If The Internet Is A Grade School Cafeteria We’re All Stepping On Our Food And Eating It: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Drinking Liquid Nitrogen
When I was a little kid, I used to do all kinds of stupid things to impress people. In 2nd grade I told a bunch of people that my dad held the Guinness World Record for “Best Driver” (and that he trained for it by playing Spy Hunter). In 3rd grade I told a kid that I wrote the lyrics to “Sweet Child O’ Mine” for Axl Rose. I had a jacket with all these patches on it, and one of them said “AIRBORNE” on it; I told everyone that a pilot gave it to my mom after she gave birth to me on an airplane.
I stuck gum in my hair at some kid’s house like three times in a row because he dared me to. At first his mom tried to get it out with peanut butter, but that didn’t work very well, so she eventually gave up and cut it out with a pair of scissors. When I did it again a week later, she didn’t bother with the peanut butter. The third time I’m pretty sure she just kicked me out of her house for being stupid.
I used to gather a small crowd in the cafeteria at school, step on my food, and then eat it.
I could go on, but you get the point: I was a weird kid who was willing to do basically anything for attention. I’ve matured quite a bit since then, of course, and have now channeled that impulse and turned it into a prestigious and lucrative career blogging for Cracked.com, but sometimes I wonder, “What would my life be like if I had never learned to control myself?”
Then I saw this video and I was like, “Oh, yeah - I’d be drinking liquid nitrogen and putting it up on YouTube.”
April 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am
It’s… it’s really hard to actually find words to describe the abject horror I see when I watch this video.
Also, stepping on food? Delicious.
April 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I remember that kids would throw out their Joe Louis snack cakes when they got smooshed. It’s just smooshed, it’s still a sugar motherlode! Eat it, you prissy bastards!
Liquid nitrogen… I don’t think the actualy liquid ever touched his lips. He would have made a different sound if it did. Kind of like ‘aaaaaa-eeeeee!’ but with frozen, cracking lips.
April 8th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
At least he’s not eating worms… anymore.
April 8th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Are you saying there’s something wrong with eating worms?
April 8th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I would routinely eat spiders in school, for reasons that were equal parts attention and a maddening desire to be Spider-man.
There’s clearly a correlation between doing really stupid shit as a kid and Cracked Bloggery.
April 8th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
OK, Dan, I have a spider trapped under a paper cup. Did you or did you not gain Spider-man like powers?
April 8th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I hate to be a partypooper here, but it’s completely (kinda) safe to drink liquid nitrogen or to fuck around with it, so long as you don’t expose yourself more than a couple of seconds at a time. It evaporative at so low temperature that it will never stay liquid long enough to touch your warm skin, which means that all he is doing is “drinking” evaporated nitrogen. You can put your hand down in this stuff without getting the least hurt. You don’t want to keep it in there for too long though.
April 8th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Crazy things done for attention, huh? Damn it. I can’t think of anything I did specifically for attention rather than just doing something and happened to gain attention because of it…
I told a professor in college he sucked at teaching (it was pre-calc), I could teach myself and any of the students better, and that he should quit. After that, he tried to fail me and four other students that stopped coming to class. I still recieved 100% on homework assingments, 93% on the mid-term, and then a 23% on the final.
The four other students left the class with me and all happened to fail the final. We got our tests and checked them ourselves. The lowest test score any of us got was a 92%. We wrote the proofs and turned them into the dean. The professor “resigned” the next day.
Sweet, sweet retribution.
April 8th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
The real danger in the Liquid Nitrogen trick is if some portion of the Nitrogen gets stuck where it is not supposed to–say, if a pocket of it got stuck in the mouth somewhere where it could not escape. In cases like that the person gets “burned” by the low temperature Nitrogen. Otherwise, as Fitzroy says, it is a harmless pastime.
April 8th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
DOB, are you sure you didn’t want to be Dracula? Eating spiders is a Renfield thing to do.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Yeah, I got a little bit older and recognized the spider-Renfield-Dracula connection and noticed the error of my ways.
But at the time, I was 9 and Dracula, (none of Bram Stoker’s work, in fact), wasn’t required reading yet.
April 8th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Nothing wrong with Renfield… I mean, c’mon. Tom Waits did an awesome job with the role.
We’ll just set aside the
April 8th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
fact that he’s a relentless drunk who happens to play the piano like a savant.
April 9th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I still maintain, despite all the indisputable evidence to the contrary, that Tom Waits is actually a giant fat man. I mean, c’mon, there’s no way that voice comes from that wisp of a man!
April 9th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I bloomin’ love Tom Waits. Is playing the piano like a savant a good thing?
April 10th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Ironically I did this today in Physics class and it is completely harmless as long as you don’t swallow you don’t even feel it going into or out of your mouth
April 12th, 2008 at 5:52 am
I’ve always wondered if it was possible to drink burning alcohol (>80% pure). Anyone wants to try?
April 13th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Girls who like him please pay attention. Here’s a big news for you. A young lady said she saw his photo on a free and hot celebrity and millionaire dating site call RichMatchMaki ng.c om………….last night.
April 13th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
The real danger in the Liquid Nitrogen trick is if some portion of the Nitrogen gets stuck where it is not supposed to–say, if a pocket of it got stuck in the mouth somewhere where it could not escape. In cases like that the person gets “burned” by the low temperature Nitrogen. Otherwise, as Fitzroy says, it is a harmless pastime.
Yeah, just like gnawing on a gun barrel is a harmless pastime as long as the trigger never gets pulled.
How is “only dangerous if this rather likely thing happens” equivalent to “harmless”?
Dude in the video is a douchebag. Ooooh, look, he blew smoke out of his mouth! And his nose! It’s like cigarettes were never invented…