Monkeys Are Strong, Bulldogs Are Lazy and Rejected Breast Implants In A Dude’s Leg: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Monkey & Dog Doing Situps
I stumbled across this clip on YouTube after halfheartedly watching The Moment of Truth on FOX. Have you guys seen that one? It’s that lie detector show where people answer increasingly horrible questions and ruin their lives for the chance to win FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. Why can’t we take a hint from Japan and start airing good old-fashioned entertainment again? You know - like a show where a dog helps a monkey do sit-ups. If they put that on FOX I would watch it dutifully every single week. They could call it Animal Magnetism… only that kind of makes it sound like they would be having sex with each other, which is a totally different kind of TV show. How about Spot Me!? If they named the dog Spot that one would be a double whammy.
I could see a monkey doing sit-ups with a bulldog holding his legs down on American TV, but to flip it around and have the BULLDOG (not) doing the sit-ups? That’s so insane it could only come from the brilliant mind of a Japanese television writer. I’d make some sort of bold statement like “Japanese television writers must all smoke crack!” but I have a feeling that most of them probably come from respectable families and come up with their ideas in drug-free workplaces, so scratch that one.
Which just got me thinking… I know this clip is from Japan, but do you think when Chinese people have a really late business meeting and their bosses say “I need you all to stick around,” do you think they say “Can we order American?” Food for thought.
WILDCARD!!!
If you’ve been reading the Cracked Blog for a while, you might remember this post back in December when I pointed out that it might not be such a great idea to give your tattoo fake tits. I know it’s been a while (almost a whopping two months), but get this: APPARENTLY I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT.
“My body just rejected it. I guess my girl wasn’t meant to have 3D breasts,” he said.
“There was so much fluid in there. I went back to the studio and pushed on it gently - the implant shot right out.”
I wish I could come up with a really solid, clever line to close on here, but my brain just exploded, so I think I’m going to have to end this post with some guttural noises.
GUHHHH. BLURRGH. HUHHNNN.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I could win that $500,000 hands down so long as they don’t ask about what’s in the history on my web browser.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I ate some Grogurt the other day and my body shot out implants that I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I HAD.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Japanese TV is absolutely insane. I like the fact that they apparently have no concept of “safe” on these shows. Some of the stuff they do would never fly on American TV. I mean, if Americans are worried about the old Fantastic Four cartoon causing kids to light themselves on fire to be like the Human Torch (it works, by the way kids!), can you imagine the parental protest at seeing people smacked in the nuts for failing to recite tongue twisters properly?
February 20th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I just want to see the horse mask guy in his own American cooking show. That would be the best (read: the only good one) cooking show ever!!!!!
February 20th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
No offence, but what food constitutes American food? Pretty much all your staple dishes originate from other countries, don’t they?
In retrospect, don’t answer that. It was pointless and pedantic, a sure sign that I’ve been commenting on this site too long.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
The inner 8th grader in my mind has taken over me and I have been giggling at “leg tits” for about 5 minutes now….
Also, Stevey Steve, you know that thing that restaurants do when they put salsa and beans on a preexisting menu item, but instead call it “The Southwest (whatever the food is)”? Well, we Americans have the same thing, instead, we deep-fry whatever it is, and POW, it becomes American. I’m guessing that’s the reason we’re the fattest people around
February 20th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Can a dog bend that way? Sitting up?
Also, was that a rave version of ‘Flight of the Bumblebee’ used as background music?
That’s it, fuck you Japan, you’ve gone too far. The monkeys spotting dogs and doing sit ups I can take, but a rave version of a classical score? That’s just not on.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Horse Mask Guy and Martha Stewart in a cook-off on Hell’s Kitchen with Gordon Ramsey going apeshit and screaming shit at ‘em. hee hee hee
February 20th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Looking at that the wrong way Captain Ross. Check out this remake of Pachelbel’s Cannon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjA5faZF1A8
I promise it’s not a Rick Roll. Just a good guitarist doing a remake of a classical song.
February 20th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
I’ve seen that, impressive, plus I was being sort of satirical.
But maaaaan, what is it with filling Japanese tv with fucking rave music? It’s almost as if they WANT to be known as a nation of hyperactive children.
February 20th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
That was comedy gold. Stupid dog doesn’t know how to do sit-ups, shame.
February 20th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Did anyone else get the feeling they probably drugged the dog to get it to do all that crap? And the monkey was all like, “Hurry the fuck up!” and yanking on the dog’s legs. I felt bad for the dog.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:08 am
There were a couple of moments when watching Mr. THE Guy’s link that I found myself thinking of Brian May, for some reason. The kid’s pretty slick.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:55 am
Well, at there was no midgets.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:20 am
wow.what they wanna do?I’ve seen that, impressive, plus I was being sort of satirical.
many friends playing on tall dating site____Tallmingle.com__have the same idea as me
February 21st, 2008 at 6:41 am
ARGH THE SPAM BOTS HAVE MY QUOTES!
THEY’RE GOING TO ASSIMILATE MEEE!
February 21st, 2008 at 8:23 am
Mustafa, America is not the country of frying everything. That’s Scotland. They invented the deep-fried Mars Bar. Who looks at a Mars Bar and thinks “You know what? That’s pretty good, but what if we battered and fried it? Now you’re talking!”?
February 21st, 2008 at 8:27 am
OH NOES, ROSS! RUN AWAY!
February 21st, 2008 at 11:47 am
Is that true Wallsy? Well, let me one up you then…..
http://www.kirotv.com/foodnews/9789814/detail.html
We fry LIQUIDS in America…so suck that Scotland
February 21st, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I thought fried coke was called crack?
February 21st, 2008 at 12:44 pm
ARGH THE SPAM BOTS HAVE MY QUOTES! THEY’RE GOING TO ASSIMILATE MEEE over at tallsugarmommytailsmackmeat.com.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:46 pm
In Casnadia, we eschew the frying of things. Instead we prefer to put gravy on everything. So, the day you see deep fried gravy as a food, you’ll know that America and Casnadia have merged.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:52 pm
“Casnadia”???
Please, Kingmonkey, most Americans are already confused enough by geography. If you’re not part of the solution…
February 21st, 2008 at 2:20 pm
‘Mustafa, America is not the country of frying everything. That’s Scotland. They invented the deep-fried Mars Bar. Who looks at a Mars Bar and thinks “You know what? That’s pretty good, but what if we battered and fried it? Now you’re talking!”?’
Yeah, but to be fair, only a small percentage of our population is obese. That battered crap doesn’t actually make you fat, but it’ll knacker your heart. The majority of those folk here who eat battered food constantly are actually skinny with rotted teeth and horrific heart issues.
February 22nd, 2008 at 8:24 am
… but at least they’re not fat, right?
February 22nd, 2008 at 8:27 am
That’s one thing going for them. They’ll eventually die horribly but at least it won’t be from obesity.
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Nathan, those weren’t implants, those were your testicles. I’m sorry but you’re now a woman.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
If you love animals: http://neilsnotes.com/?page=15&catid=24&sku=E-00408
March 10th, 2008 at 3:22 am
hilary duff nude pictures…
Thanks for the nice read, keep up the interesting posts…..