11 Grand Theft Anecdotes
So by the time you’re reading this, you may very well have been playing the just-released Grand Theft Auto IV for 8 straight hours, and in that time, formed some pretty firm opinions on the game to go along with the magnificent odor you’ve also probably developed. Sadly I can’t count myself amongst your number, as having both a job and a girlfriend, I have certain non-optional sleep and odor-maintenance regimes. Consequently I haven’t played a bit of the game, so were I actually to attempt a review here, I’d be making a mockery of the journalistic standards that Cracked magazine has long stood for.
Instead, I’m going to recap some of the absolute favorite things I enjoyed about the past GTA games, which should be a good way for me to fill out a blog post, and also not get too stinky.
My Favorite Things about Grand Theft Auto:
Reverse 180’s. In some cars like the taxi or police car, these are so easy to do, it’s delicious. I think I pulled one of these accidentally about 5 minutes into the original GTA III. As I recall, after my eyes resocketed themselves, I stood up and exclaimed “Holy Crap, I’m awesome!” It’s such a small thing, but making the player feel like the Golden God of All Things On Wheels is one thing that makes this series so great.
Creating a whole logjam of cars and then blowing them up in a chain reaction. Once you realized that multiple gunshots could destroy cars, tell me within minutes you weren’t piling up cars in an intersection like a lunatic valet?
This one time in Vigilante mode. This mode seemed kind of lame at first - mostly just chasing crooks down, smacking their rear quarter panel and shooting the hell out of them with an uzi. But there was one criminal who I couldn’t pin down at all, and as the clock was running out, in an act of desperation I slammed him off the side of a bridge and into the ocean. One of my favorite gaming moments ever, and it hopefully sent a message to everyone else in Liberty City who had four outstanding parking tickets: there was a new sheriff in town.
Big dirty handbrake turns through intersections. Drifting used to be so cool before the Japanese ritualized it and turned it into something incomprehensible. They did the same thing with sex, and I’m still pissed off about it.
The Sentinel. I find that all the love in this series goes to the street bikes or the sports cars, but for my money the Sentinel and it’s variants are the best cars in the game. Not over-awingly fast, but just so unflappable in bumps, hard turns and under braking. I can’t count the number of times I lost the handle on a Cheetah while traveling at top speed and spun out into three prostitutes, snuffing out their already tragic lives. But that almost never happened in the Sentinel. This goes back to that whole “feeling like a Driving God” thing I spoke of earlier.
Motorcycle assisted BASE jumping. Just like watching a Vin Diesel movie, except you don’t feel embarrassed talking about it afterward.
On that subject, check out some guy’s hilariously ruined Quad Bike BASE jump:
__
Harrier dogfights. San Andreas had such a retarded amount of unlockable content, that this probably shouldn’t have surprised me when it happened, but it did. Sure, the dogfighting was actually pretty terrible, but it boggled my mind that it was even in there, and again, allowed me to relive some favorite movie moments.
My roommate:
Me: “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!”
Turning the turret in the tank around 180 degrees and repeatedly firing the cannon to accelerate forward. You almost never see tanks do this in real life, and I’ve always wondered why.
Running over Crockett and Tubbs in their own Ferrari. In Vice City when you achieved a certain wanted level, a Cheetah with two cops in pastel suits will come after you, just like Miami Vice. However unlike Miami Vice, they were about as hard to kill as a baby duck. Which I found perfectly delightful. “People who hate and want to murder Don Johnson” have been a curiously under served gaming demographic for a long time.
__
And while we’re all sitting here,
My Least Favorite Things about Grand Theft Auto:
Molotov Cocktails. Fuck those things. I don’t think I’ve ever used one of these things that didn’t end up with me in a heap, a polyester suit permanently fused to me corpse.
Eating. In San Andreas you had to eat food periodically otherwise your character would bitch and moan at you. Who’s great idea was a video game that simulates eating? Fucking Taco Bell? The whole point of video games is letting the player do stuff they can’t do normally, i.e. drive a firetruck at full speed off a ramp, and into a fountain where they’d earlier parked two helicopters.
Stuff appearing and disappearing when you turn your head. The game wasn’t too bad about spawning stuff when you were driving, although it was far from perfect. But when you’re on foot, cars and swarms of gangster would appear or disappear as soon as you turned around. It was really disorienting and unsettling, and I’m guessing it’s exactly how old people feel all the time.
__
So what were some of your favorite GTA moments? And who’s got GTA IV? Is it any good? Can you send me your copy? Why not? What’s your problem, dick?
April 29th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I don’t have GTA4 yet, because I just spent the last of my cash on another game that came out this week: Mario Kart Wii
April 29th, 2008 at 8:41 am
this was actually really fun to read
and that video is fckin A!
April 29th, 2008 at 9:06 am
I did the “mad Jc laugh” when i saw the video. People are easily scared by it.
In GTA3 i liked doing the stability test. Driving a car and then rapidly doing little left and right turns until the vehicle would fall on the side.
Farting and beating people was fun in GTA.
I don’t recall much fun in GTA London, both 1969 and 1961.
GTA2: flamethrower. Also, land mines and oil slicks near water.
Vice City: Fuck this shit, Vice City is the best GTA EVER. I flew helicopter almost further than i had walked on foot.
San Andreas: I love riding in the desert, need more games with cars and deserts. Also, i like jumping from high buildings without parachute, with bycicles, quads and motorcycles.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Wasn’t the FBI car by far the best car in GTA3? That’s what I remember. I loved getting the feds on my ass so I could get their car.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
In San Andreas I found a little quiet spot in San Fierro. It’s just near the clifftop houses, sandwiched between them and the beach on the right hand side of the map. It’s basically a little valley with a tree and a beach, but it’s so damn quiet (almost realistically quiet) and unable to reach for cops (except choppers, but if you have a rocket launcher they can easily be taken out). I also loved jumping off high cliffs or ledges and the rush of adrenaline as the game realistically portrayed speed.
In Vice City it was great holding up stores for extra money, I’ve no idea why they didn’t keep this feature for San Andreas.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Oh, and I’m pretty sure the Sentinel is a game-padded BMW M3, which is one of the best driving cars ever built.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:54 am
In GTA 3, I remember just farting around doing taxi missions when I looked at my count and I had done some 60+ consecutive runs.
