Halle Berry Digs Waters Sports (Sort Of)
by Gladstone
So by now it’s old news that Halle Berry —a/k/a the only good 6 seconds in Swordfish— is pregnant. But the latest gossip is that the actress is so “superstitious,” she saved 35 failed home pregnancy tests until she got the one delivering the good news:
We’d been trying for a while and I’m sort of superstitious so I saved all the negative tests in, like, a drawer… I don’t know why but I did.
I know I only got a C+ in “Old Wive’s Tales” at school, but I’ve never heard of the “saving bad news piss sticks superstition.” Nevertheless, it raises many exciting questions:
- Is this superstition related solely to getting pregnant or does saving urine-stained sticks bring good luck in general?
- Does it have to be exactly 35 sticks to work or will the desired result arrive as long your bedroom reeks like a public restroom?
- Can the sticks be kept in an ordinary drawer or must they be stowed in another, more magical, compartment such as something that is “like” a drawer?
and perhaps most importantly,
- Why am I still thinking about having sex with Halle Berry when I know she’s four months pregnant and preserves human waste?
Oh, right. Swordfish.
February 26th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Hey Halle,
Even though you’re knocked up sweets…I’d still bag your goodies, make tea outta yer thong, eat the raisins outta yer shit… HAWT!!!
Call me babe! - XOXO
I got this card for you but don’t know where to send it anymore:
http://neilsnotes.com/?page=15&catid=32&sku=E-CD00419
And lost the restraining order biach…you’re knocked up now, we don’t the condom!!!
http://www.NeilsNotes.com
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Um True WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE PRIC OF HOT FUCKING CHOCLATE IN ALASKA SHITHEEL?!!! You dumb fuck you go on this stupid,POINTLESS rant that hasn’t got SHIT to do with the article furthermore what the FUCK are YOU contributing besides idiotic rants that don’t have SHIT to do with the article. And another thing this silly shit is ‘news’?!! But of course becasue cracked in the skull picks and chooses what’s REALLY important while everyone else waste time on fluff and for the recodr shithole Halle Berry could be 73 years-old,incontinent,blind in one eye and can’t see too well out the other,have boils and sores the size of raccoons,Alzheimers,and STILL not want you, you pathetic jag-off who NEVER had a shot in the first goddamn place!!
March 30th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I believe EVERYTHING. ALL of it. Conspiracies, media, government, religion, the stuttering hydrocephaloid with the spastic colon standing on the street corner. I believe them all.