Eat Shit, Webbys!
Cracked.com super editor Jack O’Brien called for a staff meeting at the Cracked house. I hate staff meetings. Usually it’s “Stop stealing from the company” this and “Leave Hannah Montana alone” that. Christ. If I had a dime every time Jack called a meeting to tell me to keep my pants on at work or to stop reading his mail, well, then I wouldn’t have to steal from the company so much.
I’d have all those dimes.
Jack assured me, however, that this particular meeting had nothing to do with my various indiscretions.
“Not to say that I don’t disapprove of your indiscretions,” Jack added when he saw me start loosening my belt, “because I do. It’s just that we’re not going to talk about them at this particular meeting.”
Seeing as I’m not really accustomed to attending meetings that don’t directly address my frequent and shameless pantslessness, I had no idea what to expect. What could the meeting be about? Was Gladstone retiring? Is Swaim too racist? Is Bucholz not racist enough? What about Ross’s beard? Was this meeting going to be about Ross’s beard? I always felt that discourse regarding Ross’s beard was tragically absent on Cracked, and I was thrilled with the idea that we would finally address the issue. When I arrived at what I assumed would be the beard event of the season, Jack was ready to speak.
“Guys, thanks for coming. You’re all probably wondering why I called this meeting.” I wasn’t. It was Ross’s beard. I could just feel it. “I just figured I’d let you all to know that Cracked.com was named an Honoree for the 12th Annual Webby Awards in the category of Humor.” A couple of the interns clapped. Personally, I don’t exactly know what kind of nerd bullshit a “Webby” is, but I do know that awards, in general, are cool as corndogs, (which is to say, very). I could only hope that a Webby wasn’t one of those embarrassing awards. Would this be a prestigious award, like a Best Actor Oscar, or one of those lame, pointless dipshit awards, like a Best Actress Oscar? My immediate concern was whether or not I could use my new status as an award-winner to do some good in this world. As I’m sure you’re all aware, “doing good in this world” translates to “porking supermodels like crazy” in my book.
Because, folks, I made a promise (below). I got into the internet comedy business for one reason: Boning supermodels. That promise is as true today as it was when I made it, when I was twelve years old and I first discovered supermodels, boning and the internet. (It was a big year.)
Jack spoke up again.
“That’s basically all I had, but if anyone has any questions-” My hand shot up immediately. My middle finger, to be specific, but whatever.
“I’ve got a question. How many supermodels, on average, do you think I’ll be able to bone a month as a result of this award? A whole bunch, or just a lot?”
“No, you misunderstand,” Jack explained. “We didn’t win, anything.”
“Yet,” I corrected with a wink.
“At all,” Jack said.
“Yet.” Another correction, another wink.
“No, I mean we don’t have a chance of winning. We’re honorees.” I nodded, to present the image that I was listening instead of thinking about railing all those freakin supermodels. What I did gather from what Jack said was that the amount of supermodels I’d be plowing would rank somewhere in the high-to-superhigh buttloads, which would be just fine with me.
“Webbys are awards given out for websites and bloggers that are outstanding in terms of either content or design or both. For the Webby awards, you can either be an honoree or a nominee. Being an honoree, which is what we are, means absolutely nothing. It’s kind of meaningless, actually,” Jack explained. I still didn’t quite understand, but I find that happens often when I don’t pay attention.
“It means we weren’t funny enough to be nominated, but we’re, I guess, slightly funnier than other websites,” Bucholz clarified, because he’s the only Cracked Blogger who actually knows anything. “I mean, the Webby’s wanted us to know that they’re aware of our existence, but, and I can’t stress this enough, we’re not funny enough to be even considered for an award. We’re basically not funny enough to lose.” This must be a joke.
“Are you pulling my leg, Bucholz,” I screamed. “Don’t you lie to me. Don’t shit in my toaster and tell me it’s a pop tart.” Bucholz lowered his eyes, so to suggest that he wasn’t, in fact, shitting in my toaster.
“Jaxaphone, you chump, did you seriously call a meeting to tell us we don’t even stand a chance of winning some award? Some stupid nerd award for jerks?” He nodded. “God Dammit. I can’t believe I got up early to be at this meeting.”
