It’s refreshing to know that in this time of sensitive mourning for Heath Ledger, Jack Nicholson is still capable of behaving like a jackass. By way of background, it should be noted that Nicholson was reportedly “furious” that Ledger, and not he, was asked to play The Joker. I’m assuming Nicholson envisioned a Dark Knight where The Joker battled Batman’s gadgets and Judo know-how with colostomy bags, an enlarged prostate, and sharpened pills of Viagara.
But on to more recent events:
Nicholson … replied “I warned him” then later said “I told him so”.
Ultimately, it was clarified that Jack was referring to his experiences with the sleeping pill Ambien — a drug that some speculate contributed to Ledger’s death. Nevertheless, before that further information was divulged, here were the top 5 guess as to what Jack told Heath:
Warned him never to leave the number of an anorexic troll doll as his emergency contact.
Suggested that 10 Things I Hate About You was a better title than Shrew-Tamin 2: New Skool Rulz
Advised that premature Nixon-style male pattern baldness will not prevent you from getting quality tail as long as you’re rich and famous.
Suggested that when you play the Joker, everyone will say you stole the show from Batman, mostly because there’s only so much acting Michael Keaton or Christian Bale can do with nothing more than an exposed jawline.
During the filming of Brokeback Mountain Jack suggested the line “I wish I knew how to quit you” in place of “man, I loves me some gay cowboy sex.”
Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.
Last 5 posts by Gladstone
- CNN Waaaay Too Excited About a Teen ‘Sex in the City’ (or Speaking of Teens That Will Land Me In Jail) - October 6th, 2008
- CNN Mistakes Boobs For News - September 29th, 2008
- Chuck Norris Doesn't Understand Politics (or Are the Cracked Bloggers The New Beatles?) - September 22nd, 2008
- HBN Needs Your Help - September 15th, 2008
- Psychic Kids See Dead People. Viewers See Crap TV - September 8th, 2008
August 6th, 2008 at 9:25 am
To take a point from an earlier reviewer, I don’t mind if an actor plays himself in every role, as long as he’s fookin’ awesome. I have to say Jack fits that description, as opposed to, say, Clooney?
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 pm
You’re off there. He wanted to do another Hannibal movie. He just loves that guy. But, sure, I agree with everything else you said.
February 2nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
I mean of course their characters were handicapped, not the actors themselves:
1988 Dustin Hoffman - Rain Man as Raymond Babbitt (autistic)
1989 Daniel Day-Lewis - My Left Foot as Christy Brown (paraplegic)
1991 Anthony Hopkins The Silence of the Lambs Dr. Hannibal Lecter (bi-polar, heh)
1992 Al Pacino Scent of a Woman Lt. Col. Frank Slade (blind)
1993 Tom Hanks Philadelphia Andrew Beckett (AIDS victim)
1994 Tom Hanks Forrest Gump Forrest Gump (mildly retarded)
1996 Geoffrey Rush Shine David Helfgott (mental problems, difficulty: had to beat BB Thornton’s Slingblade mental patient.
1997 Jack Nicholson As Good as It Gets Melvin Udall (obsessive compulsive)
streak broke after that. Even ’95’s Nick Cage role in Leaving Las Vegas was a suicidal alchoholic, but not exactly handicapped I guess, also Jeremy Irons in 90’s “Reversal of Fortune” is probably playing a mentally disturbed person, but that’s stretching.
Just generally, I’d say from hearing actors discuss it and from the evidence above, its easier to tun in a really notable performance by doing a character that is very different from a normal, day to day existence, like say the roles in Glen Garry Glen Ross. Those are probably much harder to portray. Also, in fairness to Hopkins in “Hannibal”, its hard to keep a character, especially one as extreme and caricatured over the years as Lecter, from falling into self-parody. Some say he did exactly that. So really, you can’t judge him on that role too harshly. I’d have to give Hopkins the benefit of the doubt and think he would have druthered not to repeat the role, but they probably threw a bank full of money at him, hell, let him cash in, everyone else does and most not near as deserving.
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:52 am
yup, Brazil.
As I said, I find Hannibal a stunt role, not true acting in the classic sense, more creating a very extreme and affected character, which actually is said to be easier than a “normal” role. That’s why the big Oscar Best Actor winners of the late 80’s-90’s were all handicapped or otherwise “differently abled”.
Hopkins shines as a “normal” man, which is a very tough acting part, by all accounts. Elephant Man, for example, a very complex role he played to perfection, in my opinion. There are many more, Hopkins has made a career of such parts, the Merchant-Ivory stuff, Shadowlands etc.
