Punt Guns, Clay Pigeons and Inaccurate Information About Mexican Holidays: The Daily Nooner!
Awesome Video Of The Day
The Punt Gun
If you’re like me, you’re sick and tired of carrying around a wimpy, standard-issue shotgun. You know - one you can actually carry around and aim at stuff. Luckily, Tom Knapp (the “greatest exhibition shooter of modern times”) has a solution.
The Punt Gun is 11 feet long and weighs 140 pounds. Hunters used to use them in the 19th century to wipe out entire flocks of waterfowl with a single shot, but then Uncle Sam stepped in and put the kibosh on the practice.
Uncle Sam can be a real pantywaist.
These days, punt guns are used mainly for making YouTube viewers say, “Holy shit - that’s a big gun.” But I don’t see why it has to be limited to that! Just think of what you could do with one of these suckers:
You can get a replica on eBay right now - the starting bid is $2,000 - but it’s only 9′4″ and doesn’t even shoot. Might make a nice gift for the wife, though.
Halloween may be behind us now, but our quest for the ultimate Halloween alternative continues unabated.
Global Holiday Smackdown: HALLOWEEN
Global Contender #2: Dia De Los Muertos
I’m going to try something different today: Rather than relying on Wikipedia for my information about this holiday, I’m gonna wing it. My neighborhood is predominantly Mexican and Puerto Rican. Surely I know SOMETHING about it that’s marginally accurate.
Okay… Dia De Los Muertos. That translates to Day of the Dead, which gives me the impression that it’s another one of these spirits-coming-back-to-hang-out holidays. I know they put brightly-colored skulls and skeletons all over the place, and that they make these weird skull-shaped cookies. It’s a really festive holiday, like a big party to welcome the spirits back from the afterlife or underworld or whatever.
I just made that up.
There’s probably some sort of feast, and then maybe some dancing or something, and I bet everyone gives treats to the kids, and then later they all go to sleep so they can wake up for work in the morning1.
And that, my friends, is the meaning of Dia De Los Muertos.
Cool Factor (out of 10): 8
Based on a complete lack of information, I can only assume that a Mexican festival involving lots of skulls is pretty cool. Plus, I’ve been to a Quinceanera - I know those people can party.
|
|
Halloween
|
Dia De Los Muertos
|
|
Pros |
|
|
|
Cons |
|
|
Winner: Tie
This would be a lot easier if I actually knew anything about Dia De Los Muertos.
1 My girlfriend thinks they camp out in graveyards2.
2 She just looked it up - turns out it’s true.
November 1st, 2007 at 12:27 pm
“Other stuff, probably.”
Awesome.
November 1st, 2007 at 1:25 pm
As always, well done!
November 1st, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Thank you, kind (most likely) sirs.
November 1st, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Okay, so I know that this is what you “think” goes on during Dia De Los Muertos, but we did look it up the real details so that I could prove the graveyard slumber parties. You admit to this. I cannot believe, then, that after our discovery session, you failed to footnote the funniest unearthed detail. Ross Wolinsky, you are a comedically irresponsible wiener-tip.
So, for your readers:
On the Day of the Dead, mourners leave food out for their deceased loved ones. After the holiday has passed, said relatives eat the food they’ve donated to the spirit world, but believe the snacks have been robbed (by ghouls) of their nutritional value! That’s FUNNY. Worse than poltergeists, we’re talking here about a culture of GHOSTS THAT CAN CAUSE SCURVY.
Think of the possibilities for pirate-themed crossovers! Also, if the ghosts of that region had harnessed these powers during European settlement… man o man. This must be a young-ish phenomenon. Or maybe they only eat once a year, their ghost mouths watering the other 364 days every time they see “Nutrition Facts” labels.
How do you defend yourself against rouge vitamin and mineral suckers? I’d start with buying foods that prominently display a healthy dose of yellow #5.
Day of the Dead wins hands-down.
-Jo (Ross’s girlfriend)
November 1st, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Don’t worry, baby - I fixed all your typos.
Isn’t she adorable, folks?
November 1st, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Also, do they even HAVE “Nutrition Facts” labels in Mexico?
November 1st, 2007 at 3:52 pm
hechos de nutrición! (Insert upside-down exclamation mark at the beginning).
November 1st, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Dear Ross,
You are continually getting me into trouble at work. Please refrain from writing such things as “Big guns are good for shooting God,” and “Who wouldn’t want to be part of Techno Viking’s entourage?”– as these such gems are making me laugh far too often, and now my coworkers think I’m actually happy to be here.
My corporate-whore existence is threatened, and I may have to go back to my regular, generic street-whore career.
Either that, or hit up Unicorn Cove School of Metaphysics for some mad nunchuck skills.
Your love slave forever,
Kitsune.
PS– men who can write *and* have a shit-ton sized sense of humour are hot.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Know what other group of men are hot? Men with slamming bodies, and Ross is totally one of those men too!
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:27 pm
One con of Dia de los Muertos is that it’s impossible to get anywhere near those festivals without being constantly bombarded with souvenirs emblazoned with Frida Kahlo’s disturbing unibrow.
March 9th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Belly Dance Dina…
I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….