Reasons Hulk Hogan’s Wife Filed for Divorce
by Michael Swaim
She came to realize the phrase “Hogan Knows Best” is accurate only in the context of how to reverse a figure four leglock.
He insisted on having old announcer buddies narrate their rough sex sessions.
He was never emotionally available to her, the kids had finally grown, and he refuses to wear sleeves.
The trauma of their son’s reckless driving arrest drove her to question their parenting skills aloud, to which Hogan replied by flexing angrily and growing a ludicrous mustache.
His steroid-shriveled testicles and steroid-engorged everything else.
The entire 24-year marriage was a sham; in reality, she was in league with the NWO all along and now she and Kevin Nash are banging like Bonobo Monkeys.
One day she saw him without his bandana and realized he’s not only bald, but has what dermitologists indelicately refer to as “the scabby scalp.”
VH1 execs noticed a ratings dip last season, and cutting the brake lines on Nick’s car didn’t boost the numbers as much as they’d hoped.
It’s been a month since Hulkamania ran wild all over her, and when it did it took an hour of sensual massage, a fistful of Viagra, and absolute silence.
She has the Internet:
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:43 am
Is it because she still blames him for killing WCW?
I know I do.
Fuck you Hogan.
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 am
PS: Also, that video was disturbingly homoerotic.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:13 am
If Gorilla Monsoon is narating the sex, then you have me sold.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:08 pm
That was the single most unsettling video I have ever seen…even more disturbing still is that these people have children…
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Maybe it’s becasue he has a boner for his daughter.
Dude has a thing for chicks in clown make-up.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:05 pm
WOW!!!! That video is slightly gay, and I’m a wrestling fan and know what’s happening in that video.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm
that really casts a different (read: depressing) light on several years in my childhood. also, if that video was ’slightly’ gay, then i guess hiroshima and nagasaki were ’slightly’ destroyed by giant bombs.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Did Macho Man say that Hulk gave him a direction? I’m guessing … a raging direction?
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:03 pm
There was something strangely sexual about that handshake, also is his right arm signifigantly shorter than his left arm?
December 4th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I think it’s quite telling that when Hulk finds out about the existence of an alternate universe, it’s his guns that are blown, not his mind.
And seriously, I think we can stop with the jokes about them being gay, because based on the way they’re moving in that video, it’s pretty clear that their muscles have been flexed so hard for so long that they are practically immovable, so even the notion of sex becomes ridiculous. It would be like trying to make two Ninja Turtles toys bone. All you would get is the sound of plastic smacking plastic, and eventually, a broken leg or two.
March 4th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
He still has his daughter ‘Brooke’ to nail…right (I would)! Just a younger version of his wife. He’d be ‘trading up!’ like Brad did when he punted moody, no-kid-popping, Princess Jennifer to the fucking curb (bitches take heed)!
LOTS of vagina and worldly advice at: http://www.NeilsNotes.com
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