Stone Temple Pilots vs. New Kids on the Block
Surely by now you’ve heard: both Stone Temple Pilots and New Kids on the Block are gettin’ the band back together and going on tour!!! You haven’t heard? Well, where’ve ya been? Oh. Listening to music that’s relevant? Gotcha.
Anyway, just in case you were considering how to waste your money best, I’ve put together this comparison chart to help weigh the decision.
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Categories
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Stone
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New Kids on the Block
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From 1 to 10, How exciting is the reunion news? |
2.8 |
- 2.8 |
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Likelihood a band member will OD before tour completed |
15%. (There is, however, an 85% chance Weilland will OD before the tour starts) |
Only 5% unless it’s possible to overdose on Zima. |
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What would make the show more exciting to watch |
If it were the Foo Fighters |
nSync coming out for a “to the death” tickle fight |
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The first time I heard the band I t |
“Man, I hope Pearl Jam kicks their ass.” |
“Why are my ears bleeding?” |
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Gained more respect for the band after |
UnPlugged and Big Empty |
They set themselves on fire during their reunion tour to protest the war in |
Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, his full name, and state of residence. And would someone click on the red Gladstone in the byline above and become my Cracked buddy? I’m a big loser and my 3 “friends” just aren’t easing the pain.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
i read this article, then got so disappointed i shit myself.
there is no reason in the world i’d ever infect my relatively clean aural orifices by listening to either of them.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
So you’re saying my 2.8 and - 2.8 estimations were too generous? BTW, did I say STP and NKOTB? I’m sorry. I meant My Chemical Romance and 98 Degrees! Discuss!
January 28th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I didn’t even know STP had disbanded. And I actually used to listen to some of their music. Actually, I probably listened to them after they disbanded. Maybe that’s why I thought it was okay… because I knew it would never happen again.
I really don’t have anything else to say, really. My best friend is going to see the Foo Fighters live today or tomorrow, and I am absurdly jealous.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I went from actively hating STP as a Pearl Jam knock off, to kind of admiring their diversity. The swing version of Sex Type Thing on UnPlugged showed some real depth. Weilland also has great rock star swagger or he did until heroin made him a pathetic cartoon. Still, it’s hard to care about them now.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Good article Gladstone.
Just a suggestion: it might have made more sense if you mixed up your data table a little;
obviously answer 5 for NKOTB belongs in category 3, for example.
Alas, since your exceptional review of Oasis (which to this day is one of my favorite Cracked posts) I fear your music review posts are slipping.
Of course, it couldn’t be that you made me bitter and jaded toward you with that Nirvana post….no, never that.
January 28th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
1. Thanks ass_master, I appreciate that.
2.The Nirvana thing was overblown. I guess what i don’t like about Nirvana are the predictions about Kurt’s capacity for change. Oh if he had lived…. I tend to think that if he had lived he would have become increasingly irrelevant. He had ability. His voice, the gtr tone, and his songwriting style combined to produce an interesting and pleasing sound and he used those traits to generate a handful of great pop rock songs that I like. I just don’t know how people made predictions for better bigger things based on the lack of musical growth in the first 3 album. the most growth is from bleach to nevermind and a lot of that credit goes to Grohl. so in reacting to what i feel is unjustified hero worship, I got carried away in that post. I’m not shittin’ on Cobain. I like lots of Nirvana stuff. Just perspective, people.
3. I think it’s pretty obvious that Swaim and Ross were in cahoots today to dismantle the Cracked blog which went down for hours after my post. Now they have far more comments than I. I have 6 and half of them are me! That’s cheating fellas! You disgust me.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I actually really really like STP, however it is impossible to really give a shit at this point. I will always love Weiland and his ability to seemingly get any sound out of his voice, but I will always love him for what he did, not what he’s doing now. And by what he’s doing now I mean doing enough heroin to make his skin completely translucent and anything he says or does completely irrelevant.
Also on Nirvana - they’re greatness has always been and will always be they’re ability to tap into for a large part the mindset of an entire generation. To truly affect people beyond the music itself. They were never the most original band or the most talented, but they hit something deep and universal. As far as going on to make great music in the future, that’s bullshit. It’s impossible to say what anyone would have done. I tend to believe that all rock stars who die early - its for the best. Everyone loses their touch (and also their drugs). All great rock stars either die or go on to make shitty music. The ones who died are usually the better for it because they’re legacies aren’t tainted. Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, John Lennon, Bob Marley all died at the right time. John Bonham’s death stopped Led Zeppelin from destroying themselves like Pink Floyd did. Look at the ones who have lived. The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, Stevie Wonder - they’ve all put out tons of shitty albums. Hell, Paul McCartney is shilling for Starbucks now! Fucking Starbucks! You were in the beatles man, have some self respect.
oh shit, I’ve made another rantish type thing. But I think my perspective is a rather reasonable one.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Actually, I’ll go to NKOTB reunion … on one condition - they end every show the same way Saw IV ended: giant blocks of ice crushing donnie whalberg’s head.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
I figured Swain had brought the wrath of Anonymous down on y’all.That’s why y’all were down.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Generally agree Neil, BUT
Neil Young and David Bowie put out some of their best music later in their career (Harvest Moon, Sleeps With Angels, Outside, Heathen). Also Pink Floyd didn’t fall to shit until after Roger Waters left in ‘83. Two weak albums without him, but I like 2 out of Waters’s 3 solo albums. But i agree with everything else.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:14 am
That’s true about Neil Young, but as far as Bowie is concerned I don’t care how good the albums he put out were, nothing will ever erase the shame of dancing in the streets.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:26 am
Aaawww, this made me want to dig through the old collections of video tapes and find that NKOTB tape I had. Joey McIntire was the dreamiest! And Donnie was always “hangin’ tough”.
Memories, like the corners of my mind
January 29th, 2008 at 6:05 am
Yes Neil. Bowie 85-87 was a dark and terrible time. But he repented with the aggression and noncommerciality of Tin Machine. A deliberate attempt to purge his new pop fan base. By 95, he was cured and hasn’t realized a bad album since. I think 2001’s Heathen was his best album in 21 years at that time…. UH, How lame is it that I’m half my own comments?
January 29th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Admiration of Bowie purges all lameness.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Bowie fans sort of followed their hero’s influence. They’ve now dropped so much acid that only the Ziggy Stardust era is remembered, and the mid to late 80s was just a bad, painful trip.
I’m sure David himself does the same thing.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:39 am
And here I am thinking NKOTB had all commited suicide by now…
January 29th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Remember when every girl had a giant poster of NKOTB on their wall (at least one, if not more)? Thankfully, I had forgotten that time… until now. Thanks. Thanks a lot, Ass-stone!
Just kidding, I think the idea of lighting the Kids on fire is a great one, and if it somehow aids your war effort, all the better. So what are you waiting for? Let’s go light the New Kids on fire!
Also, can they still be referred to as the “New” Kids on the Block? What’s the statute of limitations on that one?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:16 am
Also long as I’m being all chatty, you’re right Capt. Ross. Bowie is the first to acknowledge that he sucked 85-87 and he became depressed and alcoholic. Reeves Gabrels of Tin Machine kind of rescued him. Bowie heard Reeves’s demo (he was just some dude in Mass.) bc Reeves’s wife was a Bowie publicist or something. Finding the tape in his luggage months later, he called Reeves who didn’t believe him and hung up on him. Bowie called back. They jammed a bit. And then Reeves told Bowie he was once so great and now he sucks so much. With that and the inspiration of the Pixies, Tin Machine was born, hated by all except me and like 6 other dudes. By 95, he was back with eno making great music. There you have it.
Oh, and Kate Bush is another artist still making great music, so I’m glad she’s not dead too.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:20 am
I sort of realised, since when he resurfaced in the late 90s he had completely disregarded ANYTHING he did in the late 80s.
