they were wearing one of those fake mustache/nose/glasses disguises. If we saw April O'Neil on the street, the first thing that pops into our heads isn't going to be, "Wow, there's a hot, nerdy gaming chick." It's going to be, "Now there's a woman who makes a living rubbing cocks on her face."
Via Her NSFW Site (Nudity)
"I once blew four guys dressed as turtles! I'm such a nerd!"
And that is fine, I don't begrudge her that. But my video games are video games and my porn is porn. My brain is capable of handling more than one flavor of entertainment, I don't need you to put my steak and ice cream in a blender and I don't need you to dress my porn models up as Chun-Li.
For more Cheese, check out 8 Scenes That Prove Hollywood Doesn't Get Technology. Or answer Which Ninja Turtle Are You? Life's Most Important Question.
I see that entire culture as an endlessly repeated joke about, "I'm a 25-year-old man, and I watch My Little Pony. Can you believe that, guys? I'm crazy!" It may be more than that; those people may actually be watching the show because it's brilliant and cutting edge.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesUh, yes, we do. It's a great show. We joke a lot about ourselves because
1) it genuinely freaks us out. "why the hell do I like this show so much?" is NOT an ironic refrain.
2)We know going in that some bunch of complete internet tools who imagine themselves clever are going to mock us for it, so we might as well get it out of the way. "yeah, we're grown men who like a kiddie cartoon, blow it out your shorts, Captain Obvious."
3)Everyone on the internet has, predictably, decided it was our turn in the barrel. The sad, disheveled, socially incompetent neckbeards and pimplefarms who make up the so-called "web community" has to make up for their own physical, social and penile inadequacies by tracking down someone-- anyone-- lower on the totem pole to perch over and pigeon-crap upon. Thus we have the High-LARIOUS phenomenon of people who spend half their waking hours browsing Japanese gay underage tentacle porn and making /b/tard entries on 4chan talking about how some OTHER group is nothing but an emasculated bunch of deviant freaks. Last week, it was Furries. Before that it was Trekkies, LOTR fans, Vampire LARPers..... but this week it's Bronies' turn.
would you watch My Little Pony in the first place if you didn't find out about it through 4chan?
Well at least you recognize that you truly are down there with Furries, LARPers, and I would add Twilight and Hunger Games fans.
There are good kids cartoons out there that adults can appreciate - The Tick and even the early Transformers cartoons come to mind. But My Little Pony - you should be mocked as though you were watching 60's Batman without irony and without trying to pick out the gayest Batman-Robin moments.
@RHJunior - This would be an awesome comment if you didn't randomly turn around and spew vitriol at the haters. Love and tolerance.
@flickflack - I actually found out about FiM from USElectionAtlas Forums, so yes.
@Syndrome_Zed - "Well at least you recognize that you truly are down there with Furries, LARPers, and I would add Twilight and Hunger Games fans."
Yes, all of these are personal preferences which really don't have any impact on your value as a person.
"There are good kids cartoons out there that adults can appreciate - The Tick and even the early Transformers cartoons come to mind. But My Little Pony - you should be mocked as though you were watching 60's Batman without irony and without trying to pick out the gayest Batman-Robin moments."
Mmhmm. Have you ever actually watched any FiM? Because it doesn't sound like it. I'd recommend starting with S1E16 Sonic Rainboom.
Yeah whatever
Just tuck it in and do whatever you want,and I wont judge you when you go into target to buy lipstick
.... Are you really f*****g complaining about pornstars/model dressing up as famous comic book/video game characters? what the f**k is wrong with you? way to bite the hand that faps...
ReplyI want to take a hot, steaming, whole-wheat nut-bread, senna-tea induced, chunky chicken curry s**t right down the throat of whomever let that Rage Face shirt idea slide by during whatever meetings Hot Topic has.
Replythat was hilarious
ReplyExcellent article, very good points
ReplyGod there's so much to add. Can I get some bullet points?
Reply-Marketing is the source of all cultural degredation. They leech the strength out of all our interest while trying to shape it into something that will make money for people completely uninterested.
-The internet exposed people the the criticism they were missing after the advent of the politically correct. The backlash is the trend of 'daring to suck'. Wherein people are lame or effortless and proud of it. This is where bronys (not actual fans of the show) come from. No, it is a bad thing.
-The fact that G4 is going Spike TV proves that the people in charge of providing service and goods to our culture, our not our freaking people. If we say we can spot our own, then why is Heineken Brock selling us our t-shirts?
Basically, it boils down to what the last part somewhat alludes to. This may sound kind of assholey, but people who are not of geek culture need to gtfo, and stop trying to worm their way into the circle. At least till they can learn how to actually be one.
You know what really pisses me off? All these people bitching about how fake nerd girls are ruining gaming blah blah blah. They didn't ruin it, all the people who follow and flock to them did. They wouldn't be doing it if it didn't work, so stop bitching about something a lot of people asked for and encouraged.