I always liked Vice City, but isn’t it technically GTA 4? Sandreas is 5? Then Liberty City Stories, etc, etc.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Also, I think the GTA radio stations deserve a thumbs up. Thumbs up hard.
April 29th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Every time I signed in __ Bigblackconnect.com __ and there were always many women would talk to me … It is a funny and interesting place to talk to these thoughtful women.
April 29th, 2008 at 10:27 am
The whole tank thing is a awesome example of Newton’s third law. I wonder if it would in real life though. I would like the mythbusters to get on that shit.
April 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am
The radio stations were always entertaining when you are driving around looking for some nasty ho to bang….I wasn’t much of a mission player on any of these games because I enjoy giving the local GTA pokey something to do (i.e. chase me) but dammit mr. Bucholz you hit the nail on the head when you said “Turning the turret in the tank around 180 degrees and repeatedly firing the cannon to accelerate forward. You almost never see tanks do this in real life, and I’ve always wondered why.”
THIS is my favorite thing, it’s an obsession, and why the hell DON’T tanks do this? Or do they??????
April 29th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Do all the firetruck missions to become fireproof, and you will grow to absolutely love the Molotov cocktail. I’ve used it to devastating effect in gang wars, including one in which I wiped out three full waves of Vagos exclusively by standing on the pedestrian footbridge in East Beast and lobbing Molotov cocktails at them as they filed up the stairs to get me.
Just north of there is a parking garage that’s the safest haven I’ve found for cranking up the wanted rating and leisurely picking off cops from the windows until starvation sets in. I’ve stayed here for days at a time. They can’t figure out the spiral ramp in the front, they’re blocked by a moat in the back (although occasionally a police vehicle will come careening over the edge and blow up), and helicopters can’t touch you there, though if you get the urge, you can run up to the top and blow a few up. (This is where I perfected the skill of taking out choppers with the sniper rifle by shooting them in the rotor.) And when you finally get sick of being a wanted man, you can jump down into the moat out back and escape out the tunnel into the storm sewer system, either grabbing a undestroyed tank that’s fallen in or just popping out near the pay and spray west of there.
All that said, my favorite gaming moment ever came in the third movie studio mission in Vice City. With a five-star wanted rating, I was desperately flying back to the studio with my helicopter in flames from police fire. Knowing I’d never land it in time, I bailed out just as I flew over the high wall surrounding the studio lot, landing safely atop the wall as the flaming chopper roared past overhead, crashing into the lot, and exploding into a fireball. It was cinematic.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Whoops. That should be “East BEACH.” But, uh, the locals call it “East Beast.” It’s their nickname for a tough dog-eat-dog neighborhood.
April 29th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
In Vice City I enjoyed stopping police cars by standing in front of them, then shooting them. The police stumble out, I kill them, and then I have a police car!
But the first joy I ever had with GTA III was in running up to some random person, punching them in the face, then running away. It’s like an episode of Jackass.
Vice City also featured the coolest costumes for the main character. The golfer outfit is a crackup!
April 29th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I second fragg’s statement about random acts of violence. That was the best.
April 29th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I can never get bored of using the flamethrower, it’s just so much fun. I’ve even used it to bring down a chopper on San Andreas, though that was more luck then judgment.
April 29th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I guess I’m just easily entertained, but in GTA 3, simply riding a moped and switching to the side view and crashing into junk was enough to make me laugh.
April 29th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Yeah, just punching random people in the face or kicking them while theyre on the ground was worth the money. And you could just run down dozens of passers-by without being punished.
What was strange in San Andreas are the jet pack and the dancing sessions you had to go through in order to get to bang your girlfriend
April 29th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I always enjoyed running my motorcycle into a barrier at top speed to see how far my body would fly. I also liked jumping on top of cars and letting them drive me around town.
April 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
re: BASE jumping video
i had a similar thing happen to me while playing SA… I was minding my own business, making some loot by robbing tvs, and as I was walking out of a house with my biggest heist to date - A FUCKING PLANE CRASHES ON ME! funniest shit ever. i wish i had captured the moment on tape…
April 29th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I always hated how you had to unlock parts of the map to go there. True, it is one of the rewards of the game, but I want to go to Las Venturas NOW!!!
April 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
San Andreas. “Cars fly away when hit” mode.
I stayed up for many a sunrise with my friends, just riding around on a bike, trying to smack into a pickup truck, land in the back and fly away on it.
Or flying a car high into the sky, jumping out, then trying to spawn a plane, skydive to the plane door and get in. Never worked out, but a lot of fun nonetheless.
April 29th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Best GTA Moment: In Vice City, I was just walking down the street when some douchebag on a dirtbike bumped me as he rode by. I stumbled a little, but unfortunately for him, I had the magnum out and blasted him off the dirtbike. He fell off but the bike kept going for another 20 or 30 feet. The whole incident lasted 4 or 5 seconds, but me and my friend laughed for a good ten minutes. How I wish I could do that in real life.
April 29th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
that vid nearly killed me I was laughing so hard. pwnt hard.
April 29th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I loved playing “human lawn darts” in San Andreas. Basically, it involved wearing the biker helmet (with the spike on top) and jumping from the roofs of tall buildings without a parachute and trying to skewer people on the ground with your head.
That and driving a motorcycle into a cargo plane as it was taking off. . .that was pretty cool too.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Gotta agree with you on the Sentinel, the mafia one was pretty much all I drove in GTA3.
My favourite diversion was in Vice City, grabbing a motorbike and shooting a fellow biker, then watching them tear off and crash in hilarious ways. Even better if you have a slower bike and try to keep up, you could have some epic chases in the desert in SA.
As for GTA4, can’t wait to get pissed drunk!
April 29th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I spent 11 years of a 20+ Army career in Armor (tanks) and the main reason tanks do not
use their main gun as a means of forward motion, is that the people who are behind you, who in most situations are your friends, would not appreciate 120mm shells raining down on them.
Also the M1A2 weighs about 68 tons and that’s a lot of weight to move no matter what the propellant.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I remember when I was in school I would par-take of some herbal “stimuli” and doing some pretty crazy things. For example, we would get a wanted level of four and then switch to the TOP view and we would have “reporter commentary” as we would try and evade the cops.
I guess I have lived in Souther California for too long
April 29th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
And i think tanks using tracks has to do something with it too (every tank from GTA3 obviously have tires).
