This week I return to the man who started it all — Larry King. And I can promise you this: so long as there is a Hate By Numbers, there will be more Larry King shows. He is the poster child for everything this segment is about. But in truth, this wasn’t the show I intended to bring to you. Instead, I had a Fox News report on whether teachers should be allowed to post pictures on MySpace. The story featured all the other elements of a typical Hate By Numbers — sanctimonious puritanical hypocrisy (and breasts). But before i could capture it, Fox News pulled it off their website — presumably to make more room for stories speculating about whether Barack Obama is a secret Muslim. So I went searching in a panic. The lovely and talented David Wong was there to hold my hand and bring me a tissue as I whined about my lost segment and all but abandoned hope. I seriously considered not doing a show this week. But then David said something that clicked with me:
“Christ, Gladstone. Strap on and shut up. You sound just like the little bitch your detractors accuse you of being.”
I knew David was right as sure as I knew that one day Michael Swaim would land a guest shot on Two and A Half Men and bad mouth me to Jon Cryer over Mojitos in his trailer. So here it is, Larry King interviewing Stanley Romanek — some dude who claims he captured video footage of an alien.
Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE and OVER HERE and HERE TOO.
Last 5 posts by HBN
- HBN Says Goodbye - November 24th, 2008
- CNN Thinks Gift Cards Are Complicated (or Contest Winners, Rankings and preparing for the end) - November 17th, 2008
- Twilight Looks Like Crap (or Announcing the Hate By Numbers Contest) - November 10th, 2008
- Japanese Cat Saves Local Economy (Or What Would Hate By Numbers Look Like Without Hate) - November 3rd, 2008
- Marcia Brady Has More Problems Than You'd Imagine (If you imagine that fictional characters are real) - October 27th, 2008
July 1st, 2008 at 11:55 am
This is my favorite HBN so far.
June 16th, 2008 at 11:00 am
I do not belive it! The alien looks like the ones in the movie. maybe someone is making video this and try to attract attention.
Fake new! I am a real sexy big beauty and just want to seek fun online with some real persons. Want to hook up with me? Let’s mingle here @__PlusMeet.c o m__, where so many sexy big boob women, big booty women and big strong guys meet and seek fun, friendship, romance&love together.
June 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Atomic War Baby, your comment is supremely awesome when voiced like the Powerthirst commercial.
June 14th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
if thats what a real alien looks like ive been shittin thosethings and flushing them down the toilet all my adult life!!!!!!!!!!
June 11th, 2008 at 9:37 am
thanks for the info gladstone. that´s a really great song…me likes!!!!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Bigass aliens.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Do you think they really discuss aliens on bigassmeet?
June 10th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
What is?
June 10th, 2008 at 11:13 am
It’s The Night by Morphine.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:03 am
nice vid! as usual! but whats the song that is played for two secs at the end of each hbn?
June 10th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Yeah, kind of hard to miss the Pacific from space.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:37 am
glendoor42, maybe these are the idiot aliens from Signs who didn’t realize that water, their only weakness, composes the vast majority of Earth’s contents.
Gladstone, I remember something a friend of mine once told me. “It’s okay to be bitter, because people suck.”
June 10th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Thanks for all the love guys. Even those who hate me. I just can’t stay mad at you. You’re adorable.
June 10th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Gladstone, I do believe I love you. The only thing more satisfying than bitching and ranting about something stupid yourself is listening to someone smarter and more articulate than you do all the work.
As for the alien spotting thing…
Only in America.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:54 am
The alien looks ugly! I am a sexy big beautiful woman and I don’t like ugly things, especially ugly men. I like the big handsome men I met @ PlusMeet.c o m___, where big boob women, big booty women and big manful guys meet and seek fun&love together!
June 10th, 2008 at 6:32 am
The Romenak guy is from Nebraska, which begs the question and Larry King, to his credit, tried to ask, is if you have the ability to fly across millions of light years of space WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING PEEPING TOM AT SOME DUMBASS’S HOUSE IN NEBRASKA?
Which brings up this question, if you can fly millions of lights years across space and if you wanted to peep in some mother fuckers window in Nebraska WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO PARK YOUR SPACESHIP IN THE DUMBASS NUTJOB’S COW PASTURE GET OUT AND FUCKING WALK UP AND LOOK IN THE WINDOW? Wouldn’t you have some kind quantum tachyon peeping fucking tom device? Couldn’t you probably see what you wanted from orbit? I mean FUCK human beings can read goddamn license plates from orbit.
SHIT NO, these aliens have to park their spaceship try not step in cowshit or wake up the dogs sneak up on the porch peek in the goddamn window. WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSER ALIENS THESE ARE, or maybe the loser is the dumbass who ain’t got nothing better to do than THAN MAKE UP BULLSHIT ABOUT ALIENS VISIT HIS HICK ASS IN NEBRASKA.
43 FUCKING TIMES NO LESS.
GODDAMN IDIOT.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Oh, Gladstone. Do bitch to me more at the local pub where we can share a couple beers and a couple laughs together.
Because people are fucking stupid.
Kudos on Hate by Numbers. It’s pretty damn hilarious.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
@NachoP: Our president gets less and less hilarious as you get to know him; I do assure you.
