There are generally two types of science: first, there’s the type that makes computers work, allows us to ride around in metal boxes propelled by continuous explosion, and makes it so that milk doesn’t taste all gross. Then there’s the fringe science, the stuff that shoots up your nose like mathematical horseradish and dances a jig on your brain…or brane, as it were (that’s the nerdiest joke in the article, we promise). So kick off your work boots, put on your thought slippers, and prepare for a science course so mind-blowing, it’s written almost entirely in italics.
The Crazy Part:The part where you jiggle an electron on one side of the universe and an invisible force traverses millions of light years and smacks another electron into wiggling instantaneously, which is about a million years faster than is technically possible without time travel.
What It Says: That if two electrons are created together, they are forever “entangled,” much like you and your high school sweetheart according to some shitty poems you wrote in tenth grade. And, also like you and your ex-love, regardless of the distance between the two electrons, a change in quantum spin in one electron will immediately cause the other electron to change spin as well. So like, when she has sex with Bob Feeney, the team’s QB after the first date, even though you’re home alone playing Tetris, your heart will ache with a sudden and unmistakable pain. That’s the pain of entanglement, my friend.
So What Does This Do For Me? Teleportation, holmes. Only really tiny. In theory, you could separate two electrons by as much space as you wanted (say, the breadth of the universe), and they’d still be linked in such a way that actions taken on one would affect the other instantaneously. Meaning information is being transmitted at speeds faster than light. Meaning, if you want to really go nuts, time travel. And though the party pooping scientists have been busy coming up with limitations on the kind of information that could be transmitted (it seems super-fast computers that allow you to play Gears of War against people in parallel dimensions may be a ways off), no one has yet been able to disprove the theory that there is an invisible force in the universe capable of affecting matter millions of light-years away…instantly.
Wait, It Gets Worse: If you subscribe to the whole “Big Bang” thing, then there was a point in the past in which every atom in the universe was condensed into a singularity. Which means everything, even you and that bastard Bob Feeney, are quantumly entangled. Some scientists have even gone so far as to claim that quantum entanglement shows that there is no such thing as space, and that everything in the universe is still touching. Space is just an illusion created by our flawed perceptions, and we’re all one. The hippies were right after all.
Level Of Mind Blowing-ness: A fistful of acid tabs followed by the flume ride at Disneyworld.
The Crazy Part: The part where the family tree of every living creature on Earth collides at a single point on a single day in the past, making you related to Hitler as well as every insect you’ve ever killed..
What It Says: 
We’re all familiar with the basics of evolution: that a munificent monkey-goddess birthed us all from Her banana-scented womb. But there are some lesser-discussed implications of natural selection that are just plain weird. For one, scientists have concluded that around 140,000 years ago in Kenya, there lived a woman called Mitochondrial Eve (cavemen had weird names), so named because today, every living human on Earth has her mitochondrial DNA in their body (cavemen were also prescient). And only 3,000 years ago lived a person known as the Most Recent Common Ancestor, who, through exponential growth of the family tree, is the ancestor of every single person on Earth. And did you know that, based on the same principles (and a lot of rape), Genghis Kahn has over 16 million descendants? Who’s your Daddy now?!
So What Does This Do For Me? Well, for one, you can rest assured than anyone you ever have sex with in your entire life is at least your distant, distant cousin. So that’s nice. And if you’re really a nut for genealogy, why not trace your heritage back to the Last Universal Ancestor, the single-celled organism who, about 4 billion years ago, decided to go ahead and give rise to every living creature that will ever exist on the face of the Earth? Talk about a pimp. In essence, the whole of life on the planet can be considered one long, unbroken chemical reaction that is still resolving itself, like the foam flowing out of a science fair volcano.
Wait, It Gets Worse: The genetic chaos continues. The Endosymbiotic Theory says that the mitochondria in our bodies, without which we couldn’t live, let alone write snide humor articles, was at one point a separate organism that invaded our cells and set up camp. They formed a symbiotic relationship so beneficial that we’ve never booted them out. Furthermore, large chunks of the human genome are thought to be ancient retroviruses that managed to transcribe themselves into our DNA and have spent the remainder of their days happily clambering up and down our nucleotides like the McDuck children on a mansion banister. Basically your cells are millions of individual organisms, all huddled together in a you-shaped beehive. Now see how long you can go before wanting to shower.
And lastly, a thought for the right-wingers out there: At some point half of you was an egg in your Mother’s womb. That egg existed in her body from the day she was born. And a long, long time ago, she too was an egg in her Mother’s womb, who had that egg ready for use from the moment she squirmed out of your Great Grandma’s nethers. The point being, technically speaking, there’s no break in the chain of existence, no time when you are not a life form of at least the most rudimentary sort. Your family, at least on your Mother’s side, could theoretically be considered an immortal, constantly-regenerating organism. Of course that would make men, whose sperm has to be created years after the moment of birth, just disposable donors here to fuel the everlasting fire of womanhood. You go girls!
Level Of Mind Blowing-ness: Four Hemmingway suicides.
The Crazy Part: The part where the furniture in your house behaves differently when you’re not around.
What It Says: Besides sounding like the subtitle of The Da Vinci Code II, The Copenhagen Interpretation is probably the most widely accepted explanation for the observations made through quantum mechanics. It came about in part to explain the infamous “Double Slit Experiment,” which is the one your physics professor probably made you do. The Double Slit Experiment shows that an electron, fired at a wall with two slits in it, will sometimes go through sometimes go through one, sometimes through the other, and sometimes it will go through both slits simultaneously (meaning, a single thing will be in two places at once). In short, it goes batshit fucking insane. The twist is, if you try and observe the electron at the moment it passes through the slits—you know, to figure out what the hell is wrong with it—the electron goes back to behaving like a normal electron, and innocently shoots through one of the slits while giving you, and reality, the finger. The details of why this happens are sort of technical, but this simple diagram should explain it:
So What Does This Do For Me? The Copenhagen Interpretation is the result of a lot of smart people trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with these damn electrons. What they came up with is that all particles exist as waves of probability. From the observer’s perspective, there’s only a certain chance that a given electron will go through the left slit or right slit. When you don’t watch, it remains a cloud of probability and sort of does a little of everything. When you watch, the act of observing it somehow causes the cloud to pick a side. So the next time you observe a particle, be warned: they know you’re watching, and as soon as you stop, they’re going to start a party.
Wait, It Gets Worse: If you apply the Copenhagen Interpretation to bigger objects, it gets even weirder. The infamous Schrodinger’s Cat thought experiment, the one your physics professor probably got fired for doing, said that if you put a cat in a box and press a button that has a fifty percent chance of filling the box with poison gas, then until you go and look in the box, the cat exists as a cat-cloud which is simultaneously both alive and dead. And there’s more: if everything exists as a probability wave, then that means that technically, anything possible could happen at any time. There’s nothing stopping a big floppy dick from sprouting out of your forehead right now; it’s just highly unlikely. You feel lucky, punk?
Level Of Mind-Blowig-ness: Let’s just say it might be time to invest in a tarp.
The Crazy Part: The part where you realize that somewhere in some parallel universe you just died while reading this sentence.
