Cracked Columnists

2 New Shirts for 'The Walking Dead' and 'Seven Samurai' Fans

In this unpredictable world, there's only a few things we're sure of:

1) Actual swordsmiths say katanas are harder to use and easier to break than every other sword.

2) In a zombie apocalypse, katanas are too single-edged and high maintenance for your survival purposes.

3) Despite all that, the only sword cooler than a katana would be a katana-lightsaber.

Michael Bay knows The Walking Dead exists, right? Because if he's changing Leonardo's face so much that the fans have to fix it for him, he might as well throw out everything we've ever known about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and mash up Leonardo leading Foot slaves with The Walking Dead. This design comes to us from David Brohman, who also created our Droids shirt. Grab one of these tees for yourself or for anyone who likes the best pop culture of the last 20 years.

Or, if you prefer higher art (the jury is still out on whether TMNT qualifies), then we have another shirt for you. If you're making an epic masterpiece that influences everything from Westerns to Star Wars, you give the coolest weapons to the people who actually know how to wield them. This minimalist Seven Samurai art from Jeremy Morrison boils Kurosawa's masterpiece down to its elegantly sharp 'n' pointy basics, and can be yours on a black tee starting today.

Can You Believe Jurassic Park Came Out More Than 20 Years Ago?

Heck, as of this coming June, the movie's old enough to drink in bars without hoofing it to Canada. If nothing else, the movie taught us that dinosaurs are best left underground ... where God put them ... as a trick. In our most resent contest on appropriating famous logos, we've picked a winner and it's, oh wow, Jeremy Morrison again. Apparently we can't get enough of that guy.

Jeremy's pulling in $500 for that design. It'll be a T-shirt in our Dispensary soon. Super cool for Jeremy, right? Yeah, really great for Jeremy.

"Aww, But How Can I Win $500?"

Excellent question, Boldface Type! This month we've been looking for designs that are So Badass It Hurts. Like a T. rex with Uzis for teeth or a bear and a wolf in a vicious knife fight, some things are so awesome that it's borderline painful to even think about them. Consult your testosterone/muscle mass/inner Teddy Roosevelt and then submit your design here by Friday, otherwise we can't give you money and you can't make your bare-knuckle boxing mustachioed great-great-grandfather proud.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

Since the days of our great-great-grandfathers, there have been motivated, passionate people working to be the best stovepipe hat maker or velocipede rider or zeppelin steersman (those were all jobs, right?). Point is, they all got good at what they do by learning from and admiring the other Franz Josef beard-rocking people in their field. So, as we strive to make you the best T-shirts we can, we check out the best new ones from all over the Internet, and then assemble our favorites of the week right here for your purchasing pleasure.

5)


Available at BustedTees

4)


Available at 6 Dollar Shirts

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Available at Society6

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Available at TeeFury

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Available at Glennz Tees

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Alex Schmidt

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