Cloverfield Was His Life (The Death of a Cracked Blogger)
by Michael Swaim
As executor of the late Michael Swaim’s formidable estate, it is my sad duty to inform the public that Mr. Swaim succumbed last night to that great void towards which we are all bound. The circumstances of his demise remain a mystery, although knowing him, I am sure they were both heroic and epoch-defining. In the meantime he offers us only this video tape, an offering from beyond the grave recovered at his home, as a clue to aid us in our mourning and confusion. May he rest in peace, wherever he is.
When he’s not dead, Michael makes eerie beyond-the-grave videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:20 am
You’ve learned well from the movie, you didn’t show us the monster during the whole video, and it had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BUDGET.
Also, this whole Cloverfield thing reminds me too much of The Blair Witch.
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:33 am
Meh. A resounding, “meh,” but still just a “meh.”
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:13 am
FLIP! RUN DUDE! YOUR HOUSEMATE HAS AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR!
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:25 am
Wait a minute. How did Swaimy post this if he was already dead? I think this is a hoax!
January 23rd, 2008 at 10:51 am
I suppose this would have been funnier if I’d actually seen Cloverfield.
January 23rd, 2008 at 10:58 am
I too enjoy rock band and shasta cola swaim, well done.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
haha…rock band IS awesome
January 23rd, 2008 at 3:47 pm
At about the 0:45 mark, you can hear him trying not to giggle while he’s “panicking”
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
yeah man, rock band, shasta cola, and nike turtlenecks.
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:25 pm
funny, I always thought if Swaim went down it would be from auto-erotic asphyxiation using one of the nooses he has laying around for lynchings and posing in golf magazines.
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I’m confused…. Did you like Cloverfield? Or is this just your subtle, clever humorous way to show your disdain? That last sentense was too smart-sounding so this onee will have some tipos thorwn in.
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Please force feed your questionable looking chicken to the anorexic girl in the pantless snorg add. Clearly her fingernail is not a balanced meal.
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:51 pm
So was this a rare peek into fabulous Swaim Manor? Because if this was a set, the budget for this epic must have gone for the extras.
So did Swaim die from eating raw chicken? Because if that is what happened, everything my Mom had been screeching about all of these years was true.
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Wow! Watching Swaim masticate in fury? That’s what I’ve always wanted to see. How did you know, Cracked?
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 pm
More like what you’ve always wanted to say, codespyder. I personally am very happy for your good fortune.
January 24th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
..actually that chicken was cooked…just barely
January 25th, 2008 at 11:03 am
That chicken looked good until you slobbered all over it, and I don’t even like chicken.
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
cloverfield mail…
You are SICK MAN …
February 12th, 2008 at 5:02 am
gps golf…
yes indeed……
February 14th, 2008 at 3:23 am
gps golf…
It is small and inexpensive, but offers up all sorts of options that will meet your navigation needs with amazingly great power. This unit is unique and convenient as it has a click to enter scroll wheel making it easy to select your destinations….
March 10th, 2008 at 3:18 am
brenda song pic…
Man i just love your blog, keep the cool posts comin…..