Dinosaurs Do It For 65,000,000 Years.
Next time you get home from school only to shed your backpack, slam your bedroom door and collapse in frenzied weeping onto the bottom bunk because Brittany already has a date for Winter Ball, take some comfort in the knowledge that Pteranodons used to do the exact same thing.
Researchers at Berkeley have just concluded a study indicating that dinosaurs reached sexual maturity during their teenage years, just like me! Of course, dinosaur puberty had a few differences:
But despite these divergences, I’m sure awkwardness with the ladies still plagued our saurian brothers. After all, no T-Rex is going to be able to work up the nerve to ask a girl to the tar pits when he’s all self-conscious about his gimp arms.
And unlike human teens, his inability to reach his own genitals meant the sexual frustration was totally insurmountable. At least not without rubbing himself against a rock or getting an accommodating Dimetrodon friend to help him out, and the guys that did that were never quite the same.
How do the scientists know that all this is true? Well, as one researcher put it, “They wouldn’t be ovulating if they weren’t of reproductive age.”
Careful; that motto can get you in trouble in most states.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes paleontological videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
January 21st, 2008 at 10:59 am
And to the left of the dinosaur/dragon fucking a Picasso looking chic is a Mexican in a sombrero lean up against a cactus, directly in front of him is a mud hut with a mexican stick boy glued to the bed, eating a taco (that’s how we know he’s mexican) and holding a bottle of glue.
January 21st, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Is the look on the dino’s face a sign of sheer concentration or frustration the naked human chick he’s bagged simply can’t take his giant dino dong?
January 21st, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Look at what you can see of the mushroom tip. Whoever circumcised that dinosaur had some serious bloodlust.
January 21st, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Extremely historically accurate picture. Everyone knows dinosaurs and humans were on Earth at the same time–unless, of course, you are one of those tree-huggin’ baby-killin’ liberals.
January 21st, 2008 at 5:56 pm
WTF???
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2335105
January 21st, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Damn Ross is that you? That put’s a whole new spin on the mailman thing from a few day’s ago.
January 21st, 2008 at 6:56 pm
How dare he, he doesn’t use capitalization!
You sir, have insulted me! I demand satisfaction.
January 21st, 2008 at 6:57 pm
She rather, maam.
January 21st, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Uh, sorry there Ross. I guess there just too many Ross’s around here.
January 21st, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I’m a lot bigger, uglier, and with less teeth than that.
Also my breasts are smaller.
January 21st, 2008 at 9:09 pm
A little. Let’s be honest here.
January 21st, 2008 at 9:15 pm
But your a chic, right?……………….just kidding!
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:02 am
The more I look at that picture the more I think that dinosaur has fucked that chic
cross-eyed.