The RIAA went from something I didn’t know existed to something I hate with an undying passion faster than anything other than Van Helsing and turkey slapping. On several occasions, I have written about their big, fat, stupid antiquated doings and why they deserve to be choked to death with Rosie’s exercise unitard.
So what are the filthy bastards up to now? Ensuring that their scheme of blackmailing people by threatening legal action is universally applicable. RIAA lawyers now claim that you are violating copyright law if you rip a CD you own to your own computer.
That’s like saying anyone who paints a painting or draws a sketch of any copyrighted material is a law breaker, and I’ll be damned if the pigs are going to arrest me for my notebooks filled with sketches of Hannah Montana.
The lawyers claim it’s illegal because the user is transferring the music into a medium “not of the artist’s choosing.” By that logic, I shouldn’t be allowed to whistle anything from the new Rogue Wave CD because, after all, aren’t lip-formed atmospheric vibrations an “unauthorized medium?”
What does this mean for you? Probably nothing, unless you’re unlucky enough to be selected at random from millions of liable people and sued by the RIAA. If that happens, you are now not only liable for that copy of P.S. I Love You on your hard drive, but also every song on your iPod you can’t prove you bought through iTunes. Start saving those e-receipts, folks.
And for the record, the Rogue Wave thing wasn’t product placement, I just like them. In fact, I think I’ll go rip their new CD to my iPod.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes hilarious videos as writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim
- The 10 Most Devastating Insults of All Time - December 1st, 2008
- The Best Quotes from the New Britney Spears Documentary - November 27th, 2008
- Extinction Is Only For Ugly Animals - November 26th, 2008
- Every Episode of 'House' Ever - November 22nd, 2008
- If You Wanna Make An Omelette, You Gotta Let Some Kids Get Molested - November 13th, 2008
March 29th, 2008 at 5:20 am
I steal the shit out of music all the time, often times out of spite. Every time I read about a lawsuit I download 3 discographies of bands I don’t even like. But I don’t listen to them, or delete them. Just having them around is my own personal way of saying “fuck right off” to the RIAA.
March 10th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
January 8th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
“When you make a copy of something that does not belong to you, that you would otherwise have to pay for, is stealing.”
It’s actually called “infringement” not stealing. Stealing is a crime where you deprive somebody of their property with the intent of permanently depriving them of that property. Infringement is generally not a crime (though it can be in some cases not applicable here). More importantly, infringement does not deprive the rights holder of property with the intent to permanently deprive. The rights holder can still sell copies. You likely think that since the person “illegally downloaded” the song that they automatically owe the rights holder money, and depriving the owner of that money is stealing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
Infringement is what it is. It isn’t piracy, it isn’t stealing, it isn’t theft, it isn’t murder, buggery, child rape or rancid cous cous. If you have to blatantly mischaracterize your own argument, that doesn’t bode well.
January 7th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
When you make a copy of something that does not belong to you, that you would otherwise have to pay for, is stealing.
“It doesn’t cost them jack shit. People who download wouldn’t have bought it otherwise so no matter what, those people would not result in any additional sales one way or another. ”
How do you know this?, some people I know have downloaded stuff they wouldn’t have bought, but some people have downloaded stuff they would have payed for had the avenue of illegal downloads not been available to them. Copyright infringement can be defined as theft of intellectual property.
If illegal downloading does not hurt them a bit why are they making such a big deal about it, just to be dicks? The problem is they are trying to do business on a 20th century model in the 21st century. People aren’t playing they game the way they want to play it and they are to stupid to realize that they have to change .
January 7th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
BTW, stealing it from Walmart IS stealing since it costs money for the packaging and the DVD itself, so don’t try and use that one against me.
January 7th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
“Face it when you download DVDs, songs and software off the internet you are stealing them. You know ,I know it and everybody knows it.”
Stealing, ie. theft is depriving the owner of, and the use of, property. That’s basically it. Tell me how MAKING A COPY of something deprives the owner of the use of that property? It doesn’t. They still have it and they can still sell it in stores. Hell, they are just selling a copy themselves! The original is in a big building somewhere locked in a vault. To steal it you’d have to break into said building and physically steal the reel (and any backups they may have of it).
It is inaccurate to call it stealing. It’s copyright infringement.
Also, they can make up any numbers they want and claim it cost them that much.