What It Says: The Many Worlds Theory rejects The Copenhagen Interpretation’s crazy idea that particles can change their behavior seemingly at will, and replaces it with the much crazier idea that the only reason we think particles are changing their behavior is that we’re only seeing that particle’s action in one universe, rather than the infinite number of universes that actually exist. So an observed particle with two options—say, to pound beers at a Van Halen tribute show or drop E and storm a techno club—actually does both, even though we may only observe the techno club, in some other universe, parallel to our own, that particle is rocking out to “Eruption” instead of rubbing itself ferociously on anything with a body temperature.
So What Does This Do For Me? If you buy into the Many Worlds Theory, the implications are infinite. And let’s be clear about what “infinite” means here. For every action you’ve ever taken, every movement you’ve ever made, even down to the atomic level, there’s a parallel universe out there where you did something else instead. Anything else. Instead of learning guitar, you burst into flames. Instead of opening the fridge, you freebased black tar heroin. Instead of nude rock climbing, you went nude bungee jumping. Instead of reading this article, you worked productively and got a handsome raise. Think about it: in some parallel universe out there, you and your high school sweetheart are making hot, reconciliatory love atop Bob Feeney’s smoldering corpse after you killed a laser-breathing velociraptor with your bare hands. If that thought doesn’t make you feel better about how mundane your actual life is, we don’t know what will.
Wait, It Gets Worse: If you think The Many Worlds Theory is a tad too far fetched an explanation for some electrons behaving weirdly, you’re not alone. In an effort to simplify things, scientists have come up with The Many Minds Theory, which says your brain splits up at the instant you make an observation, and then your many brains observe every possible outcome. Yes, that’s right, an infinite number of parallel brains, existing without universes (let alone skulls) to house them in. Awesome. Much simpler.
Level Of Mind Blowing-ness: A TNT-tipped jackhammer to the eye socket.
The Crazy Part: The part where the Universe isn’t just bigger than you can possibly comprehend, but according to recent evidence, billions of times larger than that.
What It Says: That the universe is big. So big, that just that fact, just it’s mere bigness, is enough to blow your tiny ant mind. And it just keeps getting bigger. Let’s examine the famous Hubble Ultra Deep Field image, the most massive photo ever taken:
Right now, on your computer screen, are approximately 10,000 galaxies.
Each of those galaxies contains anywhere from ten million to one trillion stars.
The average star is roughly a million times the size of Earth.
And yet, with all that junk, the Universe is more than 90 percent empty space.
All of that, in this tiny photo. A photo that took 400 orbits and 800 exposures to take.
And the kicker? The photo covers one thirteen-millionth of the entire night sky.
So What Does This Do For Me? If you’re like us, it leaves you alternately awash with spiritual wonder and horrified feelings of utter insignificance. Actually imagining just how infinitesimal you are in the scope of the universe is like autoerotic asphyxiation: it’s not as pleasant as you’d think, and if you do it wrong you can end up a vegetable. And without getting too Douglas Adams on you, can you possibly imagine that much space and that many planets and stars and atoms smashing together without intelligent life forming? Now it’s just a matter of getting around that pesky general relativity and we’ll be chilling with aliens in no time. Or, like, a million years.
Wait, It Gets Worse: So all that shit we just said about how big the universe is (at least 90 billion light years)? Forget it. That’s small beans. The Cosmological Horizon is here to make your day a whole lot more complicated. Since we can only observe stellar bodies that have had some effect on us (usually bombarding us with light), there is an outer limit to what we can see of the universe. Hence, the “observable universe.” What about the rest? The parts of the universe beyond our Starcraft-style fog of war? Well, according to some math we have no interest in going into, the size of the “actual” universe is so large that if the universe we just described (the impossibly, mind-bogglingly large one) were the size of a quarter, the actual universe would be the size of the Earth. Daaaaaaaamn.
Level Of Mind Blowing-ness: The sound of one hand clapping for a tree falling in the woods while no one’s around except a guy whose skull is wired with C4.
In case you’ve still got some bits of gray matter clinging to the shards of your fractured skull, here are some links to information about further scientific theories conceived to make neural cortex dribble out your nostrils.
And, for those whose brains need a quick escape before they implode…
Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim
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- The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Gaming - November 7th, 2008
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November 7th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
so i did the math on the size of the universe thing…
number of stars in the (possible) total universe (observable and non-observable) is a range of 1.8 * 10^46 to 1.8 * 10^51
i cant find names for numbers this high…
1.8*10^46 = 180,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
merry christmas
October 29th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I’ve thought for a while now that the existence of nothing is almost as preposterous as believing in the existence of something.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:57 pm
[...] them. Still, here’s an article to tide you over till the next real entry. It’s called 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode. Be warned, some of these may hurt your head. I still remember in physics class when my teacher [...]
October 17th, 2008 at 11:50 am
i think my head is going to explode in about 10 minutes
October 17th, 2008 at 12:17 am
[...] Llama Song. However, I browsed texasboy2008’s sites, since was also a llama fan, and found this, which was pretty freakin [...]
October 13th, 2008 at 3:51 am
Here is a sixth one.
Unification Theory
Your Subtitle text
Home Page
Link-Entity in Space!
“Dark Bang” Theory
Take a Minute
Unification Theory
The Entity
Dark Flow
Unification Theory
Unification theory attempts to reconcile the understanding of the four forces of the universe. Electromagnetic, the weak and strong nuclear forces, and gravity. The presumption is that gravity is that weakest of the four forces. Yet it can control the positions of the largest structures in the universe. How can that be?
Here is how.
The big bang theory contends that all of the materials in the universe once existed in a very small space at a singularity before the big bang occured. For all of it to have existed and be held there at once there must be a force that is greater than all of the combined forces and energy combined. What force could have done that?
Gravity did.
Did the big bang defeat that binding gravitational force? No.
The same gravitational force that maintains the control of the positions of large structures over vast distances now is the same that held them in close quarters then.
Gravitational spiral theory which is another of my own ideas like this theory is, may again return them to, and possibly beyond their original positions.
Is the position of those structures random or chaotic? No.
They are inflationary representations of their original positions before the big bang. They were systematic in relation to each other before the big bang, and are systematic now.
The measurements to prove this are already partialy seen in the behavior of elementary particles and will be proven for light, strings, extra dimensions, waves, and all else. The gravitational forces do not become weaker for smaller or lighter waves and particles, it becomes stronger. How else could they be contained and held at the singularity when it should be that their properties would make them more difficult to contain?
Gravity becomes stronger at smaller distances and with lighter subjects which relegate the other three forces to sub-forces of gravity, and is supported by observing their behavior.
The real question is this:
What force defeated gravity and triggered the big bang?
It actually was not defeated, but forced into its flux control of inflation at the points we prove through physics.
And the force that ignighted the big bang and began inflation was?
Stay tuned for the answer.
Copyright 2008 2008. russell maggio. All rights reserved.
Posted by darkwingnightmare at 10/10/2008 1:54 AM | Add Comment
October 9th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Nice and informative article…
October 7th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
[...] philosophy combining existentialism; utilitarianism; atheisim, backed on a preference for the Many Worlds Theory over the Copenhagen Interpretation because it allows me to belive that evrything is posible and doesn’t necessitate a sort of [...]
