Zoey 101 Returns to the Air, and Yet Lizzie McGuire Goes Unrenewed. What is the World Coming to?
Leave it to the intrepid Spears gals not to let a little thing like a surprise teen pregnancy keep them down. They’re almost exactly like the Hardy Boys, if the Hardy Boys had a book called The Hardy Boys and the Mystery of the Staggering Series of Personal Setbacks.
Well, now Spears the younger has decided to finish out the fourth and last season of her hit (in the sense that I’ve never seen it, and I’m totally out of touch with popular culture) TV series Zoey 101, which I imagine from the name tells the story of 101 adorable teenage girls who escape being skinned alive by a wicked governess.
Naturally, her pregnancy will have some minor effect on the course of the series–writers will likely have to abandon the “Zoey plans to attend and compete in an International Gut-Punching Championship” plot line, for instance—but I think this episode guide pirated off of one of my favorite Nickelodeon forums (I have several) illustrates just how clever they can be.
Spoilers ahead!
And in a special Zoey 101 retrospective, Zoey looks at old pictures of herself and cries. Girl, you crazy!
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes list-formatted videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
January 31st, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I lol’d.
A lot.
January 31st, 2008 at 4:56 pm
How about E412: Zoey’s got a baby (performed by her actual baby). Everybody points at Chase. What will happen? We’ll see in the next season, dun dun duuuuuunnn.
January 31st, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Three words: Golf club fights.
January 31st, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Pregnant at 16 and still by far and away the most productive member of that genepool
January 31st, 2008 at 6:42 pm
But for the fact she’s GIVING HER BABY OVER TO HER MOTHER:
A source told Star magazine: “After several weeks of personal soul searching and talks and discussions with her mom, Jamie Lynn reluctantly agreed that giving up the baby is the right thing to do. (Brentin: NOW she’s worried about the ‘right thing to do’?)
“Lynne says Jamie doesn’t understand the lifelong consequences of having a baby. She wants Jamie Lynn to continue her show business career (Brentin: Of which manager mom gets a portion of the profits) after the baby is born and Jamie Lynn also realises she wants to enjoy her teenage years (Read: Party and sleep around even more) without the responsibilities of caring for a baby.
“Jamie Lynn will be back at work and trying to remind people of her talent (talent: not being as crazy as Britney) and not that she is an unwed teenage mother.”
January 31st, 2008 at 8:36 pm
How can you be so sure that those in fact are not muskets? They might be.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I’m breaking up with Cracked. It seems like you guys have completely lost your fastball since the new year. The blogs don’t work at all. Remember, it’s not you, it’s the overall quality of your product. I’ve gotten a lot of enjoyment from this site, but I’m taking yall of appointment viewing.
January 31st, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Thanks for letting us know about the minutiae of your daily schedule, guy I will never meet. If I ever feel like changing my writing style to suit the whim of a lone renegade commenter, I’ll let you know.
@ Bacalao: we tested them.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:37 am
michael swaim is on comedy steroids…this guy used to suck but now his posts are always hillarious. fucking doper
February 1st, 2008 at 4:34 am
From insults to backhanded compliments…a step up if ever there was one!
February 1st, 2008 at 7:16 am
PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE!!!
Comments like those above are useless if vague.
Rebigdiculous: What USED to be funny? Tell us what blogs you think did work. I’d find that interesting.
Jim: You’ve informed us that you like the new improved Swaim, but give us some examples of Michael Swaim posts that USED to suck.
How are we supposed to pander if you’re vague?
February 1st, 2008 at 8:28 am
The Michaels Swaim that used to suck: he ran on 4 D cell batteries, which they don’t even sell anywhere. The new Swaim with the lithium ion battery is lighter, and therefore more portable and has a built in charger. Plus, he has that new touch screen. All-in-all, I’d say the new Michael is a keeper.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:23 am
Rebigdiculous, are you crackers? Swaim’s weakness is not at all in his writing, but in his hideous, revolting countenance as seen in his hilarious videos.
Swaim, this post was excellent. Naysayers be damned.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:27 am
What the fuck? this goddamn thing ain’t letting me post and I written the same comment three fucking times trying to post it.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:29 am
I hate Swaim’s built in obsolence. The guy’s like 6 foot 8. Just not portable.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:40 am
Well I just fucking give up. Kiss Swaim’s ass post all day, try to make one negative comment
and it won’t post. Hmmmm.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:44 am
The fucking Shakespeare dick pun sucked, there I said it.
February 1st, 2008 at 10:54 am
Can I lick your Baby’s feet Before the Birth…. Please.
February 1st, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I like the cracked blogs.
February 1st, 2008 at 2:56 pm
MikeThePon: Nothing brings the funny like pedophile innuendo. That said, all Cracked writers are and always have been flawless geniuses. Back off, haters. Where’s your funny blog, hmmm?
February 2nd, 2008 at 7:55 am
Swaim, I will always stand by you, even if Apple somehow makes a better, more awesome product.
Who am I kidding? I’d buy an iHilariousblogger in a heartbeat.
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Stoat, you forgot the golden rule of Apple advertising, keep it short;
iBlog.
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Captain Ross, congrats on the enlistment.
February 3rd, 2008 at 1:32 am
Unfortunately, iBlog is already out there.
http://www.lifli.com/iBlog/
Perhaps iSwaim?
February 3rd, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I know, they said it couldn’t be done, but damn them I made Captain.
Throw ME out for stealing a tank and trying to invade Paris eh?
February 3rd, 2008 at 8:34 pm
“Lynne says Jamie doesn’t understand the lifelong consequences of having a baby”
Is it just me or is handing the baby over to “Lynne” probably the worst thing for the baby? So far she’s raised one mental case and one teen pregnancy, and both have been exploited for money. AWESOME!
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:38 pm
I totally agree about Lizzie McGuire. That show was awesome.