The release of The Dark Knight is only a few weeks away, and lead-up hype has reached a fever pitch. I can tell because a picture of Christian Bale is on the cover of my latest issue of Tiger Beat.
And while the massive success of the first film, Heath Ledger’s final and reportedly masterful performance, and numerous glowing previews aim to make TDK the Summer Blockbuster of 2008, I’m about to break a news story that could rock the very foundation of the franchise itself, and leave The Dark Knight’s spine broken across the knee of the Bane of poor box office reception.
For you see, there was one Batman authority you forgot to ask. And Adam West does not approve.
West, the original TV Batman and sometime cartoon mayor, has said that while he’s only seen “bits and pieces” of the new Batman films, he prefers the old days, when things were more “silly and funny.” Like how when Bruce’s parents got shot, instead of blood coming out, it was cotton candy!
West also praised the original series for being “Shakespearean,” a clear reference to the famous series finale, wherein The Penguin fed Batgirl’s corpse to Batman through the clever guise of meat pies, then revealed the same in blank verse soliloquy.
Well, I can’t in good conscience see this movie until I’ve taken all pertinent viewpoints into account, so as I see it there’s only one solution: a trumped up and self-important comparison of the two franchises, arbitrarily determining an ultimate victor. To that end, I proudly present:
(Unless you want to include the Burton or Schumacher movies)
Faithfulness to the Source: The Nolan Batman films take the original Bob Kane comic and update it for a modern audience by embracing the darkness of the themes and motifs and drawing inspiration from the bat itself. The original series, on the other hand, drew its inspiration from a rambling journal Kane wrote while tripping balls in the Mojave Desert.
Clear Winner: The Original Series.
Visuals: According to West, the new Batman films are “dark, gothic, sinister, and full of explosions,” whereas in the old series they “didn’t rely on special effects so much so everyone was challenged to use their imaginations.”
Clear Winner: The Nolan Movies.
Dialogue: The new films feature sparse, matter-of-fact dialogue that keeps the action moving while remaining as transparent and on-theme as possible. The original series strove to put the word “bat” into a new word each and every episode, and often flashed the word “KaPOW!” onscreen.
Clear Winner: The Original Series, mainly for effort.
Plot: While the new films slavishly follow a traditional Fieldian three-act structure, the original series took chances with a looser structure that could telescope to fit the needs of each episode, and/or to make room for the inclusion of a new Bat Dance.
Clear Winner: The Nolan Movies.
Characterization of Batman: Batman’s been everything from a slick do-gooding playboy, to a troubled, brooding force of blind justice, to Adam West, who I can’t really describe with mere words.
Clear Winner: Adam West.
Villains: The original series included nearly every major villain later used in the films: The Riddler, The Penguin, Catwoman, Two-Face, The Joker, King Tut, and so on. Meanwhile, Batman Begins featured Scarecrow minus his signature costume and Razz A. Ghoul, who doesn’t even exist in the four Batman comic books I’ve read. And Gordon’s not even Commissioner? Come off it!
Clear Winner: The Original Series.
Bat Devices: Batman Begins turned the Batmobile into a modified Hummer, whereas the original series turned it into a modified Lincoln town car. And while both iterations featured batarangs and grappling hooks, the Nolan movies had that “bat call” that summoned thousands of bats, while the original series had shark-repellent bat spray, which either kept sharks away from bats or was made of bats (it was never really made clear).
Clear Winner: Draw.
Social Commentary: The original series often lampooned celebrities of the day by including characters like newscaster “Walter Klondike,” oil tycoon “J. Pauline Spaghetti” (John Paul Getty), and TV personality John E. Carson. And while these represent a level of social commentary on par with weaker issues of Mad Magazine, it’s still more than we can say for the Nolan movies.
Clear Winner: The Original Series.
Memorable Quotes: The Nolan Movies: “Why so serious?;” “We fall so we can learn to get back up;” “You need to lighten up.”
The Original Series: “Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed;” “To the batpoles!”
Clear Winner: The Original Series.
Sidekicks: The original series featured both Robin and Batgirl as sidekicks, and added a narrator character known as “Desmond Doomsday.” The new movies featured no one.
Clear Winner: The Nolan Movies.
Inclusion of Eartha Kitt: If you don’t understand why the inclusion of Eartha Kitt as Catwoman in the original series should earn it a bonus point in this contest, then I don’t want to know you.
Bonus Point: The Original Series.
There you have it. The scientifically-determined winner by a landslide is the original Adam West Batman TV series, with a special rogue point going to Mr. West himself. I know; I’m as surprised as you are.
Though the new movies may have some fancy effects and a well-structured plot, they’ll never beat the classic in terms of heart, social message, and the inclusion of Eartha Kitt. The final verdict? DON’T GO SEE THE DARK KNIGHT.
