Stairway To… Let’s Say About The 9th Floor
Everyone who gets hard from being severely disappointed is gearing up for the Led Zeppelin reunion. Arguably the greatest rock band of all time is going to perform on December 10, 2007 with Jason Bonham filling in for his deceased father on drums.
And just to make sure it lacks the fire, intensity, and polish of the original Led Zep recordings, they’re making some changes:
Led Zeppelin have been forced to rearrange their hit songs for their upcoming reunion concert - after frontman Robert Plant struggled to hit high notes in rehearsals. . . .
A source tells British newspaper The Sun, ‘He and guitarist Jimmy Page have had a few heated discussions about the upcoming gig. Jimmy is a bit rusty and Robert has been struggling with the high notes. To avoid any embarrassing vocal wobbles with the world watching, they decided it would be best to transpose the songs in a lower key.’
Wow. I can’t imagine the degree to which Plant’s voice has fallen to pieces because even in his prime, Plant could NEVER hit his hight notes live. Go rent Song Remains The Same and fast forward to Ramble On. His paint-peeling shrieks have been replace by a lower octave warble. He sounds like Elvis. Or listen to some of Houses of the Holy (particularly Song Remains the Same) and tell me they didn’t speed up the tape. Either that or Alvin from the Chipmunks took some guest vocal spots.
Don’t get me wrong. Plant is one of the greatest and most important singers in the history of Rock, but at the end of the day, he’s just an accidental genius. Unlike John Paul Jones and Jimmy Page who were trained studio musicians, Plant was some half-wit, squealing in the blues tradition and spouting nonsense lyrics or lines he stole from The Lord of the Rings. And it was great. Zep’s first five albums are five of the greatest Rock albums ever made. It just worked, which is odd, because usually it’s a bad sign when your frontman takes off his shirt and starts singing about Mordor.
So there you have it. Robert Plant is an intellectually-impaired cheeseball who can’t even pretend to cut it live anymore. And, oh, and in case I case I haven’t sufficiently enraged die-hard Zep fans, I should mention I banged your mom.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Hey, Mr. Cracked-Fancy-Pants-Blog-Man…You stay away from Mr. Plant, y’hear?
November 28th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Robert Plant stole his whole style from Tiny Tim. Then Tiny Tim had to come up with something different, and we all know how that turned out.
November 28th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
I heard that after Led Zep, Plant became a really bad sketch artist and all his subjects ended up looking like Alfred E. Neuman.
November 28th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
I think this is an interesting discussion and one worth having.
November 28th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
So he wants to rearrange the songs a little bit? How does this make him an accidental genius? I’d say he’s a damn good singer, and his solo stuff, though it took a couple tries, is damn good. I wouldn’t say he’s an accidental genius. He’s not a genius at all. But you don’t have to be to be that damn good.
November 28th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
‘Ramble On’ isn’t on Song Remains the Same, Mr. Journalist of the Year. His pre-Bee Gee falsetto was amazing because it was authentic, albeit tweaked to transcendence under Jimmy’s skillful studio technique. He cast the mold of cock-rock front man, imitated by millions, as well as writing the greatest rock lyrics in history. He didn’t even need a sock down his hip huggers to impress the audience. Sounds like RP owes some half-wit a turkey slapping, although I suspect said half-wit would enjoy it immensely, moaning like the Golden God himself during the “Dazed and Confused” bowed-guitar break.
November 28th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
I’m all for sarcastic bashing of people, bands, whatever. But for some crazy reason, i find it funnier if it’s based on facts. I know you people here aren’t in the precise information business. But as the guy above said… the song is not even on the fucking album. You could just have written that they chose to rearrange the songs because Plant’s vocal chords are damaged from the dick-sucking he does to please his bandmates. Or maybe, you could have made something up.
November 28th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
Making fun of dead kids I can understand, but now you’ve just gone too far, Gladstone.
P.S. Choocher’s right, RP’s lyrics for “Suffragette City” are awesome.
November 28th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Could it be thatr after all these years they forgot that they used to be an acid rick band? A genre which doesn’t require actual training but merely creative talent.
And why are they reuniting anyway?
