Pedophilia. But, You Know, the Good Kind.
Throughout man’s history, there have come times when pressing questions are pushed to the forefront of public consciousness. These are the difficult moral quandaries, the issues of shared culture that can either crystallize or polarize our national population.
Abortion.
Gun control.
Gay rights.
These issues and the reasoned debate surrounding each shape our cultural landscape and define who we are as a people. That’s why, once and for all, I say we must take it upon ourselves to settle the most pressing question of all: Should teachers bang their students?
A seminal discussion about the topic was under way at a conference of debate teams from Edinburgh schools, but sadly the Catholic Church took some time off from declaring pedophilia a sin to shut the debates down.
What, so not only do you take away our right to commit pedophilia, now we can’t even talk about it? Way to be a buzzkill, Pope. No wonder MJ never invites you to his ragers anymore.
Well, even the Pope can’t stop the flow of free discourse on the Internet (largely because he believes it to be a system of rope nets used to catch demons). Therefore, I propose that we, the people of Cracked, get to the bottom of this sticky, hot, sexy issue.
In honor of the valiant efforts made by Scottish schoolchildren to debate the merits of child molestation in a calm and structured fashion, I shall present both sides of the argument in clear and unbiased language, and then open the floor for further discussion.
Increasingly, we have found that the lithe, seductive mistresses flocking our elementary schools have been unable to resist the allure of quivering, hairless boy-loins.
Should we struggle to put this practice to an end—perhaps by strapping all teachers into some sort of restraining device while they instruct—or should we rather accept it as a natural and beautiful form of love, and high five the boys in question?
Our culture’s social mores are forever expanding outwards. Less than a century ago, a man cheating on his wife would have been considered “taboo,” and today we have outgoing and incoming Governors of New York both of whom cop to adultery (although one is blind, so it may have been accidental), as well as a former President whose heartwarming affair made him so popular his wife may now take the office.
Homosexuality, once considered a sin so grave that those committing it were stoned to death, is now the foundation of our fashion industry and greatest resource for determining America’s next top model. Clearly, a trend has been set: one by one, the social taboos considered unbreakable are found to be “not really so bad.”
One could argue that by recently earmarking pedophilia as a “Deadly Social Sin,” the Pope himself is actually laying the groundwork for the eventual acceptance by society of pedophilia as an enjoyable and valid form of love between humans.
Provided those humans are a female teacher and male student. Otherwise it’s just freaky.
The belief that children and teachers should be allowed to have sex is narrow-minded and shockingly self-delusional. In case you’ve forgotten, not all teachers look this good on a bike:
No, in fact most Seventh Grade math teachers are named Mrs. Bassmagy and look like a cross between your Mother and a rather stern Walter Kronkite. I appeal not to your sense of morality, but your sense of decorum. Encouraging our youngsters to settle for this kind of tail is criminal, and lowers the expectations of all involved.
From the student’s point of view, while it may provide a cheap thrill in the short term, he is destined never to accomplish a similar feat of sexual prowess; short of nailing a supermodel or killing a dinosaur, he’s peaked at twelve. And from the teacher’s point of view, most young boys are woefully inexperienced when it comes to the art of pleasuring a woman.
So unless we institute some kind of sexual training program—say, allowing buxom teachers to instruct our boys in the ways of lovemaking—then the act of allowing buxom teachers to instruct our boys in the ways of lovemaking is obscene and should be condemned by all.
Well, there you have it. An exhaustive look at all sides of the issue. Though I find it hard to believe you could possibly have anything to add, I’ve never been one to overlook an opportunity to call someone a “master debater.”
Thoughts?
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael is on the forefront of sexual deviancy as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:23 am
I know I’d do Ms. Mellor if it ever came down to it. Or Ms. kincaid…
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:27 am
“Provided those humans are a female teacher and male student. Otherwise it’s just freaky.”
See, that line right there just got you out of an honorary NAMBLA membership. That’s a good thing.
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:31 am
There’s always one hot teacher per school, usually teaching art.
