Digg This!: 7 Cheats for Hitting The Front Page of Digg
Are you tired of your awe-inspiring article, mind-shattering blog entry or rambling anti-government manifesto not getting the web traffic you know it deserves? Did you add a “Digg It” button to that brilliant epic poem you wrote about your recently-deceased cat, Twinkie, but nobody seems to be clicking it? Are you starting to suspect that MS Paint drawing of Draculanana might not be funny enough to make it to the front page of Digg after all?
Think again.
Digg, Reddit and all the other so-called “social media” sites can be a great way to get your message out to millions of people, but with so many voices out there screaming for attention it’s hard to be heard sometimes–even if that 400,000-word poem about your dead cat is totally mind-blowingly awesome. But don’t worry–in my time writing for Cracked.com I’ve picked up a few useful tricks that might help you on your quest for Digg greatness. With a little luck you might just find yourself on the front page, where people will then proceed to argue about whether you’re gay, retarded or a gay retard. Here’s how it’s done.
Let’s say you wrote an epic poem about your recently-deceased cat, Twinkie. That’s not exactly the kind of thing that’s going to shoot to the top of Digg’s front page on its own, but you’d be surprised how far a little cash can go toward helping your Digg conquest succeed. (Just use the money you were going to spend on cat food–your dead cat isn’t hungry anymore.)
Let’s frame the question another way: would you think a blog featuring nothing but pictures of crowds could end up on the front page of Digg? How many people would Digg something like that? As Wired contributor Annalee Newitz found out last year, the answer turned out to be 342. How, you ask? By paying $1 per Digg to a website called usersubmitter.com for an early push toward the front page. True, the story was eventually buried (because it was UNBELIEVABLY BORING), but if you want to enjoy a brief stint in the limelight, buying some votes might not be a bad way to go.
If you’re Heath Ledger, Steve Irwin or Saddam Hussein, then congratulations–your death made the front page of Digg! That’s all well and good for dead celebrities, but what if you’re not a famous actor, crocodile hunter or dictator? What about YOU, the alive-and-well administrative assistant with an incredible epic poem about your recently-deceased cat, Twinkie?
Unfortunately, this particular strategy probably won’t do much for you in the short-term. Consider quitting your job and moving to Los Angeles to pursue a career in acting, or, if that doesn’t work out, try becoming a famous crocodile handler or the leader of an oppressive Middle Eastern regime. Once you accomplish one of these goals, die. It might not be what you had in mind careerwise, but hey–at least you’ll be on the front page of Digg, right?
Top 100 Diggers wield enormous power over what gets to the homepage, so much so that Digg removed the page that used to list them to stop people from trying to game the system. (Don’t worry–the list is still available at the third-party site DiggAnalytics.com.) Given their huge status on the site and the influence they have over what becomes popular (97 percent of the things that Kevin Rose has Dugg in the past have ended up becoming popular), it would be wise to try to use these top Diggers to your advantage.
In other words, you should kidnap Kevin Rose and force him to Digg your articles.
If you’re not the criminal type, consider trying to befriend him. Send him an email complimenting his hair and entrepreneurial spirit. Quickly follow up with another one asking if he’d like to go out for dinner, then another asking why he isn’t returning your emails. (The last one should be peppered with profanity, like “fuck” and “doodie.”) You might want to prepare all the emails in advance and fire them off in rapid succession, as this will increase the likelihood that he will become your friend and make you famous on Digg.
If that doesn’t work, and you’re absolutely positive that you don’t want to kidnap anyone, just put his name in the title of your post. Why not? It worked for these guys.
With highfalutin terms like “social media” and “news aggregation” floating around, it’s easy to lose sight of what Digg actually is. It might seem complicated, but at the end of the day, Digg is all about the people who use it. And like most people, the average Digg user LOVES to read about himself … or herself, I guess, but c’mon–Digg’s audience is 94 percent male. I think this banner ad for an upcoming Digg meetup pretty much says it all:
But I digress. The point is this: If you’re trying to claw your way to the top of the Digg pile, there’s no better tried-and-true approach than writing something ABOUT DIGG ITSELF. (For example, you could write an article about how to get articles on the front page of Digg.) Even if you’re not writing something about Digg, you might as well throw the word “Digg” in the title somewhere. Let’s take a look at two different ways of presenting an article:
BAD HEADLINE: 
GOOD HEADLINE: 
See the difference? Come to think of it, that headline gives me an idea …
I remembering coming across a mysterious article a while back about a strange series of letters and numbers: 09-f9-11-02-9d-something-something. I don’t remember exactly what it was, nor do I remember being all that impressed by that specific combination of letters and numbers, but that’s not important. The important part is that the article specifically instructed me to Digg it, and so I did. Apparently this strategy works–that random string of letters and numbers received over 49,000 Diggs.
