Last week I mentioned off hand that I dislike the Metal Gear Solid games. This provoked a moderate response in the comments section, and realizing the healthy traffic that shameless flamebait usually provokes, I decided to flesh out that thought this week.
First some background. I enjoyed the first Metal Gear Solid. Sure, I thought the story was embarrassing and I wasn’t dazzled by the gameplay, but the whole package was so unique and quirky, that I generally enjoyed my time with it. When MGS2 came out a few years later, and was snatching up good reviews like a kleptomaniac in a good review store, it seemed a no-brainer to pick it up. It was right around here that things got stupid.
So technically speaking I guess this list could be rephrased “20 beefs I have with Metal Gear Solid 2,” although most of the same problems were there in the original. And finally a caveat: I never played the third game, so if all these problems got fixed up there, then I guess I’m going to look like some kind of asshole. I’ll leave it as an exercise to the reader to figure out specifically what kind of asshole I am.
__
1) Snake is capable of eating dozens of tins of rations in a short time span, yet is never seen using the bathroom, or even walking funny.
2) While playing the game, players are forced to take drugs to improve their sniping abilities. As I’m sure you’ve heard, this has precipitated a marked increase in reported instances of teenage “drug and gunplay” parties. Compounding the problem, this comes at the cost of much less oral sex parties.
3) Halfway through the second game, Solid Snake dies his hair blond and is played by a woman. This is never explained.
4) Shaking down bad guys to steal their dog tags before murdering them is a war crime, and not a “cool feature.”
5) The guards in the Metal Gear games will give up searching for you, a heavily armed infiltrator/murderer, after about 30 seconds of half-assed poking around. This is just one of many instances of the series heavy anti-union sentiments on display.
6) The bad guys also never raise their gaze from the floor, constantly scanning the ground about 10 feet in front of them. Terrified of lilliputian interlopers or constantly on the lookout for spare change? You tell me.
7) Male Nudity. Needed more of it.
8 ) In the first game, several characters die from a disease called FOXDIE, which is spread by toilet seats. This has long been proved to be an urban legend.
9) Even though Snake is capable of slaying dozens and even hundreds of enemies at a time, in every encounter he’s confronted by an infinite supply of enemies, forcing him to run and hide - a humiliating fate for one so powerful. What kind of message does this send our children? Just what kind of American is series creator Hideo Kojima anyway?
10) Starting right in basic training, professional soldiers are drilled to never display exclamation marks above their heads when surprised. If you ever get the chance to observe this training I highly recommend it: the exercises they conduct to learn this skill are hilarious.
11) Snake’s radar doesn’t work when he’s hiding under tables. Are these tables made out of lead? Is there kryptonite near by?
12) Also, why can’t the bad guys see Snake on their radar?
13) Also, how can Snake see bad guys on his radar? Are they made of aluminum?
14) Also, why does Snake have radar?
15) A plot element from MGS2: “Revolver Ocelot gets his arm amputated, and replaced with the arm of his boss Liquid Snake - an arm which later seizes control of his brain.” Although all the words in that sentence are common within the English language, in that arrangement they make no sense. “Garbage truck vagina is a vagina stonemason’s boner phone” is another example, and will be uttered during at least one codec sequence in MGS4, in all probability.
16) Setting too high of a bar. In the beginning of MGS2, you’re told that the President has been kidnapped. Any game that compares itself to Bad Dudes so openly is really setting itself up for a fall. Bad Dudes is the Cadillac of video games.
17) The idea of massive killer robots is a classic staple of Japanese culture, and is fair game as far as plot devices go. But the concept of massive killer robots living within a much larger massive killer robot is stolen almost verbatim from an episode of The Golden Girls. (ep 06e13 - Strange Bedfellows)
18) Too many themes. In Metal Gear Solid 2, the plot touches on elements of existentialism, censorship, evolution, information control, free will, and the meaning of reality. The only other work with that many themes that I can think of is WindowsXP, which is generally regarded as being the worst video game ever made.
19) The scene where Otacon revealed that he had slept with his mother which caused his father to commit suicide and his sister to hate him, wrecked not just the three obvious relationships, but four, if you count my girlfriend, who was in the room while I was playing through this scene, then stood up, walked out the door and never turned back.