October 7th, 2008 at 1:29 am
hay man i think all these theries are very possible,maybe even real..i love it..ps,,i think that also u have only scratched the surface of possible theries.all good,,keep going.u get my vote for a good website. [diskworld].
October 6th, 2008 at 1:20 am
“and sometimes it will go through both slits simultaneously (meaning, a single thing will be in two places at once). In short, it goes batshit fucking insane. The twist is, if you try and observe the electron at the moment it passes through the slits—you know, to figure out what the hell is wrong with it—the electron goes back to behaving like a normal electron, and innocently shoots through one of the slits while giving you, and reality, the finger”
This made my day
October 1st, 2008 at 12:29 am
We need to make every person in the world read stuff like this, it is very humbling. I think if we all were a little more humble and understood just how fucking small we are then people might actually slow down and enjoy their life instead of working and worrying their pathetic asses through it! I do think most of this parallel stuff is bullshit however you cant argue with the size of the universe, Wow.
September 27th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
payday loan debt relief…
excellence constitutions?adducting …
September 26th, 2008 at 1:18 am
above about the entangled particles not traveling at the speed of light and communicating. this is actually true. search around for scientific articles and u will find tests on this theory. wut are the odds i was listening to van halen eruption when i read that article well i now know the odds it was one in infinity!
September 26th, 2008 at 1:12 am
well, if everything happens by chance and there is an infinite possibility of what happens.
so the probability of any outcome is 1/w or 1/infinity.
how then is this world not total chaos? peoples heads exploding, chuck norris growing a third sexual organ on his right knee and giant tomatoes slapping jessica albas butt as she walks across the ocean.
although i believe this theory true, i cannot comprehend the works at which our outcomes are decided.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Very interesting theories!!!!!!!!
September 21st, 2008 at 10:32 am
[...] 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode - You just have to read these. They’re explained in a way that most people, even if they’re not scientists, will understand what’s going on at some level. Read them. But wrap up your head first, just in case. [...]
September 20th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Crying shame the idea of the immortal woman is kind of screwed up by the fact our eggs aren’t done yet while we’re in the womb. Girl here saying that would have been an awesome concept. :’( Moving on, awesome article. ^^
September 17th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Having been told all my life that the universe was infinite, the discovery that it’s actually just Really Rather Big is rather depressing. Is that all?
September 17th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Yes, well done.
You effectively educated a cross section of nay sayers / religious fanatics / druggies and would be scientists on some of the most important thoughts of our time.
Your writing is hampered only by your venue and near sightedness.
Otherwise - brilliant.
Mathew L
September 15th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Don’t know if anyone else pointed this out but in the section on quantum entanglement, it says ‘information is being transmitted faster than the speed of light’. Unfortunately this is not true and entanglement does not violate causality because no information can be transmitted via entanglement. There is a correlation between measurements of two entangled particles but there is no way of using this to send a signal.
September 13th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
so where’s god lives
September 11th, 2008 at 11:26 am
The multi-worlds is true. In my dreams, I see them.
Does anyone know how to get to any of these, because I’ve gotta help myself out of some serious jams. I’m talking about the blue-haired bigfoot sized beast with a bird beak and extra sized limbs. I smacked him a good one, but he’s a big fella and is gonna hurt me bad if I don’t get to to me to save me.
Will the Large Hadron Collider be able to send us to these worlds? Maybe I can travel to a few others and recruit some of my selves to we can travel as an army to save my other selves (sounds selfish I know). Oh the fun we could have when we’re done and come back to this reality and get some serious network gaming going on. I hope I’m better than they are at Battlefield 2142. Oh yeah.
And some of the other worlds I must kill myself because I’m doing bad stuff, or is it good stuff in that world? I must find out.
September 10th, 2008 at 5:24 am
[...] here but can’t push yourself to pick up a book (can’t blame you, really), check out cracked.com’s 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode and McSweeny’s Physical Theories, if they were [...]
September 9th, 2008 at 5:21 am
BenignRobot, that’s why these are new theories, they can disprove and defy older ones.
September 8th, 2008 at 8:03 am
[...] explain it a bit further, scroll down to theory #1 (although the rest is also worth reading):
September 6th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
The ‘Double Slit Experiment’…. every man’s dream.
September 6th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
[...] 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode By Michael Swaim Cracked.com [...]
September 5th, 2008 at 5:26 am
just wanted to add something re String Theory - apparently brane theory with its 10 or 11 dimensions is the thing getting the hawkins of the world all wet these days, thing is I read a short description of the goddess Durga (Hindu), who was created to combat evil. The really mind bending thing is she is equipped (in some incarnations, not all) with 10 arms in order to fight in the 10 dimensions of space. How the heck did they come to that conclusion x number of 1000 years ago? Not saying this is a definitive description of the deity as hinduism has over a million differnet incarnations of gods within its pantheon, but still, rather trippy when I made the connection.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I just finished watching “What the BLEEP, down the rabbit hole” which covers a lot of this. All very interesting but it doesn’t pay the bills. I mean I still have to get up and go to work and live out the life.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:51 am
……………. hahahahahahahahaha…… Unfair. You missed out the thought that we are all just dreaming this and I am not really sitting naked here at work…. Well, in this reality I am. The sun will be rising in my world, in some other it will be setting. My head just exploded. I smoked some killer bud, I exist (I think I do anyway but am I really thinking?) and am certain all my realities are merging. I have a great job in this reality, I must face the fact that all of them are not so lucky
Have a great day!
August 31st, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I feel as small and insignificant as the scroll bar “thumb” on the right side of this web page!
August 29th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I love your style! Subscribed to your feed.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I already know many of these theories but some other not, i was a gract article, truly a good one, it’s been a while since last time i read and article like this, very informative and a bit informal without going far away from the main point; and everytime i read or heard about a theory it makes me smile, how the human been want to understand what his mind has no capabilty (i hope thats the word) for it. i personally believe God creats everything, and there should be a point where science and religion match i hope i can explain my point, and i guess we will never going to archive that knowledge, we are trying to understand the universe, but is far away from our average understanding of what surrond us and interact with us, cheers to everyone…!! =D
August 29th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Ya know, it takes a shit ton of faith to believe in all that.
But, it only takes a little faith to believe in God.
Where do you stand between heaven and hell?
August 27th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
FOR THE WIN!!! OOOH MAN! I LOVE IT!!!!!
August 27th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
[...] of them are familiar, but this article is still a lot of fun. [...]
August 27th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
[...] » 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode This entry was written by Tom, posted on August 27, 2008 at 1:11 pm, filed under link. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL. « quote test [...]
August 27th, 2008 at 10:40 am
This is a fairly interesting list of physical phenomena, however could you please re-edit to mute the profanity, unfortunately it detracts from an otherwise well written article.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I hope somebody explains everything to me after I die. They’ll need to use hand puppets, though.
August 26th, 2008 at 5:31 am
[...] Level Of Mind Blowing-ness: Four Hemmingway suicideshttp://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/08/07/5-scientific-theories-head-explode/ [...]