It doesn’t cost them jack shit. People who download wouldn’t have bought it otherwise so no matter what, those people would not result in any additional sales one way or another. So the loss is $0.00. They definitely sue for more than their actual damages…..
January 6th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Those damn Europeans, always one step ahead….
January 6th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
“I guess part of the problem is there is no representation of all the ‘pirates’ out there, and hence nobody to make an agreement with”
That is already occurring in Sweden mostly, with other European countries following suit. The bit torrent site “The Pirates Bay” is behind a lot of it. But you’re right there is no representation or organization of pirates in the USA and Canada. A lot of the best bit torrent sites have ,of their own accord, banned people from the USA and Canada from using their sites because of intimidation from the RIAA and the MPAA.
January 6th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
It seems that the entertainment industries as a whole have finally fucked themselves over by making all of their product geared specifically to making money, saying bye-bye to anything resembling quality. What they are too short-sighted to notice is that they brought this on themselves in a way; if they hadn’t focused entirely on churning out turd after turd of digital waste, they might have more people still inclined to be honest in how they obtain their stuff. As it is now, things have progressed too far. It is unreasonable and unrealisitic for the Music/Movie Industry to expect people to just go ‘oh, I feel really bad all the sudden, I’m going to just stop downloading all this free stuff now’, and it is equally unreasonable for Piraters to expect said industries to just go away without a fight. The only solution I can see would involve total cooperation between all parties: make downloading songs available, as per itunes etc. with a small fee per song; crack down only on people who are making songs available for free; have options such as Radiohead’s idea with In Rainbows. Obviously it’s a fucking mess of a situation, but all we’ve really seen so far is a complete lack of flexibility or foresight or even communication. I guess part of the problem is there is no representation of all the ‘pirates’ out there, and hence nobody to make an agreement with, which is why the RIAA has to impose laws.
January 6th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I don’t think it’s just the “ghetto”blacks who”stand out on the corner pushing burned and copyrighted materials, they are selling music they illegally download to their ghetto public because they know most of the people in the ghetto love rap music dont own a computer or even now how to use one, The same for the movies ”
I have personally seen ghetto Indians, ghetto Pakistanis, ghetto Whites, ghetto Italian Americans, ghetto Asian Americans, ghetto Mexican Americans, ghetto Caribbeans, ghetto Irish and a whole host of other ghetto ethnicities selling pirated copies of DVDs and CDs to ghetto tourists and ghetto people who don’t want to pay full price for them. The ghetto Peoples Republic of China has a whole industry devoted to pirated software.
Look, just because you don’t think something is wrong does not make right. If you are driving down a road and find a huge box of Dvds and CDs, take them, don’t try to find out who they belong to and take them home use them you have stolen them. The internet is kind of like that except there is a guy standing buy the box going “here take them they’re free. ” and you go “Are they yours?”and he goes “No” ” Do you know who they belong to?”and he says “No” you say “Well , do you know where they came from?” and he goes “No, just kind of appeared here, probably fell of a truck”.
Face it when you download DVDs, songs and software off the internet you are stealing them. You know ,I know it and everybody knows it. I happen to relish that fact. I mince no words when it comes to it, I steal them.
Once again”If anyone from the RIAA or MPAA reads this , I made this all up and have never illegally downloaded any movie, song, TV show, CD or software.”
Jimmy Buffet said it best “Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late”
Jimmy Buffet said that not me ………………………… looks left ,looks right looks straight into the moniter and says Fuck’em
January 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am
and another thing I think that the real criminals here are the ghetto blacks who stand out on the corner pushing burned and copyrighted materials, they are selling music they illegally download to their ghetto public because they know most of the people in the ghetto love rap music dont own a computer or even now how to use one, The same for the movies , its bull crap if you ask me, i am a skilled web site designer and i could totally sell pirated music movies or software but i dont, cause i feel that is wrong, but sharing files for non profit i think that is just sharing and thats all it is.
January 6th, 2008 at 11:26 am
itunes sucks- I bought from there and all my files disapeared- does that mean i get to download those files again no NO NO this is all a rip off just do what you d best and thats be a pirate for life screw the riaa
January 6th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Thanks to all the hackers and peer to peer sharing networks who have made everyones life much better!!!!