“It’s four in the afternoon,” Gladstone pointed out.
“And you were three and a half hours late,” Swaim added.
But it was too late. I’d already left the house and started keying Jack’s stupid car.
Now, you’re all probably wondering “If the laughter-and-orgasm-inspiring comedy juggernaut that is Cracked.com didn’t get nominated in the humor category, who did?” Well, I’m glad you asked, weak literary device. The Webby nominations aren’t just for your run-of-the-mill comedy sites like Cracked, (which, I should mention is updated every single day with original content). No, it takes a special kind of comedic genius to be nominated for a Humor Webby. Someone funny, yet smart. Someone edgy, and fresh. Someone that manages to be consistently funny yet still culturally relevant. For example, I Can Haz Cheezburger, a site that was nominated for a Webby this year.
And with good reason, too. Allow me to dissect the delicate nuances of ICHC’s comedy. See, they take pictures of cats doing things, (or alternately, not doing things), and they put words on the pictures. Words that aren’t spelled the way they ought to be spelled, as evidenced in the very title of the site. (”Has” is spelled with an “s” in real life. Not a “z.” Laughing yet?)
Honestly, how can Cracked possibly compete with the comedic brilliance over at Cheezburger? We barely have any cats at all!
Wait, are you still reading this blog despite the fact that I just pointed out a humor website that is clearly superior to us? Maybe I wasn’t clear on the art of their comedy. Let’s start over. See, they take pictures, and then they put captions on them. There are a bunch of picture of cats with words on them, and this website is just loaded with them. There’s, like, a thousand fucking pages of these fucking cats, right? And they’ve all got captions, like “Im a cat doin sum stupid shit all the tyme.” It’s pretty high brow, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t think it’s funny. You just have to trust me that it is funny. You might not think it’s funny, (specifically, because when you look at the pictures you don’t laugh), but you’d be wrong. It’s very funny. For a slightly more authoritative opinion, you can turn to Aristotle’s Four Elements of Comedy. This book, thought by many to be “the definitive dissertation on comedy,” (while considered by some skeptics to be “totally made up”), focuses two whole chapters on the brilliant and subtle humor of merging cats and illiteracy. Dude was way ahead of his time.
If you’re not rolling on the floor laughing right now due to the content over at Cheezburger, (why not? Lol!), there are other Webby nominees for your viewing pleasure. After all, posting pictures of cats isn’t the only way to get a Webby nomination, just ask fellow nominee Rathergood.com, a site that claims to be “Your One Stop Shop for Good and Evil Kittens.”
Wait, I typed that sentence before I actually read it. Is this another fucking site about fucking cats doing stupid shit? Hold on one second.
…
Holy crap, it is…Uh, no problem, no problem with that at all. Truth be told, pictures of cats are the only things on the planet that are actually funny. Everything else is chimp excrement, plain and simple.
Don’t get me wrong. I mean, I was aggravated when I heard that we didn’t get a nomination. I’ve spent a year with this site. We’ve had compelling social commentary, wildly popular videos, and articles that challenge the lies you were taught in high school. So yes, I was a little pissed when we didn’t get a nomination. But now that I’ve seen our competition, I don’t feel so bad. Clearly, we were beaten by the best. It’s like we entered a painting contest and we were beaten by DaVinci, or perhaps, by someone who’d taken one of DaVinci’s paintings and written a bunch of misspelled words on it.
If you’re one of those idiots who doesn’t think cats are funny, check out Dan’s free book here.
April 10th, 2008 at 7:31 am
I’m sorry, due to the non-award-winning content here, my lawyers advise me that I may no longer frequen this site. I will return all of Dan O’Brien’s office supplies and leave immediately. I’m gonna go somewhere that features more lolcats.
April 10th, 2008 at 7:59 am
I love the way this guy writes. Always has me laughing.
April 10th, 2008 at 8:15 am
In fact, i laughed so hard i cried.
Your blog is so much better than the articles.
Keep it up!