Lesbian…
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:45 am
It’s no a crime if the teacher is under 30 or voted “hot” by male-students election. I mean, when we where little we were horny little imps, and I think children nowdays are even hornier.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 am
I have to agree with all sides. I mean, most of us men are against it mainly because we’re jealous. I wish I could have been sexually active in grammer school. However, it’s also sick and wrong. (I’m not bitter.)
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:26 am
mmmmm…..strapping young hot teachers and making them talk……mmmm…..
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:46 am
I’m slightly worried by the sheer quantitiy of pedophilia related posts on this site. And it certainly doesn’t make my browser history look so good…
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:58 am
To legalize sexual relationships between teachers and students will without doubt lead to Hannah Montana violating every single boy and girl in classrooms all over the world. With her antichristesque abilities she will turn them all in to singleminded, juvenile dumbasses without any sense of humor.
Which in turn leads to excess supply of Crackedbloggers and the end of the world.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:09 am
“the allure of quivering, hairless boy-loins”
I think I just lost my breakfast. But I tell you what….I’ll just scoop it up into an envelope and mail it to you, so you can “read” it. (I really mean eat it.) Then we’ll be even.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:11 am
Sex between teachers and students is fucked up for the same reason all pedophilia is fucked up: not because there is something inherently wrong with sex between people of different ages, but because SEX HAS EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES THAT KIDS CAN’T FUCKING DEAL WITH. The scenario is inevitably like this:
1. Horny, lonely teacher and horny 13 year old boy make googly eyes at each other.
2. Horny, lonely teacher realizes a 13 year old will certainly accept her advances, and since she’s afraid of rejection, he is the perfect mate.
3. Horny, lonely teacher consummates mating with 13 year old boy.
4. Horny, lonely teacher immediately does one of two things: feels guilty, because she just took advantage of a kid; or deludes herself into believing she’s in love with someone who is in absolutely no way her peer, mentally, emotionally, or physically.
5. 13 year old boy immediately does one of two things: thinks he’s a stud and spends the rest of his life frustrated when he hits on unobtainable women; or thinks he’s in love with teacher and becomes obsessive and depressed when other people point out that he’s a 13 year old boy whose brain isn’t capable yet of making long-term decisions.
6. Possible jail time for teacher. Couseling for boy.
7. ???
8. NO ONE PROFITS.
A perfect example is my friend Ricardo, whose nanny had sex with him when he was 10 and she was 22. Ricardo is now all kinds of pissed off about this incident, because at 10, he figured he was some kind of stud, and now realizes that he was just an easy lay.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:58 am
Dammit, MeMeMe, I told you never to use my real name on the internet!
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:22 am
Which in turn leads to excess supply of Crackedbloggers and the end of the world.
Quoth the man whose name links to a HIGH-LARIOUS pick-up line generator.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
MeMeMe, I totally agree. The age at which people are physically able to have sex is lower than the age at which people can deal with it in any kind of appropriate manner.
Perhaps the reason that we look at young boys differently than young girls is because men look back and think “Man, I wish I had some hot teacher sex when I was younger!” But if you mention a situation in which their twelve-year-old daughter “had sex with” a male teacher, then the man is going to get pissed and suggest removing the teacher’s genitals with gardening shears.
Why look at the genders differently in this respect? Underage is underage, and constitutes rape.
p.s: Swaim isn’t seriously advocating pedophelia. The only kind of unconsenting sex that goes on around here involves canines.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:58 pm
first, it is not the age, it is the circumstance.
if a TEACHER is doing a STUDENT that is inappropriate. If a 30 year old is doing a 15 year old, that may not be so bad. It all depends upon who the people are, and what they represent.
If the 15 year old outwardly expresses an abundance of immaturity that is understandably incorrect, but if the fifteen year old is too mature for his or her age then of course dating people of the same age group is just going to pose a problem.
My boyfriend is going to be 27 in less than 2 weeks, and i was seventeen when we started dating. (my 18th birthday was less than 2 weeks ago).
It all depends upon who the people are.