I’m getting the idea that I’m the only one who has played or had any fun with GTA’s before GTA3
April 29th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
GTA 2 still has a special place in my heart.
I also liked to take drugs in GTA 3 and listen to the pedestrians.
“Wee’rre go-ing too Ahroobah!”
April 29th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
The thing I like the most about GTA:VC and SA was that you could mod the fuck out of them. I didn’t even get out of LA in San Andreas before I got bored, downloaded the “Open all areas” patch, then downloaded a fuckton of assorted, random mods. Trust me, you ain’t lived until you crash out of Las Vegas on a Warthog, dressed as Mr. T, hoping to reach your zepellin in the airfield before those cops in wheeled AT-STs get you.
I hope that when (if) they release IV on the PC, they won’t make it completely mod-proof.
Also: dodging missiles in a Nevada (small cargo plane) is the most awesome and manly thing. Ever.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Vice City was my favorite.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
The jet pack in SA is awesome. There are so many fun little hiding places where the cops can’t get you that you can fly to if you have the jet pack: construction sites, tall buildings under overpasses. And it’s great fun to hide under the freeway until a huge mob has formed above you, and then lob a few grenades up onto the road.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I’ve only just finished VC…but FUCK it was an amazing game. My favourite thing was to kidnap people in cars and drive them off bridges - much to the consternation of whoever else was in the room with me, concerned as they were for my mental health as I threw myself out the car and giggled as the screaming NPC was swallowed into the harbour.
Good times.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
finished SA a while ago, my favorite part was trying to do flips off of the mountain in the desert on the dirtbike, and the entire line of heist missions in LV
April 29th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
You are all sick and twisted. You represent all that is wrong with western society, and I cannot wait until Allah sends another hurricane to punish you.
On a side note, I always wondered why you can’t capture people, put a bomb vest on them, and send them into malls, markets and other public zones in remote control cars….
April 29th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Been playing some GTA IV, already had a great moment, was driving Little Jacob back from the strip bar, when I crashed on a scooter, sending me flying onto the road, and him off the bridge we were currently driving across. Ended up failing the ‘mission’ I was on, although later on in game I got a call saying he’d been discharged from hospital, and could I go pick him up!
April 29th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
The tank comment was top notch.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I think my favorite moment in the series came in VC. After getting a slew of ammo for the two sniper rifles and pulled a kurt russell in the light house near the beach while counting how many martyres i sent to the promised land. After about a hundred and fifty or so i would jump from my perch and get to a respray. Rinse and repeat.
The most enjoyable part of this, however, was thinking that you have become the biggest serial killer in american history and all you had to do to get away with it is drive a couple of blocks, albeit in pure anarchy, to get away with it.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
BASE jumping! with bikes!!!!!!!! I played San Andreas just for that!!! and car-pileup-chain-reaction KABOOOOM!!!!!!! By the way, on the PC, you only have to aim for the gas tank to blow-up a car. Also, try Vigilante with a bike and uzi, that’s awesome. Or better, with a tank. Somehow, searching for photo spots at the San Fiero was also sorta fun. Really, I just agree with everything here. GTA isn’t about violence or hooker massacres, it’s about having dozens of crazy shit available in one game. Oh, yeah, jetpacks too.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
What about jumping out of your tricked out pimp-mobile, dressed in a gimp suit to beat the be’jesus out of a drug dealer with a massive dildo!? CLASSIC SA fun!
April 29th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I liked the ridiculous pills you could take and be able to punch people 10-plus feet into the air. I also like hookers.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Arming the chainsaw, and standing on the freeway right next to a stopped truck. Every car had to pass me in the remaining open lane, and the saw would BZZZTTBZZ the side of the car as they went by. This was best with motorcycles, as the passenger would be knocked off the bike when their face hit the saw. Hours of fun.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
“…as having both a job and a girlfriend…”
X-D hahaha
April 29th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
In Vice City, during that mission where you have to participate in a gang fight with a sniper rifle from a roof, I loved grabbing the drug right before running up onto the roof–the drug that slows everything way, way down. It makes picking off those jerks easier and more entertaining.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I remember I got stoned everyday for 2 weeks and clocked gta san andreas… man that was the coolest shit.. it felt like i had a whole seperate life and i couldnt wait to get home from work, get stoned and resume taking over san andreas. it was teh coolest thing in the world.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Another fun thing to do in SA was to get into any plane, fly up high and then jump out with no parachute, and try aim and land into a small pool of water. For reasons physics cannot explain you would always land unscathed if you managed to hit the water.
I dont even think it had to be particularly deep either, so then the challenge became; How small a pool of water can I land in without exploding over the surrounding terrain?
From memory didnt San Andreas ruin the whole “Turning the turret in the tank around 180 degrees and repeatedly firing the cannon to accelerate” technique. I havent played it in a while, but when I think back to SA and the tank Im hit with a memory of disappointment and longing.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Um…when was drifting SO cool before the Japanese blahblahblahblahbunchofshityoudon’tknowanythingabout?
When Michael Knight would fishtail out of a corner in KIT?
Because that wasn’t drifting, cool guy.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
using the all peds are armed, peds riot, and peds hate you cheat codes then trying to survive more than 5 minutes. good times.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I loved using the bikes as weapons in SA, just biking down the road, get to top speed, and then line yourself up perfectly and jump off, throwing your bicycle or motorcycle into some unsuspecting pedestrian.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
If anyone could tell me how to use the Thomas the Tank Engine mod to replace the tank in Vice City, I would be very grateful.
Also, my fave moments in VC were pretty much every rampage involving the “Panzer” cheat on the PC. If a tank barely touches a car of any kind, the victim blows up. My favorite part of that was dodging the other tanks and trying to take as many down with me as possible. Also, If you use the panzer cheat over and over again, you get a pile of tanks and they asplode one by one. Fun Times.
Now excuse me while I re-install Vice City (it was my intro to GTA and the only game I ever played of it.)
April 29th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I loved in san andreas getting the little ridable lawn mower and driving it everywhere and off of cliffs and tumbling down and it was impossible to get flung off of and took a ton of damage
April 29th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
My favourite thing was to stand in intersections or on buildings and snipe car tires. Not cause any real damage but really inconvenience people.
