3 Mistakes Women Make When Dealing With Men

#1. Being Slutty Is Empowering

Although it might upset some commenters, I still believe it's harder to be a woman than a man, and, even today, women are legitimately oppressed in many ways. So enter feminism to address those inequities. The dictionary will tell you that feminism is a doctrine advocating social, political and all other rights of women equal to those of men. Women will tell you feminism is ... well, it depends on the decade, because like all important things, feminism is always evolving. But with all of feminism's changes, there seems to be two constants: 1) it confuses the hell out of women who don't have a strong sense of themselves, and 2) it pisses off asshole men.

I went to college in the '90s. That was the height of Naomi Wolf Beauty Myth feminism. My peers were women who liked Ani DiFranco and wanted to run with the wolves. The '90s were fun, but they were filled with lots and lots of awful sex. I can't tell you how many women I met whose idea of whether or not they were empowered was all tied up in how they liked to screw. And "tied up" could not be a more inappropriate phrase, because restraining a woman in bed only happened on liberal arts campuses in the '90s during an exorcism.

Mayce Hodges
Please get possessed soon.

It saddened me, because I thought feminism was the freedom to have sex any dirty, filthy way you wanted without worrying about the psycho-sociological ramifications of being on your knees or having "property of Gladstone" written on your ass in lipstick. Personally, I never felt like any less of a man because of any particular kind of sex I was having, so why should a woman? Regardless of the sexual act, I was still a man, fully capable of driving a stick, hitting a baseball or getting into a fistfight. (Unless I was wearing that thing that did the thing to my thing, but that was just physics.) I thought women should have the same freedom and the same right to degrade and be degraded in any way that got them hot without having Naomi Wolf's babble filling their heads, ruining their orgasms.

In time, however, the 21st century happened, and a new era of Sex and the City feminism entered. Suddenly, women were saying, yeah, we can be slutty, just like guys. After all, guys go out and try to get laid and brag about it, and society encourages them to do so. I'm going to do that too! Suddenly, you had college girls tweeting about blowjobs and wearing their sexuality on their sleeves, thinking that they were supposed to go out and ride the world for the sisters or they were somehow being oppressed. And though I would imagine this brand of feminism is a lot better for guys looking to get laid, it still makes me sad. It's still putting a pressure on women that shouldn't be there.

Aww, you're better than this, ma'am. Also, what bar?

The whole premise is wrong. Yes, men are jealous of guys who get a lot of women, but women are wrong to think it's a trait that garners much respect. No one says, "We need to calm corporate unrest -- be sure to tell the shareholders how much tang our new CEO is getting." It might surprise women, but do you know what we call guys who go out and try to screw everything? Whores. Know what we call the guy who's always going on and on about all the women he's landed? An asshole. And in my experience, even guys who are legitimately good at having a bunch of promiscuous sex wouldn't make a big show of it.

It's a subtle distinction. Yes, feminism is about women having the same right as men to be irresponsible, brash and slutty, I'll agree. But being brash, irresponsible and slutty doesn't make you a feminist. It doesn't make you empowered. It just makes you as irresponsible, brash and slutty as some of the dudes we don't like. Think of it this way: It was completely unjust to deny black citizens the right to vote, but having gained that right, would a black man be empowering his race by voting for a segregationist?

Both women and men are free to watch new episodes of HATE BY NUMBERS. Also follow Gladstone on Twitter and stay up-to-date on the latest regarding Notes from the Internet Apocalypse. And then there's his website and Tumblr, too.

For more of Gladstone's insight, check out The Trials of Gladstone (as told by Franz Kafka) and The 6 Best College Majors (For Filling You With Regret).

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