I have had people come up to me and state that it would make them uncomfortable if it were anyone else aside from me and bobby. However, another couple at the college we attend (she is 17 and he is 28) does not work so well. She is not quite old enough mentally, and he is just using her because she likes the IDEA of having an older boyfriend.
Like i said, it all depends on who it is, where it is taking place, and how it affects the people around you.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Thank you fragg. And also, goddamn you.
And hey SRHFCFC, we simply cover the stories Ross tells us to. He’s the ringleader, and if he says “I want little boy penises on the blog,” we just grit our teeth and go along with it.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Swaim is your woman treating you right or are you treating her right because your last two blogs have been about sex. You seem to have sex on the brain.
These sex posts are offending my delicate sensibilities and shit.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Nevermind you answered it. Ross is thinking about little boy penises and making you write about them, yeah ok.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Sorry, Ricardo. I mean - kingmonkey +1. SHIT! FUCK!
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
“Resist the allure of quivering, hairless boy-loins” is perhaps the most creepily hilarious thing I have ever heard.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
So Candy, would precocious 7 yr.old girls/boys with maturity levels well above their years (let’s say about 10yrs above) be acceptable pieces of ass to someone 3x their age? “But the circumstances are soo different” Candy, I am really glad you reached the age to vote (please don’t) and buy cigarettes (please do), but don’t cite subjective and biased views as sociological reasoning.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I’m just annoyed that it was a Scottish debate that prompted this. Our teachers simply aren’t sexy enough.
Maybe in Edinburgh, with their godless heathen ways. How dare they.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
My only regret in life is Larry Flynt wasn’t my 8th grade health teacher. Life would have improved a 100 fold by 9th grade… I would bet on it.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Hey kids —WAIT till you have children. Then look back on your comments here and let us know if you still think the same. Children, kids, babies, youngsters don’t have sex ,make love or have feelings. Their trying to find someone to like them. And any one over 18 or 21 having sex with a child belongs in jail. Like I said WAIT till you have kids and let us know what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Ummm…Thank you for the good advice Schallb? WAIT a goddamn minute, I think you’re the perfect candidate the Bush administration needs to head the flunking abstinence program. I think the theme can be “WAIT till”. If you are interested in this position, I’ll be at the Chili’s down the street. Feel free to come and discuss possible bumper sticker slogans and educational videos. Just ask the WAITer where I’m seated. I will be WAITing.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
LittleBigMan, I think Larry Flynt is the last ‘teacher’ I’d want to fuck.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Are all coaches health class teachers or are all health class teachers coaches?
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
My coach was our U.S. History teacher. God our school district was poor.
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
@Schallb, I had a couple of kids last week. They did this amazing thing with their tongues.
Seriously, we are well aware it’s wrong. But the fact remains that there are things so fucked up in this world that the only way we can deal with them and not fall apart is finding a way to release that shit through humor.
Things that include not having hot ass teachers that put out when I was in high school.
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Nadia: My health class teacher was our coach. He was also our summer school math teacher… kind of like Mark Harmon in Summer School. We also got up to all kinds of hilarious hijinks and in the end learned important lessons about life. And one guy was totally a male stripper, too.
Michael Swaim: In response to “God our school district was poor,” I have one remark: ho-ow poor was it?
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
It was sooooo poor, instead of chalkboard erasers, we had gang violence!
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
It was sooooo poor, instead of math textbooks, we had gang violence!
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:39 pm
It was sooooo poor, instead of gym class, we had gang violence!
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
It was sooooo poor, instead of gang violence, we had illiteracy!
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Oh yeah, well our school was so poor, it had to burn down the gym for the insurance money!
Oh not wait, that’s true….
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
In Soviet Russia, the poor school YOU!
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:44 pm
When I was in grade 12 there was a guy fucking my art teacher. Everyone knew about it, and they were pretty open about it. I don’t think anyone really gave a shit. He was 17 I think and she was about 23, but I think they were dating since he was 16 or maybe 15, not sure. They got married a few months after he graduated.
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
If a kid gets laid before he’s mentally prepared for such a thing, chances are he’s going to have some issues later on. And by “issues” I mean that he’s going to be picking people off with a sniper rifle from the top of a clock tower.
