Ian’s Unnecessary News Roundup
It’s time once again to shed your worldly concerns about depressing issues like the global warming whatsit, the War on Whatever, the subprime mortgage doodad, and the fact that you had to scavenge your children’s Christmas presents out of dumpsters (after scavenging those dumpsters out of larger dumpsters)—and ease your furrowed brows with the soothing inanity of the Unnecessary News. It’s hypoallergenic, pre-digested, and guaranteed to work gently by morning. So let’s get crack(ed)in’:
Subliminal Huckbertising: Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has been accused of flaunting his religion in a campaign ad which featured Huckabee in front of what appeared to be a floating cross. However, a spokesman insisted the imagery was accidental, saying, “it was supposed to be a burning cross!”
Be Niece, Until it Is Time to Not Be Niece: Although Jamie Lynn Spears has confirmed that she is indeed “with child,” older sis and parenting expert Britney is refusing to believe it:
… Hours after the news broke on Tuesday, the troubled pop star dismissed the reports. In video footage posted on TMZ.com, Spears is heard telling the paparazzi, “She’s not. My sister is not pregnant.”
However, Britney’s denial actually fits quite well with her preferred philosophy on children: “If you ignore them, they’ll go away.”
Dohertyshambles: The rock band Babyshambles, which is rumored to be among the front-runners for a 2008 Grammy in the category of “Outstanding Performance by a Group whose Lead Singer Has Banged Kate Moss,” was forced to scrap a recent show early after their beloved crooner Pete Doherty took ill:
Doherty… managed to perform eight tracks with his band before he was forced to leave the stage, insisting he was too sick to continue. The troubled star is alleged to be suffering from a bout of flu, which caused him to vomit and faint backstage.
… incidentally, “flu” is British for “drugs.”
December 20th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Huckabee looks nothing like Harold Ford!
December 20th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
LEAVE! BRITNEY! ALONE! (sob, wipe mascara, sob)
Heh heh, that still hasn’t gotten old.
December 20th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
No love for my obscure movie line reference?
December 20th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I missed it.
December 20th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Then the gauntlet has been thrown down (yea verily).
December 20th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
If you build it, they will come. come heh, heh. Heh.
December 20th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
What are you talking about?
December 20th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
“No love for my obscure movie line reference?”
“If you ignore them, they’ll go away.”
If you build it, they will come.
December 20th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
No, that’s not it.
December 20th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Roadhouse- Be nice until it’s time not to be nice. Oh and I thought that Huckabee’s response to questions if there was a hidden cross in his commercial of “No but if you play it backward it say Paul is Dead ,Paul is Dead , Paul is Dead” was funny.
December 20th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Huckabee is funny. And really charming. Too bad he’s the devil.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:03 am
Huckabee’s funny ,charming and to ignorant to reconcile his faith and science ,hell yeah.
But the devil? naw, particularly when you put him againist Dick Cheney or Karl Rove.
December 21st, 2007 at 1:53 am
Apparently after taking ill Pete Doherty was heard saying, “hmmmmm brains.”
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Pete Docherty’s brain is basically now reduced to a picture of his face, with hair plastered to the side of his head and permanently going ‘whhaaa!?’