If It Has Two Teams It’s A Sport: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Let’s Play… Bunnock!
As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, the Third Annual International Indoor Bunnock Tournament was held this past weekend at a shopping mall in Edmonton, Canada. I couldn’t make it, unfortunately, but I hear it was nothing shy of phenomenal. There were some truly top-notch bunnock players present, and the competition was fierce. You know how those bunnock games get, what with all the, uh, the bunnockballs flying all over the place, and the scoring of bunnock points and whatnot. I’ll bet there were tons of cracked bunnock paddles by the end of the day! Yup - nothing like a good round of indoor bunnock on a cold winter afternoon.
Alright, you’ve got me: I have no idea what bunnock is. Or I didn’t, anyway, until I read its (very short) Wikipedia entry. Now I know that it involves two teams, a field, and a whole bunch of horse anklebones. The two teams stand on opposite sides of a field and try to knock each others’ anklebones down with - get this - MORE BONES.
I was going to make a list of other activities that you’d have to call “games” if bunnock is one, things like “roll the mayonnaise jar down the stairs without it breaking” and “transport the bag of dirty laundry to the washing machine,” but you know what? If there was another team trying to break your mayonnaise jar or beat you to the washing machine, those actually WOULD be games. I guess the joke was supposed to be that bunnock is a made up game, but aren’t all games made up? At the end of the day, is “knock down the horse anklebones” any weirder than “run back and forth and throw the ball in the basket” or “hit the ball with the stick and run counterclockwise around the diamond”?
Well, crap - I started this post as a “check out this KUH-RAZY sport!” thing, but somewhere along the way it turned into an “all sports are weird!” thing. Oh well - at least I raised some awareness about bunnock.
You’re welcome, worldwide bunnock players. All nine of you.
February 28th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
I’d play bunnock. I’ll remember next time I have a horse corpse lying around.
February 28th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
My only problem with this sport is that there isn’t some way to tell my future based on the results of any given bunnock match. If there’s bones involved, I better get my god damn fortune read somehow.
February 28th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Funny you bring this topic up… We just broke down the difference between a sport and mere activity here:
http://forcedentryblog.blogspot.com/2008/02/definitive-definition-of-sport.html
Based on what I’ve read on Bunnock, it gets the F_E nod of approval: SPORT!
February 28th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Don’t make fun! I’m actually in a Roll the Mayonnaise Jar Down the Stairs Without It Breaking league. Our team almost took the eastern conference championship last year, but that was when they changed the rules to include Miracle Whip. You may recall there was a pretty big uproar about that. Our team (the North Casnadian Jarboys) dropped out in protest.
It’s not mayonnaise, people!
February 28th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I love playing “testicle toss” (aka “toss your balls”). No seriously. It’s an actual game using a bola-like thing made of golf balls and rope you throw at a target.
February 28th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
BTW, I’d link a site, but I’m afraid to look up “testicle toss” on google while at work.
February 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Mr. THE Guy, I think you need to be upgraded to “Dr. THE Guy” because part of me thinks that a person named Mr. Guy playing “testicle toss” will be tossing his testicles at 9 year old girls….But with the title “Dr.”, however, anything is cool because, hey, you’re a doctor
Also, I think I would rather watch a bunnock contest than take in the anti-majesty that is NASCAR (secretly marketed as THE go-to sport for the white supremacist in your family!)
February 28th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I started out as just “THE Guy” and then got upgraded to Mr. THE Guy. You think I should upgrade again?
It is a really fun game and easy to turn into a drinking game too.
February 28th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
“bunnockballs” heh heh heh heh heh!
February 28th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Beats curling.
Oh, and I upgraded him, I’m very proud
February 28th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Do you remember what blog that was, Captain? And, should I upgrade to Dr.?
February 28th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Were we discussing David Bowie?
Oh and, yes, but go one stage further and call yourself Professor.
February 28th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I went back and found it. We were dicussing Steven Hawking and his sense of humor. It’s in the back in the blog about the things people have built with legos.
February 28th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
YES!
I might upgrade myself to Commander.
February 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I like the sound of “Professor THE Guy” it has a ring to it, and now I am comfortable letting my future children toss testicles with you. By the way Captain Ross, thank you for blessing Mr. THE Guy with that promotion, it was long overdue.
February 28th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Oops…I guess its Commander Ross, even though I had hoped you would become “Rear Admiral”
February 28th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
This is like the anti-flame war. It’s fun and heart-warming rather than angry and hostile. I think we should do this more often because people of the world would be happier as a whole. Free compliments for everyone. Just ask for one and I’ll give you a compliment.
February 28th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I don’t know, my upgrade sounds a bit weird, but I don’t want to be left behind.
February 28th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Awww, how sweet.
I think you need that “baby Asian balls” guy in here to break up this group hug…
February 28th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
If we’re doing navy/army rankings jokes we may as well get them out of our systems now.
I’d hate to admit to being a rear-admiral, but I’ll heartily admit to being a damn good flanker.
By that I mean….yeah.
February 28th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Could clubbing baby seals be considered a sport if some sort of points system established?
February 28th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Bingo: If it has two teams it’s a sport.
February 28th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Forced Entry: In your blog (which i quite enjoyed) you mentioned that Bocce Ball is not a sport. As it employs, pretty much, the same principles as Bunnock (which you call a sport) I think you should reverse your ruling on one or the other. I would be perfectly fine with Bocce being a sport. Also, Nibb High football rules!
