More Like Hannah Mon-Lesbo, Amiright?
So apparently everyone’s saying these pics prove that Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana aka the underage girl that 500 Cracked reader trolls began masturbating to today, likes to have gay sex.
I have to admit it’s pretty convincing evidence. She’s on the floor; there’s another chick there; they’re sharing candy a la Lady and the Tramp. That’s all the proof I need. I mean, if these photos didn’t prove that Miley Cyrus likes to have hot gay sex in hotels with anonymous girls who are also underage, then why would I be masturbating?
I should point out (to the FBI) that “masturbating” is my word for blogging. (But in case you don’t believe me, you should know that sometimes Michael Swaim comes to my house and downloads things to my computer I know nothing about.)
In truth, I agree with Miley who calls these pictures innocent. After all, if these pictures make you gay, the deep tissue massage I gave Lex Friedman to get the blogging job would make me super gay. And I’m not gay. I masturbate to barely illegal Hannah Montana pictures. (Masturbate = Blog). (Until I chafe).
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Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.
December 31st, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Hahahahahhaha
December 31st, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Oh Gladstone, you loveable rogue you!
December 31st, 2007 at 2:45 pm
I guess all the Cracked readers are too afraid of being busted to comment on this post.
December 31st, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Sorry, Gladstone. It’s hard typing with one hand.
December 31st, 2007 at 3:17 pm
You sure she’s not just auditioning for a new American Apparel campaign?
December 31st, 2007 at 3:17 pm
I’m actually more outraged than anything else. One of my three (as-yet unfulfilled) ambitions in life is to develop of very public feud with that bitch who plays Hannah Montana. When I saw her name in the title of a blog post, I thought for sure that you’d be exposing her for the raging alcoholic (possibly) and serial abortionist (definitely) that she truly is. You can imagine my disappointment when, instead, you ramble on about your bizarre, unnatural attraction to Hannah Montana, (or possibly Lex Friedman).
Hannah Montana and her stupid fans are running the streets preaching about God knows what, (microwaving Baby Jesus, if I had to guess), and all you can do is blog about how you want to masturbate (blog)? Irresponsible. That’s what this is.
December 31st, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Hell, then I’ve blogged more than anyone else in the world. I blog all the time! In fact, I’ve blogged twice today, and I’ll see if I can squeeze (get it?) a third blog today. You could say I have an addiction to blogging. You could also say that I masturbate a lot.
December 31st, 2007 at 4:59 pm
By the way, I think I nominate the title of this blog as the year’s funniest.
December 31st, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Listen Mr. O’Brien, believe me, I had absolutely no intention of giving Lex Friedman a deep tissue massage –not even when he spilled Zima on his polo shirt and slipped into his “I love deep tissue massages” Snorg T-Shirt.) But then he upped the ante and put on that mack/beret he’s sported in a couple of Cracked News vlogs. I mean, I’m only human! Damn you.
And how dare you besmirch Ms Cyrus’s good name! For years, pedophiles have had to use their imaginations to pretend the 24 year old girl in the porn they download is underage simply because she’s wearing a cheerleader outfit and pig tails. Now, honest to goodness underage smut is put online on semi-reputable websites and you have the audacity to spit upon its further perpetuation? Shame on you.
I don’t know what kind of non-masturbatory, non illegal porn rock you crawled out from, but please go back in. Good day, sir. I said Good Day!
She has done a great service to sex offenders everywhere. (BTW, Swaim’s notably absent. He probably has his hands full with something. Or partially full. ) (And he has small hands)
December 31st, 2007 at 6:24 pm
You are all going to blind and have to shave your palms.
And Lex’s typed laughter makes him sound like evil genius mad scientist fake news reader.
“Blogging” to little pseudo jailbaiters is sick. Everyone knows 15 year olds suck in bed and not in a good way(or so I’ve been told).
Besides real life amateur MILF’s rule. The hun.net something for everyone.
December 31st, 2007 at 6:26 pm
to go blind ,not to blind. Ya’ll need an edit function so I don’t look like a bigger idiot than I am.
December 31st, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Oh by the way, Just gone midnight here, happy new year to ya’ll.
You guys are technically a year behind now.
January 1st, 2008 at 12:21 am
disgusting………..
u know? some of my friends said they have seen these photos on a site namely sugarmommymeet.
and are they insane??
omg…….
January 1st, 2008 at 1:10 am
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! AND WAR… DAMN….EAGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 1st, 2008 at 3:46 pm
New Year was yesterday here in Australia, but it’s also 1972 so the time zones are a bit screwy.
January 1st, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Ok, here’s my chloe impression:
“haha how unusual! I guess not as unusual as all the crazy stuff you find at sugarpenis.com”
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Look, if mastur…ahem, I mean blogging, to pictures of underage Disney stars is wrong, who wants to be right? I mean, how old was Hillary Duff the first time you mast..ahem, I mean blogged, to pictures of her?
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
“I’m really upset about it, ’cause it was, like, not even a big deal.”
Oh, fuck off, Miley Cyrus.
January 2nd, 2008 at 2:00 pm
And this my friends is why disney needs to be stopped at all costs my friends. Hanna montana is the lesbian crotch stain on America’s panty hose. Also her music sucks, i mean its like hearing sheet metal get ripped apart by a disemboweled cat.
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:00 pm
@ glendoor42
There’s another Auburn fan on this site? Well fuck yes! War Damn Eagle!
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Thank God, Morte. I was feeling like I was the only one. We know there is no bamar fans around here because they can’t read. We got 6 and here’s to 7. WDE!!!!!
January 2nd, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I can’t be bothered to read posts other than my own, but my servants tell me there’s some kind of libel against me in these comments. I challenge you to a duel, Gladstone. Pistols at dawn!
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 am
Which one is Billy Ray’s kid? I don’t have Nickelodeon.
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:18 pm
The one with the head band.
January 5th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
And, Hannah Montana is on Disney, not Nickelodeon.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:53 am
Roll Fucking Tide.