Although if you want to know what happens, just call me, because I’m going to the midnight showing.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael is valiantly watching movies in your stead as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim
- The 10 Most Devastating Insults of All Time - December 1st, 2008
- The Best Quotes from the New Britney Spears Documentary - November 27th, 2008
- Extinction Is Only For Ugly Animals - November 26th, 2008
- Every Episode of 'House' Ever - November 22nd, 2008
- If You Wanna Make An Omelette, You Gotta Let Some Kids Get Molested - November 13th, 2008
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I don’t think Two-Face was in the original 60’s series. They thought the character was too scary. ‘They’ being the same people that gave Adam West bat-pants two sizes too small…
November 13th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
It always scares me how seriously commentators tend to take these articles.
Seriously? You REALLY think that this article is trying to prove that the wack-a-doodle Batman series of days rather far gone is better than the intense plot-heavy movies of the current day? Honestly. The humor . It just goes RIGHT over your heads, doesn’t it? Tsk.
As for the article itself: BRAVO. That was pure good fun. I had quite a few giggle moments. Thanks for that!
November 13th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
…..why so serious, amrampey?
C’mon, you left that wide open.
November 7th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
wow, you need to read some actual Batman Graphic Novels. Times change, if DC comics made comics like they did in the FIFTIES they would go bankrupt. Instead they develop their character, ever heard of that? Character Development? Just because you watched the old Batman show as a kid and were too stupid to see how ridiculous it was, you think that THAT is Batman. The Nolan movies didn’t change the character, they brought his actual personality out in the open. After drooling through a lifetime of “silly and funny” Batman movie, I was ecstatic about a movie that actually portrayed his character in the way that it should have been done. Read a Graphic Novel, no where in the novels is Batman ever “silly or funny.” He is serious, He is dark. This might be the worst movie review ever.
Too bad, “The Dark Knight” isn’t idiotic and pointless, like you wanted it to be. Get over yourself, things change! Someone makes a movie that is actually good and has an original thought and you jump all over it.
I have an idea, why don’t writer just give up on making new movies and just focus on remaking crappy old TV shows into crappy new movies. Even better, they can put “Pow!” and “Slam!” in the middle of the fights. That way we can try to guess which Onomatopoeia is going to come next so we don’t die of boredom, like we did as kids.
Maybe if they stick to only doing things the way other people did them in the past they wont get criticized by retarded reviewers who can’t accept change or enjoy a good movie.
November 6th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Well Demian, i know funny and this is not funny pup. This hermaphroditus troll shows nether the courage or strength of a man, nor the composure or wisdom of a woman. I believe Hitler had a greater sence of humor than that of Mr or Ms troll. I suggest you learn when to hold your tongue pup.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:57 am
the great reviewer.
Hello… your sarcasm detector broke ?.
“—Although if you want to know what happens, just call me, because I’m going to the midnight showing.—”
Is supposed to be FUNNY not critical , faggot
October 31st, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Holy shit,what a smart ass little virgin this reviewer is. Its understandable that someone may not like the dark knight, but this guy intentionally disrespected Heath Ledger’s grave. The Dark Knight is the best movie of 08, Heath will be remebered for generations to come. This guy will be long forgotten in the world of sad little boys seeking attention. RIP Mr. Ledger you great man, we love you, and hate this loveless troll.
October 13th, 2008 at 4:27 am
i hope you all who like me who was questioning the quality of the dark knight because of all the stupid hype around it have now changed your minds caz it awas defintly the best movie of 2008 and heath deserved all the credit for being one fucking scary ass joker. as for someone elses comment on how the realism is not needed caz a guy flying around in a bat suit is unrealistic., ill jus say this nolan makes it clear as to why batman is able to do what he can within the story line. its a amazing movie loaded with billions of awsome moments so go and watch it keep an eye out for the meeting with the mob bosses and the joker.
August 3rd, 2008 at 3:55 am
Jim Green: You’re an idiot. Sorry, but I call ‘em like I see ‘em. Why?
1.) “Keith” Ledger? Either A, you’re too stupid to know his actual name and therefore have no business referencing it, or B, you were attempting to make some sort of lame joke. Note the usage of the word “attempting”. Same for Humpback Mountain. What are you, 12?
2.) The idea that you couldn’t get past Heath Ledger being gay in a movie is absolutely ridiculous. I shouldn’t say that. I still think Tom Cruise is a fighter pilot, a racecar driver, a top secret agent, and a misogynistic motivational speaker. Oh, and Salma Hayak has a unibrow in real life too. Douche bag.