As a biological rule of thumb, human beings hate ambiguity. If a person is running at us with a bloody axe, we want to know if that person is an axe murderer, a lumberjack who has been involved in a terrible accident of some sort, or if it’s just Halloween and we’re freaking out for no reason. If the ice cream man asks us if we want to come for a ride in his truck, we want to know if we’re going to be raped and murdered and stuffed in a freezer, or raped and murdered and stuffed in a freezer after eating tons of free ice cream. And if we see an article on Digg, we want to know whether we should click “Digg It” or not, ideally without actually having to read the article.
Digg users are busy people–do you really expect them to sit there and read all that stuff? If your article is worth Digging, cut the bullshit and say so in the headline. Trust me: the community will thank you for it.
If you’ve tried all of the above and you’re still not getting anywhere, wow–you’re really terrible at this. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and let’s face it: you’re desperate. You know that can of Lightning Bolt you’ve been saving for an emergency? This is it. Crack that sucker open–looks like you’re pulling an all-nighter.
When all else fails, you can always fall back on statistics. Here’s a doozy for you: Every time you mention Civil Liberties being trampled in some way, the number of Diggs you will receive increases tenfold. Try incorporating that theme into your article if possible, even if it has little or nothing to do with it. Your cat died and you wrote a 400,000-word poem about him? Who’s to say that GEORGE W. BUSH didn’t kill him? You posted a blog entry about how to bake delicious blueberry muffins? Well if the muffins are so delicious, then why is THE GOVERNMENT TRYING TO SILENCE YOU? Your dad blocked your BitTorrent? Don’t you mean COMCAST did it?
Whatever you’re writing, just keep telling yourself that the government doesn’t want people to know about it. Sink into your paranoia like it’s a hot bath, and be ready to accuse anyone and anything of attempting to “censor” you. Claim to have been tased, say you’re a Scientologist and take down your own post, then write passionate diatribes on two different blogs arguing back and forth over the latest Apple product. It might seem silly while you’re doing it, but trust me: Hot button issues like these pay serious dividends on Digg. Why not cash in?
What can I say? They’re just kind of good at it, I guess. Is it the subject matter, or the wit of the writers, perhaps? Maybe it’s how they turn everything into lists, or the way they lay out their articles across multiple pages? From what I can tell, everyone really seems to really love that. I don’t know what it is exactly, but one thing is for sure: Being Cracked.com certainly seems to increase the likelihood you’ll get to the front page of Digg.
Unless … you know … they bury you.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Digg this comment!
July 16th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Damn–I wanted to be first! Second.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Draculanana is fucking awesome. He shall be plastered all over my walls and balls now.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Res_Ipsa, Is that a Draculanana in your pocket?
July 16th, 2008 at 9:02 am
That top ten list of “Most Delicious Looking Sandwiches from 80s Movies” better include the Cap’n Crunch and Pixie Stick sandwich from “The Breakfast Club” or I’m not digging it…
Or, alternatively, you could give me a dollar.
July 16th, 2008 at 9:02 am
:)) I think that cashing in some traffic on some person’s death is kinda disgusting…
Funny with Draculanana though
July 16th, 2008 at 9:52 am
@Dumitru
Hey you know only a McCain supporting, Scientologist with friends in the NSA who despise all technology they can’t control but love tasers would say something like that!
HEIL DIGG!
July 16th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Hilariously, in Hebrew, the word “dig” (in slang) is equivalent to someone who is needlessly repetitive (We also like to call that kind of behavior “Brain-Fucking” but I don’t know how popular it is in English).
July 16th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Btw Ross, please find a way to put Draculanana on t-shirts and ship them to the masses.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Would not Digging the idea for the Digg button be irony……
Also anything that says douchbag, douchebaggery, douchebagginess, “Would you like paper, plastic or douche” that gets the diggs.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Ross Wolinsky. I think I love you. And Draculana is the best thing ever. I think I will get a tattoo of it.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Are you going to stop posting amusing videos of fat people who fire guns quickly? Ever since Gladstone began HBN, you have not posted many and your recent blog posts have been in the form of articles. This was funny but i also enjoy your amusing videos and would like to see more of both!