April 10th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Well Dan, you’re no lolcat (yet!) but the important thing is that we have another name to add to the “Dumb shit DOB called Jack O’Brien” list on Biographicon.
And I’m no supermodel (yet!) but you’re alright in my book.
April 10th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I thought all the Cracked bloggers were cats, and illiterate ones at that. Zing!
April 10th, 2008 at 8:23 am
That picture is horribly outdated, by the way - my beard is now even more magnificent than it was back then.
I would bug Jack to change the picture, but my current beard is so amazing that it would probably end up on the front page of Digg and turn into the most Dugg beard of all time and crash our servers.
April 10th, 2008 at 8:36 am
If I were a supermodel, I’d love to be boned by you.
(”Boned”? honestly?)
April 10th, 2008 at 9:11 am
I once went with a supermodel that had Webbies, the footjobs were awful.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Led Zeppelin never won a grammy.
Y’know, Led Zeppelin? Anyone? No?
uh… um… The Bravery never won a Grammy?
April 10th, 2008 at 9:45 am
MJ -89 Says:
April 10th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Well Dan, you’re no lolcat (yet!)
Awesome! Loldans! I would fucking pay (not really) to see some loldan pictures.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:47 am
This is the flat-out best in a long series of great blog posts.
That being said, if you really wanted to crank it up a notch, you could start posting pictures of nude models with misspelled text superimposed. You could call them LOLChiks. I can see it now; “I can haz HIV tehst,” “I’m in ur dreems, makin ur sheetz sticky,” “I’m in ur magazinnes, reeinforcin imposuble body images.” It’s got tits, ass, and illiteracy, and last time I checked, that’s a sure-fire formula for selling out.
Now, I’ll just sit back and wait for those sweet, sweet royalty checks…
April 10th, 2008 at 9:48 am
M.A.D. Cat is behind all this I just know it. And none of you believed it, or saw it coming. Now he’s had his feline revenge. Dr. Claw owns you all.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:50 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Stiles….that’s genius….
April 10th, 2008 at 9:56 am
oh come on, that last picture doesn’t even have a cat in it.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:05 am
This DOB character reminds me so much of a younger (but with a worse haircut) Jay Pinkerton. I hope he’s on this blog for the long haul, and won’t end up leaving in the summer.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:10 am
The people behind the Webbys must be lonely women… very lonely women; crazy cat-lady lonely.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:26 am
This is a blog post of epic proportions.
The Webbys can go eat a dick
April 10th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Exactly, who the fuck judges the Webbys fifty year old fat office ladies and there was no cat in the last supper picture. Jesus was a dog person.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:32 am
There’s not even a mathematically equation to factor how much more I laughed during this blog than I laughed at any of those nominated sites I looked over.
Bravo.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:09 am
dan can haz a slyce of the old dickpie.
dan’s in your intertubes being not funniez.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:33 am
I say, congrats for not winning an award that is voted on by people who find 4Chan to be amusing. Also i say congrats for not winning an award that sounds English. And i think we should add Stiles idea to the already in use concept, see, take super models dressed up as cats, and place mis spelled phrases all upon them.. Hell that should be the next photo shop contest, who can make the newest Webbys shitty award winning concept.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:48 am
No, they have to be nude (or at least nude-ish) in order for it to work; otherwise it’s just silly and absurd (and contains no nudity or pseudonudity), and no one here wants that…
April 10th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Woah! Wait… woah- did you just rip on RatherGood? Woah. That’s not on. Those Gents brought us the (http://www.rathergood.com/buffy/) Buffy Swearing Keyboard. Best you’ve supplied is a Top Six list of wacky Asian historical inaccuracies! Come back when you’re bringing xylophone buggery…
April 10th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Xylophone buggery…?
I’m certain I don’t want to ask about anything involving anal violation and percussion.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Ok, how about with cat face paint, laying on fur, while nude, and possibly masturbating, with cat toys?