August 25th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
The size of the universe gets even more strange when you theorize that even beyond what we cannot see based on light we also cannot see because we are moving to quickly away from a centralized object thus making it impossible to observe beyond an event horizon.
secondly the notion that time is now theorized to be two dimensions instead of one dimension. Being independent and happening all at once. Past present Future. And only the fragile mind coexisting and perpetuating the crime of alarm clocks on humanity.
or conversely the theory that time is shifting into a spacial dimension changing from a Lorentz space time to a euclidean spacial representation. This is from the brane theory describing a “signature changing” brane
http://www.universetoday.com/2008/01/24/will-time-be-replaced-by-another-space-dimension/
August 25th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
[...] 5 Scientific theories that just might make your head explode [...]
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Gee Wiz… and I’ve been told by atheistic scientists that I’m an idiot for just believing that Jesus was the son of God and was raised from the dead.
My belief sounds down right conservative compared to current science.
August 20th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
This is by far the best article I’ve read on this site. And that’s saying something. Well done, Mr. Swaim.
August 20th, 2008 at 11:45 am
[...] Cracked.com: 5 Scientific theories that will make your head explode Posted on August 20, 2008 by teachinglinks 5 Scientific theories that will make your head explode [...]
August 20th, 2008 at 6:55 am
Wait. Holy shit. A dong did suddenly sprout out of your forehead, althought you’re just not in the universe that it happened in. o:
August 19th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
In other words, it goes batshit fucking insane.
That should be included in ALL of the theories. Why else would they be so mind-blowing?
August 19th, 2008 at 10:39 am
[...] » 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode | Cracked.com [...]
August 19th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Then I got to thinking that if the universe is soooo big, then that means that we could all exist in those trillions of trillions of galaxies as a parallel of ourselves.. meaning that in each galaxy we are the same person living a different life wondering about the other lives they exist in just as we are thinking about the other lives in which we exist right now… and in each one we are doing something different.
Oh my God.. that’s so cool!
And then I got to thinking that in a parallel world I don’t hate myself and I’m actually happy and everything is only sunshine and magical ponies. Why couldn’t I be there?
August 18th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
fucking crazy
August 18th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
i knew it! we’re all nothing.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:11 am
The many universes theory does not say that there is a universe in which your couch turns into a potato spontaneously. It simply solves the problem of wave-form collapse. In the equations, every photon exists in two different positions until it is observed. One interpretation is that those two positions become one and the other one just magically disappears. Empirically, this makes sense, since we have never observed things to be in two positions at once, but to make this work mathematically, you have to fuck with the numbers. The many-worlds interpretation makes it so you don’t have to fuck with the numbers for the equation to conform with physical reality, since you only observe one position, but the photon doesn’t lose the other position, since it’s in another universe. So the other universes will most likely be only trivially different. Swaim only hyped it up so that you’d pay attention, this being the Internet.
August 18th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I hear this noise in my ear - ya know, the kind you hear after an M80 goes off next too you.
August 17th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
It’s not as complicated - or even the same thing - as this thing says. Quantum Entanglement does NOT allow things to travel faster than the speed of light. It’s simply not possible. It’s not like you can have two pool balls and when you push one up the other moves down. This is misleading at best and completely wrong at worst.
its not a thing that is traveling faster then the speed of light its the information that is so its not really transportation of a particle its just changing one based on how its partner changed
August 17th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
alot of these things are really porly explained and give bad biases on them
August 17th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
wat a load of balls! we all know god created earth and life and generally all things great..he created everything from nothing with no explanation! science sucks!
August 17th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Thank god for Charles Darwin :]
August 17th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Correction: Evolution is not a theory…but “Natural Selection” is the theory of evolution.
Evolution happens to be a fact, and natural selection is the best available theory to explain it.
So…please correct this mistake otherwise people might think that Evolution is a theory when it is actually the thing to be explained.
August 17th, 2008 at 6:04 am
I reject this reality and substitute one of my own.
August 16th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
After a couple of chapters of ” A stubbornly Persistent Illusion ” by Stephen Hawkins , it becomes clear that indeed we have to construct a platform based upon our own limitations in order to observe anything and in doing so it becomes obvious that we only “see” what we are capable of processing from this artificial construct. What we observe has no relationship to whats there because we require a stable point to stand on that does not exist anywhere else in the Universe , its all moving and interacting without a stable point. SO the point is that there is no point, what we see and what we experience is an illusion. We all live in a Yellow Submarine and as long as we agree to, thats fine. If we really want to step up to the plate of reality checking there is no way back….. Are we ready to take this as the first law of a new reality ….. step on up , but you wont be able to tell anyone what you find because there’s no way home once you join the rest of the Universe and play by its laws, all the rest of our deliberations are us sitting in our play pens pointing ….. forget it all just enjoy and make life better for others as well as your self
August 16th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
excelent work! informative, simple and funny.
if i may,i’d like to suggest an alteration to the final line:
“Well, according to some math we have no interest in going into, the size of the “actual” universe is so large that if the universe we just described (the impossibly, mind-bogglingly large one) were the size of a quarter, the actual universe could be the size of the universe we just described (the impossibly, mind-bogglingly large one)….or bigger.
August 16th, 2008 at 5:09 am
I agree with some of the guys on here, evolution isn’t that hard to understand. You just need to spend time on it with an open-mind. The rest are pretty good though.
In slightly different news, here’s something you guys may find interesting:
http://rlexperiment.blogspot.com/2008/08/welcome-travelers-from-future-day-real.html
It’s may well be the ultimate time travel experiment! Read on.
August 16th, 2008 at 1:27 am
what about the theory that one will marry or have sexual relations with a family member that they new they never had.
August 16th, 2008 at 12:48 am
I’d like to make mention about an idea in the thread of this conversation, that what was called ‘aether’ in the 19th century is called ‘neutrinos’ in the 20th century. People want to appear smart, and downplay the superiority of their forebears in given areas, so from time to time they change the words up and now aether is thought of as silly. It’s true that there’s nothing homogenous about neutrino distributions in the universe, like aether was supposed to be. But the IDEA is the same. They DO move from sources of light, but just aren’t the carriers or medium for light. More importantly, they travel everywhere like a cosmic wind. The complexities of neutrino distributions are flatly unfathomable so as to what amounts to a ’strain’ in the aether that causes neutron reaction(s) here or there, it is my humble opinion that you must look at the big picture. All the neutrino sources. So, I have stopped laughing at people who talk about bad vibes or weird ethers and don’t know the science. No one can know this. You can say “the ether’s really good today” and have the satisfaction that no one can measure what you’re experiencing.
August 15th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
These are all genuine scientific theories, backed up with, in most cases, mountains of evidence supporting them. If the sarcastic, can-you-believe-this-horseshit tone of the article was an attempt at humour, you fail. And people wonder why the average intelligence level on this planet is plummeting. A lot of people are spending their entire lives studying this stuff.