April 29th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Most perfect moment- GTA:VC, motorcycle side mission jumping from roof to roof, taking a little damage with each jump. As the smoking bike approached the last jump it ignited, just in time for that cinematic slo-mo camera shot from the side–that tiny reward the programmers put there so the player could admire his bad-ass avatar flying high above the street on a crotch-rocket. Except in that one, perfect moment, my flaming motorcycle transformed the tiny reward from “cool” to “holy fucking shit! did anybody SEE THAT?” Not nearly as cool as being side-swiped by an airplane, but that’s pretty hard to beat.
As for acts of random psychosis in VC, I always enjoyed grabbing the sniper rifle and a slow pill then quickly popping off the heads of some bystanders and running around in the fountains of blood spewing from their decapitiated bodies before they slowly fell to the ground. That’ll help one work off some tension, and it’s cheaper than therapy.
April 29th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Grabbing a sport bike, and machine gunning everything on the Las Venturas strip. Then, dodging the SWAT teams and feds that start piling up on either end. I once did thus for several hours.
Also, the stat section that tells you how much money the police are spending on just you. Fucking genius.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
GTA 4 rules. I picked it up at midnight last night at Hastings, and since then I’ve been at work all day and doing homework as well, but from the snippets I’ve been able to hop in and play are amazing. The level of immersiveness just can’t be under emphasized. You can be cruising around in a sports car shooting your uzi at random passerbys, get a call from your girlfriend, go out with her and get pissed drunk (depending on who it is, some of them pick up the tab), then you have the awesome experience of trying to drive drunk home (which is ridiculous) or in my case, trying to fly a helicopter home drunk. Everything you liked doing in the earlier GTAs is retained, but its just been upped to that level you always kinda wished it had been.
For example: since all models are wired neurologically, they respond to stimuli on different parts of the body. The targeting system allows you to select where you shoot your target. So one time I shot a woman in the upper torso - neck area. I ran up to her to take her money, and she was laying on the ground writhing, holding her hand to her neck to try to stop the bleeding, right where I had shot her. This is cool, but it also adds to the realistic-ness of the game and really getting you immersed.
Also, the pop-up graphical glitches are still there (like every GTA game) that being said, you really don’t notice them. I have the 360 version and I hear the PS3 is better for stopping the popups and cutting, but it really isn’t enough to detract or even take your attention off the game.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
I wasn’t really amused by just lining up cars and creating the chain reaction until I discovered those trucks that have an angled flatbed that you can use as a ramp. I’d put one of those at the end, start the reaction, race back on a motorcycle and try to jump the inferno before my ramp exploded. The cinematic camera made it even better.
I’m also a big fan of trying to reach max speed in a sports car while driving in the wrong lanes of the highways.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
If you go to the top of Mount Chilliad in San Andreas there are a lot of plane crashes. The planes spawn up in the air but won’t try to move or gain altitude when there’s something in front of them.
The worst thing in GTA is losing your car and running down a 4 lane highway in rush hour and there being no cars anywhere.
April 30th, 2008 at 12:19 am
My favorite thing by far in VC(I think it was VC, I’m not sure) was to pause the game on the PC, type “panzer” over and over again and then unpause. The game spawned all the tanks in the same place and that conflict sent most of them flying. It was pretty fun to watch random pedestrians being crushed by a falling tank. It’s raining tanks.
April 30th, 2008 at 1:20 am
I used to commit a “poetic redneck suicide” in SA. I would steal a beater truck in the desert, drive around until “crazy” came on the country station. Then drive into the nearest body of water and slowly sink to my oblivion while Willie took my pain away with his dulcet tones. It really freaked my roommates out, but I always had an ulterior motive. The slow death was the perfect time to load another bowl.
April 30th, 2008 at 2:23 am
Damn, my first GTA experience was in the first GTA on the PS1, just jumping the bridge-gap in the first town using EVERY CAR available (the bus, the tank). Also jumping anything and everything on a bike in Vice City or turning on the armed pedestrian cheat and watch hilarity ensue.
April 30th, 2008 at 2:23 am
Call me a megalomaniac but I loved how you could conquer the territory of enemy gangs in San Andreas; shit was so cash.
April 30th, 2008 at 2:27 am
I hated the Dodo in GTA III, I mean what was the fuckin point of that plane if you can’t fly it?!
April 30th, 2008 at 4:44 am
In GTA san andreas, there was a Jamaican type character on the streets. If you killed prostitutes with the silenced pistol, and things were timed just right, he would come up to their bloody, violated bodies and say “Look at the hate that hate made”
April 30th, 2008 at 5:23 am
Another thing I loved to do was in GTA 3 take the Yakuza cars (which were basically modified Porsche 911s) and drive them into these banked intersections at high speed downtown somewhere. The cars would do these insane 360 degree somersaults and flips. You had to get the speed and the impact just right, so the car would hit the slope and the force would make the car flip.
April 30th, 2008 at 5:49 am
I like messing with the vehicle config files, so that the cars are insane. I made some videos of me doing stupid things in a cheetah in SA, it was good times.
In IV im just impressed at how fun it is to die. Explosions are awesome, bailing/jumping out of cars is awesome, gunfights are awesome…
Best moment so far would probably be when i was escaping the cops in a police car, and drove into a low wall. I went headfirst through the windscreen and rolled and flipped my way all the way down a hill in some park. I survived and got away! Niko is a freakin tank.
April 30th, 2008 at 6:05 am
My favorite in GTA3 was modifying specifications for some car… Like giving car max speed of 800mph, lower suspension to 0 so it won’t turn over on corners, making it 30 tons heavy so it would go thru other cars like thru butter, give it crazy acceleration and of course making it indestructible.
Then I would compete with friends in jumps over the whole city blocks - who could jump the furthest, or who can jump over the airport or over the bay…
Also, it was fun just to drive car like that through streets, bumping it into trucks or buses at high speeds, kicking and exploding them high in air… Lots of fun
April 30th, 2008 at 6:18 am
travio Said:
“I used to commit a “poetic redneck suicide” in SA. I would steal a beater truck in the desert, drive around until “crazy” came on the country station. Then drive into the nearest body of water and slowly sink to my oblivion while Willie took my pain away with his dulcet tones. It really freaked my roommates out, but I always had an ulterior motive. The slow death was the perfect time to load another bowl.”