July 16th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Draculanana is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Seriously.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
you forgot “digg xkcd or zero punctuation first”
July 16th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
lol draculanana is my new ipod youch background
July 16th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
you’re forgetting the 8th way, submit a link to anything “dark knight” , “batman”, or heath ledger as the joker
July 16th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
blacks shouldn’t be allowed to digg.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
There’s just one thing I don’t like about cracked.com:
Most of the lists that are published on the site are spread out on more than one page. Having to keep clicking to see the whole article is too time consuming.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Yawn, Fascinating story. LOL
JT
http://www.Ultimate-Anonymity.com
July 16th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
[...] or Nutrition - Criticizes Fox News (eh, well, who doesn’t) - Be From Cracked (Stolen From http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/07/16/digg-this-7-cheats-for-hitting-the-front-page-of-digg/ - I highly recommend you read this, as it came out the same time I was writing this [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
okay . . . here goes . . .
http://digg.com/xbox/Liquid_Console
posting a request for a digg in the comments of a digg article . . .
could work.
Digg me!!
July 16th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
[...] But, this popularity-contest-type searching could bring about the same problems that Digg faces, where a small group of people monopolize the most Digged postings, and it’s hard for others to break into this group. This issue has led to articles like “Cheats for Hitting the Front Page of Digg”. [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
digg digg digg
July 16th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Brilliant I mean I actually did LOL at some of those. Now it’s time to share this on some forums. Great bloggery.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
[...] page, where people will then proceed to argue about whether you’re gay, retarded or a gay retard. Here’s how it’s [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Kevin Rose is founder and chief architect of Digg. Is there any wonder…
July 16th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
On your last point, I have one thing to say. F### You, no one likes articles span over multiple pages.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Fuck Digg and fuck Kevin Rose. I hate that weaselly little shitheel more than I hate Communism.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
if you want to get to the front page of digg just say something nice about Barack Obama, those ppl LOVE that man.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
July 16th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
The article was OK, but I am disappointed that I can’t find the “10 Most Delicious Looking Sandwiches from 80 movies” article. Guaranteed diggs on that one.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
After reading # 7 I realized this came from cracked.com no surprise I guess…
July 16th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Why? Did the fact you were on Cracked not appear until then? The fact you clicked on Cracked, went to the blogs, and then realised after someone said it was Cracked? How many times do I have to say Cracked until you begin to feel stupid?
July 16th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
“Digg so much crap that your digg explodes.”
Hahahahahaha
You sir, win 15 internets for that line.
July 16th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Awesome Article! Funny and somewhat factual at the same time!
July 16th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
She can digg it, we can digg it They can digg it, you can digg it
July 16th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
digg dugg
July 16th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I was laughing so hard my daughter looked at me funny like… Thanks… I feel a bit healthier now. As they say “Laughter is the Best Medicine!”
July 16th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
This is the most dead on thing I’ve ever read. I’m going to go on digg now and digg it cuz it’s from cracked and therefore, hilarious.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Any website that uses the word “high falutin” will always get my digg. Thanks Cracked for exposing the web snobbery of the so-called “social” networking sites.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Hilarious
Digg me too!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul_3tswFe1c
July 16th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
[...] second article (published today) talks about the 7 cheats for hitting the digg frontpage. This is more of a satirical piece and has only two points which are useful. The first is to [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
#8
make articles and storys that are similar to yours, aka helping people bring their story up to front page on digg!
July 16th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Great. All I have to do is mention Kevin Rose, Digg.com, Digg This!, and Cracked.com. Thanks!
July 16th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
If the ice cream man asks us if we want to come for a ride in his truck, we want to know if we’re going to be raped and murdered and stuffed in a freezer, or raped and murdered and stuffed in a freezer after eating tons of free ice cream.” FUNNIEST SHIT EVER!!!
July 16th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
someone should digg http://stuffididlastnight.com
July 16th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
they forgot to say, post blog on huffington post.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I’m a sucker. Dugg.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I always wondered what happened to Kevin Rose after he left Attack of the Show.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Oh, have heard of his name for long. But didn’t know himself. He did a great job in this music. I know his songs are widely welcome at the interracial dating club~~~~MixedMate.com. Many girls love it very much.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Great article! I agree with #6, but it has to include a hot thumbnail picture.