3.) Don’t take the kids? Oh. I was totally going to take my three year old girl to it. You say it isn’t fit for children? But I thought it was a kiddie movie? Am I wrong? Did I miss something? I wanted to take my daughter to The Dark Knight, because the only alternative was Wall*E, and that just seems too violent for her.
4.) Get over this “violence towards women and children” bullshit. So you’re saying the only violence that can happen in movies can be to adult men? So you must have thought the same thing about Sue Storm in Fantastic Four, Jean Grey in X Men, or hell, any movie that has violence towards women? What fantasy world are you living in? I’m going out on a limb here and saying I think your favorite superhero flicks are probably the Schumacher Batmans and Catwoman. If you’re not man enough to handle the darker themes in the movie, just admit it dude.
July 31st, 2008 at 1:27 am
I suppose this is a late review, but felt it necessary since I obviously have one of the only opposing viewpoints to the movie.
The sound track was great and I appreciated a few of the well placed laughs, but this is definitely not in keeping with William “Bill” Finger’s original Bat-Man of 1939. Bill never pointed guns to the heads of ten year olds in his comic strip, and for the life of me I can’t see how it added anything to a fictional character that many of us grew up reading.
Some have said it added to the realism, but anyone thinking that a man flying around in a cape is realism to begin with is just plain silly, so why add such personal evil to women and children to the plot? I thought Keith Ledger definitely had the best performance, but it took me a while before I could erase the image of him playing with that cowboy’s hiney in the movie Humpback Mountain.
As for Batman, played by Christian Bale, certainly they could have come up with a more muscular man, and that silly voice of his under his face mask sounded like he had cotton stuffed in his nose.
I like a good shoot-em up movie just like the next guy, but violence toward women and children just doesn’t do it for me. If you haven’t seen it, don’t take the kids.
July 19th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
gladstone and swaim suck
the dark knight ruled
July 18th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Is she very rich? I heard that she is flirting with a handsome college guy on Black Sugarmommy d o t c o m, it is an online dating site on which the wealthy sugarmommies seeking younger boyfriends.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
[...] 1 Reason Not To See The Dark Knight [...]
July 9th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
You are all idiots.
Why Eartha Kitt?
Because she is a fucking bombshell.
That’s why.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:51 am
That’s it… I’m shooting all of you with my Cat-Firing Crossbow of JUSTICE!!!
July 1st, 2008 at 1:34 am
[...] » 1 Reason Not To See The Dark Knight | Cracked.com The release of The Dark Knight is only a few weeks away, and lead-up hype has reached a fever pitch. I can tell because a picture of Christian Bale is on the cover of my latest issue of Tiger Beat. And while the massive success of the first film, Heath Le (tags: movies movies/batman reviews funny parody stupid television history people people/adam-west) [...]
June 30th, 2008 at 8:47 am
So I wonder how many people came to this page expecting a family guy reference.
June 30th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Unless of course, you have a social life.
June 29th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
“Without love, every night is so dark and lonely! ” God how true.
June 29th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Seriously?
“Razz A. Ghoul”?
Swaim, what the fuck?
June 28th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Without love, every night is so dark and lonely! am a sexy single beauty and I feel so tired being alone, especially in the night. Do U want to know more about me? Let’s mingle here at hot dating club ____PlusMeet.c o m___, where many sexy big beauties and big handsome guys meet together forfun&love!
June 28th, 2008 at 8:32 am
You know when Adam West dies the headlines are going to be “Adam West forgets bat-death repellent” or “Robin! To the underworld!”
June 27th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
That’s how I read it, but that’s pretty much how I perceive all the articles.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:43 am
I’m pretty sure the original article clearly stated that Adam West declared he was going to pee on Heath Ledger’s grave and shit in every movie theatre in America that agreed to run The Dark Knight.
I also read that he specifically stated that he hates and wishes painful death to every Cracked blogger and commentator.
June 27th, 2008 at 5:12 am
“Without love, every night is so dark and lonely!”
Funniest comment on this page. Sorry toa ll you other ‘human’ commenters.
June 26th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Underoos, Ross. I bet they’re Spidey Underoos.
June 26th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
screw adam west.i’m making SURE that i watch the dark knight.it’s one crappy reviewer,not to mention the guy made fun of in fairly odd parents AND family guy.
June 26th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
For the love of God, The Dark Knight is not Heath Ledger’s last movie! He was in the middle of filming a Terry Gilliam movie (The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus) when he died and the scenes that he finished are not being removed. That will be his last film. Other than that I was entertained while reading this.
June 26th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Deekay723, if you had bothered to click the article yourself, you would have seen that it wasn’t Cracked that misinterpreted West or created controversy, but that the original article did. Many other articles all over the web also did the same thing. Or did you actually say the same thing on the Coventry Telegraph, ComicBookMovie.com, Total Film, etc. message boards? Swaim used the interview as a premise of a funny article. I also said something similar about out of context stuff few posts before yours (which you would have seen if you had bothered to read all the “moron” comments), but I was aware that it was all for greater good. I don’t quite see the rationale in attacking a comedy site (especially this one) for not telling the truth.
