Brawlin’ Baldwins
The Baldwin brothers—Crimey, Lefty, Christ-y and Chinbutt, from left to right—are of course widely respected for their excellence in squinting, screaming, preaching, and occasionally acting. But new revelations suggest the fearsome foursome shares at least one other true talent: a world-class aptitude for domestic violence. As Chinbutt Christ-y “Stephen” told reporters recently:
We were going at it in the kitchen and my mother was making some food. My brother Daniel, he grabbed me by my hair and started slamming my head into the (oven) flame. My mother got caught in the fracas and she caught one (thump), and her bridge and a couple of her teeth got knocked out. She didn’t really get hit with a punch; Daniel wouldn’t let go of my hair and I was getting too close to the flames, so my mother bit his hand and bit him so hard it started to break his skin, so he pulled his hand away and her bridge went flying and a couple of her teeth got pulled out with it.
The brothers seem to be taking their traumatic memories in stride, however; when asked what the family called this incredible whirlwind of chaos and violence, Baldwin is rumored to have replied, “The Aristocrats!”
November 1st, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Thought Chinbutt was William..
They all look the same to me
November 7th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Alec has had the most productive career, yet he has the oldest picture?
March 30th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
The only time the Baldwins are entertaining are when they play completely self centered, extremely arrogant, fucks. Just like Tom Cruise only seems like a natural actor when he plays a total douchebag. I’m not saying that this is hard evidence that these guys’ only acting ability lies in comfortably being themselves in front of the camera, but… oh, wait, that’s exaclty what I’m saying. What a bunch of dicks. I’d still totally do Billy, though.