August 15th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
As a physics grad student stumbling on a friday night when he should either be finishing up some work in the lab or going out to party, I just feel to say…
It’s not as complicated - or even the same thing - as this thing says. Quantum Entanglement does NOT allow things to travel faster than the speed of light. It’s simply not possible. It’s not like you can have two pool balls and when you push one up the other moves down. This is misleading at best and completely wrong at worst.
Also, about the Copenhagen interpretation… it’s not like the universe is waiting for you to take a peek at it for things to work or any spooky mumbo jumbo the particles are alive crap. It works because of the effects we see as a result of Heisenberg’s uncertainty. Look it up sometime…
August 15th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
So if the multiple worlds theory is true wouldn’t that mean in one universe this theory would exist and in another it wouldn’t?
August 15th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
my head ÷ 0
August 15th, 2008 at 10:16 am
The comparison between the quarter and the earth is actually way off. It’s more like if the total universe were as big as the observable universe, the observable universe would be the same size as a proton. Even more mindboggling i spose.
August 15th, 2008 at 3:38 am
I hope when I die I can float around galaxies and just watch planets and look out for dino’s somewhere…
August 14th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
*BOOM* Good thing I had two of those.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I think you’re forgetting the fact that all those scientists would cut out their tongues before they cited a religious text in a paper. You know why that is, and so does everyone else who isn’t in a mental hospital, or other kind of prison.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Fundamentalism is a bit narrow-minded as a philosphy, MasterPC, but there are also Christian scientists out there, too. They try to understand science, and all the physical laws and quantum voodoo that exists out there. They just interpret these phenomena as God’s creations, like everything else.
Rabid anti-Christianity as a philosophy can be equally narrow-minded.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:25 am
» 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode | Cracked.com…
There are generally two types of science: first, there’s the type that makes computers work, allows us to ride around in metal boxes propelled by continuous explosion, and makes it so that milk doesn’t taste all gross. Then there’s the fringe sci…
August 14th, 2008 at 9:38 am
And that should have been “fundie freaks,” or “fundie fucktards.” I don’t know which; this is one superposition that does NOT collapse upon observation.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:37 am
And I can say that here, because David Wong does not rule the blog like the Internet tin-pot dictator he is. Ah, the forums, where they criticize newbies for trying to be edgy while flaming them under the guise of comedy.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:31 am
The fact that science “can not know everything” does not legitimize religion. Period. Just because I don’t know what’s behind door number 3 does not mean that you have psychic powers that can find it out.
Fuck off and die, fundamentalists.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:19 am
The image titled “Monkey Goddess” is a God not a GodDESS.
And no that God as per related Mythology is not from where humans come from.
Best Regards,
2
August 14th, 2008 at 1:05 am
i guess i better print this out in order to demonstrate a practical theory for the development of my spontaneous incontinence.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
That was hands down the best thing I have read in quite some time. Most of it I’d known before, but it was described in such a perfectly mind-blowing way here. Even the last “Universe is really fucking big” one, which is something I’ve exploded my head with plenty of times before, got me pretty good. Also HOORAY for intelligent humor on the internet! So rare.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
The best part of all this is, it could be proven WRONG, tomorrow. NONE of this is proven or fact, it is theory. Yes it is been tested and experimented many many times but it still isn’t proven. So just like my Physics teacher told me about our textbook during the first week of class, “This is one well written book but it could also be a waste of $300. You know why? Everything i tell you and everything in this book could be proven wrong by tomorrow… Hope you enjoy my class!”
August 13th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
There aren’t an “McDuck children,” Uncle Scrooge was a bachelor.
August 13th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
this was really good. a lot to think about, but great..
August 13th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Try this:
The many worlds hypothesis says that there are an enormous number of parallel worlds, but the number is still finite. It’s so damned big we could call it a pseudo-infinity - that is it’s not technically infinite, but it’s gynormous.
The idea that the whole universe is much, much bigger than the part we can see creates a second enormous number, also a pseudo-infinity. That is, if the universe is big enough, duplicates of things, such as our planet, must occur many, many times. That’s a second, separate pseudo-infinity.
If black holes really split off to become separate universes, that’s a third infinity, probably a genuinely infinite number of universes and not just a very big number.
If some of the brane theories are right, that means a fourth kind of infinite set of universes exists. Other versions give us a very big but finite number instead.
So these four kinds of infinity and near infinity are not mutually exclusive - any or all of them might be the case. We could live in a really big universe that has many, many duplicates of our planet, that universe could be splitting by quantum mechanics into many branches every instant, it could be descended from a black hole in some parent universe, all the black holes in ours could create new daughter universes and so on forever, and that whole thing could count as just one brane in an infinite stack of branes.
On the other hand, any of these theories could eventually be disproven.
August 13th, 2008 at 11:58 am
The amazing thing is that science IS coherent to (a part of) the universe (within certain limits, which are the boundaries of the “human” universe, after all), even though all logic and science is a human invention. Yes, human is very smart and can understand a part of the universe, probably in the same way that we can solve a “universe” of formal systems, minus the ones that aren’t decidable (thanks Gödel).
August 13th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Even “truth” is a human invention…
August 13th, 2008 at 11:47 am
About all these theories I LOVED to rediscover…
What do you think about saying that, after all, logic is a human invention (what else is it ?) ? Therefore, mathematics, logic and science are good to describe how human reasonably sees the universe, and not how the universe really is ? Of course there are paradoxes, because the universe is different from the man (oh crap, I used logic again… then proof by absurd… etc… we’re doomed, in some way, and in some other, maybe we aren’t that much…)
August 13th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Notice that the majority of all theories are attempts to explain the world, life, existence. And what I want to know is why are people so determine to understand the world, life, existence. Why can’t we just accept the fact that we’re alive and that in order to live we must die, in order to be happy we must feel sadness, madness, etc. Why can’t we understand that the world is not ours to own, control, manipulate. And why can’t we appreciate the things we have? Over all, why are people such ridiculous control freaks? I’ll burst out laughing if one day it turns out an animal we declared as extremely unintelligent is proven to be more intelligent than us! I’m sure that if that did happen the majority of humans would go into denial!
August 13th, 2008 at 2:04 am
i don’t think evolution theory is all that difficult to get your head around, honestly.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
It’s colder in Casnadia, so time contracts a bit.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Yeah, really, like I’m not offended when some jackass on the internet says I’m 36 years older than I am, not a bit. I just chalked it up to some Casnadian metric thing.
August 12th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Besides, if you’re offended by some jackasses on the internet, then you need to get some priorities, man. We’re really not all that important in the scheme of things.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Bertok, kingmonkey +1 is right, Glendor42 (as well as myself) are from the south, where calling someone son can be a compliment from an older man. It’s as if he is accepting you as opposed to just acknologing (sp?) you.
Just try not to let it get to you captin.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Bertok, I’m certainly not going to restrain anyone from posting, postulating, or proselytizing. I’m saying, as long as your going to open yourself up to possible criticism, just develop a bit of thick skin. You can’t go off half-cocked (or three-quarter-cocked), just because someone calls you son, champ. Be a sport, slugger; just walk it off. Don’t get mad, tiger. Remember that people from around the world have different social standards. Calling you son may be insulting where you’re from, but I happen to know that glendoor42 is, like, 76 years old and where he’s from, all the senile old men think anyone younger is their son.