June 26th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
[...] he even managed to say it with a straight face. So we make our own comparison of the two franchises.read more | digg story addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fforeversingh.com%2F%3Fp%3D21′; addthis_title = [...]
June 26th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Not to argue with such an obviously brilliant mind, but we’re not ‘morons’, we just care more about entertainment than nerdy fact checking. If we wanted that why would we be reading Cracked?
I think it’s pretty obvious you still have Spider-Man underpants, zits and a computer in your parent’s basement.
June 26th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Excellent example of how to write a blog with your head jammed firmly up your ass.
Way to take everything Adam West said out of context, rephrase it until it didn’t resemble the original meaning in the least, and then feed it to morons who, for the most part, won’t bother clicking through to see the actual article.
Adam West doesn’t say anything about the quality of the movie. He says “It’s different from our show.” That’s the whole article. He’s pointing out that times have changed - more than anything, he’s trying to explain to morons like you why people enjoy and continue to enjoy the 60’s TV series even though it wasn’t dark and brooding. They had fun with it, they let it be silly, and it was “Shakespearean” in the sense that it was all over-the-top.
It’s amusing that the same website that put up a video mocking Fox News for creating controversy where none existed is now trying to do the same thing with Adam West. Seriously, are you so pathetic that you can’t do better than mis-representing the words of a guy whose most recent accomplishment is a self-parody on a steadily-declining prime-time cartoon just because he dared to admit that a project related to something he did forty years ago isn’t something he is personally interested in, while also pointing out that he understands that the reason it’s popular is because times have changed?
June 26th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
all i can is adam west’s campy batman is a disgrace to all that is batman. batman is supposed to be dark and gothic and bruce wayne is suppose to be a post guido playboy. they should make a movie more faithful to the 1950’s reload of batman comics
June 26th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Michael Jackson is one of the few real life super villians. He doesn’t have to play one in a movie to be all the you said kingmonkey, plus I would add pedophiliac.
June 26th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Jacko as the Joker? As in Jacko, Michael Jackson? I dunno, I think that Michael Jackson as the Joker would be a weird, eerie, creepy, frightening Joker.
June 26th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Yeah, Jack Nicholson’s a scary Joker and all…but has anyone else ever noticed that Michael Keaton as Batman is more frightening than Jacko as the Joker?
June 26th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Well I have been looking forward to Dark Knight since it was announced. I’ve had nothing else on the mind and have been counting down the days until the release.
I even bought the exclusive Joker action figure.
But now that I know that Adam West doesn’t like it I’m afraid I can’t watch it.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Yeah, bout the theme songs.
The music in the Nolan movies is great and sets the mood and theme as darkness and general bad-asserey for the whole movie, but “duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh BATMAN!” was SO much better.
And by better, I mean unimaginative.
That would be like the Harry Potter theme being Doo-Da- Dah, HARRY POTTAH!
June 25th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
European 2008….. There is a list of Muslim players in European clubs on (((((+++++S e e k m u s l i m . c o m ++++))))))…Some of them are convert and some of them were born Muslims… You can also check their profiles on Seekmuslim.com…..
June 25th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Not once did West say that he disapproved of the new films in that article. He even admits not having seen them. He just says that they did it differently in the olden days, and that they tried to have fun making the TV show. I’m not defending the show or the actor, just saying that the truth is often quite different from what Cracked would have us believe, and that their articles are never to be trusted except when they’re lists of most awesomly brutal death scenes in Rambo movies.
It’s a funny post, though I don’t quite agree that Batman Begins is that much of a movie. Naturally, I will see the new film as soon as it comes out, but that’s because I like the character, and not the director’s take on it. Burton movies were badly written, but at least they were pretty fun and weren’t as pompous as Begins. Nolan is a master craftsman, but too often does he fall into the M. Night trap of self-aggrandizement.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
The original batmobile was fucking cool.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
*shudder*…..Jack Nicholson as The Joker…the man’s a good actor, but that smile of his scared the life out of me when i was younger. And Heath Ledger’s Joker scares me just as much, if not more. Ok maybe a little more than Jacky boy.
For someone who can only get work voicing a whacked-out, paranoid, slightly-retarded mayor on a animated series, shouldn’t really be griping about the new Batman movies. But then again, it was some of his best work, so i’ll give him a break on that. And watching those episodes now only makes me appreciate the underlying tome of seething anger that flows throughout Nolan’s Batman movies. Bravo Nolan. Bravo…
June 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
The scary thing is - HE’S NOT KIDDING!!