20) The ending. If I recall correctly, the ending of MGS2 featured a conspiracy theory which was itself part of a larger conspiracy theory which turned out to all be a dream - a dream that was orchestrated by a separate, gayer conspiracy theory. Then Snake turned, looked right into the camera, made a gun with his fingers and said “Fuck you.” I felt that was unnecessary.
Last 5 posts by Chris Bucholz
- The American Recession as Explained by a Canadian - December 2nd, 2008
- The 20 Stupidest GI Joe Vehicles Ever - November 25th, 2008
- How To Train An Army of Animals To Do Your Bidding - November 18th, 2008
- Everything I need to know I learned from He-Man - November 11th, 2008
- Campaign 2008: The Year in Pictures - November 4th, 2008
August 31st, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Lol despite the fact I love the Metal Gear Solid series so much i have several children by it, I loved this article.
Apparently some people don’t understand the irony….
or maybe i don’t..
July 28th, 2008 at 3:12 am
I’ve often heard of people saying the gaurds giving up isn’t realistic - Snake ussually handles these situations by going to another room. The soldiers figure hes gone somewhere else, and they’d better get back to the other areas of the hideout.
Metal Gear Solid 4 is the best seventh console generation game yet, bar none.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 am
Things to remember:
1. Its a video game. If you want something realistic, go outside and have fun getting beaten up and fucked by people with power.
2. Hideo Kojima is not american.
3. I would rather have the said features (e.g. the exclamation marks in the head) rather than get shot the next moment without prior notice.
4. If you hate something, don’t make other people hate it.
Hey, I’m not mad, so don’t start calling me a hater. If I was that serious of a person, what the hell am I doing here on Cracked?
June 21st, 2008 at 5:26 am
Metal Gear Solid is an awesome movie, don’t diss it
June 17th, 2008 at 11:58 am
what about actually spending about 30 minutes of your time doing videogame chin-ups so that you can hang better from balconies?
June 16th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Well if sexyJulia said it then by god you know its true.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I think we could all learn a lesson from sexyJulia here, guys. Games is boring to girls. Romance&love are more interesting.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Cannot understand why men spend much time on games. It is boring to me!
Aren’t romance&love more interesting? Any nice guys there would like to chat with me(a sexy big curvy woman) and seek real fun at ___PlusMeet.c o m__? Many sexy big beauties and big manful guys mingle there. U will not be disappointed!
June 16th, 2008 at 10:48 am
I
June 15th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Oh, and @ kingmonkey +1 - Yes. Merlot is my real name…in the mind.
June 15th, 2008 at 10:55 am
@ Glendoor42 - Thanks. It’s not really hard to come to that summation. I deal with dicks like that all the time (read: my friends). Their point is the only point and if you don’t agree with them you are a trog who has no taste.
@ 12 Pack - While your point on this is very valid, I just choose not to associate with that kind of asshatery. Guys like you are hilarious pointing out holes in people’s logic, but eventually the original parties’ logic becomes so skewed and unintelligable it just gets painful to watch.
June 13th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
I totally agree with Consummate’s first statement. However, I do not endorse any of his/her statements thereafter.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I also like to play online games with my friends @ PlusMeet.c o m___, where many big boob women, big booty women and big manful guys meet and seek fun&love together! hey, instrested in?
June 12th, 2008 at 11:10 am
You’re seriously still arguing over this? This is cracked, guys, CRACKED, not the CNN forums or /b/! Here, let me help by offering this new, very deep conversation subject:
penispenispenis.
Also, great post, man!