Wow. That’s the sickest yet.
April 30th, 2008 at 6:26 am
I don’t think the minigun has been mentioned. Utter mayhem. Instantly obliterated anything stupid enough to come at you. The sound fx (remember the minigun in predator?) made it that much better.
Speaking of sound - the best weapon from VC was the magnum. “Blam!” I would make it a tradition - every single time I would exit a vehicle, I would equip magnum, auto-aim, fire on the nearest unlucky pedestrian. Every. Single. Time.
April 30th, 2008 at 7:40 am
It’s funny when you manage to come up with something that freaks out your friends. They may be completely fine with going on an indiscriminate rampage but if you start to get specific in who you kill they start to worry. For example I would go on long stretches of time where I would count the people who walked past then stabbed the 5 person to come by. Every time it would be 1, 2, 3, 4, STAB! For some reason that bothered people.
April 30th, 2008 at 8:46 am
I’ve only played Vice City, San Andres, and I just picked up IV yesterday but so far my favorite feature is in IV when you’re driving full speed and hit a building or post head on and it send Niko flying through the windshield.
April 30th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I used to stand in the middle of the path (San Andreas) then beat the ever loving shit out of anyone who even LOOKED at me. Also, anyone I could catch running away. Also, the paramedics. Let’s not forget driving down the motorway/highway the wrong way. I think it’s fairly needless to say I get killed/arrested a lot. But I’ll be damned if I don’t have fun doing it >:)
April 30th, 2008 at 9:25 am
A while back, I fired up Vice City to remember the good times. While playing around, I noticed there was a line of people just standing up in a corner. I thought that it was a glitch in the game, but then I realized they were standing there on a bus stop (I saw the sign). I stayed a while waiting for the bus but it didn’t came. Regardless, I thought it was a nice little detail in the game which made me appreciate it even more. Pedestrians also have a ton of dialog which I think you can appreciate even more if you know Spanish (at least in Vice City). You can always play the game and miss a bunch of little details that really make the game more believable. It’s really what makes GTA what it is.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:39 am
My memorable moment happened in the first GTA; I respawned at a hospital and an ambulance, sirens blazing, swerved off the road and squished me, before continuing on his way. I dunno what I did to the guy, but damn was it funny.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Awesomest blog post ever.
I pre-ordered my GTA IV from Hong Kong to avoid the censorship issues in Australia and it hasn’t arrived yet, so I’ve been desperately trying to avoid anything remotely spoileristic in nature.
GTA 3:
The compulsion to hoard cars and explode them is impossible to avoid. You find some spots are better than others, specifically some spots have less police protection and less danger of cars fading away (which is extremely annoying). Outside the Portland hideout is good, and down by the docks near Joey’s.
Also, having a high wanted rating and going in that underground road area thing on the East coast of Staunton Island, underneath the bridge ramp and such, and watching the police cars from the top road plunge blindly over the edge and into the river never really gets old.
Sniping people is always fun, but using anything with bullets usually ends up in a police chase. Also, there’s an intersection on Staunton where Yakuza and Cartel NPCs meet and fight and you can put cars in the middle which clog up traffic and explode.
You can also kill endless numbers of people with a baseball bat in that loopy road by the nightclub at the docks without attracting any police attention. I must have picked up a few hundred dollars there on many occasions.
And then there’s that weird disused tunnel that you don’t need to go into for any mission, but it has hobos inside it worshiping a hidden package! With molotov cocktails!
And chucking molotov cocktails over that overpass next to your Shoreside Vale hideout , causing NPCs to want to kill you.
And going to quitest corner of the map you can find, just so you can listen to Chatterbox and try to make out what some of the callers are saying.
It goes on…
Vice City:
Getting involved and picking sides in the conflict between the PIG security guards and the Sharks, up at the north end of the first island. And then stealing cars and watching them get stolen by the thugs at night.
Leaving the face of the game map by jumping onto that sewage pipe in those weirdly vacant docks next to Little Haiti (unfinished, probably).
Joining your gang guys going for a stroll into Haitian territory.
Hunter.
The canals look awesome the first time you sail down them on a speed boat. Almost enough to make up for Lance’s “you probably gonna want to kiss me” line.
Tipping cars into the water by the pay ‘n’ spray midway up the first island, then tallying up how many you can do in a day.
Replaying missions that, when you first played them, you thought were extremely challenging, only to find them easy because you’ve picked up some serious skills in your advanced nerdiness. Some even become fun, like that one for Mitch Baker where you’re meant to go nuts as much as you can for three minutes or something.
“I did your wife, ya’ poor bastard.” A lot of fun, if you’re in high school.
Pressing Issues gets better as you get older, and it was fun to begin with. Alex Shrub is the ultimate Republican archetype.
San Andreas:
C.J. Fool. GTA+cornrows=awesomness.
The screen blurring when you go really fast. Even though you’re not actually going all that fast, it feels like you are.
Creating an endless line of tractors towing each other. I really never explored that possibility enough.
One of the later missions features you flying a jetpack that you stole from a secret military installation onto a moving train to snatch some alien goo for an aged hippie who can’t fly it anyway and lets you have it.
Passing the Zero gatling gun+model airplanes mission. What a high. That’s the San Andreas mission everybody talks about.
Oh, and Zero reminds you of somebody, but you can’t figure out who. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the target demographic being what it is.
The Truth is hilarious the first time you play his missions. Conversations about methods of transport involving ‘an Astral goat named Herbie’ and a mission which requires you to burn fields of marijuana with a flamethrower (while getting high accidentally) are gratuitiously perfect. And Tenpenny is probably the best thing Samuel L. Jackson has done since Pulp Fiction.
The cultural awareness! I mean, it was certainly there in GTA 3 and Vice City, but it’s in your face all the time while playing San Andreas. The radio stations are either playing subversive music (even that song by Willie Nelson makes you feel a little murderous, and in a good way), or being entertainingly self-aware. The Catalina missions, as heartwrenchingly time consuming as they were, were an embodiment of the whole couple storming the countryside robbing banks and stuff theme very common in a certain period of country music. The Boyz In Da Hood references attack you at the very beginning of the game and make you think about what you’re doing (i.e. playing a video which is essentially about violence and crime).
“Eh, holmes.”
