Yes, Florida is actually trying to split into two, with one half (presumably the one with Disney World) remaining a part of our glorious nation and the other (Universal Studios) sinking into the sea where it belongs.
And readers, I implore you: if you live in Florida, SUPPORT THIS MEASURE. Then move to a less shitty state. I hear Wyoming’s got room.
Let’s face facts. Florida is the wang of the United States for a reason: it’s a magnet for disease, usually smells bad, and at times (Spring Break, Mardis Gras, any other Girls Gone Wild-related calender event) it’s filled with wriggling white creatures who are just passing through.
Well, I say enough. Florida, don’t let Cuba hit you on the ass on your way out.
And believe me, I don’t take hate lightly; until now the only things I’ve hated are the chips and salsa at Mexican restaurants in Europe, dogs who act like they want it and then are all “yip yip yip” when it’s time to get down to business, and Judd Apatow (Grr! I hate him so much! Grr!). So when I say “I hate Florida,” I say it as someone who’s never gone near the hellhole and never will.
“But Michael,” you ask in your effeminate voices, “why so angry?”
“Shut up,” I answer, and then I ride away on my Harley.
But okay, just to humor you.
First off, if the liberal media I subscribe to is to be believed, you fuckers and your goddamned butterfly ballots stuck us with an idiot President and an expensive, highly fatal war in the Middle East, rather than just a boring, inoffensive President who invented the Internet. By my calculations, that means you owe us 500 billion dollars (and counting), the execution of Jeb Bush, and a public apology.
Secondly, they want to teach their ugly, incestuous kids Intelligent Design. Intelligent Design is about as intelligent as the people in Florida, which is to say not very. Until religion can do any of the following things:
Then it has no right being taught as science or, for that matter, even being presented to our children. Yes, that’s right; I am firmly against children even being exposed to religion at school.
Middle School is a place to lose all faith in a higher loving power, and taking that experience away from our young people is just plain unfair. If I had to go through it, so should they.
Religion and school are like milk and gin; you can mix them if you want, but you’re just going to end up with a terrible taste in your mouth and a clogged kitchen sink. Alright, maybe that’s not exactly what it’s like, but I didn’t want to use a metaphor that would shoot over the heads of the mongoloid Floridian “readers.”
Bottom line: Get the hell out, God. And if you’ve got a problem with that little scenario, I’ll be waiting. You know where to find me (I presume).
Lastly, I was never that close to my Grandparents, and old people make me uneasy. What do they know that I don’t?
So do your duty, Americans (while you still are ones) and vote for Floridian secession.
It’s the right thing to do, and if you’re stupid enough to follow the advice of a Cracked blogger, you deserve no better.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes enemies states at a time as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim
- The 10 Most Devastating Insults of All Time - December 1st, 2008
- The Best Quotes from the New Britney Spears Documentary - November 27th, 2008
- Extinction Is Only For Ugly Animals - November 26th, 2008
- Every Episode of 'House' Ever - November 22nd, 2008
- If You Wanna Make An Omelette, You Gotta Let Some Kids Get Molested - November 13th, 2008
December 4th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Religion sucks. God rocks. Florida has too many old people, but it has lots of stunningly hot chicks. It has cheap meth and pot, but expensive coke and heroin. It has it’s good points and it’s bad points. It’s like benign cancer. On the one hand, you have cancer. On the other hand, you’re not gonna die. So I say we all just pretend it doesn’t exist, like we have for the past two hundred years.
November 15th, 2008 at 3:40 am
“Middle School is a place to lose all faith in a higher loving power, and taking that experience away from our young people is just plain unfair. If I had to go through it, so should they.”
Good sir, I must object to that statement. I didn’t lose my faith in a higher loving power in middle school.
…I lost it in Elementary. Those kids are bastards. XD
October 28th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Religion is just a crutch people use when they can’t cope with everyday life.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:20 am
Religion sure as hell didn’t put that Harley out in my driveway! Well, neither did Science, because I don’t have a Harley.
…Fuck, I hate BOTH!
October 9th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
correction: gotta go with simon, not sam… i might agree with sam but i didn’t understand what he said about arrowdial entropism
October 9th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
gotta go with sam on this one, wtf bringing God into this? for that matter, check out the link above to the in-arm celphone thingy… it’s like israel v palestine in there. but, one of my new fave quotes is, “they’ve been fighting for 2000 years, how much longer can it last?”
anyhoo, i have been to the big floppy cock that is florida and i can vouch or at least one thing, it DOES smell bad.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:50 am
My God, big boo women? There really is something for everyone on the internet!
Who knew I could romance a rotund, pathologically shy, malevolent ghost?
September 19th, 2008 at 5:17 am
You know what’s great? Pie. You know what religion cant get you? That’s right, pie. You know what can get you pie? Science, that’s what.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Religion can’t answer any questions
June 14th, 2008 at 3:23 am
Anyone there want to chat with me on music? Let’s mingle here at ukinterracialmatch.com_______, where many black and white singles meet and seek fun&love together! U will not be disappointed!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
___________________
I heared that Bush likes sexy big beauties and he often seek romance in hot online dating club @___PlusMeet.c o m___ , where many big boo women, big booty women and big manful guys meet and seek fun&love together. is that true/ so curious……
May 20th, 2008 at 9:39 am
@Cutsman
“Actually i believe in god for personal reasons you wouldn’t understand.”
That’s kind of arrogent to think I wouldn’t understand, don’t you? But, if your reasons break down to “I feel better when I think God it looking out for me, my friends, my family, and he’s taking care of my dead loved ones” I’d take a long look at your beliefs. You don’t need God to feel comfort, plus you get no inner termoil when something bad happens, “Did I do something wrong to anger him? Why would God do this to me?” etc etc.
“I could care less who the hell or what people to believe in, it is just absolutely asinine to take a solid stance on something that we can’t even begin to fathom.”
I agree. That’s why I can’t and won’t say “God did it” unless someone gives me proof of God’s existance.
“Plus i never said evolution didn’t happen.”
True, but you did put in on the same level of ridicule, which it’s not. There’s tons of evidence to support science/evolution/etc and absolutely none to support religion.
May 19th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
“Here’s your entire argument:
“I believe in God because science doesn’t know all the answers.”
And calling “well it took billions of years” a ‘cop out’ is just idiocy. Between radioactive dating, the fossil record, and all the evidence for evolution “it took billions of years” is fact, not a ‘cop out.’ Just because a scientist says “we don’t know,” a theist claiming “then God did it” is the cop out.”
Actually i believe in god for personal reasons you wouldn’t understand. I could care less who the hell or what people to believe in, it is just absolutely asinine to take a solid stance on something that we can’t even begin to fathom. Plus i never said evolution didn’t happen
May 19th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
You know, the fact that you’re praying for David Wong to help you out with those mean ol’ atheists shows how needed this post was to balance him out.
May 17th, 2008 at 4:03 am
yeah I imagine he does - I mean as all physicists have he’s made mistakes with some of his predictions - but that’s bound to happen.
The whole idea of talking “before” the big bang (if our universe is unique and not cyclical etc.) is that since time is defined as the arrow of entropy there isnt a concept of a time before the big bang if there simply isn’t any matter.
May 16th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
HaHaHaHa!!!
May 16th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
@glendoor42
SHHHHHHHHHH!
May 16th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Nick, I think you accidentally revealed your secret identity. I had it figured the whole time.
You secret is safe with me.
May 16th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
This took some weird turn from “eff Florida!” which I was totally ready to jump on the wagon for to “Eff God!” which just left me more confused than anything else…
You have some serious subconcious level shit to work out.
May 16th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
@Sam
I just found it funny because Hawkings said pretty much that what happened before the big bang doesn’t matter, so to trying to explain it with God is pointless.
May 16th, 2008 at 8:56 am
@nick:
nope have managed so far to miss Hawkings’ two books although I have heard good things I just haven’t read them yet, too many books to look at for my course to take the time off for it
May 16th, 2008 at 7:32 am
@samr
Did you read some Hawking? That’s remarkable similar to his view of the Big Bang.
