Kiiiiiiiiiiiid ROCK! Got Arrested Again
Fuck T.I. and P. Diddy. Here I was deciding who’s coolest based on what kind of weapon they used, totally forgetting the three cardinal rules of public altercations: location, location, location. Anyone can gun down a rival gang member on a street corner in a ghetto. Anyone can punch someone in the face at a club. But it takes a special kind of badass to pick a fight in a waffle house.
Think about it: a waffle house is a place of contentment and peace, where one goes to be filled with thick, sweet syrup and dense batter. This is not a place for violence. Only a truly cool individual, dedicated to the art of public fistfighting, could wild out in such an establishment. A truly cool individual like Kid Rock, self-proclaimed Rock and Roll Jesus.
Mr. Rock is no stranger to the old ultra-violence, having punched a DJ in the face at a strip club in Nashville and getting into a scuffle with Tommy Lee at the VMA’s. But with this waffle house brawl, he seems to have taken it to the level of a true visionary, actually predicting the fight beforehand during an interview with CNN. Now we know the truth: these fights are not merely the spontaneous expressions of a man with poor impulse control, they are the masterworks of an artist who works exclusively in the medium of fight.
My hat is off to you Kid Rock, coolest of the cool. Maybe if the real Jesus had had some of your vision and foresight, he wouldn’t be regarded as such a pussy nowadays. Oh, by the way, not to call you out or anything, but in your new song “So Hott,” you misspelled the word “hot.” I wouldn’t bring it up except that it kind of makes you sound like a retarded hick, so you might want to fix it before the album gets released.
October 26th, 2007 at 8:58 am
I don’t like you or your opinions, and etc.
October 26th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Nav, I’m going to need you to stop acting like a dick now.
Thanks.
October 27th, 2007 at 5:49 am
I like him acting like a dick. He’s the only reason I read these comments.
October 28th, 2007 at 10:06 am
umm, I don’t think he’s acting.
October 28th, 2007 at 11:57 pm
Kid Rock was FUCK’N AWESOME IN JOE DIRT… oh wait, ummmm no, no he wasn’t. My Bad.
February 22nd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
A lot of northern folks don’t know this, but actually just being in a Waffle House makes you want to kick somebody’s ass…they are one of the only franchise restaurants to have jukeboxes around still stocking Johnny Cash, Elvis, and Waylon Jennings records. It’s a wonderful sight to behold when two backwoods wannabe-Tyler Durdens decide to restage the last battle scene from “300″ at 3:45 a.m. on a Saturday night in Vicksburg, Mississippi.
February 22nd, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I once saw a fry cook at a Waffle House threaten to kill a man with his spatula. He seemed very certain that he had the legal right to do it.