In soviet russia, awesome post writes Michael Swaim! (seriously though, bravo on the post)
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:33 pm
@ DesertElephant - “I had a couple of kids last week. They did this amazing thing with their tongues. ” That is incredible. I shot Coke (the brown liquid, not the white powder) out of my nose after reading that line. Well played, sir, well played.
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Yeah, in our school the History teacher coaches basketball, and the geography teacher teaches baseball (damned Catholic schooling)
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:37 pm
We were so poor, we didn’t have gang violence, peasant violence
For the record, I think younger than high school is too young. I wish I got sex in high school. Hell, I wish I got sex period
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:05 am
Suppose we have a 30 year old chick and a 15 year old boy. Now suppose they are both completely retarded. I’m talking about the kind of retarded where they are only allowed to eat with spoons for fear of accidentally stabbing themselves in the face with the fork kind of retarded. Is it still wrong for our hypothetical mongoloids to hook up?
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:24 am
No, because retarded people have no souls.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:49 am
This conversation is taking a turn for the vulgar. Let’s stick with the gang violence, shall we?
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:01 am
Everyones gotta learn somehow.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:14 am
If they can only eat with spoons who in the hell is going to help them hooked up. I’m sure as shit not. But yeah, I think that’s fine for them to hook up. Just like executing somebody that retarded, they won’t know the difference
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:01 am
I’ll leave the gangviolence for now and bring up something new.
Me and a friend where both teachers, he as a history teacher, and I was more of an assist but on occasion taught economy and management/organisation to classes. We where both 21 at the time. And at different schools
Me but especially my mate had hordes of girls - and the occasional homosexual boy - tailing us around for “additional tutoring”. This in the age of schoolchildren of 14 to 16 year old. Some of which looked at least 18…
Believe me, it’s hard to resist with all those avances made at you. Partly because the girls knew that you couldn’t do anything anyway - damn harpy’s.
Now legalize that shit and I bet that the schoolyard will eventually degrade in a gangbang instead of gangviolence.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:41 am
We were so poor, we didn’t have gang violence, we had syphillis
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:00 am
We were so poor, if it cost a nickel to shit, we’d have to throw up.
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:08 am
The comments and the topic remind me of something I haven’t thought about since high school (homeroom consisted of learning how to skin, filet, and cook dinosaur meat): the band teacher drilling one of the drum majorettes.
Drum Majorette (hereafter referred to as DM) was about 16, a dishwater blonde, standard blue eyes, and an ass you could bounce quarters off of; Band Teacher (hereafter referred to as BT) had a bad combover, glasses thick enough to refract sunlight into a killing weapon of massive destruction, and a chin wattle that reminded me of Thanksgiving. Seriously, wtf? His own wife wouldn’t diddle him.
Anyway, they got caught during a bus trip to an out-of-state marching band competition when one of the tuba players had to take a piss and went to the porta-stink to relive himself; when he opened the door, he got to see her ass at about eye level (he was very short, only about 4′11″ tall and had been unceremoniously dumped into the tuba section by the BT because the BT absolutely hated this kid) as well as the BT’s privates because DM and BT were precariously balanced atop one another while riding the small sink. Accordingly, the tuba player - who was also the class clown - cackled maniacally, turned around and raced to the front of the bus (he left the porta-stink door open behind him which gave others at the back of the bus an unobstructed view of the weirdness going on inside), while exclaiming at the top of his lungs “Viva la revolutione!” The fallout saw the DM transfeered to a private girls’ school and the BT fired (strange sidenote: the BT got a job with a travel agency and was put to work booking all of the travel arrangements for our school’s band).
While creepy - that one poster was correct and the DM’s father had a gun-toting, screaming, homicidal fit over this (if the DM had been his son and the BT had been female, I’m sure anger wouldn’t have been the response from the father [the mother is a different issue]) - this wasn’t looked upon as pedophilia (even though, technically, it fits). Americans view it differently if the child is a male than they would if the child were female. We see the male children as being more capable of defending themselves from unwanted attention (unless they’re altar boys, which automatically makes them retarded sissies) than female children. If the boy hadn’t wanted it, too, then it wouldn’t have happened - the implied consent makes it “Ok!” to a large portion of the population.