@Andrew
To most people that’s one and the same.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
@Nick:
5′2″ and 350 lbs. does not equal ugly, that equals obese.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
@nick:that was my point - and regarding knowledge of “before” the big bang, either a) yes we can know it as the universe behaves cyclically or something in a similar fashion or b) the term “before” is meaningless, but other than that…
May 15th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
The Emerald Coast (ie Redneck Riviera) is the best part of Florida.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
@samr
What you says is indeed true. What happened before the big bang is impossible to know, BUT that still doesn’t give any reason to believe in “God” and claim it as truth in a loud voice… “TRUELY, SCIENCE IS WRONG BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS BEHIND SOMETHING THAT I SAY GOD DID!”
It really is silly to believe in a God simply because science hasn’t figured it out yet…
May 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am
@Glenn
“I think you misunderstand the word rational. Just because you can describe a process (e.g., evolution) doesn’t make it rational.”
Yes, it does. If there is a natural explanation behind a scientific answer then to say “God did it” or completely ignore the evidence (or say it’s the devil) is completely irrational.
“I just happen to think that belief in God, a belief that doesn’t infringe on the rights of others, is perfectly legitimate and serves a purpose in fulfilling a psychical need for some people.”
If only it didn’t infringe on the rights of others…. there’s millions of examples that show that religion is no where even remotely close to not infringing on other people. There is no psychological need for religion naturally, because it doesn’t help with any of the basic life processes like getting food, shelter, procreation, etc. The need is created by indoctrination because of the fear of going to hell. It makes something that gives eternal life and happiness very comforting.
“In other words, it is a rational choice for dealing with an irrational human need for meaning and purpose. Someone else might try to satisfy the same need by killing people or becoming a philantropist, who knows.”
Yeah… people do have a primal urge to kill as well, and religion gives them an excuse to kill humans for profit (72 virgins, eternal life). While religion also leads to philanthropy, secularist/humanists/atheists also still work community service and donate to charity, but you’re never going to see an atheist with a bomb strapped to his chest. It takes religion to give someone the drive to do something like that.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Comment boards are the only place where I can get accurate science. Oh yeah, YouTube too.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:25 am
@Nick
I think you misunderstand the word rational. Just because you can describe a process (e.g., evolution) doesn’t make it rational. Deciding how you are going to fulfill a drive created by evolutionary processes is a rational act, but the drive itself is not rational. To describe behaviors that have evolved as rational is tantamount to intelligent design.
At any rate, my point was that the god-belief probably serves an important function in our psyche’s. In other words, it is natural, just like you argue that promiscuity is natural (though that it debatable). As rational beings, we can choose different paths, seeking fulfillment in various places. I just happen to think that belief in God, a belief that doesn’t infringe on the rights of others, is perfectly legitimate and serves a purpose in fufilling a psychical need for some people. In other words, it is a rational choice for dealing with an irrational human need for meaning and purpose. Someone else might try to satisfy the same need by killing people or becoming a philantropist, who knows.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:11 am
[...] Miami is #1 ! Maybe that’s why I don’t so bent out of shape on the beltway. DC, see also re:FL. Me, I’m pleased as punch to be where I am. Off to Arlington, VA (right near Ballston) [...]
May 15th, 2008 at 9:05 am
@nick:
although i appreciate the attempted clarification I acutually meant ultimately - i.e. the universe. I mean the big bang may be fact but that doesn’t explain the cause of the big bang and there is still no consensus with in the physics (read: cosmology) community on a) the origin/cause of the big bang b) the nautre (i.e multiverse, bouncing universe, etc.) of the uni/multi-verse c) the exact time-evolution of the universe from the big bang and how the universe came to be in the way (and distributed in the way) that it is.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:54 am
@linggod:
“Wow. Yet more bigoted , intolerant, hypocritical, pretentious anti-religion ranting.
Way to insult every moderate thinking believer ever. Luckily for you most moderate faithful (what ever their faith) aren’t going to shove their religion in your face and insult you for your beliefs. Or lack thereof.”
Please explain how explaining science is bigoted, intolerant, hypocritical, and pretentious. You insult is only perceived because it’s taboo to call someone’s faith wrong. If I just called your spouse ugly or something, then you can feel free to be offended, but that wouldn’t make me any less wrong if she’s 5′ 2″ and 350lbs. I can feel free to call your faith in a God with complete lack of evidence ridiculous and laugh in your face because you’re too ignorant to understand science.
@jeebajaba:
“Meh, science has plenty of “leaps of faith” just like religion does. Scientists will believe in imaginary things like gravitons and tachyons, imaginary mass and quantum entanglement, but ridicule a belief in God. I guess scientists can get away with double standards.”
There’s at least some evidence supporting all of those things and those things are still being tested. The key difference is that if something is proven wrong, we throw it out. We don’t hold onto it like the Peanut’s kid holds onto his blue security blanket just because it makes him feel safe.
@Cutsman
Here’s your entire argument:
“I believe in God because science doesn’t know all the answers.”
And calling “well it took billions of years” a ‘cop out’ is just idiocy. Between radioactive dating, the fossil record, and all the evidence for evolution “it took billions of years” is fact, not a ‘cop out.’ Just because a scientist says “we don’t know,” a theist claiming “then God did it” is the cop out.
“we all look like fucking assholes ARGUING ON A FUCKING INTERNET COMEDY SITE ABOUT SCIENCE AND RELIGION.”
Maybe you think so. I find this to be a fun and stimulating debate.
@Sam
Very well put, except one thing: the “where did we come from” questions. We actually have a fairly good idea of how common compounds could have formed into RNA and eventually life. It’s being tested in laboratories now. Here’s the explanation of the current (and quite strong and promising) hypothesis being tested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozbFerzjkz4
@Glenn
“Why do we feel compelled to cheat on our spouses (I am talking about the urge, not acting on it)? It certainly isn’t a rational thing, and yet you wouldn’t deny that it is there.”
Actually it IS a rational thing, and it is a survival trait. Biological drive pushes men to mate with as many women as possible to increase the likelihood of creating offspring. This is also why most men tend to fall asleep or get tired after sex… so they’ll move out of the way so the next man could have his go. The irrational thing is actually monogamy, though it seems more civilized, actually goes against human nature.
“There is a biological basis for god belief (i.e., brain centers that, if stimulated, will produce a sensed presence of god, and so there is probably a psychological benefit to believing in god, especially in times of stress. Did god put the biology there? Maybe. You see, you can’t use science to disprove god.”
Yes, this is true in the same way that doing what your parents tell you when you’re young will help you survive. This is probably why there are some religions that say “don’t eat pork.” It was a health risk back in those days when they didn’t know that poorly cooked pork could contain worms and such. This is also the same as saying Lightning is the weapon of Zeus so you shouldn’t go near it because it’s powerful and could hurt you. However, we’ve progressed passed that point. We don’t need the invisible authority figure of God anymore to help us survive. True, we can’t definitively disprove God, but we can show that the probability that he exists is very, very low.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:09 am
@Glenn:
It’s interesting that you mention the idea of a “feeling of god” induced by centers of the brain. Having not read any study like that I’ll have to claim ignorance (and request a link maybe for further reading).
However, a question springs to mind:
Were any of the people who entered this study previously completely unaware of the notion of a god? i.e. when they had their “brain” stimulated as you say, the feeling produced made them suddenly feel the presence of a higher being. I ask because it seems possible/likely on the face of it that someone familiar with the idea of a higher being (not necessarily religious people) would be more likely to attribute euphoric sensations etc. to the notion of god or presence of a “higher being” rather than simple euphoria or simply a feeling they have no explanation for (again cf my comments about about lack of explanation seeming to lead to belief in some cases).
Again the leap from [the idea that these people attributing this otherwise unexplained sensation to the presense of god] to the suggestion that this would imply that the notion of god is psychologically beneficial to humans as a whole seems to large a step. Or maybe I just misunderstood your suggestion.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:41 am
If I hadn’t said I would stop trolling the comment section of this post, I would answer :
@Glenn :
I agree with everything you said in the last two post.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:12 am
@Steph
Another thing…science isn’t based on authority, it is based on publicly and logically verifiable claims. Even if some scientist is a lunatic, the theories he/she proposes can be take seriously if they pass peer review. There are politics involved, so ad hominem arguments can sometimes effect how some idea is perceived, but in principle it is the idea, the data, and not the man who are evaluated.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:09 am
@Steph:
You will notice that I was directing my comments at atheists who claim rationality as a basis for their beliefs. I was not challenging theists with logic, because they don’t accept that as sufficient and it is not the basis for their beliefs. They can read the bible literally and there aren’t any facts you can present to change their mind.
