Tesla Coils, Mario Bros. and The Moon Landing Was Bullshit: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Awesome Video Of The Day
Tesla Coils Playing Mario Bros
If I had a time machine, I’d travel back in time, pick up Nikola Tesla and take him to the “2007 Lightning on the Lawn Teslathon.” I’d give him a beer, sit him down in one of those folding camping chairs, give him a clap on the back and say, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” Then the Super Mario Bros. theme song would start playing and the lightning would be shooting all over the place and that dude would scream “YEAHHHH!!!” and Nikola would turn to me with a quizzical look on his face.
Then I’d take him back to the time machine, go back in time a few hours and show him Super Mario Bros. so he actually knows what it is.
Then I’d take him back to the Teslathon and the dude would scream “YEAHHHH!!!” and Nikola would probably feel pretty good about himself for a minute. Maybe he didn’t invent the Tesla Coil as a novelty, but at least people were enjoying themselves, screaming “YEAHHHH!!!” and hooting and hollering. But then a few seconds later, everyone would fall silent and a general sense of boredom would sweep over the crowd. Everyone would watch the Tesla Coils playing their little tune and yawn, and then Nikola would turn to me and be like “Hey, uhh, listen - I’ve got some experiments to wrap up and stuff,” and I’d take him back to his lab, where he would promptly destroy all of his schematics and die in obscurity.
Only I would know of the man that was Nikola Tesla, but alas, I’d be too busy partying in outer space and too drunk on futuristic booze to tell anyone about him. That’s the problem with time machines right there: the futuristic outer space parties are just too good to pass up.
The Best Conspiracy Theories Ever
Awesome Conspiracy #5: The Apollo Moon Landing Was A Hoax
Nuts And Bolts: Pretty straightforward: We never landed on the moon, and the whole thing was faked by NASA to win the space race.
Evidence: The original tapes of the moonwalk are missing, and conspiracy theorists claim that these tapes would allow higher quality images that could help uncover clues about the hoax. Others claim that mission photographs were doctored or that it would’ve been impossible for the astronauts to survive the radiation, but there’s one point that all conspiracy theorists seem to agree on: There’s nothing wrong with living with your parents well into your 40s.
Plausability: Not great in a global sense, but not bad for a conspiracy theory. People were used to pretty shitty special effects in 1969, so it wouldn’t have been that hard to pull it off. They probably could have taped a black sheet to the wall and said “I AMMMM INNNN OUTER SPAAAACE” really slowly and people would have eaten it up. You know - because people talk really slowly in outer space.
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November 12th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Am I still the only kid would has a plan for world domination based on building these things strong enough to kill a person by zapping them to crisp in 1 zap like in Command and Conquer? You know just build them one at a time from your home until every area is covered by them and the enemy can’t even leave thier home/base then just laugh maniacly as they try and fail time and again to even get a shot off?
November 12th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
While death by lightning is not currently (get it? “currently”?!) in my top ten preferred ways to go (hey, that sounds like a Cracked list!), the fact that the lighting is coming from a Tesla coil (Love Will Find a Way!) and playing the Super Mario Bros. theme would easily bump it into the top 3.
P.S. Ron Paul has proof that Neil Armstrong did 9/11.
November 12th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Would you accept death by a firing squad who are all simultaneously humming the song from Level 3 of Castlevania?
November 12th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Only if they were wearing rice-bowl bras.
November 12th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Is today “Non sequitur” Monday?
Apple.
November 12th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I’d take the shooting, but I’d rather have this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MM_Q0nfaG0
November 13th, 2007 at 11:36 am
You guys didnt land on the man? The originators of this Conspiracy theory are probaby suffering from PARANOIAAAAAA!!!!!
January 19th, 2008 at 7:56 am
how to pick up women easily…
how to pick up women the right way…
March 10th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Makes sense! Nice article! I’ll Digg right away….