Why is that, anyway?
Afterthought: the tuba player peaked at that moment on the bus when he simultaneously got revenge for being stuffed into a tuba by the BT and being dissed by the DM as being too short to date - thereafter he faded into the annals of history and was never heard from again (unless you needed your groceries bagged at the Piggly Wiggly down the street).
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:35 am
Nadia, i’m sensing that YOUR maturity level isn’t as high as it should be… because you can’t seriously mean that post. I for one agree with Candy. But I do not think she means that it is literaly okay for anyone at ANY age to date someone older.
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:54 am
Really? This post is not so new ~~~~~~~~I read it before at tallpedophile.com, it is great site for dating monogoloids and knowing love.
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
And with that, kingmonkey+1 sets the humor bar two notches above our collective potential.
I cackled.
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
That mongoloid stuff reminds me of year 8, where the gay mongoloids had sex in the toilets alot, and really loudly. Nothing is more awkward then needing to take a shit and hear gay moncoloids humping in a nearby cubicle. That, combined with the other one that would strip naked and run around screaming if you said “hello”, caused the disabled to be segregated forever, (and the aboriginals too, since at our school it was comsidered the same thing), and not a moment too soon, because walking into the toilets to see people sitting in the urinals eating their lunch was disgusting. Plus being stalked wasn’t fun.
As for pedophelia, I had a two teachers that dressed and acted like a pedophiles, one of them put her phone between her boobs while wearing a fairy costume (and the phone was on vibrate, but she was ugly), and another who would spend all lessons looking at the female students saying such things as “I can see you jiggling” and “Its not my fault if my eyes wander” in the creepiest pedophile sounding voice ever. Plus a teacher at a nearby school blew his head off cause he raped kids.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I had a web-design teacher who many would classify as a pedophile. On the first day of class he said, “I’m not creepy, I’m 65 years old. I have paid millions of dollars in taxes, and I have earned the right to be a dirty old man. If the pretty girls in this class flirt with me, I will grade their web pages, more fairly.” Haha, Mr. Martin was such a badass. The guys didn’t mind because all the hot girls dressed especially skanky for that class, the hot girls didn’t mind because they all got A’s and didn’t have to learn a damn thing about HTML or javascript. The only people who minded were the ugly girls. And nobody gives a shit about ugly people, or their stupid ugly problems.
My fourth grade teacher was totally a pedophile. She used to let me grab her butt and boobs. It was probably the best experience of my life. Luckily for me I was way too young to get a boner (well, really to realize what it was good for) so instead of totally fucking me up, it made me the first kid in my whole town to feel real boobs! And thus the king of the town.
Her name was Ms. Cuchia, she was probably the hottest teacher I ever had. Now that I think about her, I wonder who fucked her up so bad that she would let a 9 year-old grab her tits and ass. I also wonder what she’s doing nowadays, and if shes still with that deadbeat husband. I should give her a call…
So what’s the moral of the stories? Don’t work for pedophilia, make pedophilia work for you!
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm
It should not be allowed, there is no debate.
Also, homosexuality is STILL considered a sin, God didnt exactly change his mind on the issue.
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Bob………….you didnt get that memo?
i could have sworn i got that to everyone
No, its cool now, im down with the homos and stuff. dick sucking, ass stuffing, all that
yeah its good
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
And God has such relaxed grammar, too. Who knew?
April 4th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Can I just say for the record, now that the feds are no doubt watching this page with interest, that I have no interest in pedophilia of mongolophilia (?) whatsoever. If you look carefully at the comments, my jokes were much more sedate. You’ll want to investigate the others, not me. I’m much too delicate for prison.
April 4th, 2008 at 7:58 am
I could see how nailing a teacher, while being the ripe age of 10-15, would negatively affect someone. In all probability, your life would peak and you would spend the rest of your life riding the downward slope. The only way you could approach anything like that ever again, would be to have sex with a celebrity. And not a B list celeb (whoever is on the Surreal Life), we’re talking A list (like Cameron Diaz and so forth).