I love the Classic ’60’s TV Series - milk and cookies in the Batcave, c’mon that’s priceless! - but there’s no way in the world what Adam West did in costume that was anything close to looking like Batman. Unless he beat Ceasar Romero about the head and shoulders for NOT shaving his mustache off.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
In 5 days time I’m going to be balls deep in my wife.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
There’s been so many trailers of the Dark Knight released by now that if you just string them all together you get the whole movie(it might not make sence).
Also, if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Batman and Robin fight a(thats right A) killer bee in one episode. Adam We(I went there) should really take a page from the bible of Adam West and go back to figuring out where the water he pours on his plants goes.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
If you listen to the commentary track for Batman - The Movie, West goes on and on about how he played the character with an absurd and surreal hipster beatnik vibe. I can see the leap from that to a Shakespeare reference, in the same way hipster beatniks used to perform Shakespeare. I was alive back then, and I remember that idiocy well.
West is probably as self-aware/oblivious as Shatner is. It’s hard to tell with these guys.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Without love, every night is so dark and lonely!
am a sexy single beauty, anyone there want to know me? Let’s mingle here at hot dating club ____P l u s M e e t . c o m___, where many sexy big beauties and big handsome guys meet together forfun&love!
June 25th, 2008 at 9:20 am
1 Reason Not To See The Dark Knight…
The release of The Dark Knight is only a few weeks away, and lead-up hype has reached a fever pitch.
by Michael Swaim at cracked.com…
June 25th, 2008 at 9:05 am
If I say that I prefer the Burton films to the first Nolan one, am I still allowed to read Cracked?
June 25th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Julie Newmar > Ertha Kitt
that is all
June 25th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Very unfunny article. Pretending that the old school Batman show was actually good, and was more than something you laugh at today for how bad it actually is, is insulting. The old Batman show was funny, because it was ridiculous, but this article is anything but funny.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Has anyone noticed this article is not funny?
June 25th, 2008 at 2:10 am
you are freaking retarded Swaim the original series (both the movies and the tv series) was a piece of shit pure and simple and Razz was one of if not the coolest villain their was in both the film and the real comics
June 24th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Has anybody here seen Lookwell? That was Adam West’s best performance in anything, ever.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
needs more bat-boobs…and by that I mean regular boobs…not a bat’s actual boobs…
June 24th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Two Face was never a villain in the original series of batman. THIS ARTICLE FAILS!
June 24th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Mr. Swaim, I think you forgot to mention Cesar Romero’s iconic role as The Joker (With a Poorly-Painted-Over Mustache), Batman’s most nefarious and psychotic foe, which is overall a much stronger portrayal of the character than Heath Ledger’s decidedly mustache-less take on the villain.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
All the Warhol-inspired artistic goofiness of the original series’ art department, ya really can’t knock Caesar Romero, Eartha Kitt, Frank Gorshin and Burgess Meridith. Despite some of the silliness involved they all made great villains. Romero beats the fat, bloated prancing Nicholson Joker any day–that has to be the most over-rated performance in the history of film! The original villians were the best, even if the stories and the sets weren’t.
And West? Well, the spandex might have been unforgiving, but it’s still his voice I hear when I read the comic books…
June 24th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Mad Magazine…hmm, bitter, are we?
June 24th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
This is a load of crap. “Good old days when blood was cotton candy”? WTH. You really wanna know what the good old days were you’d know Batman was originally written to be dark and vindictive. That’s the nature of batman. Not BAM!! WHAM!! SLAP!!. I like the Adam West version, when i was 10.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Bonus Point: The Original Series: The first season 25 episode names rhymed:
Hi Diddle Riddle
Smack in the Middle
Fine Feathered Finks
The Penguin’s a Jinx
The Joker Is Wild
Batman Is Riled
Instant Freeze
Rats Like Cheese
Zelda the Great
A Death Worse Than Fate
A Riddle a Day Keeps the Riddler Away
When the Rat’s Away the Mice Will Play
The Thirteenth Hat
Batman Stands Pat
The Joker Goes to School
He Meets His Match, the Grisly Ghoul
True or False-Face
Holy Rat Race
The Purr-Fect Crime
Better Luck Next Time
The Penguin Goes Straight
Not Yet, He Ain’t
The Ring of Wax
Give ‘em the Axe
The Joker Trumps an Ace
June 24th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
You sure show up a lot for someone who bills themselves as elusive.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
“Seriously? “Shakespearean” as an adjective doesn’t just pertain to the physical content and qualities of a showing, it also pertains to the production and performance. Hence, Captain Picard, while never killing his uncle nor being mad north northwest, is a Shakespearean character, solely due to his rhetoric and acting style. The same can be said of Adam West’s Batman. “I will kill… you all… I will render you LIMB FROM LIMB!!!” being my favorite example of this.