April 30th, 2008 at 11:00 am
The greatest moments in SA for me were just taking the different planes out and trying to do the most dumb-ass death-defying stunts possible with them (i.e. flying under overpasses or into tunnels, between the wires on bridges, etc.) Also fun was hanging around that abandoned cabin in the woods for days in game-time, trying to find the Piggy easter egg. When the circumstances finally ilned up for it (right time of day, raining, etc.) I heard the chainsaw start, frantically looked around for him, and got killed before I had a chance to see him.
In GTA3, the key to molotov cocktails is knowing how to use them correctly. The correct way is to ride around on top of a police car, drop one just in front of it’s path, and wait for the cops to stop right on top of it, get out of the car and fire a few shots at you before they burn to death. That is what they were meant for.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:13 am
In Vice City, I would get a motorcycle drive it to the airport and commence on hours of wheelies, stoppies and stunt jumps from the countless ramps available at the airport. GOOD TIMES!!!
April 30th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I was just playing San Andreas the other day and I was goofing around with a weapons cheat. I was hurling the remote controlled bombs to cover a cop car and I ran away to detonate it when I saw a bomb in front of me, just . . . floating. The damn thing glitched and got stuck to me. So I ran back, jumped on the cop car and loudly said, “Fuck you muthafuckas!” and detonated myself, the cop car, numerous civilians, cops and cars. The best part was how I was thrown across the screen to hit a tree and land in a heap.
Another time I was in the helicopter and I jumped out at the highest possible height and realized I didn’t have a parachute. When I finally landed I landed right on top of the helicopter blade and flipped off onto the ground. I wasn’t mad about this, I was more amazed at the odd of landing right on top of the blade.
I really enjoyed just base jumping and hoping for the best.
In GTA 3 I spent HOURS driving any car I could find up the parking garage and launching myself off of the ramp and into a crowd of civilians. Sometimes I just kept jumping the same car until it caught on fire or hit a tree in mid flight, caught on fire and exploded before I was able to crawl away.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Best SA moment was when I first unlocked all the planes, including the harrier, and had myself a good dogfight. Except I lost the harrier and had to jack the P-51 from my airport.
It all started out ideally enough. I had woken up from the 6 hour save, and it was a typical summer morning: Blood red visions as far as I could see. I jumped into my stolen military aircraft, gleefully setting up a game plan to ass-rape Las Venturas with rocket salvos, fly low to Los Santos and pull a True Lies with the highways.
Well, as things got underway in Venturas, randomly sending rockets into cars and Elvis impersonators alike, I caught a surprise. A volley of bullets from the military truck below me send my harrier into a smokey haze. As I pulled back, white smoke filling my view, I noticed a blip on the radar. Bogey dead six, baby, the true game had begun.
I pushed it up, breaking the sound barrier while dodging missile after missile from my pursuers. I had dropped one, making him crash into the Triads Casino, and the other held back, content with launching his missiles. I took a right hook, following the channel between the two landmasses, watching the boats below me pepper the plane with bullets.
As I went under a bridge, a missile caught my tail, and I was sent into a unstable turn to compensate, but it was too late. My plane was going down, and I had to bail or die. I guided my plane to the San Fiero airport, knowing that a menagerie of planes awaited their pilots and subsequent firey explosions. I bailed over the hangars, throwing the parachute open as close as I dared. The army swarmed in, but to no avail; I was in the P-51 faster than they could dismount.
I blew out of the hangar, 50. caliber machine guns plowing my way. I took to the air, fully aware that my combat ability with this WW2 plane were limited. The harrier had been circling the field, waiting like a hawk for my return. I did not disappoint.
He began his attack run, and I led him through the city skyscrapers, trying to make him die painfully, but he was too close. Pulling up, I let the engine stall just to lose him in the clouds.
But, he was following tandem, aligning his missiles with increasing accuracy. Finally, after 5 minutes of fruitless flying, I turned to face my enemy.
His reaction was to swerve, trying to keep me in front of him to plow my ass with his ramrod of explosives, yet I kept his ass in plain view of my guns. I hammer down, his plane being peppered with half inch pieces of lead by the hundreds. After several passes, his plane was spewing black smoke, and started to descend into the city. I followed, to confirm the kill, watching his jet slam into a police roadblock, and into my dealership by the garage. There were cars and bodies and glass flying everywhere.
It was glorious.
And yet, my flight was not over. My own plane in serious need of a paintjob, I bailed out over the pay n’ spray, and got a nice respray, and then…it started again…
That day, I killed many an officer and innocent bystander.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:48 am
San Andreas. Spackle a car with remote explosives. Get in. Drive fast toward unsuspecting mob/gang. Bail out and your car will keep rolling toward your target. Blow that motha. Great for bikes too…
April 30th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Onodera, I agree about the FBI car.
Remember that glitch that let you fill a garage with as many cars as you wanted?
I filled the one underground garage thing with 8 fbi cars. Took forever, but it was so worth it.
April 30th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Under the feel like a driving god category, i wanna add, in GTA 3: Get a wanted level. Race toward the nearest body of water. Hit brakes. And then watch law enforcement fly into the river. Kinda a perversion of that vigilante mode story.
April 30th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
My favorite thing was in VC, once you had the car dealership, you could store all sorts of cars. So I made up a quest to steal (not through cheats) every police/Army vehicle possible. The hardest to get was the troop transport, because it was slow and fragile. It kept blowing up before I could get home with it.
April 30th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I was playing Liberty City Stories and went ona killing spree. However I’d given myself the task of only killing Coppers and those trying to kill me (I was really bored!).
I was doing well. I was in a chase, dodging the civilians and cars while the police pursued. I even managed to avoid the damn annoying strikers who seem to want to die for what they believe in. For goodness sake, no ones going to care about there pay!
But as my car crashed and set alight I jumped out I found myself in the city. I had still only killed coppers and SWAT but at that point a police car arrived and in a moment of standard pig stupidity it charged square through a crowd of people, reversed over any possible survivers and some of its own, got out, and in a hail of gunfire, killed about a dozen women before getting me.
Technically, not my fault. But it gave me that sad twinge about there pointless deaths that you play GTA to avoid. You’d at least get the pig turning his gun on himself on live TV in the real world.
April 30th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
In SA, I used to put the flying cars cheat on and speed into the sky, bouncing of the tops of high rises as I went.
