Black People Love Dancing Elmos (And Other Cultural Trends I Know Nothing About): The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Elmo, North Philly Style
Being a costumed entertainer seems like a great gig, doesn’t it? You get to wear whatever you want under your suit, you don’t have to bathe, and the hours are probably pretty flexible. What do you really have to do? Jump around a little bit, dance with some kids for an hour or two, then collect your paycheck? Sounds pretty easy, right?
Wrong. True, personal hygiene is not a top priority for a costumed entertainer, but that’s because they have so much more to worry about. Try to understand: If a costumed entertainer gets called out to a Bar Mitzvah he has to speak at least a little bit of Yiddish. If a costumed entertainer gets hired to perform at a birthday party for the Mafia, he needs to know that they believe loyalty is very important. And if a costumed entertainer gets called out to a wicked block party in North Philly, he better come correct with some wicked-sick dance moves. The name of the game is versatility, and most people aren’t willing or able to provide that for minimum wage. That’s why you don’t see very many costumed entertainers these days. Unless you spend a lot of time at theme parks, I guess, but if you’re spending all of your time at theme parks, then you probably have bigger problems to concern yourself with. Stop worrying so much about the state of the costumed entertainment industry and go get yourself into therapy. Take care of yourself - you’re worth it.
On a related note, when did this become a thing? Why are there like 1,000 videos on YouTube of people dancing in Elmo costumes? How did I miss that?
Oh yeah - by being the whitest person on the face of the planet.
March 13th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Are you really the whitest person on the planet?
March 13th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Check out “Stuff White People Like” at wordpress.com
March 13th, 2008 at 11:25 am
That was an exaggeration, esox - I’m the whitest person on the planet after Swaim, Gladstone, Daniel O’Brien and Chris Bucholz. Which actually makes me the blackest blogger that Cracked has to offer.
Not bad for a Russian Jew.
March 13th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Bozhemoi, that was good RoWo.
Seriously, you have to know your shit if you’re gonna step up to Elmo in a crunk-off.
I do believe that’s the stupidest thing I’ve written today.
March 13th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I think that because black people love Elmo AND dancing, combining the two was the next logical step, and even Sesame street brought together the blacks and Elmo through song and dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpxw0iCP4q4
March 13th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Only by watching Sesame Street now do you realise how ridiculously ghetto it was.
Was that the point?
March 13th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Ahem, the point was to teach us about the importance of being ghetto, a lesson which I have carried into adulthood and am now passing on to my children by letting them watch Sesame Street and buying them rapping, cartwheeling Tigger dolls…..
Side note, the best Sesame Street rap ever…”Brush your teeth now, brush your teeth now, share your toys now, share your toys now, greet ya’ friends now, greet ya’ friends now, give ‘em a run, give ‘em a run, give ‘em a run, give ‘em a run….”
March 13th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
That was the most adorable Nooner ever.
March 13th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Didn’t DOB say he was half black ? Ross, are you saying you’re blacker than Daniel ? Will there be a Cracked Blogger crunk duel back at the house to settle this? Could you guys post a video of this for us? It might, possibly, be the funniest thing that’s ever been posted on this site….ever
March 13th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Ross, a lot people I know don’t consider folk’s of Russian Jewish descent white. Hell some people I know don’t even consider Catholics white. That’s not to say I don’t know a bunch of racist bastards, cause I do and that’s not to say I don’t think they’re fucking idiots, because they are.
Now Mrs. glendoor42 is racist as hell, but that is what you get when you marry someone who’s maiden name was Hirschfeld.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
yyyeah Philly!!
March 13th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Elmo has gotten taller and is better at Crumping -yeah, I have no clue on how to spell that-, than the last time I saw him on PBS.
March 13th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I’m just glad it wasn’t the South American tranny Amy Winehouse again. Good nooner.
March 14th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Are Daniel and Ross going to have a dance off? Is someone possibly going to get served in some manner? Is some object going to be off the hook somehow? Is someone’s mother about to be referred to in several unflattering terms?
March 15th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
“Is someone’s mother about to be referred to in several unflattering terms?”
I literally laughed until I fell into a huge fit of coughing and my side got a sharp pain in it….you have my comedic respect fragg…..
March 16th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
It ain’t money, but I’ll take it!
Although falling, continuous coughing, and a sharp pain in the side might be signs of something a lot more serious than comedy. I hope I did not kill you.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:43 am
amy winehouse drugs wordpress…
This site is so freeking cool. Pceace !!…