Maxim Strays From Journalistic Excellence?
by Gladstone
Check out some more Gladstone over HERE. And his latest YouTube video HERE.
The Black Crowes are furious with Maxim magazine. No, Maxim didn’t spill bong water all over the Crowes’ stash. It’s far worse: Maxim panned the new Black Crowes album without even listening to it.
Sure, it’s easy to criticize Maxim and their lack of journalistic integrity, but I’m willing to bet everything I have they’re right. The new Black Crowes album will suck as sure as you can get a contact high from touching Chris Robinson’s beard.
Here are some other fearless predictions requiring no further validating information:
- American Idol winners will continue to have short-lived careers based entirely on records sales to 14 year old girls.
- Scott Weilland of STP with OD ASAP
- Lennon Murphy will be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame for penning I Am The Walrus.
- Movies made using the lyrics to random Bealtes songs as 85% of the script’s dialog will suck.
- One day Clay Aiken and Lance Bass will share an awkward elevator ride consisting of Lance continually checking his watch in pantomime, tugging on an imaginary long white beard and coughing “come out already” under this breath.
- Eventually, everyone in creation —even die-hard Metallica fans— will come to the realization that the boys may have made some great Metal, but they’re a bunch of whiny, insufferable pricks.
- It’s only a matter of time before I write another post alienating most of my friends.
Check out some more Gladstone over HERE. And his latest YouTube video HERE.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Some of those predictions already have occurred. Everyone in creation including this Metallica fan admit that they are a whiny bunch of insufferable pricks … especially Lars. (Although I secretly believe that they were at one point cool an then turned to the dark side by Hannah Montana some time in the early 90s).
That awkward elevator ride has already occurred. (I witnessed it)
And Scott Weilland actually OD’d 5 years ago and they’ve just been propping his corpse up on stage, sending electrical currents to parts of his brain in order to make him move around. Turns out Slash and Duff McKagan didn’t even figure this out until they were recording their second album with him. (Hey, if you had been in a band with Axl Rose for as long as they were you’d learn to just act as if the lead singer doesn’t exist too).
February 25th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Good job, Neil. Now comment 300 more times so i can top Swaim’s Arrested Development post.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
commenting that many times on Swaim’s AD post may be the single lowest moment in my life.
That said I can honestly say that this post is the first thing to ever make me want to touch Chris Robinson’s beard.
February 25th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
@Gladstone: I’m afraid to go back and check. Are there still comments being added to that post? Whereas I’m one of the guilty parties that helped push it over 200, I was only joking about pushing it to 300. When I went back and read, “time of death…”, I deferred to your better judgement and moved on.
PS. Who are the Black Crowes?
@Guy with Beard in Photo: Gesundheit, sir.
February 26th, 2008 at 5:20 am
Anyone know where I can get some good weed?
February 26th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Gladstone: YOU HAVE FRIENDS?
February 26th, 2008 at 8:26 am
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February 26th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Adrian, “electronic” friends, yes. But only a few.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:15 am
@lbh yea, i’m the soy soul who pushed it to 300
February 26th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I didn’t know Maxim had a journalistic stance, apart from saying “hey, we’ve got boobs, but not as many boobs as the other magazines you read. We have some articles, but also boobs.”
February 26th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Neil, you are my hero. I went back and saw what you did. You dragged that dead blog across a no-man’s land towards the finish line and as a result Patriotism wins, the terrorists lose and Swaim got to experience all the glory of anal sex at the hands(?) of his editor. If Swaim doesn’t give you some platonic man-on-man handjob action in gratitude, I hope he at least has the decency to send you a fruit basket or a Walmart gift card.
That would be journalistic integrity !
February 26th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
refer to maxim.com—all of the pictures, none of the literacy.
February 26th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Oh, Good God, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!
February 26th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
@ true:
Do you think anyone reads all of that bullshit you just wrote? Seriously, you have to much time on your hands.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
@lbh - I don’t like to brag, but I like to think of myself as a hero. Some one for the kids to look up to. George Washington combined with Batman combined with a Bald Eagle. I like to think of getting that comments section up to 300 as the equivalent of slapping Osama bin Laden in the face with the mighty justice of my cock.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
i find it’s not true on the site interracialmatch.com. confuse!
February 26th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Hey who took down true’s rant? Now instead of an asshole with a point, I just look like an asshole.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Haha, the elevator ride joke was classic.
March 11th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Well, from the photo, it looks like Lance Bass just gave him a “helping hand”.