An easy way to perform insane stunts!
Flying along in the Hydra and shooting missiles at cars passing on the SF bridge was another highlight.
April 30th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I have to give more love to the Sentinel. Absolutely the best handling car in the entire game.
April 30th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
In SA, heading out to the countryside and bringing a harvester back. Then I’d head down to the beach and turn all the sunbathers into chum.
April 30th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
GTA 4 is unreal….just unreal. multiplayer?had to change my pants every 4mins
but for me GTA 3 was the king among kings!it was the most realistic city. and the best part of the 180 tank firing was putting on anti gravity cheat and doing it. you would take off and could fly (or hurtle) in a 20tonne steel coffin and shit streakin speeds all over the cities.
and yes the Sentinel was hands down the best car in the game (GTA 4 version is just a big old bag of sex)
April 30th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I’ve done some truly demented shit in San Andreas, PC version.
Case in point: watching people jump off buildings.
This, as you might guess, requires cheats, but only three. First, you get a bus; the easiest place to find one is in the parking lot of the radio tower building on the south border of the city of San Fierro. (If it isn’t there when you go, drive a distance away and come back and one should have spawned.) Then turn on the recruit-anyone cheat; with max respect, you can recruit 7 people.
Then, go hunting.
Find your 7 people - I personally prefer women on the beach, police officers, or old women sitting in the parks. Recruit anyone you like and enter the bus, and they’ll follow you. Once the bus is full, turn on the cars-fly cheat and take off. Fly around and find a building to land on. Get out of the bus and shepard your recruits to the ledge and make them stay there; then use the jet pack cheat and fly off the building. Once off, call them, and they’ll happily step off the building and fall to their virtual demises. You can watch this in the air using the jet pack, but if you want to watch from the ground you have to make sure the building isn’t too high or else the recruits will vanish, or reappear with you on the ground.
You can also watch from other buildings; I also like to use them for target practice with the rocket launcher as they fall. It’s difficult, but very rewarding. I’ve also attached those remote bombs on them and detonated them before they hit the ground.
I do this for fun since I beat the game. Just my two cents.
A great thing about the PC version is it also lets you modify all vehicles in the game, allowing you to do insane, unheard of things in sports cars and whatnot. That’s the best part of the PC version in my opinion.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
My favorite moment just has to be sitting on rooftops and sniping people, especially in Vice City. Then driving around the beach and running over people…Good times..good times.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Sooo many good memories, many of which I have forgotten by the time I got to the bottom of this
GTA2:
-I found the burp/fart button humorous, especially after commiting random acts of violence on unsuspecting pedestrians
-Oil slicks
-”Watch it asshole”
-”He’s got a gun!”
-Uh… Nope, forgot.
GTA3:
-Mastering flight of the Dodo! It’s all about keeping the speed up
-”In the navy”
-”My toolbox!”
-The one-armed guy whose name I have forgotten
-Trying to keep vehicles/tanks in the air was harder than the Dodo!
-”I want you to go down there and introduce a bat to his face”
-Lazlow
GTA:SA:
-Driving a train of 6 tow-trucks around San Fierro
-De-railing the train!
-Getting squished by that damned tram in San Fierro!
-Finally figuring out how to make the Hydra fly properly!
-Sneaking into the Easter Bay Naval Base, and being incredibly disappointed at the lack of any thing cool
-Watching planes fall out of the air for no apparent reason
-’Executive intruder extermination service’
-’Ultimate disk in the dark!’
Can’t wait to get my hand on GTA IV….
April 30th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
In Vice City it was possible to ride around in a car that had been jacked by an NPC. I love doing that.
I don’t remember the specifics, but it involved knocking the driver side door off to allow for fast exit and entrance, and immediately getting back into the car when a car jacker yanked you out of it.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I just picked up GTA IV, really enjoying the hell out of it. Haven’t run across any glitches yet.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Oh man, the best moments of the GTA series?
Firstly, I say the best car for me was always the Hummer. It turns well, can’t really be taken out too easily by the lame cop cars, is also really fast, and is sweet. The Sentinel, my friend, always gave me issues on turns.
Secondly, I love the helicopters in Vice City. If you can steal the military helicopter from the base, there is nothing more fun than blowing everything to smithereens.
Thirdly, my favorite thing to do in Vice City is load up on ammo with the hand gun, the sniper rifle, and the rocket launcher and take a brand new helicopter up to a roof somewhere that is low and also somewhat out of the way and then start shooting up the place and get my wanted level up. I just sit around taking down police helicopters. Then when I get tired I steal a tank and go blowing things up. Then I try to bring the wanted level down the legit way with the stars and I basically just raise my Thug Level. My news level is I think “Stuff of legends” or something like that.
Fourth, out of the missions, I really enjoyed the hired contract submission. I liked going to the pay phones and having to go out looking for people and taking them out. Also the sniper missions with the Rampages. Some other missions were pretty cool too.
Also, I love the mopeds.
The stupid of the GTA series?
Firstly, the hidden packages. Waste of time and I can never keep the locations all straight. I feel like I’ve combed every corner of the islands in Vice City and still can’t find just two. One day my 98% will be 100% when I just find them!
Secondly, the chopper motorcycles and the Harley-like bikes. Pointless.
Thirdly, the fact that you can’t swim in GTA III or Vice City. Tough guy is a lame-ass pansy who can’t swim. Cheap.
Fourth, too bad the boats don’t handle well.
I’m sure there are other things both good and bad but can’t think of anymore.
Great games though.
May 1st, 2008 at 1:01 am
My fondest GTA memory involves doing a kill spree in Vice City and being chased around by the cops while Slayer’s ‘Reigning Blood’ blasted from the radio. It was the closest I ever came to seeing god…
May 1st, 2008 at 3:04 am
my favourite thing is all gta’s since gta2 to gta 4 is finish the game without being killed not even once,like in the real world,because in the real world if you are killed,that’s it,its over and in the game yo just load the game again and that’s all. i made it for gta 3 and for vice city but in san andreas the gang wars kill me like 20 times, is almost imposible not being killed in such huge game.in gta 4 i currently have 3 deads shit
May 1st, 2008 at 6:09 am
The best part of San Andreas, for me, is getting the parachute and then finding high places to basejump from. Whoever designed the Big Needle in San Fierro deserves a prize.