April 10th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
As long as there’s not a xylophone involved, sounds like a winner.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
DOB- Did you know Cracked actually paid to be an honoree? That’s bound to piss you off. Look here for everything you wanted to know about Webbys but were afraid to ask: http://www.slate.com/id/2188581/
April 10th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Stiles and Robb are going to make approximately 100 Gazillion dollars with this idea.
You already have most of the Internet covered with your plan; add a forum and a “chat with the models” device (that is really controlled by a computer program but the user is too stupid to realize it) and possibly some Jedi YouTube videos and you will have cornered the entire Intarweb.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Make the computer chat use idiotic “mizzspellled” phrases…. Throw in some ladies in W.O.W garb… yeah, i could see the market booming with that. When i was younger i wouldn’t have believed that a woman would degrade herself like that ,but then i saw a video of a woman mating with a carebear that was wearing a strap on.. So who knows? maybe we can even get the Cracked writing staff to do some nudes.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
If by “the Cracked writing staff” you mean ‘Stiles’, and by “do some nudes” you mean ‘violate some gorgeous supermodels in an embarrassingly short amount of time,’ then no, I think my wife would most likely take issue with that course of action.
However, if you actually meant you wanted the Cracked staffers to pose nude… That’s probably not the best idea either, unless it turns out there’s a cache of beautiful women (or even just women, for that matter) writing for Cracked.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Wait how can I can haz hcesuhhfuw win an award? They’re not even a site. They’re just a place that steals shit from 4chan. I mean most of the internet does but still I mean there’s here and I’m sure other sites.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Logan, to start a flame war or anything, but, have you ever thought of suicide?
April 10th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
There’s no such thing as too racist.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
sorry, that would be “not” as in “not to start a flame war or anything”
April 10th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hey, Robb, i saw that carebear woman too. tottalynsfw.com?
Anyways, i thought that Webbies is some sort of shitty and childish (i’m 18 now, i can call childish anything I want) name for an award. And now I’m happy you weren’t considered worthy. I mean, i like cats and lolcatz, but they realy aren’t real humour sites. They are like communism, with people bringing their own fun. And cracked.com is a site, where a crack team of writers make humorous articles (yeah, i like their articles) and funny blogs while being threatened with sex by supermodels. You should win some important award, like Nobel prize in chemistry or something.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Also, the webby and rathergood pages scare me.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Spot fucking on, O’Brien!
April 10th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Yeah! Fuck those fuckers! Fuck em right in the fuck hole!
April 10th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
And I like your book by the way.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Spot-fucking on O’Brien? Dare I even ask?
April 10th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I think he is trying to say, Spot On, as in, good job, but is throwing a fucking in the middle so he wont seem so amazingly English, and there for be murdered on the spot.
April 10th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Thanks, Stevey Steve! You too, Damien!
April 10th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
I support you Dan, and your pants choices. But speaking as a friend who has not acknowledged your existence prior to this post, or probably ever will again, I’ve got to be honest with you. You have no hope of competing with the brilliance of “Caturday Nite Fvr.” Ever. Not now on cracked, not in 10 years, not in your lifetime My advice is to drink away the pain with a bottle jack, your broken dreams and sob yourself to sleep. Or take out your rage on Hannah Montana. Whatever
April 10th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
monkeyking27!?
That’s dangerously close to copyright infringement, young man or woman!
April 10th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I have noticed your name as well kingmonkey+1 and am deeply outraged. I feel the same mixture of curiosity and animosity towards you that dr pepper must feel towards mr pib.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
D.O.B, this is the funniest thing I’ve read on Cracked since you decided to with-hold yourself from Tina Fey. Hilarious.
And Swaim, being racist isn’t so bad. Just stay away from that dog.
April 11th, 2008 at 1:17 am
I heart this article except for that Pop tart pic. How dare you defile the most awesome culinary experience that are Brown Sugar Cinammon Pop Tarts?
April 11th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Lolonardo DaVinci?
April 11th, 2008 at 8:12 am
The only nomimee that even made sense was the Onion.
Just to put things in perspective here…the other “honorees” who weren’t nominated ?
Funny Or Die
Super Deluxe
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
My Damn Channel
WTF. It seems to me that you’re in pretty good company. Those Webby people defintely have their heads up their butts.