April 4th, 2008 at 8:24 am
I think it is very hard to draw a line here. Pedophilia is a contemporary phenomenon. It is difficult to judge when a child becomes a man/woman or when he or she is ready to understand that physical part of sex comes with (most often) a lot of emotional baggage and responsibility. I am certain that, whatever people say before they have teenage kids, does not mean a whole lot, because having things happen to you (or people close to you) is a big opinion-changer.
On the other hand, can you really claim that older men wanting intercourse with underage girls is so strange? We are designed to instinctively look for the best mate for us. In most cases this equals young and fit. The society is the main reason why we gape in horror when we hear the stories about 15 year old girls getting pregnant, but younger body basically means less problems. Emotional maturity is, again, a factor imposed by that same society which determines when and how we reach it. We, of course, can argue that today we live longer and put more weight on personal development and education and therefore have the luxury of postponing the point in which we officially reach ‘emotional maturity’.
Most of the rules and guidelines today are a part of the process of evolution of our civilization and can be considered temporary and ‘a trend’ as was the case with homosexuality. Things change, opinions change.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:46 am
[...] If you liked that, you’ll probably enjoy reading about more irresponsible behavior in our article on The Drunkest Generation: 10 Reasons Your Grandpa Could Drink You Under the Table. Or, enjoy an ad for a product that would give that tampon taser a run for its money. And be sure to check out our reasoned and entirely too detailed evaluation of the most pressing question of our time: should teachers bang their students? [...]
April 4th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Paradox,
Can you please explain what you mean by contemporary. You’re not suggesting that the concept of pedophilia has only developed recently, are you. Adults having child brides or men having intercourse with young boys have been reported for literally thousands of years. I would imagine that perhaps views have changed toward the topic as lifespans extended, but I have to imagine that children being victimized and families and friends must have reacted similarly at some point in history. I can’t imagine that indignation toward this is only a modern social response.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I absolutely don’t claim that pedophilia is a recent ‘invention’. However ‘modern’ society and new standards (and trends, i have to say) pushed it under the spotlight. As you said, adult-child relationship is as old as civilization itself. In some (at the time considered advanced) cultures it was even encouraged.
Also, I’m not talking about children abuse (in a physical sense at least). It is a crime no matter how old or young the victim is. I was observing how consensual adult-child relationships are a priori being attacked and ‘perpetrators’ ostracized. Again, there are two sides to that coin… although the child voluntarily enters such a relationship, we can argue whether he or she is mature enough to appropriately judge the situation.
April 4th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
See, you fell for it, Paradox. I lured you into a reasonable conversation and you totally forgot you were on Cracked.com! There’s no place here for people like you. You make me sick!
April 4th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Damn you to hell! You won this time… but we WILL meet again… EVIL kingmonkey +1
April 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Hannah Montana supports paedophilia…but only if the sex is with paraplaegic babies
April 5th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Hey, Woody Allen was tapping Soon-Yi years before she was legal. However, have you taken a look at her? No one is going to lose sleep over one less unattractive virgin vagina walking the earth. Marie Kay Letorneau was banging a 12 year old. I find it forgivable because no adult man (woman, snake or ant) in their right mind would want to get busy with her. Her sneaking off in her station wagon at night to meet her 6th grade lover, keeps her out of the clubs and bars. Where drunken goggles could get a man (woman, snake or ant) in deep trouble. Quality Control at it’s finest.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:54 am
kingmonkey +1… yes, I did set myself up on that Larry Flynt comment, didn’t I. Actually meant Larry could have taught me how, who and why I could have been fucking instead of should have been fucking by 9th grade… is there a difference? Anyway, I agree, I could not do Larry F. I like pussy… I know that is strange to say these days and disappoints about 10% of the boys… maybe more… but some of us boys need to take care of the girl’s that enjoy cock. That will include me.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:50 am
The more I read these comments, the more I’m starting to think there’s actually nothing wrong with pedophilia at all. If there was, someone would be able to give a reason more compelling than ‘it’s just so wrong!’ ‘if you don’t think it’s wrong you’re sick!’ ‘it will cause issues for the kid later!’ Ohnoe! Not ISSUES. I f**king HATE issues! I can’t for the life of me find a single anti-pedophile statement (here or anywhere else) that isn’t complete rhetorical bullshit. I’m not saying that it IS okay, I’m just saying that even if you’re REALLY SURE it’s wrong, if you can’t come up with an actual sound argument, you’re just making noise. But I guess that’s okay for the status quo. God forbid anyone should actually try thinking.