January 6th, 2008 at 11:21 am
HEY ANYWAYS THERES BILLIONS OF PEOPLE DOWNLOADING AND BURN ING EVERYTHING THEY CAN GET THEIR HANDS ON- BUT………….. its not illegal really, just like jill ask me to borrow my cds i allowed her to, so why not have a pool a friends and share at an estronimical rate, “Whats diffrence really” IS the goverment saying we cant share are private files, cause the last time i checked its nobodys f-en business who my friends are or what the f-u@ck i share.
January 6th, 2008 at 11:14 am
hey, kudos to u swain or is it swaim, Who gives a shit what we do though really, IF the music and movie industry and especially the software industry reduced the cost of thier product people would by, but whats the point of buying a cd for 17.99 that has one hit on it , and a movie that is only good as watching it the first time? And software that cost more than some people make in 6 months, its not affordable to the common people, it just down right sucks if they changed the price theyd have more profit, but now they get nothing at all, except from the people who are to stupid to “USe A COMPUTER” LOL
January 6th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Piracy is a HUGE problem today nick, with all the music sharing and P2P goin around, the only way artists can make ANY money at all is to play concerts, just like it was in the flippin old days.
All the RIAA and these record companies ideas for preventing piracy are stupid and miniscule but
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
what could these people possibly do to stop piracy.
What do you think they could do? thats right nothing substantial because with internet content delivery no one has to wait anymore or save up, or anything, they can just buy the song they like off on album or just Limewire it. what is to stop someone from doing these things? and btw the 1998 Millenium agreement agrees that it IS illegal to rip some content on your computer and people are responsible for that, hell i rip dvds to my ipod so i can watch on the go all the time.
P.S. whats your solution to the piracy problem, or are you just a douche-bag whining about how you paid for a physical disk and you cant transfer the metaphysical data.
January 5th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Ladies are always welcome around my posts. I wouldn’t go near Gladstone’s though. Last chick that showed up over there hasn’t been heard from in a while.
And @ Justin: what’s really deplorable, and not as astronomically unlikely to hit you, is their sending mass emails scaring people into paying online “settlements” of about a hundred dollars to safeguard not being sued. It’s true, look it up. The RIAA has become one giant internet scamming organization, or worse, blackmailers.
January 5th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Hahaha. Do you really lack female readers or just female response?
I can rock a tie, a la Diane Keaton. Bow, though, I don’t know.
January 5th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Ha! the sound of the crickets has been replaced with the shuffling of twenty pairs of feet and the smoothing-out of hair. As for myself, I’ve just straightened my bow tie.
January 5th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Just wanted to represent the women. And to get the crickets out. They make too much damn noise.
January 5th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Oh RIAA, you blunderers! More people win the million-dollar-plus lottery jackpots than are sued by these people, and the odds are probably the same. The risk is still virtually non-existant, regardless of your Gestapo scare tactics. So we’ll download and burn away, and encourage our family and friends to do the same. YOU HEAR THAT, RIAA? THERE’S TOO MANY OF US! EAT OUR COLLECTIVE SHIT!
Wait, who am I yelling at? Is this the “Contact Us” tab at riaa.org?
January 5th, 2008 at 4:57 am
PS. Bring the guns.
January 5th, 2008 at 4:55 am
“I love you glendoor.”
God Dammit Swaim, you were not suppose to tell anybody that . Now the secret is out.
Don’t mention it again and meet me at the Motel 6 by the airport, usual time, and wear your QEII outfit.
……comb your hair and bath this time.
January 4th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Hear that lawyers?! Tacit admission! The sting operation was a success. Snipers move in!
January 4th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
They can have my illegal DVDs when they pry them from my cold, dead fingers.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
That’s some creepy shit right there. I’m joining the NRA, and going down fighting…
January 4th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
@ glendoor42,
Agreed. They say that an armed society is a polite society.
Uh… Just don’t look to Sierra Leone, The Congo, Darfur, etc. for good examples of that.
Of course, there is no government agency/private organization/union/acronym/etc. that can’t properly be dealt with given enough firepower.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Just to be a paranoid fear-monger… you know that when you listen to music, it becomes part of your memories, right? A memory is stored chemically, electrically, whaterverically in your brain. That means that just listening to music produces an illegal physical copy in your brain.
The RIAA is only moments away from busting down your door right now and subpoenaing your head!
January 4th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
JFK blown away, what else do I have to say?!
January 4th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I blame all our problems on CNN, KKK, USA, DDT, UN, BBC, UNLV, DVD, FIFA, AOL, WKRP, OB-GYN, DNA, and B.O.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I love you glendoor.
January 4th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Good point Glendoor… good point.
January 4th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
@ Nick I think the acronym NRA is pretty cool. If more people would join, those other acronym organization could be dealt with accordingly.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Please. Nothing will come of this
We be rockin’ that ACLU lawyerness.
January 4th, 2008 at 10:47 am
You also told them to deconstruct my giant wooden fort, you monster!
January 4th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Yes, you are quite right Ross. Why, just the other day I had to phone the police to deal with that very problem.
And you, I surmise, are the type of person who likes to jerk off to Kate Beckinsale in tight leather pants?
Or was it Hugh Jackman….
January 4th, 2008 at 9:35 am
That’s true. You would definitely piss off some women with that statement, but it’s easy to piss off women. It could be just as easy to piss off a woman by going into the middle of a women’s rights protest and yell “who wants to come home with me, cook me dinner, and give me a blow job.”
Or, just leave the toilet seat up in the middle of the night.
January 4th, 2008 at 9:24 am
It was a bullshit statement anyway Nick, but believe me, any woman who reads it and thinks it’s real would be completely pissed.
January 4th, 2008 at 9:19 am
No one cares because no one cares about voting, Justin.
January 4th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Don’t worry Admiral, there are no ladies at Cracked. Your comment at 8:19, and the fact that most of us probably thought it was hilarious, pretty much indicates a complete lack of female readership.
For instance, watch how no one gets offended at the following statement: This country can trace the beginning of its social and cultural decline at the time women were given suffrage.
Hear that? Crickets. No one cares.
January 4th, 2008 at 8:57 am
ass-master huh? Appropriate nickname dickhead.
I bet you’re the sort of asshole who complains that children play too loudly in their own back garden.
January 4th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Anyone notice any company/association worth hating is an acronym? RIAA, MPAA, PETA, NAMBLA, IRS… they all suck. Esspecially NAMBLA, no pun intended.
January 4th, 2008 at 8:19 am
I can’t repel comebacks of that magnitude.
Good day to you, sir.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Fuck the RIAA and fuck the MPAA too. I’m older and more decrepit than Ian and am behind on more stuff than he is, I assure you. The first video system I had was Pong, if that tells you anything. One thing I have kept up with is how to steal music and movies and I’m damn proud of it.
If I go to a shitty movie, buy a shitty DVD or buy a Cd that has only one decent song on it do I get my money back? Fuck No!!. Both of those organizations are living so far in the past they make MLB look like the Homebrew Computer Club.
Do I give a shit that because I stole a movie that some sleaze ball executive will have to buy a 72″ plasma TV instead of the 110″ that he wanted? Fuck NO!!Do I give a shit that some drunk, doped up actor, actress or singer won’t be able to buy a Gulfstream III instead of a Gulfstream IV because I stole ” This movie is Shit Part IV”or “This Cd is shit and I made it to just to support my heroin habit” HELL FUCKING NO!!
So fuck them all, fuck them up the ass with a baseball bat, the big end ,with 16 penny nails in it, with barbed wire wrapped around it. Fuck them.
If anyone from the RIAA or MPAA reads this , I made this all up and have never illegally downloaded any movie, song, TV show, CD or software.
…………………….Fuck ‘em
January 4th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Because the way the Digital Millennium Copyright Act is written it probably is illegal. Amend that evil piece of legislation into something that is somewhat sane, and a lot of silly copyright disputes will go away.
January 4th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Wuh-oh! Ladies, look out for this one!
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:56 pm
That’s not the only part of me that’s a fish!
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Your head is a fish.
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 pm
My bad.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Swaim, I just saw you killing a guy here http://www.thosearentmuskets.com/sketches/007.html cool
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 pm
I know a good copyright defense lawyer if anyone needs one. Just sayin’.
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 pm
What’s with Gladstone, Michael Swaim and their Hannah Mon-Lesbo passion? She doesn’t even have boobs yet.
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 pm
ass_master3000 and Michael Swaim: FUCK YOU! Van Helsing was ok!
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Hey guy, thanks for ruining my post. Awesome. Cracked has informed me that I’ve been relieved of my blogging duties, so if you want me, I’ll be crying under my bed.
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20071231/124515.shtml
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Van Helsing was horrible….
It should be illegal to copy it in any form, for any reason, and the RIAA should commit 98% of their personnel and resources to enforcing this.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:16 pm
w00t first post!!!!!!!!
I hate my life.