Kate Bush is still alive!? I have to go dig out my frilly, white shirt with the open chest.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:32 am
I know I’m not allowed to bash him because he’s Neil fuckin’ Diamond, but god damn he talks a lot. With all due respect, Mr. Diamond, cut your posts in half. You too Gladstone. I don’t have time to read all that.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Hey Gladstone, I have that Tin Machine album, too. I loved it. Now we just need to find the other 5 guys and we can have, I dunnon, A Tin Machine party or something.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
oh, yeah Kingmonkey, I have BOTH Tin Machine albums and the live album Oy Vey Baby. Top That!!!
January 29th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I thought Bowie hit his zenith with Heroes.
As for STP and NKOTB, Purple was a killer album and No.4 had some killer jams on it. Core was a solid by the numbers grunge record and I didn’t like Shangrila or Tiny Music
NKOTB were like a more wussy Nelson….if such a thing could exist
January 29th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
I do have to say this for Bowie - the acoustic portuguese versions of his songs performed by Seu Jorge for the Life Aquatic soundtrack are fucking incredible.
And don’t feel bad about your lack of comments, Gladstone. Of course Swaim is going to get all the comments, he’s blatantly racist and continually posts pictures of naked women. I mean that’s just playing to the internets. I mean to rival that you’d have to say that kurt cobain sucks or something.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
RainbowBright, I agree! (sort of) Heroes or maybe Scary Monsters. But Bowie 95-03 is damn good.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:41 am
I’ve been put in my place, Gladstone. Just see if I become your Cracked ‘friend’ now!
January 30th, 2008 at 11:43 am
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (what have i done?)
January 31st, 2008 at 12:15 am
Fuck you Gladstone!! STP rocks and are classic. Take your New Kids On The Block loving ass and piss off!
January 31st, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Every day I get a comment that makes me ask: “Is this person being sarcastic or are they illiterate?”
Yes, I harshed on stp a bit, but didn’t i harsh on NKOTB more?
I’m sure if you asked Weilland –and he were sober– he would tell you that STP was absolutely imitating Pearl Jam on their first album. But that’s the one thing i grew to respect about STP, they were willing to work in different styles and they stopped copying Pearl Jam. And in my opinion, STP did a much better unplugged because they recrafted their music rather than just play it without electric gtrs.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have to light a candle at my Donnie Wahlberg prayer vigil.
February 3rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
STP is one of the greatest bands of all time. Their music is timeless. Do you know of any other band with as much diversity? Listen to Dead and Bloated, then listen to Sour Girl. Or Sex Type Thing then Lady Picture Show. Interstate Love Song, Big Empty, Vasoline, Down, Trippin on a Hole, Big Bang Baby, Days of the Week, Wicked Garden, Plush, Crackerman, the list goes on. And that’s just their hits.
Then when you get the albums, listen to unbelievable shit like Still Remains, Atlanta, I Got You, Wonderful, Kitchenware and Candybars that never made it to the radio.
Then when you’re really feeling dangerous, go on YouTube and watch how fucking great these guys are live. http://youtube.com/watch?v=61R0LO9Sa0k
Can you honestly tell me they are not a great band?
February 3rd, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Their diversity is impressive. A great band, however, sets musical trends rather than apes them. Still a solid band that would probably have continued making good music, but for Weilland’s love of the drugs.
February 22nd, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Marin…
Many blogs have stopped using trackbacks because dealing with spam became too burdensome. Six Apart started a working group in February…
February 23rd, 2008 at 8:25 am
Ruben…
I was impressed by your site and offerings. I was looking at some of the articles and it really impressed me. All I can say is congratulations on creating this site and what took you so long? I look forward to returning….
June 6th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
All you PATHETIC HATERS, How sad is it that after 15 years you STILL have SHIT to say about the ABSOLUTE BEST band in the UNIVERSE? How very sad I feel for you. Did you really think that they were going to never return? How STUPID can you be? New kids have the the MOST support when it comes to fans…..EVER! How do you think they could come back with a reunion tour?? Duh you idiots,because they have the fan base to make that happen. They may have left for a while (to start families)but make no mistake they will dominate the music charts by storm and all you LOSERS can’t do SHIT about it!!! So,sit back,shut-up and watch the NKOTB take the WORLD BY STORM ALL OVER AGAIN. SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!