February 28th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Wait, Ross, are you implying that the baby seals constitute an opposing team?
February 28th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Swaim: No, I was picturing like another team of dudes trying to club MORE baby seals or stop the first team from clubbing any seals or something. But I WISH I had been implying that, because that’s brilliant.
February 28th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I was actually at West Edmonton Mall watching this tournament (in between buying things) it sounds real dumb, but its actually pretty interesting. Was huge too.
February 28th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
What would the baby seals hold the clubs with?
February 28th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I’m not sure what my nmae should be, Andy Trousers? Pantaloons? knickerbockers?
I might consider watching the “transport the bag of dirty laundry to the washing machine” game if there were stairs involved. And Bunnock would be more interesting if the ankle bones were still connected to the horse. I’m not big on sports though, I’ll stick to drinking coffee to try and stay in shape.
February 28th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
You’re attacking this all wrong. Your upgrade would be “Anthony Pants”
February 28th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Andy Pants +1
February 28th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Andrew Fancy Pants? and I made a comment early that baby seals with lasers would be cool , but don’t know why it didn’t post, but I’m high as hell today so who knows. I just found out that my oldest daughter just got engaged. Well I guess I’ll have to spend the money I had earmarked for my autographed, lifesized, Han Solo frozen in carbonite wall hanging on a fucking wedding. This is not one of the children that look like kingmonke.. oh excuse me ,emperormonkey, so I can’t send him the bill.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
The only reason Ross became a captain in the first place was to distinguish himself from Wolinsky.
As long as we are upgrading…I say Andy Slacks
February 29th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Wow. Truly the sport of kings.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:20 am
and how would one include a second team in ‘kill the hobo for his clothes’?
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:14 am
I just can’t see how slacks are an upgrade from pants, to my mind the only thing better than pants is no pants.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Depends entirely on the situation Andy….
February 29th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Otto E. Roddick, you mean Choocher?
February 29th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Hey, I did not have any respect for curling until last winter olympics. The truth is that after giving it a chance and watching it, it has become my favorite winter olympic sport. I truly cannot wait until next Winter Olympics to watch more curling… Oh, and did I mention that the matches last a looong time. It is an awesome sport, and I am not Canadian by the way, I am very much American.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:31 am
glendoor84: You celebrated your daughter’s engagement by getting high? That, sir, is some fine parenting.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:34 am
@Professor… yeah, that’s the guy… couldn’t remember his name. I only read the comments for the anonymous hostility.
Just adding my two cents here, but I’m gonna suggest overalls as an upgrade from pants. They’re like pants, but you’ve got a bib and some extra pockets… and I just think they look dignified.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Yeah, but what’s Mustafa’s upgrade? “Choiceafa”? “Optionafa”? “Freewillafa”?
February 29th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Kama Mustafa?
If you get that reference, you sir (or madam) deserve a handshake, and some currency.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Andy Chaps?
February 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
@Alanis , I think the logical step up for Mustafa would be Mustafa Khomeini.
@kingmonkey I am high, or was, on pain pills, legally prescribed by a doctor. The crushing them up and snorting them, not so legal. Not really , the snorting part, not the pain pill part.
In case you did not know, and I don’t see why you would, I was in a bad car accident and my shoulder and arm were badly injured. Which is pretty fucked up considering I spent a majority of my adult life in some pretty nasty places, where, despite my dashing good looks, sparkling wit and my amicable personality, people in said place decided to shoot at me, blow me up and or otherwise do me great bodily harm. I NEVER GOT A FUCKING SCRATCH. I retire out of the army after 20 years and am home three weeks and get BROADSIDED BY A DRUNK DRIVER. Ain’t life just funny.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
glendoor42: Beating on drunk drivers should be a sport.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Well this fucker jumps out the car and tries to beat on me. He was damn lucky I only had one arm functional and a big maglite and the cops showed up quick, cause otherwise I’d have killed the son a bitch.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Candy pants!
February 29th, 2008 at 11:05 am
And Rasta Mustafa
February 29th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Mufasa?
February 29th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
@kingmonkey, you could upgrade to Monarchmonkey. That sounds pretty good to me.
@Andy Pants, I think you should go with Andy Slacks.
@glendoor, I’ve been at gunpoint twice, and I’ve decided that if it happens again, I’m going to disarm him and shoot the guy in the back of his damn head. I bet I could get off on self-defense or some kind of disociative disorder like they do in Law & Order all the time.
@Otto. Yeah. I remember that guy I actually agreed with Nick (though Nick should have shut up sooner) about how Choocher was being a bastard. And, when Ross blamed Choocher for why we can’t have “nice things,” I just about died laughing.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Glendoor my buddy was a ranger for 4 yrs. 2 tours each in Afghanistan and Iraq. Only action he got was shooting a dog. Two weeks home and he got shot at the park by some kid trying to break into his car. He acted really mad, but you got to admit all army guys want to have a bullet wound they just dont want to die.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Mustafa El Wratha’ Khan
February 29th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Or should that be…
Mustafa Al Wrath ‘a Khan ?
March 27th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Thoroughbred Breed…
Having a road to untold web pages referring to this is solid gold….
May 12th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Dooney And Bourke Bags…
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you….