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26 Hilariously Insane Old-Timey Drawings of the Future

Insane Sports

Sports are wars you're still allowed to have as private citizens, but the popular mechanics didn't think they used enough engines. As far as they were concerned, the last good sport was jousting, because that was as close as you could come to metal on horsepower.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser
Velocijousting: A sport so tough, it automatically mounts any loser's head on a stick.

There was no sport the popular mechanics couldn't turn lethal.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser
After decades of mockery, the luge was ready for payback.

It's about here that you realize the popular mechanics were insane. Most of their sports ideas came from a world where death by combat wasn't just legal, but in a hurry.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser
"Triathlete sashimi coming up!"

Look at those eyes. That's the dead-eyed stare that gets you thrown out by the other themed Batman villains for creeping them out.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser

They thought they were escaping. Bolted into their metal shells, they could only see the light at the end of the golden dungeon. They did not know that the vast painchinko machine awaited them. Still, it was better than any other kind of pod racing.

Sometimes they just randomly murdered things on the cover.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser
When the first thing you show people is "Elephant Execution," you're either sending the mafia a message or utterly insane.

Other times the real sport was guessing how this month's victim was going to die.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser

Sucked under the outboard blades? Impaled on the cleats when her skis hit the clear foot of solid panel at the top of the "ramp"? Or will she defy physics and conservation of energy to actually make the jump and be run over by a speedboat? You can see the pilot taking bets with the other murderous millionaires club members.

"Oh, hi, Bill, going for the ballistic trimurder? Yeah, we're just disposing of the last body now. He pulled 1080 double eye socket skipuncture!"

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser

Shark-jousting! The only thing with any protection is the video camera. The mechanics don't care if they die -- all they know is that something will be murdered and the world will be forced to watch their passion. They even brought a wet lady to film them in a perfect trifecta of the Popular Mechanics principles.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser

That's the work of billionaire villains in a world without Superman. That's how you attract children as legally disclaimable targets.

Guns Can Do Anything

If something couldn't be solved with guns, the popular mechanics thought it was the wrong kind of problem.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser
This was designed as a firework that would simultaneously cause a new victory over a foreign nation for them to be celebrating.

This is where it became clear that the popular mechanics were a cabal of millionaire industrialists so jaded that they could only feel by inventing new crimes to commit and advertising them to the world.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser

Bored with merely holding people captive and forcing them to perform until they did something worth shooting, this mechanic didn't just display his murders on the cover of a national magazine; he showed that he was recording photographic evidence of murders on the cover of a national magazine. He's taunting the world's police. He's taunting the entire unshot population. But a popular mechanic rival won the bet, and several smaller countries, by creating an even less sporting activity.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser
So unsporting that every shot deflates a thousand footballs.

But they all lost to the world's greatest angler.

Popular Mechanics via Cover Browser

He's not trying to save them; that's how the popular mechanics fish. And he brought the captain's family down to watch. Now, by the law of the sea, they are his. She will don the mourning swimsuit, get wet, and then they will join the pool party.


Luke has a website, tumbles, and responds to every single tweet.

Learn how Space Marines Do It Better, find out why Everyone on Pandora Is Dead, or embrace the true spirit of the popular mechanics with The Manliest Names in the World.

Embrace more madness with Brockway's Manly Magazines and the incomparable might of Seanbaby's Man Comics.

Check out how crazy our descendants will think we are in 25 Common Items that Will Baffle Future Archeologists and 13 Misconceptions About Today from Future History Classes.

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Luke McKinney

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