A Knight to Remember
Providing new evidence for the theory that the American entertainment complex will never produce another original idea again, NBC has once more reanimated the putrid corpse of one of your cherished childhood memories and will proudly display this unholy monstrosity to the world this February under the bastard name of “Knight Rider.”
The movie-and-possibly-series is going to star a bunch of young hotties with fake boobs and chiseled abs who will no doubt bring an “extreme” edge to the show, in order to appeal to the 18-29 year-old braniacs who read magazines like Maxim and Leathertits and drink that Coke with nicotine in it or whatever which the show’s advertisers are so desperate to attract.
Also joining the (extreme) fun will be a middle-aged sometime-actor named David Hasselhoff, who I’ve never heard of but who apparently achieved minor internet celebrity this year due to an entertaining video of the shirtless man engaged in a sensuous embrace with a chicken sandwich, lovingly filmed by his adoring daughter.
But the real stars of the show are bound to be the cars:
The three cars to be employed in the series include the KITT Hero—a Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR that is playing the part of the everyday Hero car with 540 horsepower; the KITT Attack—a super high-speed version of the Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR Hero car that transforms into Attack mode with the help of air-ride technology and specialized body parts—and a KITT Remote, which is a driverless Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR version of the Hero vehicle.
… all of which will be available on eBay shortly after the show’s cancellation after three episodes (and replacement with “Law & Order: Spoiled Cheese Unit”).
So for the right price, you’ll then be able to say, “KITT, go pick up my stupid family,” and the car will happily drive out of a truck’s butt and take over all your most hated chores while you slowly grow deeper into the folds of your couch and await the premiere of “Airwolf 2008.”
December 13th, 2007 at 8:45 am
This isn’t the first time they’ve tried this, complete with mega-ad-placement from Ford. Back in the late 90’s there was Knight Rider 2000, a show with 5 KITT cars (all Fords, one was actually a pickup truck), a bunch of no-name actors, and most importantly NO Michael Knight, Bonnie, or Devon. It was a 30-minute Ford commercial basically. Surprisingly, it didn’t last long.
Fuck TV. Maybe if the writers stayed on strike forever, TV would just collapse under its own retardedness.
December 13th, 2007 at 11:37 am
“AIRWOLF 2008″?!?!? REALLY?!? THAT WOLD BE AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!
December 13th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Mmm, that’s some funny cynicism. I lol’d at the last paragraph.
December 13th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Mmmm, I find it to be rather shallow and pedantic.
December 13th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
“Just say no” to quoting Family Guy, folks. Your self-respect will thank you later.
December 13th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
But…Will Arnett is the voice of KITT. Will Arnett!
December 13th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
*gasp* That kind of changes everything. Although did you see the Brothers Soloman?
December 13th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Or is it Solomon? Or Salomon? Eh, I’m too lazy and impious to look it up.
December 13th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Solomon*
December 13th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Wait, wait, wait…
There’s a magazine called Leathertits? Please tell me it features nude senior citizens, because that would make me cry tears of joy (during shameful masturbation).
December 15th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Hasselhoff is the manliness man alive.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:55 pm
David, drink yourself to death buddy…you’re done. So done. Stick a fork in yourself you’re so done. With what little shred of dignity you don’t even have left anymore… end it Bro. Drink youself to death. Don’t show up on TV anymore. Don’t do embarassing stunts just to get camera time to try and re-capture your glory years… you’re done! Go away…please, for the love of God…go away!
‘Don’t hassle the hof!’ How about: ‘Fuck off and die’ already you embarassing piece of human trash! I’d take a crack at your daughter though…don’t get me wrong.
http://www.NeilsNotes.com
March 9th, 2008 at 7:58 am
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links: