Super Dragon Hates His Fans: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Awesome Video Of The Day
SUPER DRAGON!!! (clap clap clap clap clap)
Before I was a Cracked blogger, I did a short stint as an amateur wrestler named Snapneck McDanger. It was a decent gig: the money was good, I met a lot of interesting people and got to do a little bit of travelling to boot (once I even got to go to Tampa!). I built quite a name for myself, taking down some notoriously tough opponents1, but all good things must come to an end, and after only a few short months of working the circuit, a rare medical condition2 forced me into early retirement.
I met Super Dragon out on the circuit a few times. He always seemed like a nice guy, but I have to say that I probably would’ve chosen to handle this situation a little differently. It always seemed to me that if there were thirty people watching my match, and if only ONE of those people was a total Snapneck McDanger superfan, well, then that would probably be the one person that I WOULDN’T threaten with a folding chair. And if I was going to threaten them with a folding chair, it probably wouldn’t be for CHEERING ME ON. I’m not Super Dragon (I’m Snapneck McDanger), and he’s obviously free to handle his business any way he sees fit, but if you’re reading this, SD, take a little advice from me, Snapneck McDanger: If you’re an amateur wrestler, your most important signature move should be APPRECIATING YOUR FANS.
And I should know, too. You know - because I used to be an amateur wrestler named Snapneck McDanger. One who was forced to leave the business because of very mild eczema who then went on to become a humor blogger.
1 Ever heard of Elbows McFierce? What about Tommy McFacekick? Elroy “The Kid” McPunchy3? Anything?
2 Very mild eczema.
3 His favorite move was punching.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
FIRST!
January 28th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Who’s more the douche, the guy that doesn’t shut up or the guy that has to be “first?”
January 28th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
SU-PER DRA-GON!
(clap clap clap-clap-clap)
SU-PER DRA-GON!
(clap clap clap-clap-clap)
Oh, I think my co-workers are going to be hearing this for the rest of the day.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
SUPER DRAGON GIVES HIM THE CASNADIAN DESTROYER!!!
PARANOIAAAA!
January 28th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
That definitely leaves the realm of wrestling into the realm of “rasslin”
January 28th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I have to say, though, that the guy’s “cheering” was pretty obnoxious. I imagine Super Dragon was driven to distraction.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I’m surprised I didn’t send this to you.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Sposed to be working but now full of nostalgia for the lost world of my youth: the ladies amateur wrestling circuit! (Nullus.) Slutty McHotpants and Snarly McWoof! Scratchy Smackerstein and Cursey McBleed! Sigh. Etc.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Ruby Doomsday!
Crystal Wale!
Britney Fears!
January 28th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Don’t forget Mariah Scary, Jennifer Slamiston and Slamjelina Joleaveyouinabodybag.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I’m gonna go to hell for making this reference:
Tits McGee, anyone?
January 28th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Slammy Faye Takeher?
January 28th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
That dude chanting was annoying.
This was a match for a shot at the title, who wouldn’t be annoyed?
January 28th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I wouldn’t be. Not when that shit is fake as hell.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
so not only did this guy think chanting “SU-PER DRA-GON” over a hundred times would be a good idea, but apparently everyone around him thought so too. i think if i was sitting next to him and that was going on i would have shanked him. you dont fuck with super dragon. everyone knows that.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Super Dragon has a much more fleshed-out Wikipedia entry than I would have thought. Just putting that out there.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Super Dragon is one of the most widely respected independent wrestlers in America. He’s also made a living doing nothing but selling tapes of him beating people up. And he’s fat and a cokehead (apparently).
January 28th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
For the love of God, put a warning on this thing!
I watched it a half an hour ago … and … it still … I can’t … IT WON’T GO AWAY!!
Of COURSE he got hit with a chair. I’m frankly shocked it was only with the one chair. His own MOTHER would have hit him with a chair. I wish he was in front of me right now so I could hit him with a chair — it might make the echo through my head disappear — because, man, something has got to get this out of my head. I have things to do today!
January 29th, 2008 at 8:53 am
That Wikipedia entry has proved one thing to me: wrestlers love to name their moves. I think my favourite has to be: Standing reverse Indian deathlock surfboard with a head stomp.
Boy, that conjures some rich mental imagery, but none of it makes a whit of sense.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
My personal favourite is still the reverse deathlock with a bridge.
Either that or the most non-threatening sounding move ever; the peach basket slam.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
c’mon…after 30 secs of the video you can clearly notice that the guy whos chanting is not a fan…is like yellling FREEEEBIRD in a concert and call yourself a fan of the band that is playing
hilarious anyway
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:48 am
Nice site, I have bookmarked your site yet and I will come back again ! You have a gratest site!
March 8th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
desktop hintergrundbild…
very cool!…