What I’m saying is, we love you Bertok, with a fiery passion that could outshine the sun. Don’t walk away in anger. Come back to us and recognize us as humans, just like you.
Let’s hold hands.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:16 am
I got one for ya’.
The scientific method works from the assumption that whatever you observe during the experiment is caused by the events which preceded them. And that method is the source of information for everything we’re talking about right now, such as the Big Bang.
Now, Big Bang cosmology says that events happening right now (either in our lab experiment, or elsewhere in the universe) are “Natural”; that is, they were caused by some earlier events which preceded them, which were in turn caused by still earlier events which preceded THEM.
The entire universe, according to this view, is events caused by earlier events, caused by still earlier events, traceable (in principle, though obviously not practically!) back to the Big Bang.
And of course the thoughts you’re thinking are among those physical events. Did you just thing, “Wow, that’s pretty mind-blowing” or something similar? That thought was just such a “caused event.” Caused by an earlier event, caused by a still earlier event, et cetera, et alia, ad nauseam, ad Big Bangium.
Therefore:
(a.) Had the Big Bang exploded (a misnomer, but not in a way that affects what I’m saying) slightly differently, causing so much as one quantum to expand outward from the singularity at a slightly different trajectory, your political views would have been the reverse of what they are now. Or, your religious views, if any. Or, your views on the death penalty. Or, your sexual preferences or hangups.
(b.) Time begins with the Big Bang; it is truly “a day without a yesterday”; therefore, out of all the events in the universe (caused by still earlier events), the Big Bang, upon which all those other events ultimately depend for THEIR causality, is UNCAUSED. It happened for no reason at all.
(c.) Therefore, everything you’re thinking, you’re thinking ultimately for no reason at all. Me too. Which is why, even if everything I just wrote is 100% true, there’s a very good argument to say that it’s 100% false…or, at least, that I have no reason to believe any of it is actually true.
(d.) Oh, and by the way, there’s no escape from this by calling on parallel universes or an “oscillating universe” as the source of Causality for the Big Bang. Scientists have tried to find a workaround whereby a collision with a parallel universe creates the Big Bang in ours, or else ours is actually infinitely old and just keeps expanding and contracting periodically like Oprah. But it doesn’t fly, because (1.) entropy or “time’s arrow” shows a higher state of disorder now than previously, indicating both that the universe definitely began with the Big Bang and that there’s no way an oscillating universe can “restart itself” consistent with observed entropy and the flow of time; (2.) there’s good reason to think “actual infinities,” such as an infinite regression of past days, can’t exist; and (3.) appealing to other universes just delays the inevitable conclusion, because they, too, need to have started with a “day without yesterday.” So we’re back to a universe that began, with no preceding cause at all, causing all other events, including those which represent what we think about the whole topic, to be utterly meaningless.
So think what you want to think, about any of the above. It doesn’t matter. If you think the entire universe was sneezed out of the nose of a being called the Great Green Arkleseisure, it’s not your fault: Had one quantum’s trajectory been different at the beginning, you’d have thought something that made more sense…except that none of it makes sense, ultimately.
Perhaps the problem wasn’t the trajectory of the quantum. Perhaps it was the trajectory of the sneeze.
Meanwhile, the Big Bang remains, lonely exception to the rule: The sole uncaused event in the universe.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
This article should come with a warning label…
~~~Do not read before Bed~~~
will cause sleeplessness and hyperactivity.
possible mind implosion
will create the unexplainable need to eat peanut butter
(possibly in alternate universes where you are best friends with Chekov and like to wear matching yellow dresses)
And of course every other possible variation in every other parallell universe in all of infinity. (I prefer the version of this on Stargate to the one in this article. At least they can borrow dead people form other universes once in a while.)
I’m going to go look up the Quantum Leap Theory someone mentioned at the beginning of the comments. Why? Because this article causes sleeplessness.
I dedicate this sleepless night to all those who like myself received this article in an email from someone who loves us but sometimes torments us out of simple cluelessness.
Thanks for the forward Dad
August 11th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
*pout*
…I’m going to need more chalk
August 11th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
*Gives thumbs up*
August 11th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
YOU GO BERTOK!
August 11th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Hi Kingmonkey,
Here’s the thing, no one likes being verbally marginalized by being called “son” or whatever, especially when talking about something that they think is important (btw, being called son by someone you don’t know is quite insulting where I come from; I suppose being called “kid” is at least honest in its open disdain). One of the best things about comedy is that it makes you THINK about things that are totally screwed up, and I’m surprised at all the “this is comedy so shut the fuck up” posts. If you had said such a thing to George Carlin, I bet he would have excoriated you in a very funny way, and rightly so. I mean, since when is comedy supposed to be so shallow? Why can’t we have some serious discussion about these ideas on a comedy site? I just don’t agree with the idea that we, as scientists (negative_creep and I are both physicists), should let people believe wrong things about science because it’s sort of funny. It could still be funny if the info weren’t wrong or skewed. Are cruel racist jokes okay because they use some funny mischaracterization of a minority group? I personally don’t think so.
Scientists just don’t think having the wrong conception of these scientific theories is acceptable in a free, educated society. In fact, it’s our belief that these problems have gone on for too long and it’s always appropriate to redress misrepresentations whenever, where ever they arise.
I hope it wasn’t a complete waste of time, but I’m done with this thread. I’m busy and I’ve said what I wanted to say in the nicest way that I could (except for the exasperation in my first post). If people just want to be jerks about it and passive aggressively insult me, then fine. Just don’t expect any response. It will be equally effective to scold an empty room for it’s lack of furniture.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
So, it’s worth living..
I feel good to be in 16million.
And with all these universe we’re still fighting over this tiny earth…
August 11th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
The best take on the many worlds theory is Larry Niven’s short story, “All the Myriad Ways”:
http://www.bundy223.net/~andyb/prose/myriad.html
He hated the whole idea because it negated the concept of free will.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
[...] 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode [...]
August 11th, 2008 at 11:21 am
My theory is that the Universe is one dimensional. As only a one dimensional “object” could be infinite. If it is 3 Dimensional it must have height, width and depth. This would mean that it must have sides. If it has sides then it cannot be infinite. Hmmm
August 11th, 2008 at 9:15 am
[...] The post where I found this stated the following [...]
August 11th, 2008 at 8:23 am
[...] of you who follow me religiously on Twitter already know, I saw an article on Cracked.com called Five Scientific Theories that Will Make Your Head Explode. All of them are really cool, even for those of us who have only a passing interest in physics. [...]
August 11th, 2008 at 7:31 am
lux, I’m sorry. You’re completely wrong. I want you to write on the chalkboard, 200 times:
I will not attempt to assemble actual, factual analyses of allegories.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:06 am
@ greg…. it is… me and that alien have a horton hears a who thing going on. he was disappointed about the science fair but his mom bought him ice cream so it was all good.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
There’s also a theory that mitochondria are responsible for aging. Which would mean that mitochondria are responsible for our mortality. If this and endosymbiotic theory are correct, and mitochondrial DNA is only passed on by females….wouldn’t this make mitochondria the forbidden fruit of biblical lore…the punishment for original sin?