Led Zeppelin used to be known as the band who knew when to quit, they were the Seinfeld of Rock music. Going out on top with a relatively strong body of work. I will concede that In Through The Outdoor was a lowpoint, but just look at Led Zeppelin 1 through 4, it’s a musical fucking canon nowadays. Any band would kill for that kind of legacy.
But now they’ve decided to screw all of that up by pulling a Metallica. The really saddening thing is that from here on in the only place to go is downhill. I see a whole stack of dissapointing late career revival albums coming up. You thought St Anger was bad? Wait until you hear ‘The Hobbits Adventure (In Through the Outdoor of the Crystal Cave)’.
November 28th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Sssh, Andy Pants!!! Didn’t you know that Plant is known for “writing the greatest rock lyrics in history”????
I didn’t know there were Zep fans who didn’t know that after Zep I, Plant sang over songs at a slower speed to lower the key and then sped it up.
And I guess you guys missed all that stuff where I said Plant is one of the “greatest and most important singers in rock history.”
November 28th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
This is really nothing new among aging bands. Black Sabbath often has to play in a lower key bc Ozzy can barely open his jaw, much less hit the high notes. And virtually every member of the E Street Band needs a teleprompter to remember the lyrics and/or chords.
November 29th, 2007 at 6:53 am
And yet Chris Cornell still hits everything he ever did in Soundgarden.
November 29th, 2007 at 7:57 am
BTW, I totally fucked up by claiming Ramble On was in the MOVIE CONCERT FILM Song Remains the Same. Feel free to pile on me for that. I’d rather be called a lazy blogger than baby killer.
And yes, Brentin, this is nothing new, but kind of more problematic for Zep bc the recorded soaring Plant vocals were so integral to Zep’s appeal.
November 29th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Did someone tell Chris Cornell that he has to sing every song like The Star-Spangled Banner or people won’t consider him a serious artist?
November 29th, 2007 at 8:53 am
I should clarify that it’s Audioslave I hate not Soundgarden. Being a teenager during the mids 90’s prevents me from hating Soundgarden.
November 29th, 2007 at 9:15 am
Let’s not forget that the Song Remains the Same (concert movie) was filmed while the band was on tour. Hitting the high notes in the studio is much less difficult than hitting those same notes, night after night, for months on end. Any professional vocalist will tell you (especially when you’re pushing your voice like that) that you have to pull things back for the tour. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
November 29th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Gladstone, are you from Gladstone, New Jersey?
November 29th, 2007 at 11:18 am
I will first say that I love love love Zep. That being said, Robert Plant is kind of a dick. I remember reading an interview with him where he denied that Zeppelin was one of the leading influences in the creation of heavy metal…basically because he thinks he’s better than everyone else. So basically I don’t mind seeing him ripped on so much. However it depresses the hell out of me to think that Jimmy Page is getting rusty. Loosing your voice just comes with age, but getting rusty on guitar just means that you’re not playing the songs as much as you used to.
November 29th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Well said Chelsea. I’m a huge Zep fan, but I thought it was just kind of accepted that Plant’s a douche. He can’t cop it live now. He never really could. What he laid down in the studio was great. And yeah, Page gets rusty like his lackluster missed note performance for the Atlantic records anniversary years ago.
November 29th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Chelsea said,
I don’t know about you, but I hope to God he’s NOT playing the songs as much as he used to. The idea of Jimmy Page sitting around all day in his retirement playing Led Zeppelin songs seems unbearably sad to me. I hope he plays something else. Like country. Or jazz. Or Xbox.
November 29th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Then what song were you asking us to fast-forward and listen to if it wasn’t the non-existing “Ramble On?”
November 29th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Good question, Vince. I have a two part answer:
1. I have seen footage from the 70s where Plant sang the Ramble On chorus an octave lower. I was just a stupid douche for incorrectly remembering it in Songs Remain the Same.
2. I THINK I MIGHT have also been thinking of Rock n’ Roll which I REMEMBER as being also sung an octave lower, but I haven’t seen it in a long time so please don’t eviscerate me if I’m mistaken.
It might make me so sad that I wouldn’t be able to write knock knock jokes about Darfur.
November 30th, 2007 at 2:40 am
I’m a few days late here…hope people are still reading.