@Sam:
You have expressed, in my estimation, a sound atheist position. Based on the principle of pasimony, you have elected to operate under the assumption that there is no God, while acknowledging that it is possible, the fundamental uncertainty.
Why do believers believe? Why do we feel compelled to cheat on our spouses (I am talking about the urge, not acting on it)? It certainly isn’t a rational thing, and yet you wouldn’t deny that it is there. There is a biological basis for god belief (i.e., brain centers that, if stimulated, will produce a sensed presence of god, and so there is probably a psychological benefit to believing in god, especially in times of stress. Did god put the biology there? Maybe. You see, you can’t use science to disprove god.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:22 am
@Ajak1121:
I don’t think the argument against religion is identical to that against a supreme being.
Most people would accept the idea that there is a POSSIBILITY of a higher power existing (i’m not commenting on my opinions on the scale of that possibility) - they are simply saying that coming up with an idea from nowhere with what appears to be no evidence seems a bit confusing - i.e. with no need for the notion of a god in life why would one invent the idea to explain things, many obvious reasons spring to mind: a lack of intrigue in actually finding out how things work, or the other end of the spectrum - asking a question that is almost unanswerable (i.e. where did we come from) and as such might invoke the notion of a “God” being responsible as science continues to be able to competely answer this. However, it does seem weird just to assume a cause with no reason other than you don’t know… and that’s honestly the only reason I can see for assuming that our creator was “God”.
In all honesty (before anyone suggests I think otherwise) - I don’t have a clue where we came from, and although I don’t believe in God simply because of the reasons above - that doesn’t mean I don’t accept the possibility that God exists and that I am wrong - I just see no reason to assumes he does.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:16 am
@cutsman
prettysure not believing in “God” (capitals => omnipotence) doesn’t immediately imply that a person doesn’t accept the possibility (or most probably likelihood) of other forms of life existing in the universe - although without proof it would be difficult to be sure, any decent scientist will tell you that probabilistically its pretty likely other life exists out there - although the intelligence/development of said life is indeterminate.
again - worst leap of logic ever…
May 15th, 2008 at 5:55 am
The above was just to illustrate that the “simple” answers are not always right. If you know some mathematics you will find things that look like impossible and miracle, yet they are normal and possible and you depend on them in your daily life. Just to quote freely someone “You can’t think of science on a language evolved around passing bananas”. And “Every sufficiently advanced technology couldn’t be distinguished from magic” - but that doesn’t make it magic, it just means you are not bright enough.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:31 am
To all the DNA-creationts fans:
DNA is a program, it needs the right computer, you can’t build a dinosaur from DNA, you need a mama dinosaur. And it is possible to have a 100% equal DNA and still produce different results, because they are fed into different machines (mothers, computers). DNA is not a blueprint saying - you put a bone here, a hair there and the eyes - over there. It is just the answers to the reproducing mechanism’s questions (the mother) - “I’m making the eyes, what ingredients shall I include?” And finds the answer in DNA - this protein. But only the chemical composition, not how much, where and when. That’s why even with 98,7 similarity in DNA you can’t put a human embryo in a monkey - it will ask the wrong questions and will produce something absolutely broken and not even a hybrid. So DNA may prove common ancestors, but you can’t use it as arguments that we are made by some higher being. All the creationists are trying to simplify things and attack some “weak” points while not providing any positive arguments about their thesis. The Theory of Evolution is of now a proven hypothesis and the intelligent design - just a hypothesis without any proof.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Yeah but doing only space race is playing only 20% of the game, no ?
Some other Fun Facts :
- adopting Islam or Judaism can still give you profit from the Pigs ressource.
- Judaism and Buddhism do not have missionaries in real life. I don’t know about Taoism and Hinduism, though.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:11 am
Religion gives +1 culture and +5 in the Holy city and you can earn a lot of money with the great temple but in modern times is not very powerfull and a space race victory is easier. You play even a whole victorious game without religion. Since the USA holds neither of the Holy cities of the 7 religions you should run free religion (+10% science) and opt for science/space race victory ot maybe cultutal with Hollywood, Broadway and Rock n’ Roll and The Statue of Liberty.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:57 am
@linggod :
Sure. But where do you draw the line between what is litteral and what is not. Maybe the existence of God himself is a metaphor in the Bible, after all.
The problem Christians have with Evolution is that it seems to take Man off his pedestal of universe’s most important creature. But I don’t think it is the case. As I said, maybe God chose to make his best creation evolve from apes.
Anyway, this is not the place for such debate, so I’ll stop here. There are limits to my douchebaggery.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:36 am
@Steph
Actually no, you can’t prove Christianity to be false. At least, not using the “made earth in 7 days” argument.
As you said some Christians believe that the early parts of the bible are allegorical/metaphorical rather than literal. Therefore we can accept the theory of evolution , the Big Bang or whatever else science discovers/invents.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:54 am
also Voffvoffhunden, it is mathematicaly not possible to share more than 100% of your genes with another specie. It would imply that Florida people are in fact chimps, and it would not be respectful of chimps to say that.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:44 am
I don’t understand why people can’t make the distinction between these two assertions :
1) there is one or several Supreme Being(s) that created the universe
2) Christian (or Muslim, or Jewish, or Ancient Greek Polytheists) faith is right
The second one can be proved to be false. In the case of the Christian faith, if it was true it would imply that God created the universe 6000 years ago and intentionally put fossils and tweak C14 levels in order to fool us into thinking Earth is billions of years old. The idea of such a dishonest God using such convoluted ways to test our faith is ridiculous and I think no intelligent christian believe in that (at least here in France even the priests I know don’t question the fact that the Genesis is an allegory and should not be taken as litteral truth).
The first one, on the other hand, is both unprovable and compatible with science, because it has no intersection with it. Maybe a supreme being created the universe and all the laws of physics, mathematics and, as a result, he created Evolution itself. It is even compatible with the antropocentric idea that Man is the most important being in the universe, God just chose to create him via Evolution and not spontaneous creation.
What I am trying to say is that most atheists attack 2) (with arguments about fossils and dinosaurs for instance) while most deists reply about 1).
The fact that the Bible (or Torah, or Coran) is full of nonsense do not prove that there is no supreme being.
The fact that there could be a supreme being do not imply that the Bible (or Torah, or Coran) is right.
And more importantly, even if there is a God, and even if one religion is right, chances are you did not chose the right one. Being Christian is only rejecting one less religion.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:03 am
That 98% chimp factor is an average. Caused by people from Florida sharing about 367% of their genes with chimps.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:44 am
“Darwin’s evolution (completely random mutation spawning new species) is false”
Idiot, Darwins theory on evolution isnt random. Its based on adapting to the natural environment. Its a primal form of survival of the fittest. The weak animals that can’t adapt eventually die off, and the strong animals reproduce….over millions of years you see better species.
Religion on the other hand…claims the world was built in 7 days by a higher power….i respect peoples beliefs, but for myself…i have some questions.
God created man….but then god created dinosaurs? if god did it in 7 days….then god probably made dinosaurs first….but then 7 days is a few million years? because the first man only appeared way after.
Theres a whole GAP where things ‘evolved’
and yes….fck florida
May 15th, 2008 at 2:17 am
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, you blah? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. MICHAEL SWAIM blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah IS blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah A blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GIANT blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah SMELLY blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah DOUCHE BAG blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah focus blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!
May 15th, 2008 at 2:06 am
I meant to say arguing both for and against God’s existence.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:05 am
Florida hmm - some pretty interesting things going on in Lakewood/Lakeland at the moment, but you won’t find them on the net.
