A Failed Experiment, Zero Gravity and a Really Stupid Pair of Scissors: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Awesome Video Of The Day
Goodbye, Dignity
Last week’s Daily Nooners were marginally classy by Cracked.com standards. We explored different cultures (Japan, Canada and China), we looked at the occasionally baffling world of haute couture… it was like a barely-literate New Yorker or something, but it was also a litmus test to figure out if the Cracked Blog was capable of carrying itself with a touch of class and worldliness. Everything was going great for a minute: People were talking about socialized medicine and martial arts, discussing our cultural differences in a polite and generally agreeable manner. You could feel the winds of change blowing, a new, more sophisticated day dawning on the horizon…
Then some guy named “Choocher” showed up and started talking about “little asian baby balls.”
This is why we can’t have nice things. I hope you all enjoy this video of a girl barfing all over herself in zero gravity.
The Worst Of “As Seen On TV”
The Product: Shredder Scissors
The Ad Copy: “Protect yourself against identity theft… The 10 stainless steel blades turn your private, personal information into scrap!”
Price: $12.95 plus $6.95 shipping & handling (Buy 1 Get 1 Free!)
Target Demographic: Mediocre businesspeople, scissors enthusiasts, paranoid delusionals who don’t have electricity
Why It Sucks: These actually DO prevent identity theft, but they don’t really advertise how it ACTUALLY works. Let’s pretend I’m an identity thief: I peer in through your window, looking for clues that I can use to steal your identity, and I see you sitting at your kitchen table with a pair of “Shredder Scissors” in your hand. You’ve got a little pile of shredded “you overdrew your checking account again” letters on the table, a half-eaten bowl of ramen in front of you, and you’re wearing a stained bathrobe and a soul-crushing frown. Your personal data might be shredded, but it’s the fact that you can’t even afford a real paper shredder that will keep me from being interested in it in the first place.
Stupid Factor (1 to 10): 4
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Choocher is my hero. Can you get those scissors in the UK?
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
All I can say is this: well done, Ross. Well done.
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Sure, people who have the scissors instead of a shredder may not be worth stealing from, but chances are they won’t care if you steal from them. It’s so easy, it’s CRIMINAL not to steal from them!
Yuk-yuk-yuk!
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:33 pm
LOL, I knew a chick who loved using shredder scissors. She was a great lady until she read sugarmummmy.com and puked in zero gravity.
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Those scissors look great!
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:03 pm
I saw the “two girls one cup” video like on week ago, and this girl puking on herself just sent me into a violent, vomiting relapse….i don’t know if I’ll ever be able to to seee anything gross happen to a girl ever again
January 19th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Thanks to boy-boy’s comment, I finally went and watched 2girls1cup.
Honestly, that’s the video that’s been making people vomit and post their reactions on that there you tube? Either I have a gut of steel or the whole country’s suddenly gotten a hell of a lot more squeamish.
June 8th, 2008 at 9:29 am
[…] 3rd 2007 5:00pm [-] From: cracked.com […]
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 pm
ye hehehehehe this will surely affect my inheritance