Cracked Science Corner!!!!!11!!
Sure, I know that the Cracked Science Corner is Ian’s gig, but sometimes a story comes along that’s so important you just have say, “Hey, I’m gonna cut and paste someone else’s graphic and do a post that the Cracked readers will not read.” This is one of those times. Besides, as you may have noticed from that gaping hole in yesterday’s blog, Ian’s been as sick as a dog so really there’s nothing he can do about it.
Ready? Then let’s begin. It seems that researchers have stumbled upon something truly important: you can really mess with blind, hairless mole rats and they feel no pain. Don’t believe me? The researchers discovered that when . . . mole rates had their paws injected with a slight dose of acid . . . as well as some capsaicin — the active ingredient of chili peppers — the rodents showed no pain.
Apparently, the key to their pain resistance is the mole rat’s lack of a substance called Substance P. Well, realizing that torturing rats is no fun if they can’t feel it, scientists took the next logical step: the researchers used a modified cold sore virus to carry genes for Substance P to just one rear foot of each tested rodent.
And it worked!! This time when they burned the mole rats’ feet with acid, the moles felt it. Isn’t that awesome? I’m assuming the mole rats still couldn’t feel pain in the rest of their pink, vulnerable little bodies, but there’s no way to know for sure. I mean, who would bother testing that?
At this point, maybe you, as a non-scientist, are feeling a little bad for these critters. Don’t. The head researcher told reporters: “They’re the nicest, sweetest animals I’ve ever worked with — they look frightening, but they’re very gentle,” said neurobiologist Thomas Clarke at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
Yeah, so screw ‘em. Stupid mole rats with their not feeling pain. We’ll show you.
Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, his full name, and state of residence.
January 30th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
First! Let the flames begin.
Also, Gladstone poisend Ian just to do this!
January 30th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Awesome! Now that I know you guys love the Cracked Science Corner so much, i’m gonna do it all the time!
BTW, Kurt Cobain was a tone deaf monkey. Discuss!
January 30th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
That’s the last straw Gladstone….now I’m pissed.
You take back what you said about those poor rats or there’s gonna be a flame war….
January 30th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Beating a dead rockstar are we Gladstone? Leave Kurt alone! *single tear*
January 30th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
That’s it from now on I’m sticking to my strengths and only blogging about dead things: kurt cobain, baby grace, and oasis’s career.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
I’m sorry, but I have to publicly lol at that.
LOL
January 30th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
So all my years spent injecting acid into mole rats have been wasted?
January 30th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
‘It seems that researchers have stumbled upon something truly important: you can really mess with blind, hairless mole rats and they feel no pain.’
It’s over people, we’re finished.
Gladstone, I knew you’d be the bringing of the apocalypse one day.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
What about the emotional pain those rats feel from being blind and hairless, I can offer some insight into that.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I was shocked to read the article and accompanying comments to discover that not a single person has made a Richard Gere joke. I know that many of you, like me, immediately thought of him when you read the sentence about an important discovery concerning blind, hairless mole rats but have so far managed to somehow keep your witty banter in check.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
What the hell, Dwain? If you ever want to see your family alive again, I would suggest you don’t lump in the amazing Richard Gere with these useless animals. If you don’t believe me, ask Jerome, who said that Francis Ford Coppola was on the downswing of his career.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
What the fuck is a “Francis Ford Coppola?”
February 1st, 2008 at 1:04 am
Oh well, less aggressive gig-stealing than Michael Swaim trying to out-unnecessary the unnecessary news.
February 26th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
March 9th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Peter…
…Without the right drug rehab clinic we wouldve gone nowhere……