July 16th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
i think i laughed hardest when the article linked back to itself =)
July 16th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
[...] second article (published today) talks about the 7 cheats for hitting the digg frontpage. This is more of a satirical piece and has only two points which are useful. The first is to [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Yeah how bout a diggin a good cause by preventing a digg out of a disaster when it occurs!
Say what?
See this http://www.ideablob.com/ideas/2356-Earthquake-communications-for-k
July 16th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Thank you once again Cracked for helping me get through another lonely night with my Digg addiction. I’ve taken your advice and submitted the following to Digg. Here’s the hoping the horny 94% male audience loves to watch funny pictures of lol pron instead of stupid lol cats.
http://www.icanhassex.com
You know it.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
“# lolmao Says:
July 16th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
lol draculanana is my new ipod youch background”
The iPod Youch! I love it.
Seriously, if it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
MAPLEBANG!!!!!!
July 17th, 2008 at 12:33 am
I understand the satire; this article was amazing.
Thank you.
July 17th, 2008 at 12:40 am
[...] Clever article today on how to get on the front of Digg, by a writer who follows his own advice to get his story on Digg. [...]
July 17th, 2008 at 12:42 am
this article is great thanks for writing it.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:02 am
This is the FUNNIEST article I have online for a long time…. It seems that this website has a lot of funny content, sadly, I don’t have time to check it all out
Ah well, thanks for the tips. By the way, I really like your writing style.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:59 am
How did you not mention Linux? Any mention of Linux in an article gets it at least 50 diggs.
July 17th, 2008 at 2:01 am
dman the only thing i can say is i haven’t seen a pic of the janitor since i read cracked magazine all those years ago…………..now digg it fuckers
July 17th, 2008 at 4:49 am
[...] One thing you can be sure of: the government doesn’t want you to know about any of them. read more | digg [...]
July 17th, 2008 at 5:20 am
Be famous and then Die…………Ha ha ha very hilarious….man if you think deep these all are the best ways to get diggs.
July 17th, 2008 at 6:24 am
Have u guys heard that he ever appeared on the wealthy dating club R I C H L O V I N G.C O M for hot singles to hook up for Hot Love and Sexy Dating? There are his hot photos and Lots of hot girls are found in his circle there. I’ve been there for day, it seems the girls are not hard to hook up.lol
July 17th, 2008 at 6:28 am
[...] even big websites like the NYTimes.com devise new methods to target visitors from such websites. Here is the link that good-humouredly tells you how to end up on the first page of Digg by fair or unfair means. [...]
July 17th, 2008 at 6:37 am
This is gay and retarded. Dugg.
July 17th, 2008 at 7:06 am
whoah.. nice cheat..
July 17th, 2008 at 7:07 am
unfair………….
July 17th, 2008 at 7:16 am
[...] dream of all webmasters is to get to the frontpage of Digg or Reddit. After reading how Cracked.com did it on Digg (hit the frontpage) I decided to write a follow up for StumbleUpon. That’s how it [...]
July 17th, 2008 at 7:23 am
When are they going to publish this?!
“The 10 Most Delicious Looking Sandwiches From 80s Movies”
July 17th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Yeah. Read this
http://www.instantfundas.com/2007/12/full-disclosure-who-is-cheating-on-digg.html
July 17th, 2008 at 10:23 am
I’ve been around the internet for almost 85 years now, and honestly, I never visit Digg. I’m not sure what the real attraction is. I mean, I know you can use the site to increase traffic.
Hell, I’ve never even Dugg anything except for a couple of Gladstone’s videos because he showed up at my place one night, crying that no one on the internet was pretending to like him. I Dugg his stuff to show him that at least someone on the internet was pretending to like him.
Then he punched my in the hip and walked away laughing, pulling out his checklist of Cracked readers to visit, and presumably punch in the hip.
July 17th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Brilliant! It’s the power of people watching a great car crash. It must be seen. Masterful plan of Digg dominance. Everyone wants the magic answer….here it is.
July 17th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
“Be Cracked.com” it’s funny cause it’s true. You guys are good.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
[...] Some of them should probably be avoided, some of them might actually work. One thing you can be sure of: the government doesn’t want you to know about any of them. (story) [...]
July 17th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Kudos, Ross! I think this is your best work.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
In Soviet Russia, Cracked articles diggs you!!
July 17th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
MapleBang!!!!!