50k + people at a christian meeting that started with 700. Of course all 50k+ are deluded fools aren’t they? - sorry for mentioning it.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:02 am
Also, Fuck florida.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Why is it so hard to accept that there Could be some supreme being in the universe? It is so fucking pompous and smug to assume that humans and life on earth is the ONLY form of intelligent life. I mean think of this in computer terms, have you ever stopped to think that genetics could have been used as some sort of base code on which life on our nook of the universe can propagate and assemble itself without having to needlessly start from scratch? If humans can program a computer to display a web-page using HTML Then why can’t some alien or intergalactic being “program” Nitrogen and glucose to generate life as we know it. I mean go ahead with the ” well it took billions of years” argument, but that cop out is as lame as ” well it takes faith.” Seriously, This shit is why i abandoned atheism and became a Jew, you people refuse to explore the variables that are right their in your face. I mean look, i could be wrong, but given the depth of our universe and the fact that as humans we are all prone to error it is downright stupid to take a solid stance on something we know less than 1% about.
Listen, none of us really know for sure what made us or why, All science does so far is explain how some observations we have made may be able to tell us how. Until God himself runs naked waving his dick around or some scientist comes up with an undeniable formula that can be replicated on a micro or macro scale that is able to perfectly parallel our knowledge of life and the universe, then we all might as well shut the fuck up because we all look like fucking assholes ARGUING ON A FUCKING INTERNET COMEDY SITE ABOUT SCIENCE AND RELIGION.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:53 am
I find it sort of depressing to think of what might be accomplished with all the creativity and intellect used arguing God’s existence, were it channeled toward something productive.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Meh, science has plenty of “leaps of faith” just like religion does. Scientists will believe in imaginary things like gravitons and tachyons, imaginary mass and quantum entanglement, but ridicule a belief in God. I guess scientists can get away with double standards.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Wow. Yet more bigoted , intolerant, hypocritical, pretentious anti-religion ranting.
Way to insult every moderate thinking believer ever. Luckily for you most moderate faithful (what ever their faith) aren’t going to shove their religion in your face and insult you for your beliefs. Or lack thereof.
Too bad you can’t offer the same courtesy.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Yes, I know that, thank you Nick, didn’t say that they were. I was just saying that Neanderthal was our closest ever relative. I also believe to be the only other of species of human beings to exist. Their scientific designation is Homo sapiens neanderthalensis and our is Homo sapien sapien.
Yes I’m glad to have you back, mostly because you, then Gladstone, are the only two to have more flame wars started with them than me, but unlike me you tend to intentionally start them. Nothing wrong with that.
Third, I’ll tell you like I tell my children and told my soldiers “I’m always absolutely right and the sooner you realize that fact the smoother life is going to go for you.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:11 am
@glendoor
First, did you miss me?
You’re absolutely right, but modern day humans only have a common ancestor with Neanderthals, like chimpanzees are, so they’re like cousins. We didn’t directly descend from them.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Yeah, the only thing closer to us genetically than chimps is extinct and that was Neanderthal man. I was going to say something about earlier but since Nick is back I new he would come through for me.
For the record chimps are about 98% and Neanderthal was about 99.9%.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Now now. Lets not blame god. He/she/It has done nothing for you. Blame H/S/Its retarded followers who are trying to interpret the message and can’t help but fuck up at every turn.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
@ Merlot Williams
“It’s really a matter of faith.”
That’s the problem I have is that “faith” is taboo to say that it’s wrong even though there’s never any scientific evidence to back it up.
“I personally don’t put much stock into science since I keep hearing time and again from people who have visited the doctors office “well, we don’t know whats wrong with you.””
Medicine is a very complex thing. I have had that experience too… I was told twice “we don’t know” so we’re going to send you to a specialist and they actually found a very severe heart problem. That’s the thing is that they aren’t going to say “you have this” unless they know. They’re going to keep searching for the problem.
“The same can’t be said of all sciences, but at least in medicine, I don’t put too much stock into that.”
It’s a lot more effective than homeopathic medicines which on many documented occasions ended up killing the child when a real doctor could have saved them.
“I am more than happy to read up on this thing further if you can hit me with a website or something, but where most people don’t chalk creation up to “God did it”, I don’t chalk evolution up to “after lots of years it changed.” Adaptation, maybe. Whole ‘nother spiecies, I don’t buy that.”
Check out cdk007’s videos on YouTube. The guy has multiple degrees including a Ph.D in Molecular Nuero-science and a Bachelor’s in Botany. He has many videos that explain evolution and other things usually in a way that explains why claims of a lot of religious groups are wrong. There’s many others with similar videos, like those from Thunderf00t which are also incredible funny.
“Also, interesting factoid. My fiance was reading this debate over my shoulder (she is studying to be a nurse, hence taking microbiology, and biology) and she has told me that we are actually closer on a genetic level with yeast or fruit flies than actual monkeys.”
I hadn’t heard of this before so I looked it up… the human genome is 46 chromosomes, a fruit fly’s is only eight, and yeast has 16. Chimpanzees have 48, and it’s a proven fact that our second chromosome is a fusion of two chimpanzee chromosomes which explains he 46 to 48 difference.
Sorry, but your fiance is wrong.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Ajak1121 man you got issues. common sense says theres no god. What are you basing your belief on? i’ll tell you. what you were taught when you grew up. where is that from? The bible? what has more inconsistencies than a pathological lair at a thief convention? the bible. what has been dispproven time and time again? The bible. religions are based from man’s way of explaining things. and, inexplicably, everyone started beleiving their own bullshit. There is one thing athiests want: proof. prove there is a God. you can’t there is eff-all evidence. and don’t smugly say “you can’t prove god doesn’t exist”. Because as we all know that is a desperate cop out answer. you can’t prove I’m not god. You can’t prove your pets dog’s eleft nut is not god. Really think about it. if the existence of God was a court case, based of eveidence, God would be proven to not exist. “to roundly reject the concept of a supreme being(s) is all around foolish, close minded, and speaks to ones character.” Well, give me some proof! i might as well believe in Santa Claus or just make up my own religion and beleive that going by your train of thought. fark
May 14th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
interesting tidbit: religion has turned 99.99% of the planet’s population into complete fucktards (moreso)
May 14th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. I have always found it smugly amusing that so called “enlightened” thinkers will rule out the possiblity of a supreme being out of hand. It is the epitome of conceit. Anyone who has ever seriously studied the hard sciences: astrophysics, theoretical physics, etc., should know that we know virtually nothing. We understand dick-all in the grand scheme of the universe. So, knowing as little as we do, to roundly reject the concept of a supreme being(s) is all around foolish, close minded, and speaks to ones character. Most atheists try to trivialize God as some sort of heavenly father figure looking down upon his misbehaving children. I think it very self agrandizing to anthropomorphize a supreme being. If religions have it right, we are a fax of a fax of It, not It being some quaint Rockwellian fantasy of ours. By religion we have been tasked with seeking, so that we may find. How can one say that science isn’t just another method in that pursuit. Again, for all we know binary may be His word.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Tru dat homes. man you noth flordia bitches is all niggas. yall whit cho old people and shit, man fuck yoself nigga.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Ooops, I misspelled “Intelligent”… But please bear in mind it’s pretty hard to type with webbed, yet also clawed & venom-spurting-spurred feet…
May 14th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
The picture of the Westboro Baptist kids fills me with hate and shame for humanity. How did this group get to be so well-known without someone shutting them down for inciting hatred, etc? Also, inflicting that much retarded fundamentalist religion (whose only point in this instance is to spread and advocate hatred) on CHILDREN, from birth, should be tantamount to child abuse. They’re breaking the poor kids! It’s not their fault their parents and families are mental.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
wyoming really does have room.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
@Woombie: YESSS! I’m from Florida, too (Tampa) and I am also hurt by all the Florida bashing. It may be a “tinker toy” state but fuck you guys! We have the original Mickey Mouse and six other major theme parks. On a side note, Mardi Gras is in New Orleans.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Hey cunt bombs,
Have any of you bitching about Florida every actually BEEN to the state?
If you answer yes, in a stuck up, matter-of-factly way, I presume it was to go to Orlando for one of the theme parks.
“But what does this have anything to do with my hatred of Florida?”
Well, if you drove to Orlando, you had to go through the Panhandle, the shittiest part of Florida.
The part that’s trying to secede (Pretty much everything below Lake Okeechobee) Is where about 90% of Florida’s taxes, people, culture, and anything else interesting comes from.