Re actors in general though: Most, probably more casual, movie fans are drawn by actors, I’m more a fan of directors (a great actor can suck if the guy helming the movie sabotages them)
I’m a Gilliam fan from way back. Coen Bros, Burton, Scorsese, Coppola, G. R. Hill, Mike Leigh, Tarantino etc.
January 31st, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Hey, new comments! Yay. I love Hopkins in Magic. Gotta say though, Gary Oldman blew him off the screen in Hannibal as Mason Verger.
Big Ian Holm fan too. Big Night. Brazil.
January 31st, 2008 at 2:45 am
Speaking of Henry V and Fluellen, Ian Holm held a dead boy in his arms near the end, weeping. And that boy was— a young Christian Bale!
And so the great wheel turns.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:12 am
Let me speak up for the British actors, of course we all love Duval and DeNiro, but there are some really fantastic Brits that act so effortlessly you forget how great they are.
Although I think its sort of unfortunate people probably most associate him with Hannibal Lector, Anthony Hopkins is probably the best actor of the last 40+ years, in my humble judgment. I first saw him in a hokey slasher with Ann-Margaret called Magic and even then I thought there was quality in him. Everyone knows his great roles, but buy “Titus” if you get a chance, the closest thing Shakespeare wrote to a slasher flick. Its hilarious, actually, its so over the top.
I also really like Ian Holm, who is also unfortunately more associated with Bilbo Baggins than Napoleon, Ash, or my favorite, Fluellen.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Well. Now I know which one of you is Jack Nicholson’s alt.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Mess with the Neil and you get the Diamond
January 28th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
What do you mean that you never blog about anything important, you just blogged about a New Kids on the Block possible reunion?
January 28th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Well, THAT’s true Guy, but y’know Neil is just like that. If it gets us Cracklin’ Rosie and Coming to America, then really, who are we to argue?
January 28th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I was mostly refering to the last 3 lines of his rant were it seems he’s addressing Jack personally refering to him in the 2nd person, but I’m sorry I didn’t know I was personally addressing Neil fucking Diamond. That’s just fuckin’ awesome.
January 28th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I think Neil made sense, he’s just saying things on both sides of a debate.
Jack is talented. Jack is an asshole. I agree.
But that’s my number 1 hate about blogs: their nature encourages an all or nothing opinion. they’re horrible for nuance.
That’s why I rarely blog about politics or anything important.
Also, I happen to know that “Neil” is Neil Diamond and you better well show some effin’ respect.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Way to go Neil with the rant that makes no sense at all.
January 28th, 2008 at 6:08 am
hmmmm …. not enough christian bale worship for my tastes.
Also, I once wrote for a class an entire paper on Jack’s awesomitude. How despite his seeming (Note I said seeming) inability to act like anyone or anything, but himself he’s still one of the greatest actors of all time because his level of awesomeness is so great that it permeates the very soul of the viewer. That and its really impressive that he was able to be on screen for even a second and not shake like Michael J. Fox on a bad day given the mountains of cocaine he was snorting regularly. A lesser man would have literally transformed into the Trix rabbit the second he turned away from his winter wonderland. I mean, the man single handedly kept the columbian economy afloat from 1973 - 1979. I guess what I’m really trying to say is Jack has become a giant gaping asshole. First off there was no reason they should have ever gone to him to play the joker and his crying about it is plainly and insult to the one man I can never allow to be bismirched: Batman. If Batman couldn’t knock out a 2008 Jack Joker simply by staring at him and growling angrily he wouldn’t be played by Christian Bale. Secondly, the dude just died. Get off the goddamn cross for a second and respect the fact that he was a human being and one with a young daughter. That’s more important than you’re giant impossibly inflated ego, dick.
January 28th, 2008 at 3:30 am
Me agree if only Harth had of gone to sugarmommy.net.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:49 am
Did he warn Heath? I can not believe it! So many warnings! I think Heath was one of Australia’s greatest talents of all times. He is extremely talented and has finally got the attention he deserves. And I think his role in Brokeback Mountain was definitely a breakthrough for him. Why did it need warning? Moreover, I think my favorite movie of Heath is ” A Knight’s Tale ” not the movies he talked above. In my heart such a brave knight is our Heath:
dealstudio.com/searchdeals.php?deal_id=80782&ru=279
January 28th, 2008 at 12:39 am
That line was high-larious!