April 17th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Law is law. The laws are set as a baseline standard by older men and women that have already lived through the, ‘do not understand the consequences of their actions both in the now or the impact such acts will have later in their lives’ - that part of living a long and healthy life. Of course there are children under 18 that seem much more mature than another and in some cases are. So what!? We have to have set rules in law to protect kids from all adults. We see every day a twenty-something male so out of tune with reality they will buy a car they cannot afford or do not need after seeing some hot chick sitting in it in the television ad. “Boy, am I gonna get laid now!” Something that idiotic should tell us all something needs to be done with the age of consent. Where do we draw the line? You want a 25 year old male fucking your 14 year old daughter? Do you want a 50 year old fucking your 20 year old daughter? Where do we draw the line? Well, it is 18. After 18 we can fuck our brains out. Yes, I know, with parental consent a child can marry at 16 in Georgia. Again, the arguements for letting adults fuck children are abundant and spew out of adult males mouths like a beehive being beat on by a stick. In the meantime leave the under 18, they are known as children, alone. Over 18 we are known as adults - act accordingly. Under 18 children are beat to death with religion, morality and guilt over their sexuality. i.e., I was jerking off by 12. Who wasn’t!? Sexual limbo from 12-17. It is hell. Against our instincts. And every pedophile and child rapist knows this. LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE to handle their sexual progress during that sexual phase. Let the kids fuck it up, not an adult that is supposed to be caring for our children. Those that don’t leave these kids alone… go shoot yourself. Finally, do something constructive. Thin the herd for those of us sick of this shit.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I think there is a large difference between young boys and young girls. By age 13 (hell even before that really) most boys are ready, able and excited to have sex. I know this was true for me and every guy I knew at that age. And I don’t mean to sound sexist (what am I saying… yes i do), but girls at that age didn’t want sex so much. So all of us 13 year old guys were running around with boners we couldn’t stick anywhere but in our own hands, while the girls were busy grooming horses (which I now understand, young girls are just into giant horse dicks. I bet if I lived in India the girls would have been grooming elephants instead of paying attention to my 13-years-old dorky ass.). But by age 15 many of the girls were out having sexual relationships with guys in their 20s. While at 15 most of boys were still resigned to just our hands. And nobody ever did anything about this. And now, in my early 20s myself, almost all the girls I knew in school were or are fucking pregnant. So my 13-18 year old self thinks (female)teachers who have sex with their students (of either gender and above at least 14) are cool, my modern self (19-23) thinks there are too many people on the earth, and no one should be having sex because we don’t need any more people.
(I’m still pissed about how many underage girls were having sex with 25 year olds when I was in high school and that no one ever points this out to the authorities.)
April 26th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I say that it should be allowed.
Some teens are mature enough to mate.
I’ll totally do my science teacher.
April 30th, 2008 at 12:17 am
I dreamt that I was reincarnated as a Bulgarian Olympic girls gymnastics coach.
Anyway.. Look at the statistics. It’s only been within the last 100 years or so that
the average lifespan has been extended. Historically (Moses and Methusela excluded)
humans lived to about 35, maybe 40 years. It’s no wonder that Romeo and Juliet got
it on so young. At age 18 to 20, your life was already half over! Girls were considered
old maids if they were past their teens and still unmarried. Perhaps this is a modern
day societal issue, made more creepy by the fact that dirty old men are becoming older
and older. Logan’s Run! No one lives past 30. Now that would be Utopia. It’s all a
matter of perspective.