If THAT part of Florida secedes, all you are left with is the part of Florida everyone HATES, the God fearing, bible toting, butterfly ballot(Thats where the whole problem existed anyway, lower Florida’s ballots were easy to use) smells of old people part.
So don’t believe a word this guy says. His hate filled article (Although funny and completely true) Is all about North Florida, the Shit you guys are stuck with if South Florida secedes.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Speaking on behalf of my EGG-LAYING species, & my extinct neighbor the Tasmanian Tiger (or Wolf, even he wasn’t really sure, what with the MARSUPIAL POUCH & all), we resent Intelligiant Design’s claim conveyed by Corsair that “creatures evolved in a relatively straight line.” You make us feel so unwanted & unloved.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
California is not now or ever going to break off i am tired of hearing that stupid crap the only thing it is doing is moving up at a very slow pace i dont remember exactly how slow but i think it was something like a few centimeters a year which is another thing science can do for you(supposedly) make your dick grow
May 14th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
This comment box, the smugness from the evolutionists is death inducing. Also, fuck richard dawkins and fuck the catholic church.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
wait…62% genetic similarity w/ cabbage? I’m going to tell everybody!!!
btw, what will happen when the comments reach 300 this time? You adopt a puppy?
May 14th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
“science can’t
Cure cancer
Get rid of Daniel O’ Brian
get you laid (Fact: unless you’re a rich scientist then all bets are off)
Make cars run on water
make a bad ass solo”
while science can not make water power your cat yet it is only a matter of a few years until it can all to the help of H2O + NaCl and a high frequency sound wave blasted through it making a high intensity heat by separating the Na from the CL and the H from the O(in case you dont know what that is it is salt dissolved in water) creating an intense fire. oh yes this process is already done and completely safe to humans since it is merely sound waves. oh and also the only meaning in life is to propagate the species which science can do unlike religion which trys to stop you from doing your duty to nature by making you want to f little choir boys
May 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I am an athiest, and I live in Tennessee, which is part of the “Bible Belt”, so I have to deal with a bunch of religious bs all the time. So many people at my school go on about how blacks, gays, and any non-christian people are evil and they shouldn’t be allowed in school. And about the “God hates fags”, isn’t there something in the bible about how god loves everyone or something (I read the bible once when i was 8)?
May 14th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I completely agree with CORSAIR’s first comment. I too, am an agnostic, raised as a Catholic, who left the church because i didn’t agree with doctrine and dogma. Until you can show me the fucked up, bastard child of random evolution, I’ll believe in some form of Universal (I refuse to call it intelligent) Design. Even ALBERT FUCKING EINSTEIN, widely excepted as one of history’s great minds (though by no means the greatest as some would say), attributed(not always fairly) with more scientific theorys and laws then most, said once that there was “an ultimate mystery” that no human could ever understand through science. Yeah, if its good enough for old Al, its good enough for me.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
and Casnadia.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
But then we’d have only have 49 states! What an ugly number.
Well, I suppose then we could just adopt Mexico. Kill two birds with one stone!
May 14th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
i want to become a religious leader just so i can establish a devoted following and have them all march into the sea.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
@ Nick
It’s really a matter of faith. Most humans I have seen these days need a tangible and verifyable evidence, and I am fine with that. I respect you however because you don’t bash me for being religious, nor do I bash you for being athiest. More people need to take our stance on it, if you agree, fine, if you don’t, fine. I personally don’t put much stock into science since I keep hearing time and again from people who have visited the doctors office “well, we don’t know whats wrong with you.” The same can’t be said of all sciences, but at least in medicine, I don’t put too much stock into that. I am more than happy to read up on this thing further if you can hit me with a website or something, but where most people don’t chalk creation up to “God did it”, I don’t chalk evolution up to “after lots of years it changed.” Adaptation, maybe. Whole ‘nother spiecies, I don’t buy that.
Also, interesting factoid. My fiance was reading this debate over my shoulder (she is studying to be a nurse, hence taking microbiology, and biology) and she has told me that we are actually closer on a genetic level with yeast or fruit flies than actual monkeys.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
To bad France lost their balls shortly after WWI.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
@ThisGuy :
Well, France has a wang, and an erect one for that matter. It’s called Bretagne and it’s pointing on you !
May 14th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Anyone who takes religion seriously is retarded to begin with, I dont see why you would get angry over it in the first place.
also
godhatesfags.com already exists under the alias “4chan.org”
May 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
I live in daytona beach and I must say, this state gets tagged wrong all the time.
maybe there are a lot of religious zealots here, but probably in bum fuck counties around the everglades.
where I live there are beaches, babes, and trap houses.
as a matter of fact, 82lbs of Columbian cocaine just got picked up the other day.
I almost forget to mention that we got badass serial killers that prey on the hookers, what more could you possible ask for?
Shit, this place was probably the most ill city on earth during the 80’s
oh yeah, EMBRY RIDDLE is also here so we also support full on terrorism.
HAIL THE SATAN STATE!
May 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Here’s my solution to Florida, give North Florida to Alabama and Georgia where it belongs anyway,( That way I don’t have to pay double property taxes).
Let central Florida become the Republic of Disney, which it pretty much is anyway.
Give South Florida to Cuba kind of like the British did with Hong Kong so Cuba will have a money source to enter the 20th century and I did mean 20th.
Let Tampa become a free and independent city with tax haven status, so I don’t have to send my money to the Cayman Islands.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
You’re forgetting Miami-Dade is one of the most crime infested places in the country. I check cnn.com EVERY DAY and there is at least one murder, rape, or child abuse claim from Miami-Dade county. Sometimes a prison escapee or school shooting to liven things up.
Oh, besides the religious freakazoids….child beauty pageants. ‘Nuff said.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
We did fly you to the moterfucking moon. Cape motherfucking Canaveral. Courtesy of motherfucking Florida.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Q: “Do you know why Jesus stopped playing hockey?”
A: “He was tired of always getting nailed to the boards.”
May 14th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I actually broke down and read the bible the other day, and you know what I learned?
DON’T GET CRUCIFIED, THAT SHIT HURTS LIKE A BITCH.
“Hey Jesus, What’s Up?”
“Ohhh… nothing much, just hanging around”
May 14th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I got out while I still could. Fuck you, home state! D<
May 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
@Ms. Miscreant
It’s an amazing prospect isn’t it? To live life to the fullest… one of my favorite quotes from Thoreau (one of the few things I enjoyed in english class):
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
May 14th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Florida sure does suck… unless you moved down here for school from a northern state in the middle of the coldest winter on record, like I did. Then, when you step outside in January in shorts and a t-shirt while your old friends are getting severe frostbite you realize that Florida is actually pretty awesome. If we’re gonna get rid of a state, I vote for the People’s Republic of Kalifornia - isn’t it supposed to break off and sink one of these days anyway?
Also, am I the only one who severly misses PWOT? That site used to make me laugh so hard it hurt.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
But what would America be without it’s wang? (Answer: France)
May 14th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
“I’m not God. There is no God. I’m just an opinionated guy with hopes of sparking some people into thinking for themselves and taking joy in the short time they have to live on this Earth without throwing it away worrying about making some invisible man mad.”
WIN.
Don’t anger the greyhair on the golden throne in the clouds!!
May 14th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Plenty of hatin’ on Florida, less hatin’ on religion. The first miracle Jesus did was to make wine for a wedding. That means Jesus wanted everyone to have a dirink and for the bride and groom to be able to get to the honeymoon (read: lots of fucking) without any further delay. If that’s not what is being conveyed by embezzling televangelists, then hate on the dumbass motherfuckers who listen to them, but don’t put the blame on real Christianity.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Guys, we must have different faiths, because my religion can totally do all of those things.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
@Nanogasm:
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; wearing fancy clothes to church once a week will never make up for the fact that someone’s a horrible person.
I do love the irony of hearing these uptight well-dressed ultra-whitey picket fencers in the ‘burbs blast the Mexican immigrants doing their yardwork and household chores as ‘immoral’ when those Mexicans are more deeply rooted in religion than anyone in the Western world.