June 9th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
When I pause, why is there an ad for ‘Luminous Butt Bucket’? WHY?
June 9th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
nope never been anal probed and i swear I will rip an anus into any alien that tries to analy probe me. hear that aliens? I challenge you.
June 9th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Umm, I meant the Corporate Evil OVERLORDS, not “overloads”. NowI am going to watch my SUPER TV NEWS HERO, Keith Olbermann on “Countdown”. He is NOT a tool!
June 9th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Did u see the Larry King episode where he DANCES with … damn, I can’t remember who the hell the woman was, I AM AN OLD HIPPIE, my brain cells, well, let’s say my MEMORY BANK had a few too many “withdrawals” ha ha ha ha ; anyway, this Actress or Dancer or whatever she was, LARRY got up & dances with her, & it was CREEPY, sortof like if the PREYING MANTIS on CARTOON CENTRAL’s “SPACE GHOST” were dancing with a Human Woman?
MY theory about CABLE TV NEWS is that the actual GOAL is to try to DRIVE AWAY as many potential VIEWERS as humanly possible, because they are owned by the
Evil “OVERLOADS” who actually run things in Amerika!
But it is SO embarrassing to watch Larry King make a total ASS of himself; I suspect the Corporate EXECUTIVES at CNN secretly laugh THEIR ASSES off, watching their PUPPET dance.
GLEN BECK, by the way, is a real TOOL! CNN really HIT ROCK BOTTOM when they hired His stupid ass & gave him his own show!
June 9th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Your President is hilarious.
-”I do it in the evening”
-”So you’re a night runner?”
-”Evening”
And he should have added “asshole” after that.
And like Tom, I thought the guy with the suspenders was respected.
June 9th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I was under the impression that CNN was a news station and Larry King a semi-respected newscaster. Not being from the US I can’t confirm these suspicions. However, is this video telling me that CNN/Larry King spent several minutes discussing some crackpot from Denver’s home video of something that looked a little like a skull, rather than…say…things that actually happened? That’s pretty fucked up, no?
June 9th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I like to think the Two and a Half Men comment was a shout out to me… alright I don’t actually think that, though that would be cool.
Ok true story- when the video went to the guys footage where it was black, I saw my reflection when he said “there you can see a head…” I gasped. Spooky indeed! I totally got served by a lone gunman on Larry King Live… damn you Hate By Numbers!!!
June 9th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Hey, what’s HBNumbers’ theme song?
June 9th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Right? And what’s great is I’m pretty sure that in the real vid it’s ALL outside the window, so CNN did a reenactment of something that this guy never ever even claimed to have happened. And couldn’t somebody pin that arm to the wall instead of letting it dangle. There’s alos a point in the clip where he asks the dude to draw a picture! oh, the harsh edits of the cutting room floor.
June 9th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Man, the hallway shot. The hallway shot.
June 9th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
And fuck you very much for putting “Everybody Wang Chung Tonight” in my head; it probably won’t leave for three days.
June 9th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
What’s really fucked up about this to me is that it almost has a “We’ve covered the real and scary news so now we’re gonna end it on a Paul Harvey note” feel to it, only I don’t trust the news enough anymore to know for sure. And Larry King’s been dead since Nixon was president, so there’s no point in asking him if this was supposed to be real or fake journalism.
Good job, Gladstone. The still of Larry after the description of the skull actually made me laugh out loud (and NO, I will not fucking shorten that to three letters).
June 9th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Finally, a place to discuss the aliens in the wprld with big boob women and manful guys!
June 9th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Now, if this was Jack O’Brien’s alien video, I’d say that that was not an alien, but DOB who is known to visit Jack’s house.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am
obviously you’ve never been anally probed Metalbrainsurgery. They anal probe you, while their friends watch through the window. its actually quite erotic.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Impossibel is nothing! So I belive there are aliens in the wprld. I also saw related news at ____ PlusMeet.c o m_____, where many big boob women, big men and big manful guys meet and seek fun&love together!
June 9th, 2008 at 10:56 am
proof that cnn is not credible in any way whatsoever.
besides, an alien a peeping tom? psh they anal probe people all the time. why would they peep through windows.
June 9th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Is there more to the actual video than just an alien’s face? Is the reinactment accurate? Is this guy charging people to see the full real video?
I feel like the guy who made the film should have been on The Week in Douchebaggery (RIP).
June 9th, 2008 at 10:06 am
I wondered why it took 6 vids to get that comment. I do that for a couple of reasons — some of which I’ll share–
I didn’t want this to feel like a news segment. I wanted it to feel more intimate. Like I was out at a bar bitching to my friends. The angle, and the distance from camera was meant to convey that effect. Also, it matches the angle of the Ian’s great graphic and the angle created by the background.
June 9th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I enjoy the “glamor shots” half turn you have in your videos Gladstone. Its like you were about to take beautiful pictures for your life partner, but then decided to complain about stuff.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Ugh. Geeze Gladstone, making me go to the homepage? That’s two extra clicks for my pointy finger! I have other things to do at 12:00 at night too you know.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:47 am
ugh. i believe that’s being worked out. right now it’s available on the home page. sorry.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Ugh, where’s the video at?