May 1st, 2008 at 7:20 am
i don’t know what they did, but i think they messed with the driving physics in GTA4, because high speed navigation of an intersection is IMPOSSIBLE!! it’s like a REAL driving simulator now. no more reverse 180s, no more rocketing through intersections. you have to lie on the brake a good 100 meters before an intersection in order to make a 90 degree turn now. i’m not a fan. personally i thought san andreas was a more complete package (without the awesome rag doll pedestrian physics)
oh and you bitch about eating in SA? wait until you get your cell phone in GTA4. welcome to non stop receiving phone calls from your annoying cousin who has absolutely nothing important to say. “Hey cousin, let’s go out drinking!” hey no let’s let me play my video game! and if you decline you lose friend points with him. so now whenever he calls you have to make a man-date with him, take him to a strip club, and drive him home or else he won’t like you.
also, where are my bicycles? i want a BMX bike, dammit!
May 1st, 2008 at 7:24 am
oh and i’ll throw in a favorite GTA pastime… there is a bridge, just north of san fiero in the country side that has no guardrails. go obtain yourself an emergency vehicle, then drive across the bridge with your emergency lights on and watch civilians drive off the sides of the bridge to get out of your way without a second thought about their own safety!
May 1st, 2008 at 8:58 am
GTA1 - GOURANGA! Enough said.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:53 am
GTA IV kicks so much ass. Best thing so far, I was driving on the highway at an extremely high rate of speed and crashed into a wall. I expected to go flying through the windshield and tumble around for a minute, then get up and run away. Instead, my body slammed into a tree about 5 feet away from the wall, killing me instantly.
Also, they added the ability to shove people, so I pretty much run around pushing people in front of cars for fun.
May 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pm
My bulldog knocked into my X-Box which in result scratched GTA IV. Such a young life wasted! I can exchange it a Best Buy though.
However, does anyone know if you can beat up a taxi with a big purple dildo while wearing boxer shorts with red hearts on them and a cowboy hat? I miss you already C.J.
May 1st, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I actually liked the Molotov Cocktails, in GTA III in particular. I hold fond memories of standing on that little jut on the roof of Kenji’s Casino and chuck them down onto the tanks, since fire was the only real way to destroy them, and the flamethrower wouldn’t reach. On that topic the flamethrower has always sucked, when you set an enemy aflame (especially if it’s a cop) they just stand there on fire shooting at you until they collapse. So I suppose you have to admire their sense of duty if nothing else.
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:07 am
the best thing in GTA 3 was to get the dodo flying, i literally spent hours mastering that beast! once you had the take off maneuver (push the nose forwards til the prop is almost hitting the ground then release and off she flies) down it was fairly simple.
In VC i loved just cruising round the city on the freeways or angels, or getting the PCJ600 and going full pelt up and down the really long road on the second island (i forget the name, its been a long time since i played it!) at full speed and trying not to crash.
in SA the dogfights were ridiculous but were a lot of fun! also BASE jumping just never gets tiresome!
in IV there is so much that is just amazing, the handling of the cars is way better, its much more fun now that its realistic, driving the ‘big’ vehicles isnt anywhere near so much of a pin now as they can actually drive around corners, im actually a fan of the tollbooths, driving at normal speeds and going with the traffic flow can be fun, and its a good way to see the city! being able to hail a taxi to anywhere is pretty nifty! il agree that having people call you for man dates is fun, tho i just dont answer them cos then you dont lose friend points! also you can turn the phone off in the options! its hard to put into words everything i love about IV< it is just a perfect game!
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:07 am
[…] don’t know if you guys have noticed, but we’ve been plugging Grand Theft Auto IV pretty hard this week. Some of you have probably been wondering how much free shit Rockstar has […]
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:41 pm
in GTA:SA, if you have unlocked san fierro and own the service garage:
make sure you have the garage empty at the service station, and load up on weapons and ammo big time. the sniper rifle and some remote bombs are great here.
Run across the street into mulberry station and start wasting people. snipe cops on the street. Stay close to the front door, the cops will not enter through the big open side where the train tracks are if you stay close to the street entrance.
the cops will drive up to the door in their cars, you can blow up their cars with remote bombs, machine gun fire, etc. This will keep the cops from pouring into the station and killing/busting you, but it’s important to always look at the door - if you look away too long the blockade will disappear. Hide behind the benches to limit how much you get shot at.
Kill everything that moves, and after a while the army will send tanks after you but it’s in waves. If you time it right you can jack one of the tanks and drive it across the street and into your garage and save the game. It’s tricky, but it can be done without cheats.
There are so many ways to create mayhem in the game, it’s so much fun. I also enjoyed getting a sanchez, a 2-3 star wanted level, then racing up to mount chiliad. As you go up, you dodge the cops in the broncos and they will careen over the edge more often than not.
good times.
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Thank you for sneaking an “Almost Famous” reference into your video game blog.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:19 am
GTA 1 & 2:
Setting up a road block of oil spills and watching the ensuing chaos of cars careening off the road in all directions.
May 6th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
In GTA3 I was doing the mission for Luigi where you have to ferry hookers to the cop’s ball in Chinatown.
It had 10 seconds on the clock, I had 4 of the hookers in my car that could have given me the required total (which was something like 8). I knew I wasn’t going to make it in time so in desperation I slammed into the barricade between the street and the school hall parking lot.
Amazingly, my car flipped, somersaulted and landed eactly in the blue marker WITH ONE FUCKING SECOND TO SPARE! I passed the mission.
The sheer amount of dumb luck in these games is incredible.
May 7th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
old thread I know, but reading this gave me such a melancolic feeling. plus whoever wrote the article is very funny.
cheers
May 9th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
LANCE VANCE DANCE.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
the Sentinel was the best car in GTA3 by far. It was *just right*.
June 1st, 2008 at 6:43 am
Uh… GTA Legos?…
» 11 Grand Theft Anecdotes | Cracked.com…
June 11th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
i like getting six stars and evading the cops, army etc on the Sanchez in back o beyond in San Andreas
June 28th, 2008 at 10:58 am
My 4 year old son likes to play gta-4 with me sometimes, his favorite thing to do is to beat down the guy who runs the hot dog stand. either shoot him, or run him over, my son is kind of a sick bastard!