To Protect, Serve, and Beg for Dick
If a man liberates a loaf of bread from its rightful confines, that is stealing. But if a topless woman begs him to take the loaf of bread, can the same still be said? What if the loaf of bread is his penis, and the woman is an undercover police officer?
It’s penetrating philosophical questions like these that jab painfully at the mind when one reads this article, wherein the intrepid police force of Columbus, Ohio put the scenario to the test.
The lady cop in question, who I have to assume didn’t ace her policeman’s exam, was given the task of sunbathing topless in a park by a street in a suburb every day for weeks. Normally I’d say that’s a great use of my tax dollars, but this wasn’t just an innocent “spruce up the neighborhood” effort.
No no; something far more sinister was going on. The bathing Bathsheba was mere pervert bait, set out to trap the kind of sick, twisted male mind that would be so craven as to look at a woman’s bare tits when they are innocently flaunted for weeks on end.
And, what do you know, it worked! The cops finally busted someone for indecent exposure, but only after the topless cop flirted with him (initiated physical contact to boot) and “asked to see his penis.” How are cops allowed to do that?! Ask someone to commit a crime and then arrest them for it?!
There’s a word for this type of thing: Entrapment, and it’s more than just an underrated Sean Connery heist movie. It’s sexist. If she can flaunt her funbags shamelessly, why the hell can’t I take my guy out for a breath of air? What is this, the Ritz?
The whole thing is an over-the-top ridiculous waste of time, money, and manpower, and while there admittedly isn’t a lot for cops to do in Ohio, you’d think they could come up with something a little more constructive that causing crimes for them to solve . Oppress minorities, something.
So be warned, kids: don’t take your cock out in Columbus. Although it is heartening to know that topless sunbathing is legal there. Almost makes up for the giant blank square of nothing that is the rest of Ohio.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:21 am
Yeah, the topless sunbathing sounds like it’d be something for us guys to enjoy. I haven’t been to Ohio in a while, but if it’s anything like the nude beaches in Miami (at least the one I stopped at) you’re better off gouging your eyes with a rusty spork. Can anyone give the average hotness of the sunbathing girls in Ohio?
November 16th, 2007 at 11:08 am
The article says the officer did more than touch. She was naked, reclining, and she put her foot on his shoulder! Maybe his penis came out on its own.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Shouldn’t she be arrested for having her ta-ta’s out for a whole week?
November 16th, 2007 at 11:46 am
What the hell. That’s ridiculous. I’m from Ohio, and as far as I knew, you weren’t even allowed to sunbathe topless anywhere in the state. So you can bet that if I run across some naked chick in the park the last thing I’m going to assume is that she’s a cop. This just makes me sick. Time was you could take your dick out in a park in this country whenever you damn well pleased. It’s called democracy. What would Thomas Jefferson say if he could see us now? Christ.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:55 am
I once lived in Columbus for a year, so I speak with authority when I say that legal topless sunbathing is the ONLY good thing it has to offer.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
I was so amused/surprised when I saw this post. I really felt bad for the poor guys who fell in the trap and angry at the police for employing such dirty tricks. But reading the original article i noticed that the woman was NOT a cop, she was just a woman who bathed topless and who was told by the cops to move from the first place she was in. And again, the cops did not encourage anyone to take their privates out. They just were there filming that woman :))
Anyway, I don’t agree with what they did, but your post is totally incorrect. Did you even read the article, or you just skimmed it and thought it’s gonna be a great article?
November 16th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
You guys are totally missing the best part of the original article. The cop running the whole operation was named Detective Dick Elias.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
So Ross, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the hottest, what’s the average hottness of the womene that sunbathe topless in Columbus?
November 16th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
poltergiest = so named because they have the ability to suck all fun and joy from a single place. Or so it seems.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
I am from the big block of nothin’. What is so hard to understand about boobies good, dickies bad. Jesus dont you idiots have pre-school where you are taught these sort of things
November 16th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Both give milk. It’s confusing!
November 17th, 2007 at 10:02 am
*sigh* Another innocent man in prison. Another casualty of the inJustice System. I don’t know about the rest of you, but if a topless chick asks to see my penis, she doesn’t have to ask twice. I salute you Sir, for you are a true patriot. Even if you are from Ohio.
November 18th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
The article actually does not say that the topless woman is a police officer & in fact that seems not to be the case. It does not unfortunately explain how hot she is, though if she was stopping traffic I guess there had to be something worth seeing there, anyway.
November 18th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Umm, even if she was NOT a police officer, she WAS in some manner it would seem, working WITH the police. As I do not know it to be common place for police to video tape and use the Vice Squad to record people just “out lazing around the park(s)”. Obviously they knew about her, it is LEGAL TO GO TOPLESS IN OHIO, so they would have had ZERO reason to “discourage her” from doing it, and they setup a whole Van and Camera thing to capture any “perverts having sex or masturbating.”
I have to side with AutoCrat and say that this was a COMPLETE setup and entrapment!! I would be willing to bet, that if her background and relation to, if any, the police department was checked, that it would show her as a C.I. (criminal informant) or maybe even an (ex)officer of the law?
It just “so happens that” they were there to “catch the REAL perverts committing crimes and misdemeanor sex acts, exposures, etc.” I would liken it to the cops using underage drinking age kids, to solicit those of drinking age, to buy them alcohol, and then busting the buyers for it. Those kids are NOT on the police payroll, but any court would say that they were under the direction of the police, and consider them an “agent for the department” because it would not be something they would normally be doing.
Take it for what it’s worth, but it IS a COMPLETE CROCK on the PD’s side!!
BTW, when the HELL is SOMEbody gonna give us a rating on the hotness of these Ohio topless chciks?!?!??
The PUBLIC wants to know!! (And I want to plan my next cross country road trip!!) LMAO
November 19th, 2007 at 2:44 am
As for the overall hotness, I think it all depends on perspective. I used to think that chicks in Ohio weren’t that good looking, and then I came to Oklahoma (aka the asshole of the midwest) and I realized what I was missing. Seriously. Even after 6 months here or so, my standards are dropping drastically. Which reminds me: never come to Oklahoma. Ever.
So, if you’re from OK, Kansas, Arkansas, Wyoming (the REAL square of nothing), Idaho, the Dakotas, or some other crappy state as such, chicks in Ohio are probably amazing. If you’re from somewhere else, maybe not so much. You should probably swing through, just to be sure, and check out the Buckeyes and some titties. You know, for research…
November 20th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Oklahoma should be carpet-bombed into oblivion. I have family in Tulsa that I love very much but I would sacrifice their lives to destroy that wretched abyss.
February 27th, 2008 at 2:47 am
Something about GENITALS.
I once read.. that it’s illegal to show your genitals in public. Breasts are off the hook. TAKE THAT, PENISES.