June 12th, 2008 at 7:40 am
“if you really believe that msg games are bad”
I know it tastes good, but MSG is just a heart attack waiting to happen. Oh, wait. You meant the game Metal Solid Gear…
June 12th, 2008 at 3:12 am
well i just got to this site and saw thia about msg and i think that comsumate dude is right…i hope that Chris Bucholz just posted that to make people laugh i almost passed out…but if you and i mean only…if you really believe that msg games are bad because of all the reasons ou gave then…damn some people take games too seriously.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:12 am
Eh, not really funny… just kinda reminds me of those super nerds who say things like “that mega charged hyper laser could never work under those kind of conditions”. Makes me get teh shivers its so lame. I dont think any of those points make the game any less fun. Its like saying a plumber could never go on a magical adventure in another world to save a princess… But I mean, how fun would games be if they were realistic?? if every game was realistic I’d rather be outside.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Holy hell. I started reading the comments, expecting the standard (and hilarious) exchange of witticisms and bon mots that accompanies articles here on Cracked (which, let’s be honest, is a relatively sophisticated dick-joke website), but instead discovered a multi-front flame war. Interesting. Even more interesting is that it’s obvious that Consummate is pretty much just a douchebag and has zero support, and yet he/she/it (I’m going with ‘it’) continues to post. It even posted a comment aimed at 12 Pack, and then immediately followed up with another comment that seems to be chiding 12 Pack for his inability to immediately reply to the original comment. This leaves me with many questions, but one in particular comes to mind.
Consummate, just how lonely are you?
That’s all. Good article Bucholz, keep up the good work. PS - would you guys be interested in entertaining some article ideas, or a submission, at some point in the near future? I’ve got a particular idea that popped into my head a few times over the past few months and I feel like expanding on it - but I’d actually like to see my efforts go somewhere other than just a musing in my head. Posting it on Cracked (if it’s funny/agreeable enough, which it should be), seems a better option than mumbling to myself waiting for a bus downtown and scaring old people.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Jesus. Now I sort of wonder what would have happened if I’d written that “25 reasons I hate our fighting men and women in Iraq” article I was originally planning
June 11th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
“I think we can all agree he is the consummate master-baiter.”
I don’t have a dog in this fight, but that was pretty funny.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
This will be my final response (because I’d like to read some other articles, and maybe be a dick somewhere else on the site).
Merlot, you have made an excellent point, however you seem to have left out the crucial part about other assholes (read: me) who enjoy watching these people go nuts proving themselves right.
Consummate–my baiting did not fail, simply because of the fact that it worked.
You responded. I laughed. Goal accomplished.
I suggest you check all of the definitions of baiting before spouting on about how correct you are in all things. I’ll even give you an address to check for your own reference:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/baiting
Now I would direct you to #4 in the verb form.
Finally, I’ll give you an honest statement–I don’t care at all about what we were arguing about, I’ve put little to no effort into this aside from being the biggest asshole I can be, and it amuses me how much thought, and time, as well as emotion you’ve invested in your responses. All well written and fun to read. Really I just saw some person being a dick and thought, “Hell, this could be fun,” and started typing. Thank you for this exchange, and although I could go on about traps, and all the other nonsense that has been discussed, I’m too lazy to come back to this page and scroll down so much. Perhaps we will meet again in another comments section here and do it all over again.
I’d like that. Toodles.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Yeah, there’s no place for reasonable, moderate comments like that here. You should be ass-shamed of yourself, Merlot (if that is your real name).
June 11th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Merlot, that is the smartest thing that has been said in these comments.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
How did this go from a debate on why Metal Gear sucks to flaming Consummate? Not to display hostility, but if you ignore dicks who think they are better than you, they tend to go away. Really, we all fell for his trap and gave him what he wanted:
Attention
June 11th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Oh, and Consummate… Eat a bag of Dicks. Oh, how I love the bandwagon!! *Squeals with delight.*
June 11th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Awesome article. I, too, have long sought a kindred soul when it comes to making fun of MGS games. The best part of making fun of MGS? Only the fans really get why it’s funny, and why it doesn’t matter at all when you consider how fooking fun the damn games are. Well played, sir.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
ha ha ha losers!
June 11th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I haven’t read all of this, but Consummate, if you spend your days laying “traps” in the comments section of blogs, just how overweight are you? There has to be a correlation.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I see the battle of wits (at least half of them) rages on still. Let me know when you’ve resolved the issue of whether the game is good or not, and whether trolling (or baiting, which a number of you seem to have mastered) is indeed an inescapable trap.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Consummate,
When you do the math, you’ll find that you’ve put more effort into the “trap” than what you’ve got back.
X/Y = Z
X = Response you ger
Y = Effort you put into it
Z= Trolling effectiveness
If you plug in the numbers, you’ll see that you’re terrible at what you do.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Either way, the only NOTABLE point of all this crap is that Bucholz got what he wanted - a chockful of comments! Losers!!!