April 12th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Cracked and Super Deluxe definately should have been nominated. Didnt everyone grow tired of LOL cats about the same time people grew tired of pokemon?
April 13th, 2008 at 1:02 am
I didn’t know people were tired of Pokemon! I recently went to a toga party swathed in a Charizard bed sheet.
April 13th, 2008 at 2:25 am
It was said that she has a personal account on the free and hot celeb & millionaire dating hub’RichMatchMaki ng.c om……’ with her hot pictures taken on beach in bikini. The site is getting hotter and hotter, cuz quite a few millionaires and celebrities tend to go there.
April 13th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Charizard is a she? I knew the thing about being a hot celeb and a millionaire…I can’t really imagine how Char Char would look in a bikini, though. I might check that out, Vicki!
April 13th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Turn the LOLNet on high, let the good times scroll!
April 13th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Vicki is really opening my eyes these days.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I thought Cora was better looking though.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Did anyone read the comments section at ICHC? I just spent 45 of the most terrifying seconds of my life, realizing that there actually is no hope for humanity. I can haz despair.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:01 am
I have to say, as a Webby I am deeply saddened to see D.O.B single me out for such savage abuse, I can’t help the name I was born with.
On a completely unrelated note, fuck internet awards.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Fools, Charizard, like all starter pokemon, is male.
Not that I know anything about pokemon, and I’m DEFINATLY not climbing Mt. Coronet with my squad in order to try and catch Palkia(preferably without using a master ball) and stop team galactic.
Extremely funny blog, btw
April 14th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, lolcatz are a way of fucking life you smirking sarcastic jew bastard. Fuck you and your superiority complex and your tiny prick man-pleaser.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I’m not sure whether Tommykickass is kidding or not.
So he’s either a total douche, or a shitty comic. Lose lose.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I believe O’BRIEN is a smirking sarcastic irish bastard. I don’t know about his tiny prick man-pleaser.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Hey MoreCowbell great name.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I’m Jewish? Holy crap, I had no idea. Thank you, Tommykickass, this has been a very eye-opening experience.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Everyone knows award competitions are fucking jokes in most cases, it’s almost always the most marketable and less offensie content that comes out on top from my experience.
Though I gotta say… the lolcats are good for a quick cheering up when you aren’t in the mood for reading mock misogyny. You guys are way funnier, though. You and somethingawful are the only sites I read regularly, on the entire internet.
THE ENTIRE INTERNET. That is serious.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:55 am
DOB: I think he is confused by your niggardly use of Mabisms lately. A niggardly mick, if we split the difference and ignore the orthodox etymology of the word niggardly, is a jew.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Yeah Dan, think of all the new holidays you get, but only if you get your tiny prick man pleaser circumcised.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:20 am
I’ve learned so much about myself in the comments section of this thread. So I’m officially a Black-Irish-Jew now.
Kiss my ass, Sammy Davis Jr.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
LOL@LOLCAT haters….that fucking genius is raking in the money. And you are……..I got nuthin’.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
It is worse than that DOB, you are an ORTHODOX Jew, according to a quick scan of my previous post for any word that I might intentionally reinterpret for comedic effect. No more porc, or teasing Swaim with beast-bait (dog rectum) on those long Saturday afternoons.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Tommykickass?
Seriously, Morecowbell nailed it on the head. Which is it?
And as a follow up, I’m guessing blogger Chris Bucholz has some German in him. He posts on Tuesdays. Check back then.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Dunno if you guys checked it out, but there IS a LOLchicks blog!
http://lolchicks.blogspot.com/
Maybe Stiles came in 2nd… :p
April 14th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Yikes. I’d better start shopping for a something deadly and a scary mask. Passover is coming up, after all.
(Incidentally, I don’t know what Passover is. I think I might be confusing it with Friday the 13th. Is Passover anything like Friday the 13th?)
April 14th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Screw webby! Cracked is funny shit, period. Best ever thing since canned bread and Doraemon! If funny = dumb jokes, then Cracked will never ever wins any geek related awards, fine by me.