And on a related note, there isn’t just one way Hamlet is performed jackass. Some Hamlets shove socks down there pants. Some Hamlets rock 9mms.
End point: Shove off and lighten up, and don’t fuck with Adam West. He’s three times the balls a fishmonger such as yourself could ever aspire to.
Boosh.
Apart from that guys I agree,
don’t “see” the movie.
…CHERISH it! LOVE it! WORSHIP it!
But for godssakes, don’t tell Adam West.”
Do me a favor: shut the FUCK up.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
This fails so hard. As much as I love Adam West, the Nolan movies own anything where Batman is mentioned.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
“And how come Batman never dances anymore? A-Cha-cha cha-cha cha-cha”
June 24th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Ive heard it was totally stupid from more than one person. the stupids have it!
JT
http://www.FireME.To/udi
June 24th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
@ZuLou: How could Ra’s Al Ghul possibly have featured in the original series? He appeared in the animated series, but the character wasn’t created until some 3 years after the original 60s series ended.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Man, I hate to do this, but…
For me Catwoman will now and always be Julie Newmar. It was her pursuit, capture and (attempted seduction) of Batman that warped my concept of womanhood to this day…
..That and Diana Rigg in leather on “The Avengers.”
I forgot how twisted my childhood was.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Did someone seriously say Adam West was manly? That camp mincing old man who used to give longing looks to boys in tights?
June 24th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
@JT Thank you kind sir, I’m glad you recognize this amazing skill your mother taught me.
I kid, I kid. You should really blame Gladstone, he pays me in silver coins to come blast Swaim with cheap, childish remarks.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
@jt says… Follow your own advice, chief.. It was a fucking joke..
Retard..
June 24th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I would agree, until Batman Begins came out, Batman the Animated Series was and still is a lot of ways the best Batman on film.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
The only good Batman is an Animated one.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Oh my god, people. The part about Ra’s Al Ghul was a joke.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Yeah, Ra’s Al Ghul was definitely in both the comics AND the original series (big ups to the Green Fairy for pointing that out). I remember an episode where Ra’s Al Ghul (looking like Fred Flintstone in a King Tut Halloween costume) infiltrated the Bat Cave and almost found out Batman’s identity. Funny shit. Still, this was a pretty cool post.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
BEHOLD!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Nice Knightfall reference. Also I’m pretty sure West is just bent out of shape because Ledger didn’t paint over an incredibly thick mustache a la Cesar Romero.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Good article, but you’re mistaken on a couple of points. The Two-Face one was alreayd mentioned, but you were also wrong about Ra’s Al Ghul, as it’s spelled in the comics. He’s a rather big character in the comics, his family much the same way. His daughter actually fell in love with Batman, and the had a kid together. He was even in several episodes of the animated series as well as an episode of the Superman animated series.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
benzo: Thanks! That’s really interesting.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Earth Kitt sucks! She was only ever in about 5 episodes, the WAY HOTTER Julie Newmar was in like 30
June 24th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Julie Newmar is the hottest Catwoman ever. If it came down to a oily, naked wrestling mtach… actually, all men would be the winners.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Did someone say manful?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
harley_quinn: Trust me, this is totally different from the rumor you’re talking about. There’s a little blurb about it at the DC database:
http://en.dcdatabaseproject.com/Two-Face
June 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
benzo: I _think_ the Clint Eastwood rumour was for a version of The Dark Knight Returns that was never produced, playing the aged Batman.
He may have been up for Two-Face in the series, I’ve just never heard that one before!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
It’s rumored that they were getting ready to introduce Two-Face shortly before the series was cancelled. And who was in talks to play him you may ask? CLINT FUCKING EASTWOOD!!!
Though it would have been the Harvey Apollo version for the newspaper strip.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
As seen on TV! Eartha Kitt: Everything you need to build your very own planet.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
The 60s series had some big stars in its day, the only explanation for which is that, just off screen, there was the world’s best crack orgy going on. Vincent Price, Tallulah Bankhead, Joan Collins…insanity.
And how could ‘Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb’ not make it into memorable quotations? A sad day for us all.
Levon; they didn’t have Two-Face (I don’t know why either, but too gruesome is certainly an option - as to make-up, well, Batman Forever says all that needs to be said there…). But they did have a (very seperate) character called ‘False Face’ who had some of the disturbing melted-face appearance Two-Face does.
…
I have absolutely no life.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Yeah she’s pretty hot.