@Bucholz - good post, btw.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I kinda wonder is Consummate is Bucholz in disguise as well…curiouser and curiouser. Tits or GTFO
June 11th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Is consummate secretly Bucholz in disguise attempting to troll us with displays of great facepalmery into getting more comments for his post?
Or have I been exposed to too many MGS conspiracy theories in one nooner?
June 11th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Or if that answer isn’t sufficient
It’s to elicit strongly negative impressions or feelings by the person you’re baiting, to witness their castigations. The more “irate” their response, the more of a tool they are for falling for an obvious trick.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:30 am
It’s simple
All for shens.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Consummate could you please tell me exactly why you would want to bait someone? I truly do not understand what is appealing about proving people like you and I are superior. I for one know for a fact that I am more intelligent than 99.7% of the population and while I did find this article amusing I don’t really understand, why you would want to even bother with the kind of people that wait around to respond to obviously baited posts? It won’t make them any less stupid will it? Please let me know, I am truly curious.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:37 am
I think we can all agree he is the consummate master-baiter.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Quick, write a response that is void of any logic and/or points I raised.
I will make an analogy to show you why your next post will be comprised of inane bullshit.
Topic: Halo is shit
Baiter: Halo is shit because you’re a man in a space suit, like how totally unrealistic is that?!
Responder: You’re a moron, it’s called a game, anything goes.
Baiter: Idiot, it was clearly sarcasm, you got baited.
You see, I baited you into believing some false notion.
How exactly do you respond to that? You can’t, because any further arguments equate to what you’re making yourself look like right now.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:07 am
12 Pack:
You failed to bait.
Because you already inferred you disliked me, then you started complaining about how I was baiting and then apparently, it was all a bait!
Amazing, the entire point of baiting is to make people believe a false notion, with sarcasm or holes in argument. Yet you already established you disliked me in 1 post, then apparently your next post which is dissing me, it was a bait…..
Sorry buddy, but it doesn’t work like that.
Even then, do you honestly think I planned on having this much e-drama? When you get baited, that is it. You don’t argue against it, because there is nothing to argue against and it’s pointless anyway. You were tricked into believing some false notion and there is nothing that can get you out.
No doubt you will try and twist how the baiting concept works in your favour. But I am not going to bother.
Even then, if you didn’t give a shit, why post? That’s right, because you did give a shit, neck yourself.
How exactly isn’t baiting logically sound? Do I have to spoonfeed you everything?
Your stupidity is immeasurable.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Epic troll.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Well Consummate, I clearly stated in my last comment that it was a trap…
Which you fell for! I suppose I could ask the same of you with a quick copy and paste.
Was reading too hard for you?
Mmmmmmmm, that tastes good.
It was actually a two fold trap–I was baiting you into making a comment on how idiotic I am for whatever the hell I may have written, as well as trying to get glendoor42 to say something, although I didn’t really expect him to blindly amble into anything so obvious, just so I could use your own tactics against you. But I suppose Panzer-Stier Ross may have, after all, been right in stating that text can be interpreted differently….perhaps I should be more exact this time around.
NOTICE OF INTENT TO TRAP…….The above is a trap specifically designed to lure Consummate into making a further ass of himself on a dick-joke website by trying to prove that he is smarter than everyone else even though no one really gives that much of a shit. Furthermore, should he make an attempt at belittling me through soggy logic I will continue to show all who care to continue reading that he is, in fact, the 4th Baron of Douche on Bag, Wilfordshire, England–because any higher ranking would be of evious status and if his already overly inflated sense of self recieves any more encouragement, the internet might collapse under it’s sheer mass (see LS 5039 for inspiration of this theory)……END OF NOTICE OF INTENT TO TRAP
June 11th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I found several of your points to be lacking in convincing me that this game is not worth getting. Especially considering other gaming lists on this website stating opposite things.
Besides, gameplay that involves going to the toilet is marketing for a very small demographic XD
June 11th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Panzer-Stier Ross, thank you for the Ignatius J. Reilly comment. That made my morning.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:13 am
Bib, haha, I have never insulted grammar… I honestly couldn’t give a shit about grammar/spelling errors.
Even then, in between posting, I have been studying for uni exams, playing poker or playing Call of Duty 4. Any type of mixture between those.
