Not A Video of Teen Girls Beating Their Schoolmate Senseless: The Daily 4PMer (EST)!
TEEN GIRL GETS BEATEN BY 8 OTHER TEENS
I was all set to bring you guys yet another hilarious web video fished from the bowels of Youtube today (as I have for months in this recurring segment we lovingly call “the 4PMer”), when they went and took the damn thing down.
See, I was wading through the usual retinue of 80’s toy commercials, ugly people performing magic to a hi-8 camera, and chimps shitting on themselves, when I stumbled upon this flat-out hilarious video of six teen girls beating the living crap out of a schoolmate while she sobs and begs not to be hit anymore. LOLZ!
They ended up hospitalizing her and damaging her sight and hearing; THAT’S how funny it was. And even better, it went on for half an hour! That’s like a full episode of Cheers!
Alas, all I can find now is this lame news report about the attackers being put in jail. I guess it’s still kind of funny…I mean you’ve got the mother of one of the attackers blaming the beaten girl, the two boyfriends who proved their manliness by serving as lookouts, and of course it still retains some of the innate fun of the initial beating.
So while I couldn’t find the full video, I hope you’ll agree that I, Ross Wolinsky, have still done my best to bring you the funniest Youtube content available. Tomorrow: a video of eight babies laughing!
Sincerely,
Ross Wolinsky.
When not blogging for Cracked, Ross Wolinsky wishes he were head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
April 10th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
You are a sick turd Ross.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Was that social commentary? That is as high brow as I have ever seen on this site.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
I feel sick. Our world sucks sometimes.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Hahahahahaha.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
From what I heard, the bitch had it coming. I think she asked some guy to a dance or something. FUCK THAT
April 10th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Man, I remember when the Daily 4PMer used to be damned funny, but Ross has just gotten all dark lately.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
identity thief.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Wasn’t this on the YouTube main page at one point?
I normally stick up for them when they’re accused of showcasing violent shit, because it’s never on the main page and has to be actually searched for, but they’ve just went a little too far.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I’m not surprised that they dedicated a full half hour to happy-slapping her. She does have that disturbingly large white face-circle.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Oh for the love of god people, watching a woman get beaten is the american way, look at christian couples beating or whatever that thing is. Lighten up, it teaches her what she can look forward to if her husbands meatloaf isn’t warm when he gets home.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Ya know, sometimes I fantasize about being a teen-age girl. Well, no, not an actual teen-age girl, but kind of a quantum leap teen-age girl. That is, I would maintain my 20-something rugby-chisled male physique, but people would see a scrawny-little-15-year-old boob-less-brace-faced-chick body. Then, I could go on a vigilante rampage, beating the tar out of little skanks like this.
I would also be able to handle their pimple-faced-future-date-rapist boyfriends, which would probably make the papers with a headline like “15 year old girl form tackles young men, breaks most of bones in their faces with a series of devastating punches.” Hmmm… or maybe flying roundhouse kicks…
Yeah… that would be great…
April 10th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Sean, you contributed to the discussion in a way that I appreciate. Thank you.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
You’re an evil man Ross. Swaim would never stoop this low for a laugh, and that is why he will always be my favorite blogger. Not to mention he’s fucking sexy <3
April 10th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I think your all just eating some kiss ass soup, Swaim would stoop just as low, but he got beat to the punch. Imagine this girl is maybe, Miley Cirus? Besides, this is something i will show my daughter, so she will know that instead of being off with boys, she should be taking self defense, so she can kick those little whores in the face when they jump her. Its like, a public warning video really.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I am really, REALLY hoping they throw the proverbial book at those girls and their idiot boyfriends. And while they’re at it, let’s sue the pants off their parents for raising such evil, despicable creatures and trying to act like they’re human beings. Can’t we just charge them all with some kind of hate crime and abandon them to the fate of a life behind bars? Please?
April 10th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Anyone that surprised? It just looks like the “happy slapping” incidents in good ole England, where yobs went around beating people up, recording it on their phones, then posting it on youtube.
You Americans are always a couple of years behind. Get with the times! It’s all about knivings now.
April 10th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Sharking.