Keep up the good work guys.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
…I can has cheeseburger… Are you fucking serious? Are you. Fucking. Serious?
That garbage won when these folks on Cracked. These fine gentlemen who use lines like, “Don’t shit in my toaster and tell me it’s a pop-tart!” and, “my beard is now even more magnificent than it was back then.” (It was funny to me), are being thrown out of the competition by fucking cats with retardedly misspelled words beneath them in a collage of garbage and shitwater?
Bullshit.
It’s all just one big shit sandwich, and it seems we’re being forced to take a bite. Sorry, guys, but don’t worry. I’ve sent those cocksuckers a bomb of garbage and shitwater. That’s right. We’ll fight fire with shit and garbage.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
omg dude you’re hilarious. I would never pick the stupid cats over you. JUST so you know.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Oh man. I typed my name wrong in that. It’s GIRL. Not Giel. I don’t even know what a Giel is.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I’ve frequented this site for a little over a year and I have yet to comment.
This article though makes me feel like commenting on something.
What the fuck webbys?
Also, Dear Dan please marry me.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Well the lolcats it sorta cute and funny, though the miss-spelling piss me off.
To say it is funnier than cracked though, is well cracked.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Christ, i really should read what i write before i post it (long day at work).
April 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
i can haz never laffed so hard… fantastic post Dan!
April 14th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
lads im sorry for the f-ing stupidity of the world,i love this site ever since i was introduced to it by my girlfriend,a classy lady by all standards ,its pathetic that a poser who posts pictures of cats with stupid illetrate captions got put forward and ye didnt,sorry dudes
April 14th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Um, guys… If the enormous fucking tag list wasn’t bad enough, it sure the fuck is now. Not only is it longer than the goddamned thread but it’s at the bottom of page!
If you don’t want people to be read your blogs on a mobile device, just say so. Wait a second I gotta scroll down 5 more fuckin’ lines so I can see this…ok.
Fuck the Webbys, you guys are great (most of the time). DOB, you sir are ‘On fire’. (not litterally, well at least I hope not. You know what I mean.)
April 14th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
fuck a webby. anybody that thinks cats are that funny need to stop being a 40 year-old single woman.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
That was actually really, really well-constructed. Stellar article.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Intelligent people:
The new minority
April 14th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
While I agree that Cracked should have received a nomination, and that I Can Haz Chezzburger, a site filled with pictures that are part of a meme that was played out a long time ago, did not deserve to receive a nomination, and that the whole situation is a bit ridiculous, I don’t agree with your assessment of the content on Rather Good. It’s definantly hella random, but the adventures of Blode are awesome, and the kittens are not a large portion of the site’s content.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
the catz are definitly funnier (lolz!)
I’m reminded of the Southpark episode “Quest for ratings” where the boys’ local news program keeps being beat by some kid filming animals from close-up with wide angle lenses. (and sometimes, with hats!)
Maybe the webbie jury is addicted to cough medicine?
Lolcatz is HELLA FUNNYZ! when stoned out of your arse.
You have to be sober (sort of) to appreciate Cracked.
At least, be able to read, and to form a coherent sentence.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
what you need is a TOP 10 LIST!
that will show them.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
THERE IS ONLY ONE ‘Z’ IN ICANHASCHEEZBURGER!
HALF YOUR RANT IS OBSOLETED. I MEAN THE GRAPHIC IS RIGHT ON THIS PAGE…
April 14th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Shall I call a whaaambulance you sarcastic douchebag?
April 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
lol wut
http://www.wirah.com
April 14th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
“Stiles Says:
April 10th, 2008 at 9:47 am
This is the flat-out best in a long series of great blog posts.
That being said, if you really wanted to crank it up a notch, you could start posting pictures of nude models with misspelled text superimposed. You could call them LOLChiks. I can see it now; “I can haz HIV tehst,” “I’m in ur dreems, makin ur sheetz sticky,” “I’m in ur magazinnes, reeinforcin imposuble body images.” It’s got tits, ass, and illiteracy, and last time I checked, that’s a sure-fire formula for selling out.