January 28th, 2008 at 12:39 am
“Man, I loves me some cowboy gay sex”
January 27th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Glendoor, I sort of get what you mean, about character actors being more versatile and more enjoyable to watch, not to mention being able to earn their bucks better.
Unfortunately, I think the era of character actors is dying out, probably being replaced by Method. It’s a bit sad but there are some guys where it isn’t neccessarily a bad thing.
De Niro is my favourite actor of all time, and even playing himself is a damn good thing.
January 27th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Oh come on Bennett Vernon Wells definitive performance was in Road Warrior. Though Commando is not without it’s cinematic merits. Like the first time on film someone was beaten to death with their own arm.
January 27th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Vernon Wells. See ‘Commando’ for proof.
January 26th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Beg to differ there Gladstone, but Kevin Spacey ruled in the Usual Suspects and American Beauty. He was also damn good in Glengarry Glen Ross.
Also yes, your performance as the talent agent will go done in the annals of the performing arts as one of the defining moments in video blogdom. My eyes still burn at the intensity of the performance sir. Well done and bravo sir. You’re #1, You’re #1.
Another great one, if not the greatest, Sir Laurence Olivier.
January 26th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Meryl Streep. That’s a bad joke right? You just named a bunch of good actors than stuffed her in the middle RIGHT?!?!!? Please for the love of god tell me that was a fucking joke.
January 26th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
glendoor42, I love ya, but a big boo hiss to you for Kevin Spacey. His intense self love is apparent in almost every role. David Strathairn, however, yeah.
And sure, it might be brash, but now that I have “acted” once on video in my life, yes, I’m going to nominate myself. You heard it. I’m one of the greatest actors of all time.
Me, streep, Kingsley. In that order.
January 26th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Come on people, how can you mention lists of talented actors and forget the likes of Hilary Duff, Paris Hilton, or Bea Arthur?
January 26th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Kevin Spacey
January 26th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Or the role of George Hanson in Easy Rider. About the first role he did.
I fear that Micheal Swaim has fallen into that trap also.
January 26th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Chris Cooper never gets enough credit in my book.
January 26th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Gary Oldman, Ben Kingsley, Meryl Streep, and Daniel Day Lewis.
The sad thing is Jack can really act (Ironweed) but he’d rather just be Jack.
January 26th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
When I was thinking of actors who actually act, as oppose to Jack Nicholson, Gary Oldman was exactly who I was thinking.
There are others though,who are or were that good, Peter Sellers for one, Johhny Depp is another, Robert Duvall, Meryll Streep. The actors that are that good are hard to recall sometimes because you remember the role and not the name.
January 26th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Glendoor, I think that’s true of almost every actor other than Gary Oldman.
January 26th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Glendoor, I fail to see how that’s a dis.
January 26th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Jack is dissable. He is a very entertaining actor who has basically made a career out of playing well, Jack Nicholson. With the possible exception of the character George Hanson, he has basically played himself with very slight variations. Chinatown , Jack as 1940’s private eye, A Few Good Men, Jack as a Marine, As Good As It Gets, Jack with OCD and so on. He’s entertaining, but he is always Jack.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
First off, (to Foop) I will sock Christian Bale in his damn perfectly-chiseled jaw. Secondly, great editing on Michael Swaim’s comment; humor really is about the details. Finally, even though I loved the old Joker, to think that good ol’ Jack could actually reprise his role as the Joker today, and still be good at it, is insane. He is like 2000 years old and has no place in the action genre. Mr. Nicholson is better off making movies about being in a nursing home waiting for death’s cold hand to take him off to the promise land, like in the Bucket List.
January 25th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
You do not talk that way about Christian Bale’s jawline!
January 25th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Now who’s pandering?
Good day, Sir. I said Good Day!
January 25th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Jack is undissable.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I thought I was dissin’ Jack.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
All I wish for is to have Cracked dis me in as many ways as possible immediately after my untimely demise.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Why, this is the most brazenly pandering, attention-grabbing blog post title since Rodney King: Why Beating Him Wasn’t Enough. For shame. Wakka! Wakka!
EDITED to add “Why,” at the beginning. Humor is about detail, people.
FURTHER EDITED BY GLADSTONE to add “Wakka! Wakka!” to the end. Fozzy Bear is king, people.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I never noticed how much the jack nicholson Joker looked like Klaus Nomi as a southern preacher.
At least he didnt say “Heath Ledger, more like Heath DEADger right?” That would have been rude and pretty dumb.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Wait, Ledger was the new Joker? Well, there’s another sign of why The Dark Knight should have never existed. Long live Jack Nicholson as The Joker!!!!!