Nothing Says David Bowie Like Discount Prices
So Target has released a new clothing line for young men inspired by David Bowie. Why? Because Wal-Mart was so successful selling Rod Stewart-influenced kitchen utensils, I guess. Actually, I’m not sure. Most young men today think of David Bowie merely as the dude whose name Avril Lavigne couldn’t pronounce.
Nevertheless, as an ardent Bowie fan, I thought I’d take a look to see how Target did:
This first ensemble is clearly inspired by Bowie’s mid 70’s fixation with German fascism. I think that’s a great place to start. I mean, all the kids want to dress like war criminals today, and now Target has made it affordable. Congratulations Target. You nailed The Thin White Duke:
Okay. On to number two. The same black pants, but now featuring a gray velour V-necked shirt. That’s tricky. Yes, the look is vaguely gay, but I was hoping to define the Bowie period a little more specifically. I’m going to have to go with 1972? But c’mon Target. If you want to sell this as Bowie, you really can’t skimp on the Bedazzler. And would it kill you to incorporate some red pleather boots?
Now, this last one had me stumped:
As hard as I tried, I just couldn’t remember a period in David Bowie’s career that fit this look: folkie, glam rock, plastic soul, electronic minimalism, pure pop? When exactly did David Bowie look like a high school mall rat? Oh right! I forgot about Bowie’s brief stint as a GAP commercial model:
Well, done Target. Well done.
November 7th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Ground control to major discounts!
November 7th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
… and check out Target’s new “China Girdles” for young ladies…
November 7th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
How did they get such low, low prices? They must have been “Under Pressure” from corporate to find a low-cost overseas manufacturer. When people see the price tags on these items, they’re gonna be “Dancing in the Streets”! Or at least the “Young Americans” will be, anyway.
You know… because they love “Changes” in retail prices or whatever.
November 7th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Sales are down, turn to the man who sold the world.
November 7th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Rebel Rebel, you’ve torn your dress?
Well head on down to Target for some new clothes
(and stop dressing like a girl)
November 7th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
I tried on some of those pants, and got bitten on the ass by a spider from Mars. It got infected and now I have to use a donut cushion. Thanks a lot, Dave!
November 7th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Just Hang On To Yourself, Ian. It’ll clear up in Five Years.
November 7th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
That’s almost in time for my White Wedding.
November 7th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
That’s Billy Idol, tool! My Little China Girl knows more about Bowie than you!
November 7th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
I rocked the cradle of love with your china girl last night, Swaim.
November 7th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Those clothes make me want to let out a Rebel Yell.
November 7th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Now I don’t know who’s fucking up on purpose and who’s joking.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:50 am
Bowie’s probably making a fortune, and I’m sure he loves it when Target employee’s call him “Big Papa,” especially after they see all of these “Juicy” savings. If this endeavor doesn’t work out, I’m sure K-Mart will open its doors to Bowie. Everyone deserves “One More Chance [remix]”.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
It’s good to know we are preparing a new slew of children to dress like they give toothy blowjobs from gas “Station to Station.”
November 8th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I had a friend who actually dressed like Low-era Bowie once and got punched in the face in Horsham Park for his efforts.
The poor Kook must have wondered What In The World hit him.
I hope this instils enough of a Sense Of Doubt in potential Bowie-imitators in America, where they are decidedly less tolerant of All The Young Dudes who dress like my aforementioned friend.
November 8th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
If you ask me, this whole situation is very Labrynth Soundtrack.
November 9th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
He’s just trying to connect to a new generation.
After all, our generation, We Could Be Heroes. just for one day.
November 10th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
This whole thing is misguided. Everyone knows Suffragette City is one of the last K-Mart strongholds.
November 12th, 2007 at 12:12 am
Due to a lost shipment in Michigan, there’s now a “Panic In Detroit” at the local Target.
Hey, I tried.
November 14th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
That’s a real shame about the Panic In Detroit.
I imagine upon hearing the news Mr Bowie shrugged, smiled and simply exclaimed, ‘Let’s Dance!’
If you can’t be sharp you may as well be consistent.
November 14th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
I’m very dissapoitned at the lack of glittery jumpsuits and make-up. “What in the world” could they have been thinking to leave those out? Hopefully Bowie won’t “Look back in anger” at this decision and those “Subterraneans” who love to dress like Bowie can finnaly come out in the open. Nice to see Target’s got some “Sound and vision”.
(First to use Low songs in puns. Personal victory)
November 30th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Nice blog.
Yeah, Target kinda missed the mark here, but I guess they have to mainstream it to the highest extent possible…at least they’re trying; it could be the J-Timberlake or Chris Cornell or some other now-a-day assbag inspiring the look. I appreciate the throw-back. The first one is really not bad, but you kinda could put it together from the existing clothes at target before this line came out, I imagine. Even the v-neck thing is colorable. But I am quite certain that (to this day, even), David Bowie has never, ever worn a puffy down vest.
January 14th, 2008 at 11:26 am
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March 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
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March 8th, 2008 at 1:15 am
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March 8th, 2008 at 3:06 am
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March 8th, 2008 at 6:22 am
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March 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
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March 10th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Makes sense! Nice article! I’ll Digg right away….
May 9th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I know I’m a bit late to this party, but any chance to correct crazy pronunciation and I’m there: Avril was right, so stop hacking on her and learn how to say the man, sorry, the dude’s name the way he says it. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2007/01/how_to_say_bowie.shtml).
May 9th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
bikeshopgirl!
that link you provided says the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you think it says. Look again.
Avril is wrong. And untalented. And annoying.