Now, I’ll just sit back and wait for those sweet, sweet royalty checks…”
RULE 34 NOW!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I’ll make a mental note of avoiding sites with the Webbys logo on them. ICHC better than Cracked? Seriously? Do they even have lists there? You can’t possibly be a good blogging site without lists.
And starting Pokemon can be female, I have no idea what Haruhi is talking about.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
You know what? RatherGood used to be funny . . . five years ago. I don’t think he’s done anything worth while since the Blode series.
Obviously humor that caters to the lowest common denominator (lolcatz combined with dick and fart jokes?) will gain the largest audience. It’s still shit though. Popularity != quality. It’d be like having high schoolers vote on the best post modern theorist.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
lolorus is up for a nobel peace prize.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
[…] Apparently they’re not too pleased about getting beat by two lolcat sites. Well, at least they handle it like mature adults.http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/04/10/eat-shit-webbys/” rel=”dc:source” property=… […]
April 14th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
ZOMG I can has my breath back?
Funniest thing I have read this year… hands down… thank you so very much for that…
I will never stop reading your words, Mr. O’Brien!
April 14th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Screw this. I’m going back to Mad Magazine.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Following the recently proven by reelecting Bush for a second term law “The Majority of People Are Morons Who Think Epic Movie Is Funny”; I would be happy not to win this god-awful named award. Webbys? Try to be proud saying “I won a Webby!” without your nuts shrinking. Not being in the same class as those ICANHAZAPARTMENTSMELLLIKKATPIZ class of sites is win enough.
Besides, you guys should be around for many more years while they are still photoshopping pics for ICANHAZBALLZHERTOUCH!!!1!11!
April 14th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Who thinks what a bunch of faggots think is funny? You know you’re all funny. We know you’re all funny. Everyone else can cry that they don’t understand why history is funny, and have to wipe themselves with their cat.
Who is proudly proclaiming that it is in their face, erasing their sorrow.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
*”Who cares what a bunch of faggots think is funny?”, rather. Damn typo.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Hey Webbys, EAT SHIT!
I Can Haz is a CONTAMINATION!
EAT SHIT WEBBYS!
Oh yeah, and have fun being an Honoree. Bring a few big zip lock bagks, that way if they have an all you can eat shrimp bar you can totally wipe it out. Then you can throw shrimp at all the nerd-tards.
April 15th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Cracked can has webby?
April 15th, 2008 at 12:50 am
The judge of the Webbys, ladies and gents:
April 15th, 2008 at 12:50 am
http://lolcats.com/view/821/
April 15th, 2008 at 1:53 am
Maybe you should write another top 10 list describing why you’re funnier.
April 15th, 2008 at 2:19 am
i feel so bad about that. Cracked happens to be one of the funniest sites around.. ICHC is the funniest tho.. :p
MUST PROTEST!! CRACKED MUST BE NOMINATED!!
I can has a cracked pleez? kthxbye..
April 15th, 2008 at 3:13 am
ICHC is funny….its totally a different case you find no time to laugh with all the yeast infestation on your balls
April 15th, 2008 at 4:57 am
lolcaats ftw
April 15th, 2008 at 6:31 am
that pic with the last supper is actually a reference to world of warcraft. The actual quote came from the forums by a moderator there. Check it out, it occurred about a year ago now and the “im in ur account, shardin ur purplz” is now being used everywhere.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:48 am
AIDSSS!!!! ok we have that cleared AIDS!!!!!
April 15th, 2008 at 6:51 am
These sites will continue to win until someone creates a rickroll blog. “Americas number one source for masked rickroll urls since 1983″
April 15th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Sorry but cat’s are just funnier than OMG SOME DOUCHEBAGS DID SOMETHING LETS MAKE AN ANGRY SATIRICAL LISTLOL.
Theres a reason why VH1 sucks. Lists.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:18 am
hey man, you didn’t write the 5 most ridiculous lies taught in high school, that was S Peter Davis. What the hell man, you can’t steal people’s shit.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Seriously, how pointless was that little rant.
