Amazing New MIT Robot Can Make Faces, Point At Stuff and Make Me Yawn: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
MIT’s Nexi MDS Robot
So apparently they’ve come up with a new kind of robot over at MIT. They’re called “MDS” robots, which stands for mobile, dexterous and social. According to the project’s website, the robots are meant “to support research and education goals in human-robot interaction, teaming, and social blah blah blah words words words.”
Congratulations, MIT: somehow you found a way to make robots boring.
Here’s what the so-called “geniuses” over at MIT completely forgot: designing robots that attempt to act like humans is LAME. What the hell happened? Did I go to sleep last night and wake up in a shitty mid-90s anime flick? Am I supposed to be dazzled because some robot can make a few facial expressions and point at stuff? I make facial expressions and point at stuff all the time, but you don’t see me bragging about it on YouTube, do you?
If you’re reading this, MIT guys, let me give you some advice. I bet you never thought that one day you’d be taking advice from a blogger on Cracked.com, huh? I never thought I’d be giving you guys advice either, and yet here we are. Crazy world.
The way I see it, MIT guys, there’s no point in trying to make robots that do stuff that humans do (like making facial expressions and pointing at stuff). Instead of that, why not try to make robots that do stuff that human beings CAN’T do? Since it’s so difficult for you guys to actually come up with good ideas, I’ve done you a favor and made a list. Wake me up when you make a robot that can:
Okay, I’ll admit it: those would all be pretty shitty robots. I guess that’s why I don’t go to MIT.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Airplanes require human operators. A robot that could operate an airplane, or an airplane that could take off, fly, and land by itself without killing everyone on board would be pretty cool. Get on it, MIT nerds — before Doom beats you to it!
April 7th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Mmm… a robot that could kill Rachael Ray.
But can it do that amazing task while making better waffles? If it can… I want one.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Does that robot feel pain? If not, I’ll teach it to feel pain. Stupid near-useless robot! Go point at some shit while I break your damn eyebrows off!
April 7th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I don’t give a damn if you’re bored or sad. Where is the shit?!
April 7th, 2008 at 11:35 am
You know what? They already made a fully autonomous social dexterity robot. His name was Johnny 5, and he had a laser gun. Top that, MIT!
April 7th, 2008 at 11:42 am
They never will, Kingmonkey. Why?
BECAUSE JOHNNY 5 IS ALIVE!
That’s why.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:47 am
You know, I’ve let lightning hit countless electronic devices and not one of them has come to life yet. Well, my iPod came to life briefly, but I mean it wasn’t sentient life… it just kept replacing my music with Hannah Montana mp3s.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I hope you put it out of its misery quickly. Such things should not be allowed to live.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Speaking of robots, fucking Burger King managed to make their Burger King mascott creepier.
They turned the scary mother fucker into a scary creepy robot. The King 3000.
I hate the fucking Burger King. I would love for that fucker to stick his head in my window
one morning. If he did, our problem with the Burger King would quickly be over. BOOM!!!!
I would blow his head off and still eat his croissandwich.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Hey Ross , what the fuck’s wrong with Rachel Ray, I like Rachel Ray. She’s cute. I fuck the dogshit out of Rachel Ray.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I meant to say that I would fuck the dogshit out of Rachel Ray, not that I did.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Why would she have dogshit in her? Man, your fetiches are weird, and impossibly obscene.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Let me make myself clear for our Casnadian cousins,
To fuck the dogshit out of someone
is a Southern euphemism meaning wanting to fuck someone really, really hard. Dogshit, in all actuality, is not involved in any way.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
For the love of Bob, haven’t we learned anything from Battlestar Galactica?!!! We’re doomed! Doomed, I say!!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
just figures they’d go for C3PO before they make a hot lady sexbot. godammit.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Rachel Ray is hot, but she’s ruined cooking. If I go to visit my parents 9 times out of 10 whatever dinner is contains fucking “lemon zest.” Yes, it has fucking lemon rind ground right over top… yum for lemony goodness….
Mom: “Hey, I made your favorite!
Me: “Really?! AWESOME” *takes bite* What is that taste?
Mom: “Oh it’s lemon zest. Rachel Ray makes it that way”
Me: *puts down fork* Oh…
Fuck you, Rachel Ray.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Ha, check out this guy’s robot. She’s his wife.
http://gizmodo.com/367698/technosexual-one-mans-tale-of-robot-love
WTF?!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I ain’t after Rachel Ray for her mother fucking cooking. I can cook. I just want to fuck the dogshit out of her.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Do you really want somebody who would probably exclaim, “Yum-O” (a word that should not exist) after every orgasm? Wait don’t answer that. I do have a robot that can figure out how much everybody owes in a restaurant, it is a calculator Office Max gave me on their grand opening.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Oh, I’d like to spend a long weekend banging Rachel Ray like a gong, but can you imagine waking up next to her every day for the rest of your life? That perky attitude would grow old very quickly.
April 7th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Wait, is this Rachel Ray person a robot? What’s going on with this blog? I’m lost!
April 7th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
This is the most erotic cracked blog video yet.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
A Rachel Ray robot that you can have sex with and it screams “Yum-O” while you do , man I would pay Davy Crockett money for that.
April 7th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
-create robot to kill Hannah Montanah. I’m already convinced she’s a terminator from the future sent to destroy us all so that might be a tough one. I’d recommend a exoskeleton that can withstand nuclear blasts and an array of assorted armor piercing weapons weapons.
April 8th, 2008 at 9:52 am
I think it’s pretty well established that we, the Cracked readers as representatives of America at large, don’t like robots that aren’t (A) able to facilitate our rampant laziness, (B)sexy as all hell and (C) able to kill celebrities we dislike. Back to the drawing board, MIT, the future demands it!
April 8th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Why does a robot need to blink?
April 8th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
So it can let you physically know it wants your booty in a nonchalant way.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
So, that first thing on the list…Hitchhiker’s Guide anyone?
April 9th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Hey, Stiles, we have the internet in other countries too now. It’s very exciting.
April 9th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
[…] If you enjoyed that, check out David Wong’s rundown of The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses. Then, enjoy our in-depth critique of the Church of Scientology (a critique which, it should be noted, uses more dildos than most). Or, head over to the blog for some adorable robot heckling with Ross Wolinsky. […]
April 9th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Fuck Rachel Fucking Ray, she made spam, out of a fucking, goddamn, motherfucking, ham.. She spend money, on a spiral cut, honey glazed ham, and PUT IT IN A FOOD PROCESSOR!! and mixed bunches of shit in it, and then, and then, served it on crackers. Fuck her, she made $45 spam. I would nail her though, and then when i was done, i would put her in a food processor and feed her to a Canadian. (its only has a capital “c” because i am on Firefox, i don’t consider people from the north deserving of it to be honest)
April 10th, 2008 at 1:41 am
People here hate Rachel Ray too? If we could start a prowrestling, comicbook, and videogame discussion I would only go to this website.
April 12th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Apparently Rachel Ray is easy, too. Since she had a few publically reported trysts. So we all might be able to tap Food Network chick’s ass. I should point out, though, that Giada has massive tits.
April 13th, 2008 at 2:27 am
lol/ She is really sexy!!! I have ever seen her hot video with hot bikini at RichMatchMaki ng.c om…… which is a niche dating site for all 18+ singls. Love her!!!
April 21st, 2008 at 11:18 am
[…] been banging this drum for a while now, but maybe if I keep at it I can get the robot-making community to listen. If I […]