3,462 People Have A Lot Of Explaining To Do: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Another Message For Senator Barack Obama Bin Laden
A while back I posted a trailer for a then-upcoming Paris Hilton vehicle called The Hottie And The Nottie. In the post I made the following bold assertion:
“I think The Hottie and the Nottie is going to turn out to be one of the great love stories of our time.” - Ross Wolinsky
It turns out I blew it: Shockingly, the film has been almost universally reviled by critics and audiences alike since its release! During its opening weekend, Hottie pulled in a whopping $27,696 at 111 locations. Depending on how you want to look at it that’s $249 per screen or, figuring an average of $8 per ticket, about 3,462 total paying customers in all of America… which is actually kind of a staggering number if you really think about it. It might not sound like much for a nationally distributed feature film on its opening weekend, but it’s still enough people to fill a medium-sized high school gymnasium. Doesn’t that seem like way too many? How did 3,462 Americans somehow come to the conclusion that Hottie was going to be worth seeing? Who are these people that plopped down their hard-earned cash at the ticket counter and said “One for Hottie,” and what in the name of God were they thinking?
You might be wondering what the woman in today’s video has to do with The Hottie And The Nottie. Not a whole lot, to be honest, but they do share one trait that I think bears mentioning: She, like the film, is completely fucking retarded.
February 13th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?!
DOES SHE LIKE CLINTON OR NOT?
HOW MANY TIMES CAN SHE REPEAT THESE PHRASES??!!!!!
February 13th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
God, I’ve tried to tell my mom not to, but she still insists on posting her stuff on the Internet.
February 13th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Ive got a question for you Barack Obama Bin Laden, what have you, Barack Obama Bin Laden done today to be a man? Eh Barack Obama Bin Laden? What have you done Barack Obama Bin Laden.
Im trying to say I hate, like your Bin Laden. Get it? GET IT?
February 13th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Both the video and what you said about The Hottie and the Nottie have destroyed the last shred of hope I had for the human race, so fuck it. I’m gonna go buy an H2, stop recycling, dump my old oil down the street gutters and into lakes, and go club a baby seal or something. I might feel differently if she had worn an expensive hat though.
February 13th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Electrogenic, I think it’s time to lock her browser to the extent it only allows her access to Lolcats, MSN and the online clock.
February 13th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
such an unbiased review of our political candidates should not go unseen!
February 13th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
the comments and ratings have been disabled on youtube, I wonder why?
February 13th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Hey Ross, glad to see you getting in the spirit of dressing in drag like some of the other
Cracked bloggers. Barack Obama bin Laden , pure comedy gold man.
February 13th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
This lady’s really annoying… I don’t know if you’ve seen that tailsmack site (http://tailsmack.com ) but I’d love to throw her face in there.
February 13th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
If I didn’t know better, between this comment and the one posted above I’d say that Igor Johnson is shilling for tailsmack.com. But have you guys seen it?! It’s HILARIOUS! You can slap people with a tail! Boy… somebody should put this lady on tailsmack.com. I don’t know if you guys have seen that site (tailsmack.com) but it’s pretty great.
tailsmack.com
February 13th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
tailsmack.com brought to you by Captain D’s, jesus.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I thought it was awesome about half-way through the video, when she was trying really, really hard not to burp and started making embarrassing faces, but chose not to edit it out.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I don’t know who she’s rooting for, but I get the picture that she doesn’t like anyone who is running for emperor of the USA. I do, however, get the impression that she is pro-war.
If she could vote for war to be president, she probably would.
But then again, I already saw this video over at sugarmommymeet.com
I just heard her comment about Hyphenated-Americans, and I thought that was absolutely offensive.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
The thing that frightens me the most is that she uses the word ‘emancipate’ correctly while at the same time truly believes that Barack Obama is actually the cousin of Osama Bin Laden….
How does this happen?
February 13th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
…*snaps fingers* GOT IT! Isn’t this the chick that played the Nottie?
February 13th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Her apology is hilarious. “We don’t want to come across as mean or cruel… obviously, we got the name wrong… we’re gonna start using the correct name of Barbie Obama Bin Laden.”
I also am terrified by her profile. “If you are not a citizen of the United States then I do not care what you have to say.”
This can’t be real… people can’t really be like this… and be able to vote… Right?
February 13th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Ross, you are a genius.
February 13th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
According to Wikipedia, you were right, Ross. The hero does seem to end up with the Nottie. At last, one of life’s greatest mysteries has been solved
February 13th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
ARH! It is supremely irritating when people block comments on their YouTube accounts. I now understand that dude’s plight in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
she has a point though. besides being a sissy man, what HAS obama done to be a man?
February 13th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Hey, all she’s trying to do is axe the man a question.
I read the post before watching the video, and when I first heard her voice I thought Ross was a bit off-side with calling a real retard a… well, a you-know-what. I was all kind of ready to be indignant, and then it turns out she’s not a RETARD retard, just a complete and utter REtard.
I can’t decide if she’s one of the 3, 462, though. It could go either way, really.
February 13th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
i like at the very end when she tries to put on an Austrian accent and imitate the Governator by calling him a “sissy MAHN.”
February 14th, 2008 at 1:44 am
I’m still not convinced that’s not Ross in drag.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:18 am
It scares me too, Lindsay. It’s why I can’t sleep at night.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
This video almost make my head asplode.
Is it me, or is the only point of this video to call Obama “Barack Obama bin Laden” And considering that his dad is straight Kenyan, shouldn’t we bump him up to about 65% black?
February 14th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Nothing I like to wake up to more, than a Kenyan black in the morning.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Coffee! I’m talking about coffe here!
Dammit.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Just an update about The Hottie and the Nottie; it currently occupies the #1 spot on IMDB’s bottom 100 movies of all time with an abysmal score of 1.2. Thanks, America.
February 15th, 2008 at 6:35 am
So Santa With Muscles has been moved!?
Poor Hulk Hogan never catches a break.
February 16th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
The woman in that video is dumber than a box of broken hammers.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
this MUST be a joke, i laughed so fuckin hard.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:51 pm
wow. that lady talks like she’s drunk, stoned, and retarded. i can’t think of a way she could fail more. also, barack obama bin laden is what, a play on his middle name? not a very clever one.
March 8th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Susann…
The term is used colloquially for any kind of Linkback. The TrackBack specification was created by Six Apart, who first implemented it…
March 10th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Leave your comments on our Celebrity Death Tournament featuring Paris versus big-time underdog Paulie Shore… The results may shock and anger you! (but they probably won’t)
http://forcedentryblog.blogspot.com/2008/03/celebrity-death-tournament-round-1-1.html
May 21st, 2008 at 11:39 am
What an amateur.
Everyone knows the name is Barack Hussein Obama Bin Laden.
Obviously. I’m still trying to figure out how to shove a ‘Hitler’ in there.