August 10th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
“It makes me happy to think i could be a frikin deity in a parallel universe.”
It’s really not that cool, a lot of work, busy work mostly. The health plan is good though, immortality and all.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Hmm I love the idea of the Many Worlds Theory! I mean how cool would it be for Zack Efron to be a Russian Belly dancer in some other universe! I mean think of the possibilities, the pope could be an anti-christ! Jane Goodal could be in jail for rapeing her 15 year old son! It makes me happy to think i could be a frikin deity in a parallel universe.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
For everyone on here being critical about the articles above. Until you’ve established your own theories through the scientific method, shut the holes in your faces. Or silence the voice in your heads or whatever! Everyones so god damn smart but for some reason no one knows who the hell you are and no one cares! Alot of these theories are these scientists life work and you knuckle heads think that after reading one paragraph on each you’re Einstein !@#$ off! If its a theory than it has been through a brutal process including criticism from top level scientist so whatever YOU wanna be eggheads have to say is freaking meaningless!! Plus the majority of you complaining about the legitamacy of these theories are just stupid jesus freaks who think all the answers to life are in one book, a book you probably don’t read anyways. Figures, maybe you should take that up. Reading!!!
August 10th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
You forgot Choas theory. Someone may have mentioned it earlier. If they did, you may disregard me.
August 10th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Bertok, don’t be offended by glendoor42. He calls everyone son. Don’t worry yourself over it, kid.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
what if the universe is a single particle that exists for only a trillionth of a second, but seems like eternity to us, and that particle is part of another infinite universe that is another tiny particle that was created by an alien doing an experiment for a science fair…and he didint even win…
August 10th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
In a parallel universe, I totally understood every part of this article.
August 10th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I’m convinced we’re all in a game of Spore. That HAS to be it.
August 10th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
@ Alanis “Yeah, right, glendoor. Like he’s reading three-hundred and some-odd entries that patiently try to teach us all about how wrong his comedy article’s science was. Jesus H. Christ. It’s like Professor Frink swallowed Comic Book Guy in some of these comments. ”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA …..That was funny.
Now please everyone else who thinks this is Michael Swaim dissertation for his doctorate
in physics, please take the large stick out of your butt and use it to point to the top left hand part of this page, where it specifically states this is a HUMOR SITE!!!!!!!!!! SINCE 1958 NO LESS!!!!!
August 10th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Hey nicesocks, I’m sure Swaim’s going to do all of that when he submits this to Electronic Journal of Theoretical Physics (EJTP) OR NOT seeing how this is a blog and not an article, which are two distinct things. One which is subject to very specific rules, article and the other not, blog.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:34 am
An interesting article, but a horrible read. I wasn’t sure if I was reading about scientific theories, or the notebook of a confused eight-grader. Cut all the pop-references for start. And tidy up any bit of wit you think you are applying. Then double check your theories to see if they are actually in line with current thought, or just your opinion on the matter. Lastly, learn to cite your sources.
Does CRACKED have editors? Or do they just let you guys post whatever you want? I guess it is the internet. I just hope you didn’t get paid for that.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Awesome article. You did it again, Swaim.
August 10th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Yeah, right, glendoor. Like he’s reading three-hundred and some-odd entries that patiently try to teach us all about how wrong his comedy article’s science was. Jesus H. Christ. It’s like Professor Frink swallowed Comic Book Guy in some of these comments.
As for the actual article, I loved it. I’m am of the same mind as Roastbeef when he says, “What we need more of is science.”
Oh, and Swaim. Lots more of Swaim.
August 10th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Amaaaaazing article i could sit and read on and on, i`m going to go and make a cup of tea ,no wait i allready did,and a coffee, and a hot chocolate………………………………
August 10th, 2008 at 6:25 am
The egg point is wrong wrong wrong.
Gene selection and crossing over still occur in the process of ‘oogenesis’ which is the creation of the eggs. So yes, the mechanisms for gene assortment go way back, but the exact genetics themselves do not!
This theory was part of the ‘homunculus’ theory where eggs contained another person, their eggs contained another person etc. Great in about 1750, not so good now.
August 10th, 2008 at 1:15 am
Thank you for this article. Amazing stuff. I had a science-gasm.
August 10th, 2008 at 1:09 am
I think you just did Alanis.
August 9th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Look, I just wanted Swaim to know that I’ve finally watched Arrested Development and that I unconditionally love it. Could someone let him know KPLZTHX.
August 9th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Fellow travelers; maybe we could accept the pan-dementionality of our existence and live the joy of it.
August 9th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
@BearMan, August 7th, 5:06
Too lazy to reread the entire article and comments, I think it was somewhere on this page that said something about the human body actually being a conglomeration of different living organisms, such as mitochondria, bacteria, whatever else. It could be (could, as in also couldn’t) that the brain is in some way like this. Unused neural pathways become less used, and therefore are not repaired, as you said. These pathways could be removed because it causes the brain to be less efficient, thus is like adaption or microevolution, or whatever you would want to call it. But as for consciousness, it really does come down to what you believe. First off, it does delve a bit into the religious/spiritual area, and even outside that, we won’t know much about its true nature for a very very long time. But you are completely right in saying that if consciousness is not based completely in chemical/electrical reactions, then the theory collapses.
August 9th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
i particularly like the part that suggests that for every fuck up i have done there exists another clyde that chose a different path. i think i will be able to sleep tonight without screaming. thank you.
August 9th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
[...] 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode [...]
August 9th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
[...] » 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode | Cracked.com - - weird universe toread theory theories scientific science quantummechanics [...]
August 9th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Hooray! I am immortal!
August 9th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Schrodinger’s Cat is dead, end of story.
August 9th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Schrodinger’s Cat is dead, end of story.
August 9th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Come on! Everyone knows it was a talking snake in a tree…
August 9th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
@ mike says: “this is all highly theoryetical and…” etc.
Apparently you missed my previous comment. You don’t seem to have a grasp on what a scientific theory is. I suggest that you read up on it. Try this, for instance:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory
I chose this site because it points up the important distinction between the common usage of the word and the way it’s used in science. The cracked article is primarily using the latter definition (scientific) and you’re understanding it in the former sense (I say primarily because the MWT is probably not falsifiable). Anyway, I hope that you and others read and understand this, because the whole “it’s just a theory” conversation is getting really, really old.
August 9th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I keep trying to tune that universe where the Lotto numbers match the ones I got, but haven’t succeed so far.
August 9th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Wait, no 10th dimension?
August 9th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Don’t you people ever proofread?
August 9th, 2008 at 9:45 am
349th!
Suckers. I win.
August 9th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Want another mind-fuck? I heard about this on the radio yesterday:
http://discovermagazine.com/2008/jul/16-is-the-universe-actually-made-of-math/article_view?b_start:int=0&-C=
August 9th, 2008 at 6:59 am
The first logical problem I have with the Many Worlds theory is that it means that there is some universe wherein I, personally, have become so knowledgeable regarding the topic that I have discovered a way to traverse the different universes and meet the other versions of me, which means that I will be knocking on my own door right…about…now.