So “I’m in ur _____ _____-ing ur _____” is formulaic mindless humour, but “Top 10 ____” is new and original content? Get the hell over yourselves.
As for Rathergood, when was the last time YOUR shit was used in corporate marketing? You know, when the stuff is so good people actually part with buckets of cash for it. Adsense doesn’t count.
We don’t care Cracked’s not original, if it is mindless, low brow and often toilet level humour. If we wanted intellectualism we’d read Tom Stoppard or Oscar Wilde.
At the end of the day though, this *IS* the damned Webbys you are talking about FFS. Didn’t web awards die out with geocities?
April 15th, 2008 at 9:18 am
Can’t we all just get along? ICHC is freaking funny most of the time. So is Cracked.
This article, however, almost bored me to sleep. Keep pushing yourself, and try harder!
April 15th, 2008 at 10:09 am
The top 10 factory just got pwned. Waaaaaaaa.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:02 am
my plans for world domination through Lol catz is nearly complete! First the Webbies, then the world! Seriously though, who did those kittens have to blow to beat you guys for a nomination in your forte…comedy. Who knows, but I hope they gave those lol bj’s good captions!
April 15th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Ah well, the evidence is there, you were defeated by worthy opponents. After all, when there are cats AND illiteracy put together, they make sites with writers, thought out content and genuine humour pretty obsolete.
April 15th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
[…] There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t know where to begin. First, cookie diet? Does that even exist? The odds of losing weight eating cookies are about as good as Cracked.com’s chances of winning big at the webbys. […]
April 15th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Brilliant post, DOB! You’re my favourite Cracked blogger now. Keep ‘em coming…
April 15th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Oh, the Webby nominations. Don’t even get me started!
I’d like to pummel the *shitloaf* who’s responsible for choosing Webby nominations. There’s literally a squazillion websites out there that are ‘humorous’, and a kagastrillion more in the ‘weird’ category.
But what do these numb fucks do? They not only pick TWO sites that have the same STUPID lolcat schtick, but they um, picked Rathergood LAST YEAR ALREADY! Exactly what causes them to be so narrow in their choices? One has to wonder if “bribery” is more important than “quality”.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:20 am
The people who find lolCats funny are the reason Arrested Development got canceled (that and the master plot to pizz me the fukk off). I would like to tell the webbys to go fukk themselves but I guess they have their market made up of cat lovers, furries and people who think reading stuff what spelled rite is ‘ard. So screw it.
And I *heart* cracked.com in the creepiest way possible.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:44 am
I have never even heard of ICHC.
Winning awards is overrated.
I visit Cracked.com every day (since I found you) and you always make me smile.
That’s more important.
So…thanks.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Webbys, Grammies, Academies, awards are never based on merit. For Christ’s sake doesn’t anyone remember when “Crash” won best movie of the year?! That movie was about the cinematic equivalent of cat pictures with misspelled “capshuns.” Never mind, cat photos are much more intellectually stimulating and than the shit show called “Crash.” I wouldn’t feel so bad about it.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
needs more ….Iunno..something you’d need more of
April 16th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Get over it. Your website sucks big time.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
[…] not winning an award could make for some compelling content- as I recently learned from reading Cracked.com’s blog post on the subject. As with most Webby honorees, Cracked was not too happy about not getting a […]
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April 17th, 2008 at 9:56 am
just because you don’t enjoy ICHC and you lost doesn’t mean you have to be a douche bag
if you have to bring other people down to make yourself feel better than so be it
but you’re obviously not as funny as you think you are
sore loser -.-
April 17th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
You’re all a bunch of man-hating nazi-jew bastards.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
And man, you should really know more about your culture. Having to be told about it on the internet is just insulting to your people.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Wow the Catz Groupiz are pissed “watch yr bakz or we beez takin u down, LOL!”
April 18th, 2008 at 9:42 am
[…] Cracked.com Says “Eat Shit, Webbys!” - Cracked.com gets passed over for a Webby, and they’re not happy about it. I Can Has […]
April 18th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Not to despair! The Daily Show is an Honoree too!
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Oh hey look, its someone with a blog doing a maddox impression. Way to go!
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