And the the reason the batman movies are so great is because he is single-handedly the BEST super hero ever. Perfect everything- and he doesn’t even have lame powers/ just shit loads of money, and a super classy butler. Also- best villians ever too.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Seriously? “Shakespearean” as an adjective doesn’t just pertain to the physical content and qualities of a showing, it also pertains to the production and performance. Hence, Captain Picard, while never killing his uncle nor being mad north northwest, is a Shakespearean character, solely due to his rhetoric and acting style. The same can be said of Adam West’s Batman. “I will kill… you all… I will render you LIMB FROM LIMB!!!” being my favorite example of this.
And on a related note, there isn’t just one way Hamlet is performed jackass. Some Hamlets shove socks down there pants. Some Hamlets rock 9mms.
End point: Shove off and lighten up, and don’t fuck with Adam West. He’s three times the balls a fishmonger such as yourself could ever aspire to.
Boosh.
Apart from that guys I agree,
don’t “see” the movie.
…CHERISH it! LOVE it! WORSHIP it!
But for godssakes, don’t tell Adam West.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
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June 24th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
ra’s al ghul is the ultimate batman enemy!!!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
“So, it’s a yelling contest, is it? AHHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M BEATING YOU!”
-Adam West
June 24th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
This is a fun fact to know: Eartha Kitt is the singer of the “Santa Baby” song you hear sung so sensually on the radio about 50 times a day throughout December.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:50 am
“Shakespearean? Adam, you dressed in tights and stuffed socks down your pants. You fought foam sharks on helicopter folding ladders. You had a relationship with a young boy that even Michael Jackson would say “Dude, that just aint right”. I wouldnt call your work Shakespearean…”
Except for the shark stuff, I’d say that’s not far off from classic Shakespeare at all.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am
I learned that Gramalkin is a perfectly acceptable term for a housecat from the original Batman series. I learned that rules “Give us hope,” from Adam West’s role on ‘The Adventures of Pete and Pete.’ Adam West is a constant reminder that there are a lot of brilliant, talented people out there who never really got the roles or breaks they deserved.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:54 am
nobody messes with Adam We
June 24th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Why so serious?
June 24th, 2008 at 10:48 am
But did the original series have Zombie Heath Ledger? I do not think it did.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:36 am
and no, i have no evidence that the fifties used to whip homosexuals.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:36 am
@ JT: men in tights, relationships featuring men and young boys and home-made special effects are all complete shakespeare. the camp was added to update it for a fifties audience, possibly the campest decade to ever physically beat homosexuals.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:19 am
The original series compared to Nolan’s is like “Washington Cut down the cherry tree” is to American history. It the light and and easy to digest with little to due with actual history (or source material) But its how a lot of us were originally introduced us to the History/THe BAT as kids. IT whetted our appetite for more. Now that We’re older we know its crap but can respect its place as our introduction to the subject.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:14 am
While I’m as amped up for The Dark Knight as any fanboy who stops just short of dressing like his favorite characters can be, I have to say that, in the midst of all the Adam West bashing, in the actual article he’s not terribly critical of Nolan’s movie. He just seems to prefer his light-hearted, safer-for-the-kiddies, ludicrously-childish version. And hell, I think that’s absurd, but it’s sort of expected for him to like his own work more.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:10 am
I knew the man bat movie wasn’t going wasn’t going to be so hot. I’ll always trust Adam West like I would a small Chinese man with my penis.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Will this debate be resolved?
Will Michael Swaim ever call me back?
Will AtomicSpike get his dentures?
Find out next week…
… Same Cracked time!
… Same Cracked channel!
June 24th, 2008 at 10:00 am
NO ONE FUCKS WITH ADAM WEST!!!!!!!
KABIFZINGPOWZAP!!!!
June 24th, 2008 at 9:47 am
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June 24th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I can imagine, for then the shots of the giant clock become funny.
Then again, after a few bong hits life itself becomes comedy, and you find yourself laughing at a squirrel or a lampshade.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Ross: agreed the series sucked balls if sober, but after a few bong hits of some dank it’s endlessly amusing.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:08 am
If it hasn’t been said yet, the original Batman series was a campy piece of shit that only Hipsters and deluded children of the 70s like.
It’s even worse than the original Avengers tv series, during which in a typical episode such marvellous features like a shot of a clock for no reason and ‘action’ like jumping onto someone who was already falling were included.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:27 am
Adam West is a complete dick. He’s an ego-maniac AND he made his security guards chase me away once when I took a picture of him at a nerd convention. (I forget what it was called, but it was in Toronto, last summer.)