July 17th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
That was funny, Kingmonkey; now I’ve got Yakov Smirnoff in my head. I bet he could use a digg or two right about now; he’s probably standing in a bread line or straining floor polish and antifreeze through a dirty sock to make something fun to drink. Or both.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:25 am
Oh, so hot lady! It was said she just enjoyed hot dating with a black guy on *inter racial chatting.com*so many fans show interesting to her hot photos and videos there. Nice to enjoy more details about it…
July 18th, 2008 at 2:11 am
[...] second article (published today) talks about the 7 cheats for hitting the digg frontpage. This is more of a satirical piece and has only two points which are useful. The first is to [...]
July 18th, 2008 at 4:15 am
[...] second article (published today) talks about the 7 cheats for hitting the digg frontpage. This is more of a satirical piece and has only two points which are useful. The first is to [...]
July 18th, 2008 at 10:40 am
You know what? Chicken butt. You know why? Circumference
http://digg.com/comedy/Spouting_Funny_sayings_overheard.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Nice post! I hate cheating in dating!
Luckily I found a wonderful big guy on____PlusMeet.c om___, where big boobs hotties, big booty beauties and big manful guys meet for fun&love!
July 18th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
[...] Digg This!: 7 Cheats for Hitting The Front Page of Digg [...]
July 18th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
OMG!! I saw a hot video about her on the dating site –Black sugarmommy do t–co m, it is an online dating on which the wealthy sugarmommies seeking younger and handsome partner. And some famous older stars’ profiles can also be found on that page.
July 19th, 2008 at 12:50 am
[...] One thing you can be sure of: the government doesn’t want you to know about any of them. read more | digg [...]
July 19th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Cool!
-
http://news.theusefulinfo.com/entertainment.php
July 19th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
I just read this again and it was still hilarious. Mad, angry, hornified props for this one.
July 20th, 2008 at 11:22 am
[...] is a funny post at cracked.com about hitting Digg front page. Who knows, maybe you will find those tips [...]
July 20th, 2008 at 11:51 am
[...] dead cat is totally mind-blowingly awesome. But don’t worry–in my time writing for Cracked.com » Digg This!: 7 Cheats for Hitting The Front Page of Digg | Cracked.com Social Media for Corporate [...]
July 20th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Damn, R_I; looks like you were afloat in a sea of spam there.
July 20th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
[...] that frequently become popular in this community) published this hilarious list with suggestions: Digg This!: 7 Cheats for Hitting The Front Page of Digg while Maki from Dosh Dosh instead of giving “general tips” published an interesting [...]
July 21st, 2008 at 1:52 pm
[...] of holies in two articles: The Top Seven Secrets for Writing a Cracked.com Top Seven List, and Seven Cheats for Hitting the Front Page of Digg. My prediction is that they won’t work for you. But then, I’m a depressive, pessimistic [...]
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
[...] 7 nicht ganz ernstgemeinte Cheats um auf die Digg Frontpage zu kommen - von den Digg-Mastern von Cracked.com [...]
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Digg-Mastern von Cracked!!
Fucking awesome! Ross, is that your new title?
July 25th, 2008 at 6:50 am
You are cracked man! Great stuff!
July 27th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Absolutely wonderful article…
July 31st, 2008 at 7:41 am
[...] second article (published today) talks about the 7 cheats for hitting the digg frontpage. This is more of a satirical piece and has only two points which are useful. The first is to [...]
July 31st, 2008 at 8:21 pm
[...] Digg This!: 7 Cheats for Hitting The Front Page of Digg [...]
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Yay! Interesting…
August 9th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
i digg a best artical… but something the best..
August 10th, 2008 at 7:08 am
[...] second article (published today) talks about the 7 cheats for hitting the digg frontpage. This is more of a satirical piece and has only two points which are useful. The first is to use to [...]
August 18th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Great information. Thanks!
August 24th, 2008 at 3:02 am
[...] Instruct diggers to digg your article. “Digg users are busy people - do you really expect them to sit there and read all that stuff? If your article is worth Digging, cut the bullshit and say so in the headline. Trust me: the community will thank you for it.” [Cracked] [...]
August 28th, 2008 at 7:18 am
[...] Instruct diggers to digg your article. “Digg users are busy people - do you really expect them to sit there and read all that stuff? If your article is worth Digging, cut the bullshit and say so in the headline. Trust me: the community will thank you for it.” [Cracked] [...]