Yeah, that’s right. This is my third post on the Spice Girls. Deal with it. Good things happen when I blog about the Spice Girls. For example, the last time I wrote about them, Cracked reader “Jeb” brought the picture on the right to my attention. That’s Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton.
True, this post is about all of the Spice Girls so let’s just go ahead and assume the rest of the ladies are in one of those buildings in the background. Does that work for you?
So, anyway, after some disappointing ticket sales, the Spice Girls have canceled about half of their reunion tour, completely eliminating dates in countries such as Australia. But, poor ticket sales or not, Australia is pissed. And they’re not staying quiet about it:
But I guess the Spice Girls shouldn’t be surprised. Australians have never let the commercial realities of a changing market prevent them from writing angry letters to celebs. Indeed, as indicated below, Aussies save their greatest wrath for their own:
__________________
Dear Yahoo Serious,
WTF?! Three movies and then nothing? Imagine my surprise when I went down to my local cinema and was informed no Yahoo Serious movie was playing. OK, OK, I thought. Everyone deserves a vacation. But I have now been told that “no Yahoo Serious movie is playing” every day for the last eight years. Hello? I’m waiting? And don’t tell me there’s no market for Young Einstein II. I saw the first one like twenty times. Even if a new one is half as good I’d still see it like ten times. I guess some people are such big celebs they don’t need that kind of money.
Piss off,
Jeremy
________________
Dear Jacko,
I regret to inform you that you are no longer my hero. Your work for the Energizer corporation will live on fondly in my heart, but I must move on. For over 15 years I’ve waited for you to return in your tight black muscle shirt and crush the Energizer Bunny that took your place, but nothing. I’m sure Energizer would have you back. I mean, I can’t believe that stupid bunny is working very well for them. The fault must lie with you. You just don’t want it enough. Goodbye.
Regretfully,
Bruce
_________________
Dear Dingo that ate Meryl Streep’s baby in Cry In The Dark,
Rare is the performer who can indoctrinate himself into the public’s consciousness with just one movie appearance. But you did it. And I applaud you. I understand that when you’ve had success like that, it’s hard to know what to do next. But surely, you can’t just quit. Your fans await you. Perhaps, a Turner & Hooch remake Aussie-style? Or Eatin’ 2. Electric Dingaloo? Something! Your fans need to know that celebrities can have a second act. Please give us hope.
Sincerely,
Paul Hogan
Check out some more Gladstone HERE and HERE
Last 5 posts by Gladstone
- CNN Waaaay Too Excited About a Teen ‘Sex in the City’ (or Speaking of Teens That Will Land Me In Jail) - October 6th, 2008
- CNN Mistakes Boobs For News - September 29th, 2008
- Chuck Norris Doesn't Understand Politics (or Are the Cracked Bloggers The New Beatles?) - September 22nd, 2008
- HBN Needs Your Help - September 15th, 2008
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March 9th, 2008 at 3:46 am
hot arab girls…
Man i love reading your blog, interesting posts !…
March 8th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
wwe divas pic…
Thanks for the nice read, keep up the interesting posts…..
February 8th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Honestly, I didn’t even know who the heck Yahoo Serious was, and you have to be one nerdy son-of-a-gun to be all choked up about them not showing the movie anymore. Anyways, this article was entertaining, but it seems some pissy hostile people here are taking it way to seriously, uh hMM……..
February 8th, 2008 at 2:31 am
haha So much for girl power.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I… I remember actually liking Young Einstein. All I remember is a scene showing cartoonishly evil people making pies with real mewing kitties inside. They put the pies in the oven and as they turned up the heat the mewing got louder and faster and well… I fucking laughed for ten minutes. “MEW MEW MEW!!” I mean, that’s just funny!
(Spoiler alert: young Einstein saves the kitties.)
February 7th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
It’s an expensive hat indeed, Ross….
February 7th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
That’s an expensive hat!
February 7th, 2008 at 6:08 am
I’m kind of surprised the country that invented AFL, and then found a way to make rugby even more violent and brutal, can enjoy the Spice Girls.
There should be a rule; if your country’s ecosystem has evolved to the point that spiders need fangs for sheer survival you really shouldn’t be into rehashed mid-90s pop.
February 7th, 2008 at 2:57 am
Yahoo Serious is Australias Pauly Shore.
I for one am happy he has moved on and is now conducting the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra part-time.
February 7th, 2008 at 1:22 am
What about “Spice Girls don’t ‘Wallaby’ Australia’s Lover” as a title? As a professional blogger i would love to hear your take on it.
February 6th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
That’s not a knife!
February 6th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
I don’t think you’re a no talent whore, whore maybe, but you got talent.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Probably not. I just don’t have it in me. I’ve been sodomizing the Cracked management for weeks just to get these two posts. But that’s all over now. You’ve busted me for the no talent whore I am.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Maybe if you put the effort into writing articles instead of corresponding with delightful folk, you might actually write something humourous for once.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Yahoo Serious made three movies? Huh.
I would think that the Australians would be happy and proud to no longer have the Spice Girls washing up on their distant shore. These emails are obviously the work of a small group of radical fringe Spice Girls fans.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Not much, but then again, I do get to correspond with delightful folk such as yourself.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
WOW, that was so original.
You don’t actually get paid for this do you?
February 6th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Oh and I miss Jacko too.
February 6th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Hey Gladstone, I think that you have hit upon a sure fire recipe for success for your blogs,
putting pictures of hot chics at the beginning of them. Even though the last two blogs have been about the the subjects in the pictures, I suggest that you keep this policy up no matter the subject of the blog.
Say you write a hilarious blog about ,oh I don’t know, a sketch artist drawing pictures of Kurt Cobain singing about dead babies, just throw a picture of some hot chic up there and you got pure comedic gold man.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Ha fooled you Gladstone…I just wanted to make sure you know the difference between “back door” and “anal”
You’ve passed my test. Congrats! As a prize you receive 4 free tickets to The Spice Girls Reunion show!
February 6th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Where would we be, comically, if Breakin 2 Electic Boogaloo had never been made?
February 6th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Much like my post, “More like Hannah Mon-Lesbo Amiright?” Sometimes I like doing a title that is deliberately forced and ridiculous. For example, other titles for this post could have been:
Spice Girls Won’t Put Shrimp on Barby
Or
Spice Girls Are Done(Dee)
Or
(Wo)Men (Not)At WorK.
But you knew that, right? Just like you knew that “back door”and not “down under” refers to anal.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Oohhh I get it….they took it hard from down under = innuendo referring to anal sex.
HAHAHA. Thats a g’dun Gladstone.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
I am Australian and proud of it. If you are going to make fun of us at least make it hurt. Point out that we have the largest ‘Gay Mardigra’ in the world. That one always pisses us off.
Point out that we only ever elect the biggest nerds possible as our Prime Minister. Don’t ask me what the go is with that.
Point out that guns are not legal for the general public thus detering many preventable crimes… oh wait, that is a good thing. Although we still hold the record for the biggest kill count from a single gunman.
I hope I have further educated you about what to expect when you meet an Aussie, a nerdy fag who runs for his life at the sight of guns.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
EXACTLY.
As easy as this post was convict jokes would have been even easier. Too easy.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Not that I take offence to it or anything, but you could at least have thrown in a few convict references.
For shame Gladstone.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
So basically, all you know about Australia is limited to Crocodile Dundee and bad accents?