I’m sure God is very impressed by the ability to accumulate wealth and fashions and then pretend they’re good Christians.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Religion can’t get me hard without simultaneously making me feel guilty.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Dick joke
May 14th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I thought those “god hates fags” t’s was talking about cigarettes for a minute. In Britain the question “Can I bum a fag?” is entirely innocent. Bum=borrow and fag=cigarette. An innocent question that WILL get you killed in Florida.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
@ Steph:
“I’m all the way with you on the miracle issue. Yet I think that faith has a huge potential placebo effect and thus we cannot say that faith is useless. God, even if he doesn’t exist, is in the equation for those who believe in him, and it makes a difference for them.”
Yes, it does have just a placebo affect on some people… i.e. comfort and such, but that comes with such a much worse price: terrorism, ignorance, indoctrination, fear. A placebo might just be a sugar pill, but if someone comes up to you with a big sugar supository in the shape of a dildo and says it’s religion (genocide, infanticide, fear, servitude, etc.), you probably wouldn’t bed over. Then they say they’ll be gentle and add some lube (eternal life) and then for some reason people just bend over, take it, and then ask for more because people are afraid of death and eternal life is reassuring.
“Will you revise your judgment on Guitar Hero when the DS version comes out ?”
I just don’t see the point. Still doesn’t do anything do or help anything. Might as well just use an MP3 player and play air guitar… you’d look cooler than playing the DS thing. At least people will look and be like “wow… that guy’s having a good time” rather than “look at that guy play a toothpick sized guitar picture with 4 buttons. I look at it and think… wow… DDR but America is so lazy that they’ll only use 4 fingers to play it.
Actually, I’ll be a little nice on this one for the sole purpose that it would be good for travel. Give a 10 year old some earphone and he’ll be quite for an 10 hour car ride home, so that’s good for the parents because they can avoid a backseat beating mid-drive. You can’t really play a real guitar while riding in the back seat of a car, so it has some purpose, but ultimately still a bit futile. At home, they should still stick to getting a real guitar and teach themselves the real thing.
That’s my judgement for now.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
@Nick : “God is not even close to being in the equation”
I’m all the way with you on the miracle issue. Yet I think that faith has a huge potential placebo effect and thus we cannot say that faith is useless. God, even if he doesn’t exist, is in the equation for those who believe in him, and it makes a difference for them.
That said,
@Glenn : “a believer is perfectly capable of proposing a scientific theory that holds water.”
I agree with the fact that a scientist can also be a believer. But yet, would you trust a scientist who thinks astrology or numerology is true ? Why not ? Because the fact that he doesn’t use his critical thinking in such important subjects as Fate puts his intellectual capacities into question. The same goes for people following the Christian (or Muslim, or Buddhist, or Atheist, or anyone claiming to know the unknowable) faiths : these people are not afraid of logical contradictions.
That said, a lot of great men in the past and in the present were believers. I think Blaise Pascal said “a little science takes away from religion, but a lot of science brings back to it”. So maybe we are just too dumb…
“I don’t find disproving literal readings of the bible to be all that interesting.”
Me neither, yet so many people still cling to this book and to religion as the right way to worship God, taking what makes sense and leaving the rest.
“The general idea of God, however, is pervasive.”
My view is that there is nothing wrong with believing in a higher power. What is pervasive is the way men have used this idea to gain power and to back up their actions.
Also all this talk is taking the fideist approach of God, stating that his existence is unprovable. Many believers think there are concrete proofs of his existence. These are either uninformed people or lucky chosen ones.
Also @Nick :
Will you revise your judgment on Guitar Hero when the DS version comes out ? (comical remark intended)
May 14th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
It’s pretty sad that I have to hear about the goings-on of my own home state from a comedy website. I’ve lived in Gainesville for all these past 23 years and I’ve never heard any of this. On the other hand, we are kind of a bunch of elitist pricks who tend to ignore the crazy bullshit the rest of the state throws out what with our University of Florida and our Gator football. We tend to subscribe to the idea that “the south ends once you arrive and resumes once you leave” as if we were surrounded by an anti-redneck field or something.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Best on Cracked in a long time!
Intelligent Design, if you believe that I have some offers for you! Just give me your banking info and I (A Nigerian Prince) will wire you $80 million dollars!
Oh and also, give me your daughters right away! Not for any religious reason, just because being employed as my personal sex-slaves is still better than learning from you!!
Christians,
tastes like chicken..
May 14th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
@Merlot Williams
“Wow…I guess I misjudged you Nick and I apologize. I am man enough to admit when I am wrong.”
I appreciate that, and I don’t blame you. I know I don’t mince words and sound harsh most of the time, hence why most people here call me a douche bag. (But, really it’s mostly because I pissed off the GH fan boys for calling Guitar Hero a big pile of shit and a waste of time.)
“I find comfort and the such in my religious belief system, yes”
And, that’s fine, just don’t look too much to the belief system when modern technology will do just as well.
“I think that humans came from monkeys is bullshit.”
I think you should do some reading. The ERVs and the fused chromosome are 100% definiative proof that we have a common ancestry with modern day apes.
“Each side, whether Athiest/Agnostic or Judeo-Christian, both have either unearthed or scientific fact to back their claim.”
I have to disagree. Religion has no evidence to back their claim in god except anecdotal evidence which isn’t testable, repeatable, or verifiable. These are 3 essential things for the scientific method.
“I respect people with a difference of opinion, what pisses me off about it is when people think that their opinion is the only opinion.”
What pisses me off is when people claim that their opinion is true despite complete lack of evidence and then try to put it on the same level as something that’s backed by hundreds of ears of test evidence.
“I bet you (Nick) could tell a Christian more facts out of the Bible than your average “holier than thou” churchgoing asshole.”
Yes, I was born and raised catholic, baptized and confirmed complete with catholic school for several years.
“As far as the whole “elitist” thing goes, being elite is a good thing yes, but not when people act like they are better than others because of it.”
Some already said this is just a side affect. It’s as if I tried to tell a surgeon they’re operating wrong… I don’t know nearly enough about it. If someone claims evolution didn’t happen, then I call bullshit and give them the evidence. If it offends them, then it’s a personal problem. I won’t concede scientific proof over faith just because someone claims it.
“Bottom line is, you are a pretty cool guy, and I misjudged you.”
Thanks.
“Just don’t hate all Chrisitans who speak for God, when they can’t fathom any of his teachings, or even get their own facts straight.”
I don’t hate the person. I hate the ignorance. Much like Christians that say “Don’t hate the sinner, hate the sin.” People just need to educate themselves and not chalk it up to “God did it.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Oh good! Hopefully this means that we won’t be seeing you here any time soon. Thanks for the good news, now I can enjoy my sunshine and warm winters in peace.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Humans aren’t even close to knowing enough about the Universe to make any kind of (valid) definitive claim that God exists or doesn’t. Whether they ever will be remains to be seen. Bottom line, the only relevance God SHOULD have is to the individual who believes in him(her/it). As long that individual practices their belief in a way that doesn’t (intentionally or overtly) hurt others, there’s nothing wrong with it, and frankly, no point even talking about it - unless someone asks your opinion of course….
May 14th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Religion can’t:
make a person even slightly more moral.
That’s one of the reasons the God Fuse article dissapointed me so much. The people who’ve treated me shittiest, from childhood through adulthood, have always been looking down on me from their pedastal of regular church attendence. Fuck anyone who thinks a persons values come from some arbitraty list in an old book and not from thinking about their actions and taking the path that causes the least suffering and brings the most joy into people’s lives.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
@Steph
I don’t find disproving literal readings of the bible to be all that interesting. The general idea of God, however, is pervasive.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Um, Supermodel4u305?
Jeb FUCKING Bush. You elected him by majority. Therefore the majority of you suck. That’s not numbers, it’s math and math doesn’t lie.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I was just saying this the other day, when I realized that Florida was ALREADY screwing up the present election. Only not as funny, at the top of my lungs, and with great streams of dog blood shooting around the room as I stomped, stomped, stomped my hope away. (Hope is my dog and a metaphor for my actual hope, coincidentally.)