Everybody else was cool with it. Even Malcolm McDowell! And he has a lot more right to be cocky than Adam “The biggest spandex-wearing joke on TV” West.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:18 am
The new batman series could be the only decent movie franchise to come out of this latest spate of super-hero movies over the past few years. Seriously, spiderman sucked. The first x-men was badly paced and the third was fucking rediculous. Super-man was lame. The first Incredible Hulk was terrible and nobody I know has even seen the sequel. The only good thing about the Fantastic Four was the addition of the silver surfer and even then it still had the Fantastic Four in it. Did anyone see the Punisher? I’ll save you the trouble, it sucked. Let’s just hope they didn’t decide to turn the film into a huge Heath Ledger wank-fest.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Also, I would like to know what big-boob women, and big manful guys have to say about Mr. West’s dissapproval.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Has anyone ever brought up the fact that Harvey Dent was a black man in the first Michael Keaton Batman, and then turned into an old white dude? I don’t want to research this question in past blogs because I am lazy.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Jt. In Shakespeare’s time the women where played by young boys. So all those things are pretty Shakespearean. Except that they did not have helicopters at the time so all the foam shark wrestling was done on land.
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Don’t feel bad AtomicSpike I was watching it long before there was ever a FOX network.
@ Jenlgod “why I dream of buying me a pair of tights and socks and BAMing and KAPOWing my way through terrorist camps.”
I tried that and the Army really kind of frowned on it, they…. weren’t….. happy… at… all. But on the bright side I got to leave the Army six months earlier than I planned.
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:19 pm
hold up on those dentures AtomicSpike. Are you a lady, or going to become a lady in the next 6 months?
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:38 pm
TVLand!? God, that made me feel old. I grew up watching it every weekday afternoon on my local FOX affiliate…way before there was ever a TVLand. I better go get fitted for dentures.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
my nerd sense is tingling …. want …. to …. correct ….. comic …. based …… errors …… raaaaaaaah - woo, that was close.
I love you, adam west, but not even you can stop me from seeing this movie. I’ve been waiting 3 yrs. I’m even gonna buy the batanime as soon as i can.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:47 pm
NO HATING ON ADAM WEST!!!! He ranks right up there with William Shatner (and I hear they are friends). They are the pinnacles of modern geekdom and to bash one is to bash the both and everything that they stand for.
Also, who has not grown up watching reruns of the blue Batman on TVLand? That show was the reason why I dream of buying me a pair of tights and socks and BAMing and KAPOWing my way through terrorist camps.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Maybe for you Swaim, but we don’t do “Gay Hamlet” where I come from. We don’t need to pack the fake yock, we put the “ham” in Hamlet for rizzle..
(San Diego, Have you ever heard of it? )
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm
You know, I was going to see The Dark Knight, but Swaim (can I call you Swaim?) has convinced me that would be a mistake. I’m just going to rent the whole original series, and the original movie and watch them instead.
Here’s a quiz for you, though: which Mr. Freeze was worse?
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Hey- I demand to know! Why Eartha Kitt?
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
@ phoenixxx: http://55secretstreet.typepad.com/55secretstreet/images/eartha_kittcover.jpg
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Hey JT, dressing in tights and stuffing socks down your pants is basically Hamlet.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
While I enjoyed this post, it also reminded me of the Pinkerton article entitled ‘Bat Battle’ in the Movie section. The first part about the original series nearly killed me…Swaim I suggest reading it if you haven’t yet, or at least revisiting it if you have. It might just sway your verdict some little
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
You know Bruce, I am amazed at your talent to see your computer screen and type flawlessly with Gladstone “balls deep” in your mouth.
That’s quite impressive.
(I’m joking, don’t have a hissy fit )
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Boo Swaim, Yay Gladstone!
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Why was the addition of Eartha Kitt important Michael?
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Yeah, Two-Face wasn’t on the show. I always assumed it was because they couldn’t do convincing make-up for Two-Face back then. I don’t even want to think about how cheesy Two-Faced would have looked had they attempted to use him. They probably would have just gotten Paul Lynde and stuck dyed oatmeal on one side of his face.
Great one Swaim. I couldn’t stop laughing at the Razz A. Ghoul part.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I hate to sound like a total nerd (of course, this is cracked, so who cares), but I’m pretty sure the original series never featured two-face as a villian. They decided he was too grotesque for TV.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I think Adam West needs to crawl out of Adam West’s ass.
Shakespearean? Adam, you dressed in tights and stuffed socks down your pants. You fought foam sharks on helicopter folding ladders. You had a relationship with a young boy that even Michael Jackson would say “Dude, that just aint right”. I wouldnt call your work Shakespearean…
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Pretty good Swaim. One thing you did forget were the theme songs. I think Danny Elfman is great only person as good or better is John Williams, but the original Batman theme song rocked.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Also, funny post.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Buried for proximity to Hate By Numbers on the blog page. Everything HBN touches sucks. Swaim has spoken to that douche Gladstone. Therefore Swaim sucks too. He is the worst. Bring back Lex. Come on Cracked!