ReplyRight. Also, haven't we all seen the female characters in video games? Is it mandatory that they're basically f*****g naked??
"I don't need you to put my steak and ice cream in a blender and I don't need you to dress my porn models up as Chun-Li."
ReplyWell said, sir. Amen.
As if World of Warcraft doing it IN 2011 was bad enough, now, in 20-fucking-12, ERA brand detergent is FINALLY getting on the Chuck Norris bandwagon. Has anyone else sen those commercials talking about how Era is "Chuck Norris Approved?"
ReplyGladly, I haven't seen them. But I have to admit that the WoW commercial was funny even if the meme was past - you could really substitute anyone for ol' Chuck, it's just the idea that's funny. How about a "Ron Jeremy's gargantuan dong" meme?
There are 10 million people in WoW because Ron Jeremy's gargantuan dong allows them to be there. See? It could work!
I usually find memes really lame, most aren't all that funny. There's a couple I enjoy like the Pokememes, especially the Dat Ash one (ay gurl can I feel your jigglypuffs, etc), but generally, they just make me roll my eyes and wonder about the people who make them. Don't they have something else better to do? I'm friends with a kid who makes rage comics and he's figured out programming so all his emoticons turn into variations of the trollface/rage face/fu rage faces. It's really annoying being in the same chat room as him because he spams all the chatters with those stupid icons even if we mute him. I weep for humanity if they actually find this s**t amusing.
ReplySomehow, my mum learned about Chuck Norris jokes and she thinks it's so hilarious. She bought a book about "chuck norris facts" and tells them to us and it's like "this s**t stopped being funny over 7 years ago. also, you don't use the internet, where did you learn this?"
ReplyWhat the f**k do we gain by pretending to like My Little Pony?!
ReplyWe don't pretend.
@2Dimensional - I assume you also don't pretend that that's not a My Little Pony-sized buttplug you use for a photo?
This got boring for me far too quickly. Damn.
ReplyI hate chicks who think that acting like they're into the "nerd" subculture will make them so cool and alternative and make guys obsess over them. But for the reason Cheese stated, it doesn't usually work because geeks and nerds can usually tell when they're just attention whores. Most girls like that get their hopes for attention crushed when they go to conventions and find there are plenty of other girls there.
Reply"But for the reason Cheese stated, it doesn't usually work because geeks and nerds can usually tell when they're just attention whores."
Very, very false. They would take that patronization via intravenous injection if they could.
Anybody else notice that in the credits to that video, Leslie David Baker's character is called: Black Hugh Hefner?
ReplyYou actually made it to the credits in that video? I'm sorry.
We'll send a gift hamper to your family, and you'll be buried along with full military commendations, General.
Once again, we're so, so sorry.
I honestly like memes and meme culture. But I like them as a form of creativity (I won't go as far as using the word "art", but I think "creativity" is appropriate). Let me be clear: I am not talking about endless, mindless repetition of an identical copy of a meme. Nor am I talking about people using memes when they are completely clueless about the origins and context.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI enjoy memes when they mutate, and grow into different memes. I enjoy the combination of different memes in interesting, humorous ways. I like seeing someone use a meme in a unique or unusual context, where it is somewhat out of place but still manages to make sense.
Hating on memes is becoming a bandwagon, and I think the people who jump on it are simply depriving themselves of a portion of the lulz the internet has to offer.
Sure, they are obnoxious when they are artificially and forcefully inserted into places they don't belong, but that that be said about many things. When they appear, grow and spread organically, I think they are a fascinating phenomenon, and I am not ashamed to say that I have gotten more than my fair share of laughs from memes.
say meme again. PLZ!
OhMercyMe1-way to prove his f*****g argument. Retard
Let's get meta, here - When hating on memes IS a meme....will the universe implode, or will those who create and analyze them beyond reason finally have the brain hemorrhages we all are waiting for?
A couple of the hottest girls I know are big gamer geeks.
ReplyHowever, they are truly a tiny minority.
I am relatively young. When geekery wasn't cool, I was too young and too poor to pick up a DnD manual, or get a copy of Baldur's Gate. I had to settle for reading science books when we had electricity, and watch Discovery Channel and Science Channel when we had a TV that worked. Now that I've reached an age and financial station where I can buy and play video games, comic books, watch some special on Science Channel and skip over everything except Mythbusters on Discovery, I get mistaken for people like Olivia Munn, and it pisses me off to no end.
ReplyOh, and I loved Felicia Day, then Dragon Age II had to go and ruin that, along with my opinion that Bioware is a decent company. And that gaming magazines owned by corporate bagmunchers were totally democratic and not at all influenced by big-name video game developers (although, honestly, that should've been obvious from the get-go)
But if you wanted to put Felicia Day in porn, I wouldn't stop you...
Replycheese, i hate to disagree with you, but that first video is one of the best things i've ever seen.
Reply