If you believe I have been sitting here waiting for a response so I can pounce on it, you’re wrong.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Alao I know that many men who like play games also like the sexy big beauties @ PlusMeet.c o m___, where many big boob women, big booty women and big manful guys meet and seek fun&love together! hey guys, am I right?
June 11th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Consummate , I really think you have near to no life to care to reply to all these people, I suspect much of your life is wasted on comment/forum arguments . Perhaps it is time to give up this hobby and play some sports maybe, some tennis or cards ? Either way anything that keep you from writing your useless posts would be vital to mankind’s happiness.
Before you go on some grammar/spelling quest. This post was written with bad grammar/spelling on purpose to trap you into douchness.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:28 am
I don’t know if any of those things are true.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:26 am
You’ve already proven your ineptitude by stating it’s impossible to discern bait as text messages can be conveyed in a million ways, which insinuates there is no possible way to figure out the correct interpretation.
You must have been/currently be in an academic predicament as you need to read books to advance in your education. Must be hard to decide how to interpret that text.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:20 am
……..wow, I think we’ve discovered the real life Ignatus J. Riley.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Hahahahah
It can be interpreted in a million ways sure. But you can discern the proper interpretation if you have some brains, you moron.
Keep wasting my time with your stupid observations that have no thought to it.
How exactly did you know I meant what I wrote last post? IT CAN BE INTERPRETED IN A MILLION WAYS, SURELY THE INTERPRETATION YOU HAD IS WRONG SINCE YOU HAVE 1/1000000 CHANCE OF GETTING IT RIGHT!!!
Oh right, you’re a moron. Get out.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:09 am
It’s not idiotic, it’s actually just common sense. Text can be interpreted in a million different ways, and it’s pretty obvious you’re just saying “no, that’s not what I meant at all, HAHAHA MORON MORON MORON HAHAHA!”
Please keep talking though, you’ve made me laugh harder than I have in a while.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:03 am
12 Pack:
I set the bait, he fell for it.
Aka, he fell for the trap.
Is it that difficult?
I’ve been saying since the start he fell for the bait, I’ve yet to state “haha! Fell for the bait again!” idiot. What are you on about 12 pack? You’re a waste of oxygen.
Was reading too hard for you?
Panzer Stier Ross:
Wait, wait, it is impossible to interpret bait because it’s online and everything is conveyed through text? Hahahaha, how idiotic is that statement?
I bet you thought this blog was serious with all of its points, oh wait, you must have, unless you’re contradicting yourself. Moron. The fact you’re a moron is also accentuated by the fact you still can’t fathom that my post wasn’t serious, it was aptly structured to bait people, receiving responses such as Matthew Wiley’s and Reginald’s.
Heck, ths entire blog was designed to bait Metal Gear Solid fans, and it was even said at the start. You’re a tool, I was using his bait to bait others.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:47 am
Consummate, you do realise that for Glendoor a real trap would involve a suicide bomber and a roadside block, while you sit in front of a pc in your greying underpants playing FPS’s and stealth-shooters, with a headset to ‘fool’ you into thinking it’s real (yes, we all know you love ‘fooling’ people).
Also, what the fuck are you talking about? Plans? Traps? Luring ‘morons’ into an intellectual conundrum?
How can someone with such an air of pretense have absolutely no clue of the English language? How can you lure someone into a trap or trick them into an argument when text can be completely interpreted on a personal level?
I just have a fantastic mental image of a geeky 12 year old with massive glasses, wearing a bed sheet as a cape pretending to be Dr. Evil.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:12 am
Glendoor42, you have been trapped more times in this than I care to scroll up and count. And now you’ve been rolled to boot! The trap logic is an inspired touch of genius because it can be used over and over and over again, regardless of your many retorts, everything can be brushed aside simple by stating that it was–in fact–another trap that you fell so easily into.
You should realize that you’re butting heads with an internet argument logic savant the likes of which we won’t soon see until Lawnmower Man becomes a reality. Give up already.
And add 5 more Glendoors to yourself, because you obviously need it.
^
l
l
l
trap
June 11th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Glendoor42, concede defeat already as you’ve been rolled successfully.