Nope. Nothing there.
Furthermore, that one version of me would actually not be only one version of me, but a multitude of other versions of me, all of whom have discovered how to go to different universes, and each of whom have decided to start meeting the different versions of me, but each of them choosing a different version of me to meet first. Furthermore, there are a multitude of other versions of me that decided that they don’t care about other versions of me, and have decided to meet and visit every universe’s version of each of you. Somewhere out there is a version of me who has decided to meet and visit every universe’s version of, say, Ricardo Montalban. And there are further multitudes of versions of me that have decided to meet different versions of all of you, and Ricardo Montalban, first. Which essentially means that every single human being on Earth should be in a perpetual state of meeting new versions of me, one after the other.
And the real kicker is this: the exact same thing should logically be true of everybody that has ever lived.
So, at the very least, there are SOME limitations to what goes on in the Many Worlds.
August 9th, 2008 at 5:57 am
Matty, the thing about the Many Worlds Theory that’s really (even more) mindblowing isn’t just that your Diet Sunkist stood up and sang ‘Old Man River’, it’s that-in that particular alternate Universe, a complete, fantastically elaborate chain of historical events resulting from the very Big Bang itself has unfolded in such a way as to produce and play out that exact flat on the fourth note. It’s not that it’s just our Universe with a tiny little difference, it’s an entirely different Universe, from the very beginning of it’s version of Time, that is precisely aligned with ours-with the exception of your singular ‘Diet Sunkist’ event. And moreso, in that Universe, things make sense in such a way that nothing other than ‘Old Man River’ could have been sang, no other brand of soda could have sang it, and it had to be performed on your desk for your bewildered ass to observe.
Inexplicable events happen in this Universe that we can’t explain away too easily, even with our best science on it-and our best science requires an understandable, observable, duplicateable, and advanceable phenomenon to base most of it’s theories on. And trust that their are people on this Earth who will swear up and down to you that their diet Sunkist can not only sing ‘Old Man River’, but accompany it on a banjo, while wearing a miniature sombrero and doing a jaunty little dance, every third Tuesday at precisely 3:03 in the afternoon. Just because we assume those people are nuts (I do, anyway), doesn’t mean they all have to be.
We filter out a lot of information in our search for a sane and stable Universe that we can relate to and get on with our lives in, but we’re physically incapable as human beings of observing and passing judgement on every single event at every point in space-time.
August 9th, 2008 at 3:41 am
‘Amoeba are immortal’! Excuse me?At a designated stage in their life-cycle, they split into two (to put it very simply). According to Weismann’s Germ-Plasm Theory, the germ is immortal since it gets passed on to the daughter amoebae as a result of binary fission. That statement alone goes to show that, yes, amoebae (and all other prokaryotes) are immortal. Yet, there is a catch! If amoebae were immortal, then ecological hazards would not harm them. Let me squelch the whole ‘endospore’ argument right away: the spore only lasts up to a point. If the spore does not emerge over an extended period of time, it dies.
A.
August 9th, 2008 at 1:59 am
this is all highly theoryetical and no one has ever proved any of it when someone proves something then that might be the time to start worrying , until that happpens life goes on
August 9th, 2008 at 1:49 am
[...] Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode "…There are generally two types of science: first, there
August 9th, 2008 at 1:26 am
This was obviously written by some idiotic totally unscientific christian, I mean, why are you so stupid, you are acting exactly the same as people did when Copernic said that the Earth is round. You just can not embrace new scientific discoveries, because you are a Christian with a low IQ.
August 9th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Here’s a thought: The first Amoeba that ever existed, say, a billion years ago, is still alive today. Amoeba are immortal. Individuals may be killed, but none have ever died of old age.
August 9th, 2008 at 12:10 am
The article with its thought provoking points, irreverent humour, followed by the sometimes insightful, witty, stupid, positive and negative remarks left by all and sundry has almost restored my faith in humanity
August 8th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
I can’t beleve how many ignorants there are out there. did you go to school?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Putting the evolution in this list is very retarded, and retarded is also who need blowing his mind to understand it.
August 8th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I met a kid just yesterday who told me about the Copenhagen Interpretation and I kept telling him that, “No, the cat is not dead and alive it is either/or…if you kill a cat with noxious gas it is dead if you let it live it is alive.” He did not care for my “reasoning”. Incidentally, he got a 2350 on his SATs and is going to Harvard for Physics & Math in the fall…
He is also a big fan of High School Musical and has the release date of the 3rd movie marked on his calender so, I didn’t really trust his judgment.
August 8th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
@glendoor42: Valid point, but don’t call me son.
August 8th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I am thinking that white baby jesus will not be very happy with all these lies about the universe!
August 8th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
[...] 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode There are generally two types of science: first, there’s the type that makes computers work, allows us to ride around in metal boxes propelled by continuous explosion, and makes it so that milk doesn’t taste all gross. Then there’s the fringe science, the stuff that shoots up your nose like mathematical horseradish and dances a jig on your brain…or brane, as it were (that’s the nerdiest joke in the article, we promise). So kick off your work boots, put on your thought slippers, and prepare for a science course so mind-blowing, it’s written almost entirely in italics. [Link] [...]
August 8th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
” that most of the commenters didn’t realize that this was in fact not such a great article (although it was funny). ”
Although it was funny was kind of the point. This Cracked.com
NOT Scientific American or String Theory Monthly or what the fuck ever.
IT WAS A JOKE SON!!
August 8th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Well, I must say that although I wasn’t too impressed with the article, the comments were much worse. There’s no use in refuting anything that’s been said by all the misinformed and confused responders. At least boring old “negative_creep” has a fucking clue what he’s talking about (and you should have been much more critical, negative_creep). It really sucks that most of the commenters didn’t realize that this was in fact not such a great article (although it was funny). In the first three mindblowers alone there were fundamental but subtle errors that can only be understood if you actually bother to study science. Yeah, I guess it does suck that you have to put forth some serious effort in order to understand this stuff, but then again I wouldn’t let someone who had memorized Gray’s Anatomy perform surgery on me. Of course, most people not only won’t do this (take a physics course, for instance), they’ll feel good about not doing it. That’s something we, as a nation, should be pretty worried about. Yes, we still have some of the best schools, but we’re not primarily populating the ones focused on the sciences. That honor goes to people from India, South Korea, China, Japan, etc. In fact, we have taken to ridicule in regards to our scientists. Good work, America. You’ve just become Rome!
Oh, and for all you “just a theory” folks out there, please, please read this:
http://wilstar.com/theories.htm
Now do you get it? Scientific theories are NOT the same as hypotheses! They are more powerful than Laws and/or hypotheses alone. The fact that they allow revision is a strength, not a weakness. Scientific theories are not proven wrong, they are revised. Newtonian Gravity does apply to relativity theory because it’s a special case of Newton’s second law. Newton’s 2nd was not proven to be wrong, it was shown to be incomplete. For the love of Zeus, please stop using this tortured canard. It makes you look stupid. There is no nice way to say it. It just makes you look like you don’t know what you’re talking about, and that p