April 10th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
What the fuck is a yob? Your Britlish is confusing me.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Sharking? I hear that’s popular in Japan.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
It’s knifing because of that law, you can’t go around swording
April 10th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Wait. So Ross Wolinsky’s the one who tried to rape my dog?
April 10th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Why is this going to trial now? One of the mothers of the attackers clearly stated “I don’t see why she would do that if she didn’t have the nerve to back up what she was saying.” Thomas Jefferson, Ayn Rand and Johnny Cochran combined couldn’t argue a case better then that.
April 11th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Wait I am confused…it was Gladstone’s dog? I thought it was O’Brien’s. This zoophile controversy is as perplexing as Lost or the soap opera that is Kingmonkey+1 and Mrs. Glendoor’s relationship.
April 11th, 2008 at 3:39 am
I think he tried to rape both Gladstone’s and O’Brien’s dogs. He clearly has an unquenchable need for dog sex.
April 11th, 2008 at 4:46 am
And for the obvious american, a yob is a person, usually a teenager, who engages in violent, unsocial behaviour.
Sure we could call them angry teens, but yobs is quicker, cause we English need all the time we can get for incredible sex
April 11th, 2008 at 7:23 am
And orthodontic surgery!
April 11th, 2008 at 8:03 am
and penis enlargements, no wait…sorry.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Ah, we had clips of girls beating each other (bum beating his wife, etc) too, but because we’re so advanced here in EU, they weren’t longer than 10 minutes. I sure hope the clip is somewhere in the internets.
April 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
How come the beaters get classy pixellated faces while the beat-ee just gets a chintzy white dot over her face? Who decides this stuff?
April 13th, 2008 at 2:24 am
I do not like her. Many girls at the free and hot celeb and millionaire dating club ‘RichMatchMaki ng.c om……’,are much hotter and more beatiful than her..
April 13th, 2008 at 4:08 am
Haaaa….while Vicki may be spam, that was actually an excellent comment.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:15 am
>>How come the beaters get classy pixellated faces while the beat-ee just gets a chintzy white dot over her face? Who decides this stuff?
The original censor only censored the victim. The names and faces of the perps have been released to the public. I don’t know why someone felt the need to suddenly add censoring to them…
April 13th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Fuck you
April 13th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I found the video on another site. It’s disgusting to watch. But I mean the girl should’ve at least tried to defend herself. They could’ve killed her. Grab a knife, a chair, a bat something.
http://www.shooshtime.com/sfw/23301_Full-Version-of-The-Florida-Lured-And-Beaten-Cheerleader.html
April 13th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I think fuck you makes an interesting point, but I wish he’d elaborate a bit.
April 13th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
wow u r a sad perzon u need some serious help whoeva u are u are a sick sick person
April 13th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I’d like to know fuck you’s take on the economy. And globalization. Perhaps a seminar is in order.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Perhaps cal can do his proofreading/editing.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
April 13th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Clearly the teens in question were raised by Hannah Montana.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:49 am
No wonder this country is in the crappy shape it is today–this behavior is tolerated and even glorified. The parents of these little girls should be locked up along with their daughters!
April 14th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
This is sick. I don;t care if the girl “had it coming” or not. The chicken shit girls who ganged up in her need their asses kicked. They were too sissy to confront the poor girl one on one. Did you see the picyurs of the 18 year old? She butt ugly - THATs they they ganged up i her..they were jealous. I wish I had 10 minutes alone with each of this stupid girls. Someone needs to beat the hell out of each of them. If that were my child - - you can bet I’d be in jail right now for kicking the crap out of the little assholes.
April 15th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
If you were a parent who believed that beating your children would solve their problems, you would very likely be the type to teach them that violence is acceptable as an answer to interpersonal problems.
ZING!!
April 16th, 2008 at 7:14 am
Where are the parents?? This is a shame but usually if you look at the “trashy” girls parents they are probably uneducated, red neck pieces of trash themselves……So it’s no wonder their children would behave in such a ignorant manner. I think if the parents were put in jail also or atleast have to pay hefty penalties when their children decide to act like animals maybe this world would change.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I’ll tell you my take on the economy: fuck you!
You want a seminar? How’s this: fuck you!
Didn’t see that one coming, did you?