When you’re in a hole, you stop digging Glendoor47, it’s simple.
If you can’t understand the logic, you’re utterly a moron. I am not going to waste time typing the clear coherency when I could be doing more challenging and dignifying work such as buttering bread.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:54 am
I’ve dealt with two year olds and lieutenants that use better logic and are more sophisticated than you. I’ll think I’ll go with my version of your “plan”. Makes much better sense.
You are an idiot and an asshole, but I can’t wait to see how this figures into your master plan. Good day.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:20 am
I will go one at a time.
Glendoor47:
Actually, the plan was to bait morons into believing I am a hardcore Metal Gear Solid fan that vehemently dislikes this blog post so I will play out the obvious baits Chris Bucholz laid out so people believe I am an idiot for not getting the hint.
Sorry, it must have been a little too sophisticated for you to comprehend something as basic as that, please proceed to drown yourself in acid.
Wallsy:
Refer to comment directed at Glendoor47 as you constitute as another moron that fails at everything.
Merlot:
You atleast had the decency to not add hostility in your comment, read the statement directed to Glendoor47 and remove any denigrations.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Consummate, I don’t think your plan was very clever. Sorry man, but its not hard to tell you are a MGS fanboy. Appreciate the humor in it. I thought the list was hilarious, and that will not change my mind that MGS is one of the greatest video game series ever created.
Metal Gear has the same problem that a lot of my redneck, muscle car loving, coors drinking friends say a lot of my favorite games have (and you know who you are if you read this), and that is that they are from Japan. The Japanese have crazy as shit imaginations. That’s why people can be born with blue and pink hair, and women like getting tentacle fucked.
13 and 14 get explained at the beginning of MGS1. I think it has something to do with the Codec since Mei Ling designed both of them, but it’s been a long time since I played that game. Mr Denby does make a good point too. Big Boss (Naked Snake) had NO radar at all. That shit sucked. -_-
June 10th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I know that Bucholz was kidding with his list, but MGS 3 actually did fix a lot of the stuff that was wrong with part 2: there was more environmental interaction, and combat was actually a viable option most of the time; the storyline was far more coherent -and easily skippable- than in the previous games, and you could even shoot Raiden (or at least a swishy guy who looked just like him) in the balls.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Consummate, that was a fantastic trap! You said something ridiculously stupid, and then, just as you’d planned, people pointed out what a moron you are. Masterful. I only wish I possessed one tenth of your skill.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I wish I could rant about something stupid and meaningless, and then when people respond to it negatively that I would claim that it was all a trap that was mellifluously masterminded to maneuver meager morons for malicious maligning…wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, before I get caught up in another alliterative aside (there I go again…)
Consummate is a bag of dicks lashed together with ropes of fuck. Any one who’s (anonymous) online moniker refers to themselves as, according to dictionary.com, “4. complete or perfect; supremely skilled; superb,” shouldn’t be paid any attention to to begin with.
Unless of course, Consummate, you meant to refer to yourself as their thrid usage of the word, in which case your humor may be a little highbrow for a website of lists and dick jokes. In which case I think we could be pals. Although it does kind of fit into the dick joke part, overall most readers here don’t get that level of punning interminlged with irony.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Glendoor42: that Bassmasters comment made me squirt a little.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
@ Consummate What ? your brilliant trapped consisted of getting people to think your being a fucking asshole on the internet? That’s just sheer genius buddy and it succeecd
beyond your wildest dreams.
June 10th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
MGS has always been a different game that you cant really compare to other games.
The controls suck, the camera sucks, Raiden sucked massively (the blond haired woman Bucholz was talking about).
But, I love these games because they are completely ridiculous with both gameplay and plot.
It is actually not considered an MGS game unless there are at least 8 conspiracy theories and 5 different crazy-ass villans with 14 plot twists.
And consummate, chill the fuck out, just because Bucholz is ripping on MGS doesnt mean u need to throw a giant bitch fit, hes a blog writer, its what he does
June 10th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
i never knew i could survive a head-on colision with from a rocket launcher in saints row(yea not GTA4 because i dont fall to popularaty, sr is good) or a 5 story fall from a building just by thring a grenade the jumping before it explodes, but i have to admit this has nothing to do with MGS
June 10th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Nice list except #19 because everyone knows Robots don’t have girlfriends, much less blogging Robot.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Somehow, I read the two newest blog entries and they both have a stupid, unrelated comment at the end of comment-line.