I really have nothing new to contribute, just a question to Ian Cooper: Where did you get this information that RP wrote the lyrics to Suffragette City? That’s a Bowie song from Ziggy Stardust…I don’t feel like breaking the albums out to check the liners, but I’ve briefly scanned the net to confirm. This isn’t a knock or anything (though I do love Bowie and feel obligated to defend his work), I just want to know if maybe you’re right…that’d be a pretty heavy little piece of trivia to impress with, like Jimi Hendrix’s first band (DAC).
November 30th, 2007 at 7:51 am
Jackson, Ian likes to say stuff that’s wrong — especially to drive me nuts. I’m a big Bowie fan. RP didn’t write the lyrics to Suffragette City. Ian knows this. He also knows that even though I know he knows, I’ll still get annoyed because I’m a dick. And if you’re a big Bowie fan, check this out
November 30th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
so he aged badly… big deal. if they WANT to do a reunion or not doesnt really affect me, ill still catch it on VH1 if they do televise it but led zepp to me isnt about who was in the band, whether plant sucked dick or not or if jimmy page was a rip off artist. the only info i need is on the cds on my bookshelf, and it all sounds good.
November 30th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Nice try, Gladstone–here’s a clip of Plant explaining how Suffragette got written.
November 30th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Zep was always a sum of the parts. I don’t care how good a drummer Jason Bonham might be, no one ever hammered a drum kit like his dad. Bonzo flat thundered through songs, and with John Paul Jones, Zep had one of the very best rhythm sections in rock history. The reason they didn’t continue in 1980 was because they couldn’t.
Drawbacks? Page was always weirder than a football bat with his black magic crap, waiflike personna, and bizarre sexual practices, but he was an amazingly interesting guitarist. And Robert Plant? The frontman with the (presumably) big dick, bigger ego, and rock god voice was the earlier, better version of David Lee Roth, minus the raving asshole tendencies. As noted above, Plant was also a douche, and his lyrics were often God-awful.
That said? They were arguably the most consequential band in rock music history with a catalog containing damn few stinkers and no stupid shit like “Rocky Raccoon” or “She Came In Through The Bathroom Window.”
Also, they refused to embalm John Bonham, run him through the Disney Anamatronic Lab, and take him out on tour like the Stones trot out Keith Richards. That counts for something.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:41 pm
nice, Ian…walked right into that one…
November 30th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
I very much doubt that Zep is doing this gig for any other reason but to have fun and throw us diehard fans a tasty bone. I saw the Page/Plant band (No Quarter thingey) half expecting a CSN&Y style nostalgia show and I was totally blown away. Robert was great and Jimmy pulled out some guitar stuff I’ve never ever heard any musician do, on any instrument. So you just never know. I’m reminded of what Jimmy once said about “Stairway to Heaven”, that “you don’t spend the rest of your life trying to eclipse it.” It’s like saying to Albert Einstien “Uh, yeah, Theory of Relativity, that’s pretty cool… so what else ya got?”
December 1st, 2007 at 12:45 am
Well as long as this has turned into a Led Zep chat room, let’s say it: John Paul Jones deserves A TONE OF CREDIT for making Zep one of the greatest bands of all time and Page and Plant can go fuck themselves for going on tour without him several years ago.
If I’m not mistaken, and I know someone will correct me if i am, Jones wrote the riff to Black Dog, Fool in the Rain, and All of My Love. Bam!
December 1st, 2007 at 2:19 am
do you mean ton? or tonne? cause tone maybe shouldnt be used in that sentence. anyways forgive me if my english is bad, im just a humble engineer.
December 1st, 2007 at 2:43 am
Dude, you display that ugly sense of entitlement that seems to be unique to most Americans- namely, “Well… that was pretty good, ya got anymore? What, that’s it? What a ripoff!” Did you somehow get shortchanged by Zep? I’m thinking when it comes to Zeppelin you need to grateful for what you got.
Oh, and Jesus loves you.
Just kidding, he dosn’t like you at all, you used the f-word in the same breath as Robert and Jimmy.
December 1st, 2007 at 4:27 am
I love them. i have never missed their performances. a friend of mine told me that he saw their profiles on the adult site called sugarmommymeet.com. it is a service for rich women seeking handsome and charming men from all walks of life, is that true?