May 14th, 2008 at 11:54 am
This has to be the most ignorant article I have ever read. I AM FROM FLORIDA and I will have you know we’re not all “White Incestuous trash”. I am Cuban along with 50% of Florida, and educated. Alot of us DIDN’T vote for Bush because he’s a pot smoking moron and everyone here in Miami is a Democrat. You say Florida smells funny? What part are going to? Maybe your confusing that with the smell of your ass, because apparently your head is shoved far up there. Oh and we’re Ugly Now???? That’s funny because the last time checked Heidi Klum lived for a very long time in FL, Carolyn Murphy was born and raised here, Megan Fox was raised here, and Alexis Barbara as well. I myself work for John Casablancas Miami. But we’re all ugly right???? I will never come to this crap website again because now I see how retarded you assholes are.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:54 am
On miracles:
Every miracle has a completely logical explaination. Take the healing water of Lourdes for example…
80,000 people a year visit for the last 100 years or so. They claim 66 miracle healings… that’s a one in 8 million chance (.0000008%) to be healed, and it’s never been something terminal or uncurable (i.e. it’s never cured a brain tumor, terminal cancer, or an amputated limb.) The doctors or modern medicine helped those 66 people, not God.
People seeing images in their grilled cheese or in wood grain is because the brain chooses to see what it wants… that’s why you can see a rabbit in the craters of a full moon or a all sorts of images in the clouds, and why people saw a devil face in the smoke from the towers on 9/11.
It all stems from irrationality. God doesn’t cure people in the hospital… the doctor’s and medicine do. God is not even close to being in the equation and to invoke his name in place of the doctor’s who spent years at school to study should be insulted that they don’t get credit.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:51 am
@Sam
In a nutshell, you are saying that god cannot be proven or disproven using logic. I agree. All I am saying is that God cannot be proven or disproven through science. It is a different problem space altogether.
I agree with you that a scientist that incorporates god into his theory is not being a good scientist. Yet, a believer is perfectly capable of proposing a scientific theory that holds water. Also, the scientific method is not a way of life or an accurate description of human behavior. It is just a system that we invented for accumulating knowledge systematically and making sound decisions in a variety of areas.
We believe things to be true all the time without understanding them or having justifications. I believe that tomorrow the earth will operate the same way it always has. I have no empirical basis for this since I cannot see into the future. I am making an inductive inference based on what I have observed so far. Strictly speaking, inductive inferences are not logical. Yet I and all of science make the assumption that this is the case. We believe it in the same way that a theist believes in God.
Also, when a scientist believes that a theory is fundamentally true despite contradictory evidence, he/she is displaying the same type of belief as a theist. It is a conviction based on a hunch, on a subjective evaluation of the body of evidence.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:39 am
@Glenn :
Sorry I replied before seeing your answer.
My point with the experiment was that we get an interesting answer : god avoids being tested. In fact he never gives any proof. We have a little miracle now and then, but nothing concrete. It’s interesting because if we are to believe the Bible, in the old days he would have made something to gain a little publicity. So why doesn’t he act the same with us and with people in 33 BC ? How can such a universal being change in only two thousand years ? Were people back then too primitive to handle faith without proofs ? I would say that back then it was much easier to start a religion. Just say God created this rainbow over there or this eclipse, and you have many followers. And now that we have the intellectual tools to challenge his existence, he doesn’t even try to give us something, except a two thousand years old book full of nonsense ?
@Sam :
That was my point : If such a being exist outside of basic logic, then there is no point arguing for or against it. And taking the Bible as proof, or the practice of church-going as the right way to honor God are just as irrelevant as thinking God made Man at his Image (which is really the foundation of the Evolutionist/Creationist battle : Evolutionists are placing Man as just one species among others)
@David Wong :
When are you going to show up !? We need you in such topics !
Anyway, I hope florida floats all the way to us in France, so we can have all the oranges. And some new stuff at Eurodisney.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:30 am
@Merlot William
“As far as the whole “elitist” thing goes, being elite is a good thing yes, but not when people act like they are better than others because of it.”
It’s an unfortunate side effect to think you’re better than someone when you know they can’t or won’t get the facts straight. I don’t mince words to try to keep people’s feelings from being hurt. Faith in religion is one of those things though that people take personally. Things disguised under religion are all of sudden off limits to ridicule, and that is a travesty. That does cause me to look at contempt for religions that breed terrorists and pedophiles, and I DO think that I am better than terrorists and pedophiles. Belief based on faith and not evidence is ridiculous especially when we have ton of scientific proof to the contrary.
It’s also the trend that atheists have higher IQs and receive higher/better education. I can tell by personal experience that I know more than priests do about science and how the world really works. I almost jumped out of my seat when I used to go to church at the stupid, 100% incorrect stuff the guy was saying (particularly about the solar system). I only didn’t because I knew my family would have been embarrassed. Do I think I’m the smartest person in the world with all the answers? Not even remotely, but I do think I’m within the top 10%-15%. Does that make me an elitist? I guess so, but I do think that it’s rightfully earned by myself and a lot of others who don’t see the world through “God goggles.”
“I think that humans came from monkeys is bullshit.”
I do have to say that this is something you should take a long look at because we did evolve from a common ancestor with modern day monkeys/apes.
I don’t see why you would right out say that this is bullshit. It’s not an insult to anyone. Everyone also descended from an African American people called the San (which is kind of funny because the KKK and other racist hate groups as such are ancestry-wise also part black). It’s not an insult, it’s just history and how the world came to be via evolution and human migration.
What makes us so much better than monkeys anyways? Look at all the atrocities humans cause. We just have more advanced ways of killing each other.
Here’s a good video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmUGJ3Jh7fc
It talks about a few common misunderstandings as well as some false creationists beliefs. Specifically though it mentions about the ideas of human evolving from apes and mentions ERVs and the fused human chromosome. Here’s a full video explaining exactly what ERVs are and the probably that humans and chimpanzee’s have ERVs at the exact same insertion points that we find in our own genome. It’s needless to say that the figures are staggeringly in favor of evolution: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUxLR9hdorI
“Just don’t hate all Christians who speak for God…”
I don’t hate any Christians, just the way they ignore science either because they didn’t take the time to learn/understand it or someone told them not to (take a look at Ken Ham who tells kids to always believe in God over the scientist under the motto: “God said it, I believe it, that settles it.”)
It’s that kind of willful ignorance that gets to me because there is no reason for it. Most religion even tries to destroy science… just look at the Dark Ages. If we had progressed from that time and the church hadn’t started burning books and such we would have had the technology we do today back around 1000-1100 AD. The church set the entire human race back around 1000 years.
“I find comfort and such in my religious belief system, yes…”
I just highly suggest that you take a long hard look at religion and the church before jumping into it too far and always keep a weary eye open (especially if they try to say anything using mathematics or science). Take it from a me… I’ve been baptized and confirmed, and for 15 years I went to church every week, I’ve read the Bible cover to cover, and there was no greater feeling that dropping the chains religion had put on me since I was barely old enough to learn how to walk. It’s completely unnecessary to being a moral and tolerant person (I’m actually more tolerant now than I was before).
I also appreciate life now is greater than ever before because it was myself that did it. It’s not God that let me do anything, and when something unfortunate happens it’s not because I sinned and God punished me. You can still stand on top of a mountain and look around with awe and wonderment at the beautiful scenery, but then take even more joy in knowing how that mountain formed in the first place. The world is amazing, but that’s not an excuse to claim “God did it,” tell people they’re going to hell, and then ignore and impede scientific advancement because it doesn’t fit in with the narrow world-view of the theist.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:24 am
sorry to double comment - but on the all knowing all powerful front, a being (since we’re talking within the precepts of basic logic) cannot be both. If one were to argue a being can exist outside the logical foundation of arguement, then logically there can be no arguement, so the point is useless.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I don’t want to get into a bickering arguement over this, but we’re not talking about flipping burgers, that analogy really doesn’t hold in any way: We’re talking about something that fundamentally says something about your approach to life, as does science. The practice of science requires complete objectivity (not in all aspects of life as that would require automatons) which seems to be at odds with a religious persons apparent ability to accept a “fact”/”belief” (choose most fitting for you) with NO verifiable (read: repeatable) evidence.
