Japan Wins Again: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Calbee Dog Knows A Thing Or Two About Love
If you’ve been paying attention to the news lately, you may have heard about the economic downturn that’s been going on in the United States. It’s been getting a lot of play in the media lately, but even though it’s a big, important story - what with the bursting housing bubble and the subprime lending and all that other crap I can barely understand - I’m a lot more concerned about how my country is falling behind in another, less widely reported way.
I’m worried about the state of our snack chip mascots.
The last of the truly great American snack chip mascots was surely Chester Cheetah, whose jazz-inspired, “cool daddio” attitude made him a favorite among children, mental defectives and promotional t-shirt manufacturers alike. But that was a long time ago, and though he may have been a pop culture phenomenon a decade or two ago (starring in not one, but TWO video games), those days are clearly in the past. If that’s the best we can offer the global snack chip mascot pantheon as a nation, we might be in bigger trouble than originally thought.
Even in his prime, though, all Chester really did was wear sunglasses and feign hipster indifference. He was never really the type to try to cheer up a young, heartbroken schoolboy, and that, I think, is our problem right there: American snack chip mascots are interested in hawking their wares, not solving our problems. Don’t they realize that a happy consumer is a spending consumer? I’m no economist, but I’m pretty sure this is why we’re falling behind as a nation.
We need to take a note from the Japanese playbook here: helpful snack chip mascots lead to a strong economy. That means it’s time to lose the shades, Chester, but don’t worry; maybe you and the Pringles guy can open a free clinic together or something.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Second!
February 12th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I think a lot of Japanese stuff is lost in the translation.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I might watch TV if it had crazy shit like that on it.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
No way really!
February 12th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Does Chester Cheetah count as a snack [i]chip[/i] mascot?
February 12th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Also, does BB Code [i]not[/i] work here?
February 12th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
i’d kick that dog’s ass in a hot second if even thought about steppin to C.C. japan aint got fuckin shit on me. fuck that dog and fuck calbee (it doesn’t even sound like a good snack name). the reason i aint solvin kids problems is because i’m all about gettin that cheddar…and i’m talkin about my snacks AND my money. So fuck all of asia, because when you smoke a blunt, you aint reachin for a calbee…you askin for some muthafuckin cheetos
Bitches
February 12th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Chester has started taking a seriously dangerous, seedy turn of late as well. He is encouraging the already belligerent youth of th country to commit Random acts of Vandalism. The recent advertisement in which he encourages a laundromat patron to damage the Whites and Delicates of another patron based on nothing more than a snide, passive/aggressive aside illustrates the growing Menace that is Chester Cheetah.
And THAT is an expensive hat.
February 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
A dog is probably the worst spokes animal for a snack product. Dogs are not known for their discriminating tastes.
February 12th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
That’s true gd42. Those things could taste like ass biscuits and he’d still be jumping into the air in positions that most dongs would find uncomfortable.
Freaked me out a bit when he had the doll head on, though. Brrr. Something wrong with that.
February 12th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
As opposed to cheetahs, which have been held up as arbiters of fine taste for years and years.
February 12th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Well obviously, Why do you think the fine folks at Frito Lay picked the cheetah, jeeesh some people.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I hate when my dong is uncomfortable
February 12th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Speaking of uncomfortable dongs, my smallest dog ,the poodle, got stuck in the next smallest dog, a silky terrier. They were twisted around so they were ass to ass and the bigger dog was dragging the little dog around the house like a doggie trailer. He seemed completely happy and not in pain. He’s tougher than I am.
February 12th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Oh, yeah, if anyone wants a free puppy let me know.
February 12th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
“Speaking of uncomfortable dongs…” is that a Freudian Slip I hear? I know that when you got that $40 hooker, you didn’t think that, along with a great night, you would also receive HPV, gd42…
February 12th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
excuse me… i meant king monkey, sorry for confusing you glen
February 12th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Oh that’s ok we all look alike.
February 12th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Just a few troubling questions.
Why does that dog HAVE HOOVES?!?!?!
And why does he feel the need to incessantly cover his crotch? Is he modest? Does he have something to hide? What in goods name are those things anyway?
Lastly, WHY IS HE SO FREAKING HUGE?!?!?!?
February 12th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
*Gods
February 13th, 2008 at 1:59 am
omg this is hilarious, the song is kinda catchy too. that dog needs to go to tailsmack.com and get what he deserves, he’s no chester!!!
February 13th, 2008 at 2:00 am
Was i the only one that let out a “Wtf?!” at the end?
February 13th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Glendoor, I recently discovered that’s how dogs actually mate. I didn’t study them or anything I merely saw it on an intellectual-type quiz.
Oh, and, wow. Just, wow.
Why the dolls head? Why do his back and fore legs move independently of each other? Why the gap-mouthed stare? WHY ANYTHING!?
February 13th, 2008 at 9:42 am
those wacky japanese!! that’s the funniest video since “i have a bad case of diarrhea”
February 13th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
that is so creepy I am never eating chips or playing with uncomfortable dongs again
February 13th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
@ Captain Ross, Yeah I read that on the internet when I looked up how to get dogs unstuck ( which is ,for the curious, leave them alone and let nature take it’s course ) after I tried the old wives tales of dumping cold/hot water on them or scare them, which only accomplished getting the little dog dragged around the house some more by his uncomfortable dong. They finally released a little bit later only to get stuck again and again and Again.
@ g, I had forgotten about “I have a bad case of diarrhea” maybe that is why the dog is covering his crotch with his hooves and does that fucked up dance, no explanation for the dolls head though.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Watching it again I could swear when that black circle closes around the dog’s head it looks like it’s about to go on a kill-bill style kill-frenzy.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I’d like to point out that when the dog does a handstand, he’s suddenly wearing shorts. meaning when making the commercial they didn’t mind cutting a hole in the crotch of the dog suit, but it was too much to ask them to jsut make room for the poor actor’s head in the suit itself.
Also apparently fever dreams cure heartache. next time i get dumped i’ll be sure to drink a gallon of stagnant water and let the healing begin.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Eric…
I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….