Lance Bass Doesn’t Know A Lot About Being Gay
by Gladstone
Former boybander and current openly gay has-been Lance Bass told reporters that he was paranoid about his sexual orientation while he was in NSync:
Wow. So Lance was so scared of being outed he stopped saying “so.” And, yet, he walked around with this haircut:
And he was a member of this band:
Clearly, poor Lance was confused during that tumultuous time. Here are some other things I’m guessing he did to hide his sexuality:
- Messed up choreographed dances on purpose.
- Tried to turn straight by staring at Joey Fatone.
- Refused to have sex with Lou Pearlman like the other guys.
- Told female groupies that “flaccid” was the hip, new “erect.”
- Only let Justin get to third base.
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Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.
December 17th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
It always amuses me how he says he hid his sexuality “to protect the group.” As if somehow he was a key member, and not merely Justin’s backup dancer.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Lance Bass is gay?!,oh yeah right, next you’re gonna tell me that Freddie Mercury was gay!
P.S. Flaccid isn’t the new erect?
December 17th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Lance was my favorite N*Syncer back when I was 8.
Which fact makes me gayer: My liking of Lance, or the fact that I listened to N*Sync when I was 8 and my favorite song of theirs WASN’T “Bye Bye Bye” or “It’s Gonna Be Me”.
What? I LIKED THE SONG “SPACE COWBOYS”, OKAY?! It had Left Eye from TLC on that track!
December 17th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I dont know if i have special abilities or somthing, but this guy has the gayest face ive ever seen, u mean there was ever a doubt?
December 18th, 2007 at 12:43 am
Has anybody noticed that none of the writers have commented today?
What did they do take off for Christmas? Did they take off just today because they the new Batman trailer came out, or are they just not talking to us anymore?
December 18th, 2007 at 8:29 am
Ross is boycotting my blog since I called hime the antichrist. Swaim is in detox. And –spoiler alert– ian IS Lance Bass!
December 18th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Someone please jump on the grenade and launch this guy into space. How much could it possibly cost? Couple mill? I’ll donate. Here’s fitty cent. C’mon, Moscow, get on the ball.
December 18th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
He tried that a few years ago, but at the last minute couldn’t come up with the money to go. They replaced him with a cargo drum.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:12 am
What’s the diff? He IS a cargo drum.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Re: Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus being ‘bi’ or ‘gay’ or whatever the fuck! Heads up y’all…ALL women are ‘bi’ at least. Hell…if I had tits, I’d never leave the house. And if I were born a chick, I’d lick rug too! I’d be the hottest lesbian the world had ever seen!!! I wouldn’t lick the stinky clams though (always from fat, hairy, stinky, ‘un-maintained’ chicks)…just the HAWT, clean, trimmed, wart-free beavers!
Lots and LOTS of FREE clam pics at: http://www.NeilsNotes.com