The only game that got me uneasy about radar is hitman.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Your a blogger being a spectacular asshole is what you’re meant to be.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Winback was great… but terrible at the same time. Kind of like Metal Gear.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Anyone remember, or I guess I should say, did anyone ever play Winback for Nintendo 64?
That game was kind of fun.
You sneak around a lot and shoot bad guys, and the bad guys actually look up off the ground to find you.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
and I still think that the metal gear solid games would make great movies.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Bucholz, your a soul-less robot, and a gentile at that. I bite my thumb at you sir.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Matthew Wiley
Thanks Captain obvious
I was merely castigating the people posting comments, not Chris Bucholz’s post. That was bait set up for morons like you to fall into the trap. Way to get smashed.
Reginald, you fall under the same category as Matthew Wiley for falling into the blatant trap. Good work fucksticks, better luck next time.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Realism can and does exist in some video games. That’s half the point of Tom Clancy games– to be as realistic as a game can be. Like glendoor42 pointed out Bassmaster 2000 is pretty realistic and it fucking rocked!*
*as much as any fishing game is capable of rocking… which isn’t all that much, really.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Looks like someone in this comments section forgot to take his Midol. Are your big girl cramps acting up again Consummate?
June 10th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Consummate, my radar is indicating you’re a duschebag.
Part of why this post is funny is that the complaints could basically carry over into any video game. The only thing here taking anything too seriously is you, with regard to yourself. Aren’t you due back at the VGDL (Video Game Defense League)?
June 10th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Bassmasters 2000 is very realistic.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Wow, it’s amazing what people shit on for a game that isn’t supposed to take itself seriously.
Since everyone’s arguments are “wow, look at how unrealistic this is! Radar that can somehow see what people are looking at? How stupid is that? Let’s completely forget this is a game, we are talking about realism here.”
Here’s a hint, every game is unrealistic.
I never knew that I could survive from a rocket launcher in GTA if it landed near my feet. I never knew I could drive at 200kmph and smash into cars and not hurt myself.
But why exactly are their unrealistic concepts in these games? Because it makes it more enjoyable or easier to play. That is all.
Fuck some of you cunts are retarded, you will shit on 1 game for being unrealistic (can’t believe no one commented on the cardboard box, like totally unrealistic guys!) yet your favourite game is exactly that, unrealistic. Yet you’re too busy pulling double standards because you’re a fuckwit and can’t discern the similarities between the rationale for shitting on the game you hate and the one you enjoy the most.
In summary, if you use something about realism as an argument in a game not about realism, you’re a retard. Do you think he would have put a cardboard box in it? Fucking morons, get a hint.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Ahh–video game radar. You have to love anything so stupid and ill-thought-out. Not only does this radar system indicate where your enemy is, but somehow also judges the enemies’ alertness. Who the fuck developed this technology, that can discern the state of mind of a person who is in potentia filled with bullets/stab wounds. They might as well have given Solid Snake Gaydar or special blips indicating erections, periods and farts.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:01 am
Awesome, reminds me of those lists you used on pointlesswasteoftime such as “Why eminem is destroying music”.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Great list! Don’t forget about the unbelievably ridiculous bosses, though. There’s the morbidly obese roller-skating explosives expert, the psychic you have to defeat by plugging your controller into the other port, and then the hornet man who not only stops bullets with insects, but also manages to turn said insects into explosives, just to name a few. Also, I think there was something about a vampire and the ghost of Uncle Sam. Or Colonel Sanders. I forget.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:09 am
awesome.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:01 am
I thought MGS was some good game, what with all the MechWarrior-like Metal Gear robots, armed with tactical nukes. But now the games went batshit-japanse-insane, with characters look like japanese chick-dudes of many JRPGs and Metal Gear becomming a a cross between Mass Effect’s Geth and Godzilla (2000).
June 10th, 2008 at 8:16 am
“If you ever get the chance to observe this training I highly recommend it: the exercises they conduct to learn this skill are hilarious.”
Yeah, until you have to do those exercise, then they ain’t real fucking funny.
Good one Bucholz.