December 1st, 2007 at 11:11 am
Piss off floatfish.
December 1st, 2007 at 11:17 am
Yes, I meant “ton” not “tone.”
Y’know what’s really depressing about blogging? Reading comments from people who can’t hold more than one thought in there head at a time.
I can’t call Led Zep one of the greatest bands of all time and still castigate Plant for his inability to hit high notes live either then or now? I can’t say Zep 1 - Houses of the Holy are 5 of the greatest albums ever and still say that Page and Plant were money-grubbing cheap bastards for excluding John Paul Jones from their Page Plant tour?
That’s not a sense of entitlement I’m displaying; it’s an ability to think in gradations.
In the future, I’ll try to stick to Murder = Bad, Angelina Jolie = Sexy.
Apologies to all you readers to whom this vent does NOT apply.
December 2nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Huh, I guess I’m not that late.
Anyways, I just thought I’d throw it out there that I’ve seen this Led Zeppelin tribute band called “Zoso” twice…and I can definitely predict they put on 10 times the show that this “reunion” could hope to achieve. They actually look and sound like the part too. The guy who does Plant actually sounds like Plant. Actually scratch that…he sounds like Plant sounds in the studio! Either that or I was totally caught up in the moment both times.
John Paul Jones may have been the unsung hero in Zeppelin, but there’s a reason for that. Yess he wrote the riff to Black Dog, but he also put those annoying pauses in the song because “he didn’t want people dancing to it.” WTF?
By the way…enough about how bad the lyrics are in “Ramble On.” I’m so sick of hearing that. How about the fact that the lyrics in “Stairway to Heaven” make no fucking sense?
December 2nd, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Yes, Josh. Stairway means nothing. That’s what i was thinking of when I wrote “nonsense lyrics.” Ever hear Plant try to explain his lyrics? Ouch.
December 2nd, 2007 at 10:29 pm
He claims Stairway is about some girl who doesn’t always get what she wants. I can understand the first section of the song, but what about “and as we wind on down he road? etc. etc.”
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Yeah, and in a call in show someone asked him why way he asked the audience “do you remember laughter” after the “echo with laughter” line in a famous live stairway recording.
His response?
“I heard it on the record.”
But it’s not on the record. Read, he was just saying some stuff.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:47 am
Two words; “Zeppelin Rules”
December 13th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Its about heroin, or acid or something, probably.
January 9th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
hater
January 10th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I am not related toobert Plant, but I love the man dearly. Stairway to Heaven is a very groovy song. It’s about a spirtiual journey and the path we all must choose. It’s about life.
What a fantastic metaphor!Good job Robert!
Layla Plant
Age 15
February 8th, 2008 at 6:34 am
God, I don’t get the worship of Zep. Never mind that about 3/4 of the first album is stolen, but the lyrics blow and the songs trudge on and on. It’s not like they were metal like Sabbath either, or great blues rock ala Clapton or Duane Allman.
To me they were just the harder rocking Dead. Their songs were long, there were solos for every member, it was pompous dull and boring.
Although, Plant DID produce The Idiot for Iggy Pop and helped Lou Reed with his career, so who am I to judge?
Seriously, I think Zep sucks. There. I said it and I’d say it again if I had to.
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:33 am
whoever says zeppelin sucks must have never watch them live in concert before. they can rock you upside down with communication breakdown and bring you do your kneels with Stairway to Heaven! Zep rocks!
April 5th, 2008 at 6:22 am
So, now the concert is some four months gone do we get a retraction Gladstone? Is it in the bag?
30 years plus after Bonzo’s death and they still blew the audience away. Can’t be all that crap can they?
June 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Black Dog sounded pretty decent but the rest was touch and go. I’m just a bit depressed that we have to get Led Zeppelin to reunite because the vast space they left in Rock N Roll has never been filled and any time someone has come remotely close(Guns N….) shit happens and the band breaks up. The police are doing the same thing. God Damn it!! Can we get some new fucking rock bands please? Some bunch of dude who are actually still young enough to remember how to play the shit they wrote. Zeppelin are so old at this stage that they’re quite likely to be offended by the volume of their own music and tell the crowd to get out of their yard before they call the police.