Cracked Columnists

28 Japanese Halloween Costumes That Will Haunt Your Dreams

#14. Oni Mask

Joaf

This isn't the poorly thought out Elmo costume you might first suspect, but rather an Oni costume. (OK, I lied a bit about doing research.) Oni are mythical demons who bring bad luck and misfortune to unfortunate villagers. This particular Oni looks like it brings misfortune mostly by concealing a pedophile's identity.

#13. Fe-Male Hu-Mon

Rakuten

I don't know why this is happening. I found it, and I had to share it, and now you have to share in my misery, knowing that every woman you've ever loved may have been one of these.

#12. Part Time Power Rangers

Joaf

Obviously in Japan (probably here, too) you can get full-body Power Ranger-like costumes in any color you want, but I chose to share these costumes with you because they are a) just the masks and b) clearly being worn by two software developers. What menace could the Auxiliary Rangers be getting ready to face?

#11. Dr. Poison and Hatchet Brow

Joaf

These two.

#10. Bath Time Sauron

Joaf

If you've ever wanted a costume of a being of pure evil that's also mostly nude, I have somehow, despite all odds, found the costume for you.

#9. Yellow Zentai

Happycostume

I can't talk about Japanese costumes without discussing zentai, which means "full-body suits." These originated in Japan, but have since been found all over the world, because man-camel-toe knows no borders.

#8. Pumpkin Zentai

Zentaizone

This man-camel-toe is at least seasonal.

#7. Cop Zentai

Rakuten

Sassy Cop Zentai wants to know if you know why he pulled you over. "Because I was running from you," albeit the correct answer, will only make things worse.

#6. Monkey Zentai

Zentaizone

OK, I'm not having fun with these anymore. I'm going to stop now.

#5. Dead Eyes Zentai

Zentaizone

WHY DIDN'T I STOP.

#4. Smurf Zentai

Bonhoo

I CAN'T STOP. THEY KEEP COMING.

#3. Body Bag Zentai

Bonhoo

THIS ONE'S IMMOBILIZED AND YET SOMEHOW MORE TERRIFYING THAN THE REST.

#2. Clown Zentai

Lightinthebox

IF YOU HAVE ANY PETS, BRING THEM INSIDE IMMEDIATELY, BECAUSE THIS COSTUME EXISTS. SOMEONE PLEASE DELIVER US FROM THESE TERRIFYING JAPANESE COSTUMES.

#1. The Ugliest Duckling

CDjapan

Oh, thank goodness.


Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and standing right behind you in a clown bodysuit. Join him on Facebook or Twitter to beg for your life.

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