Jews Can’t Sing: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Awesome Video Of The Day
That’s What Friends Are For
On September 4, 1993, Seth became a man. Then his entire family got wasted and attempted to sing a Dionne Warwick song. 15 years later you’re sitting here watching it on the internet. Kinda weird how that worked out, isn’t it?
I’d like to know more about Seth’s family. What’s up with the chick on the left who looks like she wants to kill herself? Who’s the wacky old man with the inflatable guitar? Perhaps most importantly, don’t any of them realize that a single karaoke microphone isn’t going to pick up nine peoples’ voices?
I’m not going to say anything mean-spirited about this family for a couple of reasons: (1) I actually find this video adorable and heartwarming; (2) Perhaps as a result of (1) I can’t really think of anything to make fun of them for (other than the fact that they are completely tone deaf and don’t seem to understand how microphones work); and (3) I never had a Bar Mitzvah, so I’m technically not even a man1 and not in a position to make fun of anything. I really wanted to have a Bar Mitzvah, too - those kids made BANK and all they had to do was memorize some Hebrew noises. But then I would’ve had to go to Hebrew school and I probably would’ve missed Beavis & Butthead. We were all out of blank VHS tapes, too, so I couldn’t even record it. So yeah - I blame my dad. If he had just gone to the store and bought some fucking blank VHS tapes maybe I would’ve gone to Hebrew school and become a man2.
Okay, I admit it: I’m a terrible Jew.
1 Although I wonder: If a Jew never has a Bar Mitzvah, does he become a man when he loses his virginity? Not that I’ve ever had sex before (I’m only 26), but hypothetically speaking, does boning negate the whole never-becoming-a-man thing?
2 FUCK YOU, DAD! I HATE YOU!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I think you might be less Jewish than some of my Italian friends.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
There must be a way to improve karaoke microphones so that they can be used effectively by large groups of people. Maybe some a cluster of microphones set in a showerhead shape, fanning out from a central point. Given the shape and the fact that they would probably be used at baby showers and other events, I could call them Shower mics. That’S my FINAL SOLUTION! EVERYONE GET INTO THE SHOWERS!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Wolinsky, you’re a worse Jew than me, and I’m catholic.
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Ross, just wanted you to know on behalf of the tribe, we had a talk, and it is like so okay if you want to stop telling people you’re Jewish. Really. We’re totally cool with it.
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I blame your Dad too.
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Sorry, Gladstone, but I will do no such thing. My ancestors didn’t wander the desert for 40 days only for me to forsake my history 250 years later.
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Good one, Ross. Lol.
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Jeez, gas chamber? that sounds like a terrible game
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Hey apocowarg, as a rich successful businessman i’d like to sponsor your idea.
My company you ask? Why we’re a bunch of up-and-comers called Zyklon.
January 23rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
How many times do I have to go over the rules? No holocaust jokes unless they are ABSOLUTELY SLAM-DUNK HILARIOUS. You guys need to workshop that stuff first.
January 23rd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I think the “gas-chamber” story in the link was better than this post.
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
What’s with the video game in the background? Is it some traditional Jewish Bar Mitzvah game?
January 24th, 2008 at 3:45 am
If you look closely in the first three seconds, the woman on the left get’s her saggy boob groped.
I’m not even kidding.
January 24th, 2008 at 7:38 am
How dare you!
January 24th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Best holocaust joke EVER
Two Jewish boys in the camps
one walks into the barracks and sees his friend rubbing a soap bar against his engorged dick seemingly trying to pleasure himself
SO he sais: Dude what are you doing?
The friend replies : “IM FUCKING YOUR MOTHER”
January 24th, 2008 at 8:58 am
I had to think about that one for a second.
January 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Ross, technically, you “became a man” when you turned 13. The rite of passage that is a formal Bar Mitzvah is a relatively new phenomenon and whether or not you had one has no bearing on being recognized as a full MOT.
Mazel Tov.
January 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
The microphones most often used in Karaoke are dynamic type mics. These mics tend to be more durable then other types but are not as sensitive as say a condenser mic. They ARE capable of picking up nine people - they just require a little more gain at the pre-amp. Ross, it seems you don’t know how microphones work either.
January 24th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Chilli - I’m going to direct you over to the Electrical Audio forums and politely ask you to fuck off now, okay?
January 24th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
LOL! Thanks for the link! It’s just not as entertaining as a you getting pissed or a polite fuck off.
January 25th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Chilli - your simpering and feigned “oh isn’t this a great time we’re having” routine is so transparent it makes my eye twitch. I’m sure you “LOL” every time you’re publicly shamed. I doubt Ross was pissed. He’s probably just sick of all the correction monkeys at Cracked, which is a disease of an otherwise great site. A pox on you all.
January 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Good god, that’s terrible. Also, at about 3:20 it looks like the wacky old man has a heart attack or something. Wonderful.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Now that’s comedy!
January 31st, 2008 at 6:58 am
Watching this has turned me into a self-hating Jew.
February 25th, 2008 at 2:47 am
so… 15 years o_o those people must be already dead, good for them, so they don’t have to shame themselves for doing that video =D
March 8th, 2008 at 6:08 am
If you haven’t had sex by age 26, you are NEVER going to be a man. I don’t care if you’re Commandant of the Marine Corps, have Chuck Norris on speed dial and eat soft-boiled eyeballs for breakfast, THE WINDOW IS FUKKEN CLOSED, JACK.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Yeah I could have been pretty funny too if I was born with a mutilated penis like that like that hell bound Jewish ass-reamer O’Brien.