And no, just to clarify theoretical physicists (as much as one can talk about generalisations here) do not “believe” in a theory, they may “beleive” a theory to be a good fit, but are willing to throw this theory out/ alter theory at the slightest hint of inaccuracy. These are two very different uses of the word “belief” and should not be confused.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:19 am
@Glenn
All I am saying is that you can’t use science to disprove God, because that is not what the scientific method does.
Yes but you can use science and logic to disprove what is written in the Bible (for instance). You can prove that some of it is false and thus prove that the assumption that it is the word of god himself is false, and thus come to the conclusion that we don’t know what parts of the Bibles are authentics (ie: not made up a few centuries after the facts). The same goes with the belief in an all-knowing, all-powerfull, benevolent god. You can logically prove that he can’t be all three at the same time. Otherwise puppies would never get killed.
So you can’t prove that god doesn’t exist but you can prove that the christian faith is based on bullshit.
That said, as I wrote in a pwot post that probably got deleted, we can always assume that God obeys a logic that we mere mortals cannot comprehend. If you did some computer science you know that boolean logic is not the only possible one (fuzzy logic and temporal logic being some others), so it may be reasonable to expect God to have his own logic, and his own definition of what is good.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:19 am
@Steph
God didn’t feel like making the electron disappear today. You see, god’s behavior is sort of unpredictable: not exactly a mechanism that would be possible to study.
In fact, based on what I know of the Christian god, he would deliberately avoid any such test.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:14 am
@Sam
I wasn’t aware that I implied ’simplest’ meant something other than that. There are some problems with that definition though, in that all assumptions are not created equal (i.e., an independently motivated assumption is more convincing than an arbitrary one).
A guy working at McDonald’s follows the official burger-making method. At home, he can do what he wants. He might even believe that the burger-making method McDonald’s uses is boring despite its efficiency. He can still make the fuck out of a burger that way despite his beliefs.
Further, does a theoretical physicist “believe” in a theory or does he/she propose it as an explanation of observable data? All scientific theories are false on some level because we don’t have access to all data. A scientist may believe his/her theory captures some element of the data in an elegant way, and may believe it captures something fundamental about the true state of things, but to believe that a theory is “true” in some absolute sense is a logical mistake.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:04 am
@Glenn
““God did it” could be used to explain anything, but it is a deadend. It is not refutable for one thing, and for another, it does little to stimulate ideas for hypotheses to test (good theories generate interesting research questions).”
Well if we are talking about the Judeo-Christian god, for instance, it does raise interesting research questions, such as “Will this atom lose an electron if I pray God to make it happen ?”
@Nick
Also I’d like to go back to Nick’s comment about Islam. I am neither jewish nor muslim, but I went in Israel for work, and I came to the conclusion that the religious differences is perhaps 1% of the hatred between the two sides. Everything stems from a ethnic and cultural differences. I used to think that religion was the cause of many troubles, but take away religions and you would have exactly the same problems, be it in Ireland or in Israel.
Muslims, just as Jews, see themselves as a people and thus act accordingly, putting their interests before those of other people. But if they were not fighting about religions, it’d be something else.
So stop saying this or that religion is crazy. People are xenophobes, and religion is just one in a hundred reasons to beat the shit out of a neighbour that doesn’t live the way you do.
That said, I agree with most of what you are saying. Here in Europe this issue of teaching ID in US school is on the top ten stereotypes that makes USA look like a very retarded country (right along re-electing Bush, violating UN resolutions, training terrorists (Ben Laden), putting dictators in place (Sadam Hussein), and being able to sue McDonald if their coffee is too hot.).
May 14th, 2008 at 10:37 am
@glenn
I thought that I was trying to explain that distinction in my post - science has no concern with the existence of god as currently it is unfalsiable, I was trying to clarify that a person claiming to follow scientific method yet also claiming belief in god is at odds because of that reason.
And occams razor uses “simplest” meaning the minimum number of assumptions should be made.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:30 am
@sam
A scientist would dismiss god as an immediate explanation for what is observable, yes. Rightly so. The scientist could not then claim that such things categorically don’t exist. They are just irrelevant and unecessary assumptions for a scientific description. The distinction is subtle, but it is there.
I would suggest that the question of god and spaghetti monsters is just a different type of question. Scientific questions certainly have more immediate relevance to our daily lives. All I am saying is that you can’t use science to disprove God, because that is not what the scientific method does.
We naturally reject certain explanations/possibilities as implausible all the time in our daily lives. It would certainly be a waste of energy to continually remind ourselves that we are just assuming that the world around us doesn’t disappear when we close our eyes or that we aren’t just dreaming inside a computer program.
Occam’s razor tells us to accept the simplest explanation necessary to explain all the observable data. It doesn’t say that the simplest explanation is true, nor does it garantee that we have access to all the relevant data.
Every now and then though it is healthy to remind ourselves that there are limits to what we know, and the types of descriptions of the world that the scientific method provide. I’m a science guy all the way.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:24 am
@bm:
nb - I did use “hardly ever” when qualifying encounters…
I was using the example of darwinism in general simply to highlight the idea that evolution is not entirely just random changes as suggested, in fact random is definitely not the right word, although sometimes uncommon random changes may occur.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:23 am
As a Florida boy, born and raised, I’d like to weigh in on the side that South Florida will not secede and here’s why: they have no follow through. Miami has attempted to become the state capital a few times in the History of the state and has never succeeded. Now, think about how many people live in the Miami area.
That’s right.
No follow through. South Florida is a group of terribly wealthy or horribly destitute people who are either used to doing nothing and getting their way because someone else is doing the work for them. Or, in the case of the other half, doing the work for some wealthy person and not having enough time to sign a petition.
Or their just illegal immigrants.
So, sit back, and have a mojito because this is not going to happen. All the douchebags in North Florida, where I was raised, are just going to watch the douchebags in South Florida, where I currently live and have lived for several years, flounder around and eventually give up on this false crusade.
Why doesn’t central Florida (Orlando) secede and become their own city-state. They’ve got the money and the people, all they need are the guns and the inclination. They’ve already got a castle.
Just throwing it out there.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Sam - CORSA1R’s description of “random jumps” is not described in Darwin’s theory, but keep in mind that it is a 150 year old theory. CORSA1R’s mention of this is actually sound science. Darwin’s theory is not a good model of evolution according to many scientists today. It only describes a gradual change in species over time, while many scientists believe this is only a small part of evolution. It has been debated that sudden changes did happen at certain time points; i.e. the development of new species which would involve a drastic change in chromosomal number and arrangement (Scientists are still baffled by the process of speciation as it has never been observed). You have to keep in mind that Darwin’s theory, while brilliant, was published in 1859 - almost a century before there was any insight into molecular biology and genetics. Brush up on some more modern theories.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Well actually science usually being based on falsifiability means that it would be unlikely someone truely following logical scientific systems could actually accept the idea of god, and would dismiss it as easily as the famous (and stupid) analogs of the giant invisible teapot orbiting the sun and/or the spaghetti monster, with the simple reasoning that since it (currently) cannot be proven either way the idea should be dismissed out of hand, unless of course it is that topic which is the focus of investigation.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Part of being an intelligent and critically-minded person is recognizing the limits of what you know and what can be known. Claiming that god doesn’t exist is just as logically problematic as saying he does exist.
If you want to reserve judgement until there is proof, that is one thing. Just don’t go telling people that God doesn’t exist as if there is some sort of scientific proof supporting the statement. Some very intelligent scientists do that, and it is ignorant. All human knowledge is based on assumptions (e.g., the laws of the universe are stable, and won’t suddenly change tomorrow) that are unverifiable (i.e., we can’t see the future, so we don’t know how stable reality actually is). Get off your high horse, and please stop claiming rationality as your weapon if you are going to ignore some of its basic logical foundations.
Obviously, I am not saying we should let religious zealots push their agendas in schools. Let’s just keep the focus of the debate on where it belongs.
Intelligent design is not an acceptable scientific description of reality. “God did it” could be used to explain anything, but it is a deadend. It is not refutable for one thing, and for another, it does little to stimulate ideas for hypotheses to test (good theories generate interesting research questions).
If you want, science is the process of humans discovering WHAT “God did” and HOW he did it. Atheists can leave the god part out as it has absolutely no impact on the scientific method, nor should it. In other words, scientists can do their job without assumin